When Red Meets Violet
by Ellawritesficssometimes
Summary: PRUCAN- Gillian Beilschmidt is a 'slut.' Will a charmingly sarcastic Canadian help convince her otherwise? (Stalker! Austria) (Fem! Prussia x Canada) (Fem!Bad Friends Trio) RATED T BECAUSE RODDY'S A NUTJOB! WARNING!: GETS DARKER IN LATER CHAPTERS. NO JOKE.
1. The most unawesomest of lies

**A/N:** **Hello, welcome to this wild, wild story. There will be many trigger warnings all throughout. Please read them, and take care of yourself first.**

 **The Most Unawesomest of Lies:**

Ah yes, sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep is awesome. But, do you want to know what's even more awesome? Sleeping in. And, unfortunately for me, the world seemed determined to prevent that from happening. My alarm's blaring rooster ring tone echoed and pounded against my bedroom walls, doing nothing but make my pounding headache worse. Said headache was caused by drinking – more like chugging – ten beers last night. But Gil, why did you drink ten beers? Well, my less awesome friends, let's just say that me and Lud had an intense drinking competition last night. – I swear to fucking God if _any_ of you peasants _dare_ to correct me on my grammar…

Anyways, my head's really scattered, so you'll just have to bear with me here. Hi! My name's Gillian Beilschmidt and I'm anything but your typical run of the mill teenage girl. For one thing, I have this weird shade of whitish-blonde hair that makes people think that I'm an old lady. But it's cool, because my hair is super long, so if anyone gives me an odd stare I can always just flip my glorious mane and strut off like the indefinite badass that I am.

Another anomaly of mine is that I have red eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly: I have red eyes. But red doesn't sound cool enough, so I'll be taking a few liberties by describing them as crimson. Oh, and lest we forget about my pasty skin complexion. You see, I'm what you call an albino. Basically, I'm so pale that the makeup artists from Twilight used my photo as a frame of reference. Okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch. You'll also come to learn that I have a weird, self-deprecating, and sometimes even cryptic sense of humor. With my life, however, you'd understand why I act and think so morbidly.

Wow, Gil, way to get all depressing! So…where were we? Ah! That's right! My morning alarm was going off. (Fuck that, I'm getting way too awesome for this shit).

The scratchy, ear-piercing shriek of my ring tone only got louder with each waking minute that I neglected to turn it off. Groaning, I tossed and turned, even going so far as to place a pillow over my head, slightly suffocating myself in the process.

Usually by this time, Lud would have come in to wake me, but due to our drinking 'shenanigans' last night, he was most likely out for a morning run. In fact, he had probably taken his adorable little Italian girlfriend, Felicia, along with him. Apparently, fresh morning air helped cure a hangover. Eh, I couldn't be bothered to get up at four in the morning. Heck, I can't even get up at seven-thirty, the time that I lie to myself every night, deluding my brain into thinking I'd actually be able to get my lazy arse out of bed in the morning. Said lazy arse was currently glued to her comfy sanctum of fluffy blankets, pillows, and entourage of loyal stuffed animals.

I let the phone buzz off for another two minutes before I finally mustered the courage to hop out of bed, willing myself to face off against the frigid, poorly-heated airs of my small apartment. I trudged into the bathroom and began to brush my teeth, rocking out to some tunes that were playing out loud on my iPhone. I was in a rush because it was now 7:45; the bus for school came at 8:00 AM sharp.

As you can see, I like to live off the wild, euphoric sensation of procrastination. If Lud were here, he'd be lecturing me on my tardiness. Ja, my brother was one of those insane, OCD freaks. He has a schedule for everything! Every hour of the day is planned with excessive detail. He even plans his bathroom breaks (*cringes*). And then there was me, a girl who acted out on the whims that proved to be the most entertaining.

No matter, I still enjoyed my life – somewhat – and that's all I could really ask for. Sure, life could be better – a lot better – but I'll always be grateful for having Lud in my life. Lud has helped me through some really tough times, all the way back to when we were little, when our parents were killed in a car crash. You would think that with me being the older sister, our roles would be reversed, but there was just something so calming and soothing about Lud that always helped me maintain my cool. Lud was a composed and orderly person, but he had a heart of gold that was capable of more compassion than most people could achieve in their lifetime.

For close to two years now, we've been living on our own in this small, ratty apartment. For the most part, we were brought up by whatever Nannies our Opa hired for us, as he still lived out in Germany. Once I turned sixteen, however, I had finally managed to convince him to let us live by ourselves.

Unfortunately, to teach me a lesson, as I had never been one to follow the rules, Opa gave us just enough money to scrape by every month. Our grandfather was rich. He owned several successful construction companies in Germany, and because of this, he sought to teach us the value of money. We had enough money to cover rent, utilities, groceries, clothes, and extra activities such as school trips, but if we wanted to have fun and go out, we would need to get a job. Lud worked at a bakery down the street with a nice Belgian lady for a boss.

But as for me? I didn't go outside that often, nor did I ever feel the need to do so. I was much more comfortable staying home in the apartment, working on my blog, or if I got bored and desperate enough, my homework. The world was a harsh place…and I just got depressing again, didn't I?

I shook my head, clearing it from these irksome thoughts. I have a good life, and nothing I do now will change the past anyhow. It was best to move on and forget. Lord knows how much Lud prayed for that to happen. He was a good brother to me, that kid. He worried too much for his own good. Under his stern mask, he truly did care for my well-being, and I likewise.

Lud was my rock, and although my pride would never let me admit this out loud, I looked up to him. Once I get a hold over my life again, I aspire to be more like him. For reasons I don't want to go into right now, I had a missed a good six months of school last year. I was supposed to be a senior, but due to this unprecedented absence, I'm still technically considered to be a junior.

Although, I can't say this bothers me much. I was in no shape to be applying to Universities, let alone being in the right mind-set to make any life-altering decisions. If I could, I would blog for a living. But alas, 2000 followers doesn't cut it in the real world. Oh well, if my blog doesn't work out, I can always just resort to modelling! Beauty like mine can't be contained; the whole world needs to bask in my awesomeness!

Cupping some water in my hands, I splashed my pale face, hoping that this action would wake me up. I looked really tired. Seriously though, the circles under my eyes were dark enough to be bruises. Sigh, such is the life of your friendly neighborhood pale person.

Gargling and swishing around some nasty-tasting Listerine in my mouth, I burst back into my bedroom. I slapped on a pair of black stockings, a blue plaid skirt, a white blouse, and a matching blue tie; all pieces of which ensembled my school's crappy uniform.

I inspected myself in the closet mirror, twirling around to get a view of my flat butt and awkwardly thin and lanky body. My uniform was wrinkled and untidy from not being hung up properly. The knots and tangles in my hair didn't help with my appearance either.

I combed through my hair with my fingers, cursing under my breath as I worked through several cinqs. I then grabbed my backpack, slapped it over one shoulder, and hurried off into the kitchen. Hopefully Lud wouldn't notice that I had spit out my mouthwash in the kitchen sink. On top of being a neat freak, the boy was also a raging germaphobe.

With a piece of half-burnt toast dangling out of my mouth, I grabbed my keys from the kitchen table and bustled over to the front door. Quickly, I slipped on my favourite white, knee-high combat boots. After what had felt like an eternity of lacing up those badboys, I sprinted out of the apartment, my hair wildly flailing behind me.

I shouldered past my neighbors, who were so very rudely standing in the middle of the hallway – seriously, did they not know how to make way for their Queen?! – earning myself plenty of glares and friendly hand gestures. Pft! I know that I'm number one! They didn't have to tell me!

Making my way down the building's spiralling staircase, – and taking three second breaks at each floor's landing, as I wasn't the most athletic person out there – I stopped at the third floor, ravenously finishing the cruddy remnants of my toast. So not awesome.

Just when I was about to embark on my mad dash for the bus-stop again, my phone buzzed. After smearing my buttery fingers against the back of my skirt, I pulled out my phone from my backpack. When I saw who had texted me, however, I didn't hesitate to put my phone right back where it came from.

I was having a good morning, and whatever that person had to say could wait.

…

I slowed down to a walk upon realizing that I still had five minutes to spare before the bus came. With a characteristic cocky grin on my face, I walked up behind the tense boy whom had unwillingly decided to keep me company.

Shivering into his red scarf, and already in a grumpy mood from the cold, Romano sat hunched over on the bus-stop's bench. I could tell that it was him, because one: I could hear him swearing in Italian. And two: I could spot the stray auburn curl sticking out from the rest of his head. The boy was probably just grumpy that his precious little sister was spending time with Lud.

Placing my hands on the back of the bench, I snuck up behind Romano and chuckled. "Morning sunshine!"

The reaction I had hoped for was the exact reaction I gleefully received.

Romano spun around and cried out when he saw me towering over him. He blushed, swore, and just about shit his pants all at once. "Chigi! The fuck was that for?!" he roared, his amber eyes narrowing into a scowl when he recognized who I was.

"Oh, it's just you," Romano huffed, stubbornly turning around so that he wouldn't have to look at me and my demon face. His words, not mine.

Romano and I had an interesting relationship. We both 'hated' each other. Secretly, we accepted our differences. Perhaps deep down we were 'somewhat' fond of each other. But, then again, I was fond of anything I could bug the crap out of. In all honesty though, Romano wasn't that bad. Although, you won't ever hear me say this to his face. Ever!

The poor boy worked hard to support himself and his younger sister. The two Italian siblings lived in the apartment building across from mine. I didn't get to know much of Romano until he began dating Isabel, and Felicia, Lud. From what I know, their parents had also died when they were little. They lived with their grandpa until he had passed away last year. I've only talked to Romulus once – before even knowing the Italian siblings – but he was a really cool dude. RIP, man.

After Romulus's death, Romano took it upon himself to raise Felicia. And he did a good job at it too. Felicia was a bright, bubbly girl that brought smiles to the faces of those around her. It was a pity that Romano didn't follow his own advice because he was hands down the most miserable person I've ever met. He was bitter, sarcastic, and spiteful in stark contrast with his sister. Despite this, I always kept a special place in my 'cold, dead' heart for him.

I felt for Romano, I really did. On top of school, he had to work a full-time job at a run-down pizza place. Something had to pay for the bills, after all. Felicia always offered to find a job of her own, but Romano would always refuse this, stubbornly lecturing her on how she should be focusing on her schooling and nothing else. When we could, Lud and I would help the Vargas siblings out by giving them some extra money for groceries. Of course, Romano's dignity would never allow that.

Romano always had to repay us in some way, and usually that came in the form of a random knock on our door at midnight and several abandoned Tupperware containers of pasta resting on our doorstep. Lest I forget about the ' _go fuck yourselves, I don't need your help'_ post-it notes that were usually taped to said Tupperware containers. The Italian had an odd way of giving his thanks, but we still nonetheless accepted his crude expressions of gratitude.

With a dramatic sigh, I plopped down on the bench, purposefully sitting as close as I possibly could to Romano. He was still acting all pissy because of my prank. I draped both arms over the bench in a casual, nonchalant manner, knowing that this would only annoy him further. The boy liked his personal space, and I loved to intrude on it.

While I began to hum loudly, bored out of my mind, Romano's ears reddened with anger. He still refused to look at me when he spoke. "Do you ever shut up?" he snarled.

I cocked my head to the side, innocently batting my eyelashes at him. Not that it really mattered because the jackwad still had his pretentious head turned to the side. I had half the mind to reach over there and yank on his cowlick. "Maybe if you ask nicely," I hummed, merrily increasing my awesome singing volume – you're welcome.

Romano irately clicked his tongue. " _Can_ you can shut up for me?"

Huh, that's weird. Why was he acting so nice, and not like, you know, the grumpy, sexually frustrated douche I had come to hate? Whatever, I wasn't satisfied just yet. My sadistic appetite screamed for me to keep egging him on. So, I did. What can I say? The life-long duty of a shit-disturber was calling out to me. Who was I to ignore it?

"I don't know, can I?" I grinned.

"Listen, demon bitch, if you don't hop off my dick right now, I'll-" Romano faltered when he realized the unfortunate implications of his statement.

I howled with laughter, slapping a hand against my thigh for good measure. Romano's face turned so red that I couldn't stop myself from reaching over to poke his puffed-out check. "Choo, Choo," I cooed. "Looks like we need to call the fire department because someone's hot and bothered!"

Romano slapped my hand away and I pouted. "Fine, be that way," I huffed, crossing my arms. I bent over into a slouch, my elbows resting against my thighs. "I was only trying to make the time pass by quicker. If anything, you should be the one entertaining me."

"I think I'll pass," Romano scoffed, rolling his eyes so far back into his head that my hands itched to pull out my water bottle from my backpack. I've seen exorcisms performed on TV before, so surely if I just touched the water, it would instantly become blessed and holy. I repeat; I have a weird sense of humour. Get used to it because it's not going to go away any time soon.

Romano and I sat in silence for another five minutes, shivering in the cold. I offered to warm him up with a hug; he replied with another disgusted click of the tongue. Fine, his loss. I'll just have to grace my awesome presence with someone more deserving than his sorry ass.

HONK! HONK!

A car honked. I looked to my right, a sly smile creeping onto my face as I spotted a red punch buggy slowly weave in and out of traffic, oblivious to the other cars on the road. After what had seemed like five inevitable car accidents, - one of which involved almost crashing into a fire hydrant to avoid running over a squirrel – the red punch buggy squealed to a stop, pulling up against the curb in front of the bus-stop.

Isabel Fernandez-Carriedo, in her fancy new vehicle – courtesy of her insanely rich parents – pulled up in front of us, her green eyes wide with excitement when she saw Romano sitting on the bench. Don't ask me why, but the two of them had been dating for over a year now. It was a bloody miracle that Romano had refrained himself from lashing out at her. Isabel was one of the few people Romano treated with respect.

Of course, this didn't stop Romano from calling Isabel an 'idiota' every two seconds. But even I, the cold-hearted bitch, could tell that Romano truly cared about his lunatic Spanish girlfriend. When Romano saw Isabel, the edge in his expression would disappear. If you looked closely, you could even see the faintest hint of a grin tugging on the corners of his lips.

Reluctantly, Romano stood up to greet his girlfriend, who seemed more than eager to do the very same thing. Isabel stepped out of the car, sprinting towards her now embarrassed boyfriend. She wrapped her arms around Romano's neck, pulling him down into a passionate kiss.

Wide-eyed, Romano tried to pry himself away from his squealing girlfriend. Meanwhile, I stuck out my tongue at him. It was always amusing for me to watch Romano slowly be suffocated by Isabel's crushing hugs.

"Ungh! Isa! I can't. Breathe!" Romano wheezed in between having his lips get attacked by Isabel's glossed ones. I snickered. Looks like someone was going to school with lipstick stains on his face again.

"Muah~!" Isabel cooed, pressing a kiss against Romano's crinkled nose. Scowling, Romano swiped away at the lipstick that had been smudged onto his face. "Roma! I missed you so much~!"

Isabel dove in for another kiss. Quick to learn from his previous mistake, Romano held a hand, placing it against Isabel's forehead as he held the enthusiastic Spaniard back.

Isabel pouted, and after promising to stop, Romano removed his hand.

"AHAH!" Isabel cried out.

While Romano turned around to grab his backpack from the bench, – ignoring the provocative wink I aimed at him – Isabel, the crazy girl, took this opportunity to leap onto his back.

Staggering under the weight of the Spanish fireball, Romano struggled to gain his balance. Isabel laughed and pounded her tiny fists against Romano's back, urging him to walk faster. Romano bucked backwards, while Isabel raised both hands to the air, crying out in joy. The best description I can give you is that it looked like Isabel was riding a bull at the rodeo. Well, at least Romano was angry enough to play the part of the bull.

"ISA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" said bull imposter/ substitute roared.

Hopping off a relieved Romano's back, and with a truly adorable puppy dog expression on her face, Isabel looked at the ground, letting her mane of long brown curls sweep over her tanned face. "I missed you, Roma," she mumbled shyly. "I just wanted to show my love for you."

With a loathsome sigh, Romano walked up to this pouting girlfriend, raising a lazy finger to flick her in the forehead. "Idiota," he chided, pulling Isabel into a hug. He let her head rest against his collarbone. "I love you too. And what were you thinking?! Driving on your own! I don't care if they passed you, you're a danger to yourself and everyone on the road."

Romano scolded Isabel in the same patronizing, motherly tone he used with Felicia.

Isabel giggled into Romano's scarf, the very same scarf she had knitted for him when they first started dating. Aw, so the arsehole did have a heart. "But I got here alive, didn't I? Aren't you happy, Roma? I can drive you to school now."

The Spaniard beamed, raising a hand to trace a gentle finger along Romano's grimacing jawline. And who could blame him? If he valued his safety, Romano wouldn't get in the car with Isabel. If he valued his relationship, however, Romano would have to risk his safety to get in the car. No one wanted to deal with the Spaniard and her ruthless guilt trips.

Isabel's eyes glanced over in my direction for the first time. Mein Gott, the girl could be so oblivious sometimes. "Gil~!" Isabel screamed, while I covered my ears to ward off any further hearing damage. I loved Isabel as if she were my own sister, but I also loved to hear the raspy awesomeness that was my own voice. As you can see, my priorities are set right where they ought to be.

Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I stood up to greet my friend. "Hey Isabel," I giggled, only to wince when Isabel pulled me into a hug, squeezing my ribs. I think I heard a crack. Wait, was that normal?! I looked past Isabel's shoulders and gave Romano a pleading look.

With a smug smile, and a heartless shrug, the Italian got his revenge from my earlier teasing by letting his overbearing girlfriend crush my lungs. Betrayal flashed across my face as Isabel continued to squeeze me. I was beginning to see spots. Jesus, is that you, mein bearded friend?

"How was your weekend?" Isabel finally retreated from the hug, much to my relief.

Clutching my rib-cage, I gave Isabel a weak smile. "It was okay, I guess. I blogged a bit. Nothing too exciting. You?"

Isabel nodded her head in understanding. She still treated me delicately after last year's incident. I had only been back in school for a month now, and she was always careful not to ask me too many questions. I really wish she wouldn't do that. I'm fine now. Her concern was appreciated, but far from necessary. I may be broken, but I'm not completely shattered like I used to be. I'm fine, and I'll continue to be fine if I move on and forget about what happened. I just wish that everyone would let me move on…

Quick to change the subject when she saw that my expression had turned sour, Isabel turned around. With a perky smile, she gestured towards her car. "My weekend was muy fun. I watched a lot of football. Hop in the back, Gil. I'll drive you both to school."

Romano reached out to grab the cuff of Isabel's jacket, halting her straight in her tracks. "Oh, no you don't," he growled.

Romano held out his right hand. "Your keys. Give them to me," he ordered Isabel through clenched teeth. Isabel's mouth parted open in protest, but when she saw the livid look Romano aimed at her, she reluctantly complied, dropping the car keys into Romano's gloved hand.

Isabel's mood darkened, and with one last disgruntled glare at the indifferent Italian, she shoved herself into the passenger seat, slamming the door shut with an angry smack. Uh-oh, Romano had made her angry. It would take him a good two hours to get Isabel to warm up to him again. Isabel was typically a cheery person, but if you made her made enough, the girl could hold her grudges. Said grudge was evident when Isabel refused to look at Romano when he climbed into the driver's seat.

While I climbed into the backseat, my phone went off again. I must have gasped without realizing it when I saw the text because Romano gave me a strange look. His skeptical amber eyes peered at me through the driver's mirror. Isabel was still too angry to pay any attention to me, and for that, I was glad. All it took was one look for Isabel to know that something was wrong with me. I don't know if I'd be able to fool her into thinking otherwise. I was an open book, forcefully torn open and emotions vulnerable for the reading.

"Everything all right back there, Gillian?" Romano asked me. Wow, he actually referred to me by my name. I must have looked upset.

Let's change that, shall we?

I put on a smile, forcing out a chuckle to hide my trembling lips. "Why Romano! I didn't know you cared so much about me!" I laughed, my voice cracking slightly. My breath hitched, and I swallowed heavily.

To avoid further suspicion, I tapped Romano's shoulder, motioning for him to start the car. "It was just Lud telling me that he and Felicia made it to school safely," I lied.

Romano scoffed. He clearly wasn't falling for anything I had to say. "If you say so," he sighed, putting the car into ignition. The car drove off, and I let my mind into a different place. I leaned back against the seat, ignoring the pounding throbs of my headache.

I urged myself to calm down.

 _I'm fine. Forget about it and move on, and if that doesn't work, ignore them._

 _…_

Ugh, you could smell the scent of hormones, desperation, and false positivity in the air. I groaned, trudging my way through the cafeteria. I ignored all the judgemental stares I received. They could all go fuck themselves because lord knows how they've all gotten tired of fucking each other.

I made eye contact with a gentle-looking girl with green eyes and bobbed blonde hair. Just to get a kick out of scaring her, I took a ravenous bite from my apple, swirling my tongue over my lips. That's what she got for not taking the social cue to look away. The girl gave a small squeak and averted her gaze to the ground. Hmmph! If only the rest of the school were that easy to throw off. My life would be a whole lot easier, that's for sure.

Speaking of making my life easier, and by easier, I mean way, way, harder there was a certain someone in the room who had dedicated the rest of her high school life towards making mine miserable; my ex-best friend, Elizabeta Héderváry.

Story time! Last year at a party, her arrogant bastard of a boyfriend tried to hookup with me. Being a little too drunk for my own good, I hadn't realized this until it was already too late. Rodereich kissed me, and did _other_ things, and being the sane person that I was, I pushed him away. Unfortunately, Elizabeta popped in at the wrong moment, screaming at the top of her lungs. She had embarrassed me to the point of tears without having the decency to hear me out. A lot more happened that night, but I'd rather not get into the gritty details of it. Basically, Elizabeta had labelled me as the school's new 'slut extraordinaire'. And of course, everyone followed suit with their beloved Queen Bee.

To everyone else, I was nothing more than a whore who had taken advantage of Rodereich's drunkenness, seducing and forcing him into doing something he would never do. I never fought against these rumours either. I was weak, vulnerable, and afraid. I let their cruel words get to me, and for an entire year, I had succumbed to this defeat. I was hiding in the shadows of someone else's mistake. I had never deserved any of this. Nothing good has happened to me since that night. I had been hurt and picked on so many times over that I was nothing more than a fragment of my 'scandalous' reputation.

I looked around the cafeteria, searching for my friends. I eventually found them sitting at the complete opposite end of the room, causing me to groan internally. I hated having to walk past so many people. I could feel their stares, and I could hear their whispers. They didn't bother to be subtle, either.

"Isn't she the slut who came on to Liza's boyfriend?"

"I heard she slept with half of the foot ball team too."

"She's back? I thought that bitch killed herself."

"If only."

"Didn't she sleep with Ivan too? Apparently, she let him completely dominate her."

HA! That one made me giggle a little. If anything, I would dominate Ivan! But ew, gross. That dude was beyond creepy. In fact, said Russian had just flashed me with an inviting wink, his massive hands beckoning for me to come over and sit next to him. I had zero interest in getting involved with Ivan and his manipulative, controlling nature. I value my life very much, unlike some people – cough, Liza, cough, bitch – and I didn't plan on giving up my freedom any time soon.

I kept my chin held high as I made my way across the cafeteria, feeling like Moses parting through a sea full of assholes. Seriously though, everyone edged away from me as if I had a disease. Whatever, all they were doing was making it easier for me to walk past them.

When I reached the table my friends were sitting at, I immediately regretted coming there in the first place. Sitting on one side was Isabel and Romano, both of whom appeared to be in the middle of an intense argument, most likely over what had happened this morning. Sitting across from them was my other best friend, Marianne Bonnefoy, and her always grouchy boyfriend, Arthur Kirkland.

Marianne was a flashy French woman with long, blondish-brown hair, startling but mischievous blue eyes, and a tall, slender body. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, was a real basket case. Arthur had massive eyebrows, messy blond hair, and a permanent scowl on his face. As you can see, Arthur is a very pleasant man. – Note the inevitable sarcasm in my awesome inner dialogue.

Honestly, I think the only reason Marianne ended up with him in the first place was because he had been the first person to show blatant disinterest in her. Arthur was a tech nerd who worked for the school's AV club. Marianne was the lead singer in the school's musical. After badgering him over the course of several months during rehearsals, she became frustrated when he showed no signs of giving in to her feminine charm.

But wait! This story get's so much better. Apparently, during the after party of last year's musical, Arthur got drunk – big surprise, I know – and declared, or rather screamed his love for her in front of everyone. The two got together afterwards, and have been inseparable ever since. Although, some occasional space between them would be good, as they argued more than they did speak civilly with each other.

Emerald eyes watering due to having his airways blocked, Arthur choked and spluttered. Marianne firmly patted his back, roughly giving him the Heimlich Maneuver. "Good God, woman!" he coughed, red-faced. "Just let me eat whatever I damn please!"

Marianne's perfectly plucked brows arched in a deadly expression. Usually, when she made that face, someone was going to get hurt. My hunch was correct; Arthur got hurt. With an eerie smile, Marianne grabbed Arthur's wrist, digging her long, claw-like nails into the first few inches of skin.

"Mon cher, won't you hold hands with me?" she purred, hints of anger sweeping into her melodic voice.

"Hold hands?! In what world is cutting off my circulation…" Marianne's nails dug deeper, drawing blood. "Oi!" Arthur roared from the pain.

While Arthur and Marianne continued to bicker back and forth about how she incessantly abused his pride of being an Englishman – whatever the hell that meant – I quietly slid it in to sit at the edge of the table, placing myself next to Isabel. Thankfully, the Spaniard appeared to have calmed down from earlier. Romano must have bribed her with a tomato or something.

"Oh! Hey Gil, how were your classes?" Isabel draped a casual arm over my shoulders. I looked down at my boots, avoiding her bubbly gaze. Gym was horrible as always and math was a pure disaster because Elizabeta was in it. The bitch thought she was discreet with her note-passing, but when one of her idiot minions accidently dropped a note, the teacher had forced them to read it out loud to the class.

Now, in most situations, a person would just lie and make up what was written on the note. But not Elizabeta. Oh no, she took the opportunity to attack my already lacking self-esteem. Let's just say that the slut accusations were far from the truth, if not downright hurtful and vicious in nature.

"Fine," I lied. "Gym was all right. We played soccer," I mumbled, cursing myself internally for sounding so lame and boring. I wasn't acting like myself. My friends must have noticed this too because even Marianne and Arthur stopped their bickering to hear what I had to say. Romano already knew not to bother me. The Italian gave me the benefit of the doubt by returning my grimace with a raised eyebrow, but nothing more. Whereas, the rest of my friends were a bit too concerned and nosy for my liking.

"Gillian, did someone say something to you?" Marianne faltered when she noticed that my lips were trembling. It was fine anyways. If it came to it, I wasn't afraid to cry in front of them. Both Isabel and Marianne had had their fair share of bullying in the past, so I'm sure they would understand. Heck, even now they were still bullied.

Marianne was hated for being the school's leading drama student. At least she had the strength to ignore the comments that were derived solely from jealousy. Isabel, on the other hand, was bullied for being too much of a free spirit. People thought the Spaniard was faking her happiness, but those crapwads didn't know a thing about her. Isabel's joy was nothing short of genuine.

But, the last thing we were all bullied for was truly despicable. Just thinking about it made my blood boil. Everyone knew that Isabel and Marianne slept with their boyfriends. Not so bad, right? Now add me to the picture, and you have a holy trio of 'sluts', otherwise known as the Bad Touch Trio. Disgusting, I know. Who were they to judge the love affairs of others, acting as if they never did the same things themselves? And since when did sleeping with the same person make a girl a slut, anyhow? What kind of bullshit was that?

What disgusted me even more was that while Isabel and Marianne were condemned for their 'promiscuous behaviour', Arthur and Romano were praised for their abilities to 'score in bed'. Slut shaming at its finest, everyone. A world where a woman's sexuality is controlled and exploited, while a man's masculinity rests with whether or not they have a doll to play with. Because that's all a woman was: an accessory that was to be adorned, plucked, and criticized into perfection.

I hadn't realized I was biting my lip until Isabel gently nudged shoulders with me. "Gil, Marianne asked you a question," she tutted, giving me a sheepish look when she noticed how startled I was. I wracked my brain for a moment. When I remembered what Marianne had asked me, I immediately went on the defensive.

"Someone's always going to say something, Marianne," I chided. "There's nothing I can do about it. Please, don't waste your time worrying about me." To hide my grimace, I grinned. Damn. If I kept it up with these fake smiles, I was going to stretch a cheek muscle.

I took a massive bite out of my apple, hoping to end the conversation right then and there.

Marianne looked skeptical at first, but her attention was diverted when Arthur decided to contribute to the conversation. "I'm guessing you didn't get much sleep either," he remarked with a smirk. "You look like shit."

Oh Arthur, always there to kick me when I'm down. He liked to nit-pick at me whenever he could. He saw this as his revenge for my jabs at his ape-like eyebrows. Marianne's eyes screamed bloody murder. Just when she was about to reprimand Arthur for being rude, Romano's profuse swearing interrupted her.

"Felicia! Vieni qui!" Romano bellowed at his sister in Italian, his face fuming with anger.

Felicia blushed, embarrassed that her brother was shouting at her from the opposite end of the cafeteria. The way Romano angrily waved his hands back and forth made him look like a deranged maniac. Nervously tucking a copper curl behind her ear, Felicia slowly and reluctantly walked over to our table. She averted her gaze from Romano's furious amber eyes, stopping to a standstill, her head bowed. I smirked at Felicia in hello, and she reciprocated with a sheepish smile. The girl knew she was in trouble.

"What did I say about wearing your skirt that short?!"

Felicia pouted, stubbornly stomping her tiny feet against the ground. "But, fratello! All the girls wear their skirts like this," she whined. I giggled. Even I hiked up my skirt. There was a difference between being modest and a full-blown Mormon. It was pretty obvious by now that Romano preferred for his sister to dress in the latter style.

"Where's your precious potato, huh? Did that pervert make you do this?!" Romano interrogated, not even bothering to lower his voice. The entire cafeteria was watching him lose it on his poor sister. I rolled my eyes. Potato was Romano's nickname for Lud. Although, I don't know what my brother did to ever deserve that nickname. Lud was nothing but nice to Romano, but for some reason, the Italian had never been fond of my brother. Well, considering that Felicia is his only family left, I suppose I can let his overprotectiveness slide, just this once.

Lud was much bigger than Romano anyhow, so I'm sure that he would be able to handle himself in a fight. Although, knowing Lud, he wouldn't ever resort to violence. Lud was a brute. He only used his strength to do good deeds, such as helping Ms. Wang carry her groceries, or helping the AV crew lug their heavy equipment around. Speaking of Lud, I needed to find him before lunch ended. I hadn't had the chance to see him this morning; I wanted to let him know that I wouldn't be coming home after school.

"Roma~! Leave the poor girl be," Isabel laughed. Snapping out of my daze, - something I let myself fall into way too often lately - I looked over to Romano, who had gotten up from his seat. Felicia whined and pouted as Romano pulled down her skirt to a 'reasonable' height, fawning, clucking, and swearing over her like a proper mother hen. Poor Felicia just about died from cringing.

"Isa," Romano growled. "Can you hand me a napkin?"

Isabel scoffed. "I want no part in this. Go ask someone else." She didn't support Romano babying his younger sister.

Felicia's brown eyes widened when she realized what her brother intended to do. "Fratello! You said I could wear it," she begged.

"Here you go mate," Arthur mused, handing Romano a napkin. Marianne slapped the Briton's hand for this, and the couple quickly went back to their residual bickering. I didn't bother to keep up with them this time. While Romano wiped off the excess lip gloss from a grumbling Felicia's lips, I stood up from the table, tossing my apple core into a nearby garbage can.

"I said you could wear 'some', not the entire tube," Romano lectured. "Now lift up your chin. And don't you dare give me that look. You brought this onto yourself."

"Hey Felicia?" I asked. "You wouldn't know where Lud is, would you?"

I pretended to ignore Romano's eye roll. "He's in the math room studying with Kiku," Felicia mumbled semi-coherently as Romano continued to dab at her lower lip with a napkin. I nodded and said my thanks. Ducking my head, I prepared myself for another round of vicious comments. Of course, as I made my way back across the cafeteria, Elizabeta just had to have the last word, and by last word, she couldn't refrain herself from acting like a total bitch.

"Going somewhere?" Elizabeta mocked. "Why don't you just do us all a favour and disappear?"

"Fine," I shrugged, refusing to give Elizabeta my full attention. She wasn't worth it anyways. "I will." And with that, I walked out of the cafeteria. I closed my eyes and counted to three. I knew that a pair of lavender eyes were watching my every move.

 _One….Two….Thr-_

My phone buzzed.

And there it was.

I wonder what lovely text messages were waiting for me this time.

…

7:30 PM

I tried to swallow my panic. I fumbled to open the door of my apartment, but my hands were trembling far too much for me to have any coordination. My phone continued to buzz in my backpack, and I felt my entire chest constrict. It had never been _this_ bad.

Somehow, I managed to push open the door. I nearly collapsed on my knees right then and there. "Gillian? Is that you?" Oh crap. I looked to my right. Felicia and Lud were sitting at the kitchen table, in the middle of one of their tutoring sessions. Lud's blue eyes widened with concern when he noticed the panicked state I was in. Felicia also gave me a worried look, but I wasn't about to cave any time soon. They didn't have to worry about me. I'd be _fine_.

I inhaled through my nostrils, smiled, and willed myself to put on my best performance. "Yes, Lud, it's me," I scoffed, laughing to hide the cracks in my voice. Thankfully from where I was standing, the room was dark. The chandelier hanging over the kitchen table was the only thing that lit up the room. "Oh, and Felicia? Romano wants you home now."

Felicia nodded. The girl knew something was wrong, but with a kind smile, Felicia gathered her things and said her goodbyes. I silently thanked Felicia for not prying. She was a good kid. While Lud kissed her goodnight, I slipped into my room, shutting the door behind me and locking it.

Almost immediately, Lud knocked on my door. "Gillian? Did something happen? What were doing out so late?" he asked. I winced when I heard how worried he sounded. There I went again. No matter what I did, I always hurt the people around me. This is why I preferred being alone. I couldn't hurt anyone this way, and I could never hope for something better in life. If my standards were low, then I wouldn't have to feel the crushing weight of rejection and betrayal again.

I don't know when I collapsed onto my bed, but I did. I clutched a pillow to my chest, ignoring the questions that Lud continued to ask me, praying he would eventually give up and leave me alone. I knew that what I had hoped for was futile. Lud wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Can you at least tell me where you went?"

Honestly, I couldn't even answer that question if I tried. After school, it had become a habit for me to walk around town, clearing my thoughts and breathing in lighter, less-judgemental air.

Going back to school was toxic for my health, so surrounding myself with people who didn't know a thing about me was a luxury I was desperate to find. Normally, I didn't stay out this late. Something about today had me so riled up that I needed the extra time to find my own place again. Who am I kidding? The only place I belonged was back in my room. I didn't have a voice, so the only thing I could do was maintain my silence and accept the scorn thrown my way.

Lud knocked on my bedroom door again. "I microwaved some leftovers for you. It's waiting outside your door. Oh, and Gil? If you need to talk, I'll be in my room." And with that, Lud left me be. I grimaced. What a terrible older sister I was. I was pushing away the one person in my life who loved me unconditionally.

I almost cried out for Lud to come back, but my phone persistently rang with new texts, preventing me from confiding in him. I sank even lower than before. I knew that what I was about to do was stupid, but there was no reasoning with me at this point. I was too stubborn for my own good.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my text messages. I looked at all of them, tears streaming down my face in endless rolls of misery. I could just barely contain my sobs. Lud couldn't hear this. I couldn't let him worry about me any more. With trembling fingers, I swiped at the tears that had fallen onto my phone. I clenched my teeth as I continued to delete one agonizing message at a time.

7:36 AM: Good morning beautiful, did you sleep well?

7:40 AM: You know, it's very rude not to answer.

7:50 AM: What game are you playing, Gillian?

8:00 AM: Whatever. See if I care.

10:45 AM: How come you ignored me in the cafeteria?

10:50 AM: You know; I don't have to do this. I don't have to talk to you.

10:52 AM: But I choose to. And damn it all if I'm just going to let you ignore me like that.

3:00 PM: Where are you?

3:05 PM: I see you.

3:07 PM: Why are you sitting by the bleachers?

3:10: PM: Where'd you go?

3:12 PM: Are you running away from me?

7:00 PM: I tried being nice, and this is how you repay me?

7:05 PM: Don't delude yourself. You're nothing more than a slut who begs for attention.

7:07 PM: Know your place.

7:10 PM: No one likes you.

7:15 PM: If you died, hardly anyone would show up to your funeral.

7:20 PM: But I would. I'd spit on your grave only to have you ignore me one last time.

7:25 PM: Filthy skank. Why do I even bother with you?

7:30 PM: I hope you rot in hell.

7:35 PM: You better watch yourself, Gillian. You wouldn't want to make an enemy out of me.

7:36 PM: I'd hate to see you get hurt.

My phone buzzed again and again and again.

Vision blurring with tears, I took out the battery from my phone, throwing it away into a far corner of the room. I didn't want to see what that bastard had to say next. And just like that, every single wall and emotional barrier that I had built to protect myself fell to shambles. When I was little, I used to call myself awesome. Now, I wasn't so sure. I was weak. I talked big but all it took was one comment to send me spiralling into a never-ending vortex of self-pity, regret, and shame. I was numb. I was floating. I was desperate to latch onto something whole and sane again.

My voice choked, and I brought my knees to my chest. He had taken away my reputation, my best friend, my dignity, and my life. What more could he possibly ask for? I tried so hard to forget, but Rodereich would never let that happen. He wanted to own me, and in an sickening sense, he did. I had succumbed to the realization that I was never going to rid myself from him. I had no control over my life, and yet the only thing I could bring myself to say was: "I'm _fine."_

I don't know how much longer I could keep up with this.

 _"I'm fine…"_

 _"I'm awesome..."_

 _"I'll forget about it…"_

How many more lies could I tell myself before I finally cracked?


	2. Said Awesome Waiter

**A/N:** Yay! I finally got around to doing this. Thank you so much for the support. It means a lot! Also, you'll notice that Gil's thoughts can be a bit scatter brained at certain parts. **To clear up some things** : Romano, Isabel, Arthur, Marriane, and Rodereich are Seniors. Gil is in between being a junior and senior because of her absence in the previous year. Elizabeta is a junior (this is why Gil has Math with her). Lud and Felicia are sophomores.

* * *

 **Said Awesome Waiter:**

(Friday Night; Around 11:00 PM)

Well hello again! Did you miss me? Ah, of course you did. I'm awesome; how could you not? Oh… Yeah. Last time you saw me I wasn't doing too good. Um, well, I'm still not doing too good if that's any consolation. I guess that I owe you guys a bit of an explanation though. Honestly, I don't even know where to start. Maybe I'll just dig right into it. Ok, I can do this. Ah Crap, I'm already on the brink of bawling my eyes out. No, Gil, tears are not going to help. You aren't wearing your water proof mascara today. Make like a boss and tough it out. Keh, sometimes I curse myself for how weak I am. And then I curse Rodereich for being a total douchebag. Ah! There's a point that I can start from! Why thank you shitty life! How considerate of you for reminding me of such shitty memories! Ok Gil. Deep breaths.

You know how I told you that Rodereich came onto me at a party last year? Well it didn't end there. After humiliating me in front of everyone, as he was one to take a sadistic pleasure in controlling just about everyone in his life, including Elizabeta to this day, Rodereich became obsessed with me. Or should I say that he became even more obsessed with me? Hmmm. I still haven't figured that out…

Now before the night of 'that' party, Rodereich only gave me the occasional creepy glance here and there. Initially, I thought that he just didn't approve of me. Rodereich never liked me, and back when Elizabeta and I were actually friends, he would continually make passive aggressive comments about how much he 'loathed' me. The feeling was mutual, but it wasn't until 'that' party that I found out that my assumption couldn't be farther from the truth. Rodereich didn't hate me. He despised me. He despised me for making him feel aroused. Yup. You heard me correctly. Ridiculous isn't it? And apparently, his attraction to me got out so out of hand that he couldn't refrain himself from, well, coming onto me. Short story short, bad things happened that night. Really bad things. Things that I still don't want to talk about if I can help it. (Kesese. I'm horrible aren't I? Leaving you hanging like that? Well, my life sucks, so you'll just have to settle for a rain check.)

And as if my life wasn't bad enough, what with me losing my best friend and the respect of pretty much everyone in the school, Rodereich started to stalk me. I didn't go to school for the whole second half of my junior year because of 'that' incident, but of course, that didn't stop Rodereich from harassing me should the opportunity arise. The opportunity arose way too many fucking times for my comfort.

First, it was anonymous messages on my blog. I didn't find out until later that Elizabeta secretly followed my blog. I guess that she must have showed it to him at one point or the other. But that's not the point (hehe). The messages that I received were nothing but cryptic in nature. They ranged from ones that told me how beautiful I am (pft! I know that already), to ones that accused me of being a slut and whatnot. One message, however, really got me good. It told me to kill myself. And well, at that point of my life I could have very well done just that. If it wasn't for Lud, I probably wouldn't be here today. I myself didn't have anything to live for, but Lud needed an older sister, regardless if she was broken or not. I stayed for my brother. I didn't stay for the messages, threats, and slut shaming that soon followed.

Eventually, I managed to block that anonymous user on my blog. Whew! No more problems! Well think again. Rodereich got my number. I don't know how, but he did. Although, somewhere at the back of my mind I suspect that he got my number from Elizabeta. Rodereich routinely inspects, controls, and manages every single aspect of Elizabeta's life, and as a personal witness to this, I've seen him confiscate her phone to do what he justified as "relationship audits." In other words, Rodereich didn't trust anyone but himself. Because that's what Rodereich was. He was an excessive, paranoid, and egotistical maniac that strived to maintain his own sense of false authority.

At first, I responded to his messages. I was a very angry person back then. I hated Rodereich for ruining my life, and I woefully let him provoke me into agitation. I fought back, but after months of suffering from his relentless and dare I say meticulous pestering, I gave up. The stubbornness in me subsided, which was soon replaced with a passiveness that I still haven't been able to shake off to this day. I didn't go to school. I didn't eat properly. I didn't sleep properly. Every day simple tasks became increasingly difficult. Getting myself out of bed was a battle in itself, but finding the will to move on took some time. I'm still in that time now that I think of it. I keep telling myself to move on and forget. But knowing Rodereich, he'll never stop until I cave in to his whims and submit myself to his discretion. And that's what truly scares me. I don't know what will happen if I cave in. I don't know what Rodereich wants, and perhaps I never will. But that's exactly how he wants it. Uncertainty leaves me open and vulnerable, which allows Rodereich to get what he wants with little to no resistance.

But what more could he want anyways? He has an adoring, delusional girlfriend at his beckoning call. He has the utmost highest of respects gained from being the school's beloved student council president. And then there's me. A broken, also somewhat delusional, slut wannabe who can't even bring herself to tell the truth. I don't fight for myself. There's no point. I'll never win. Yet I'm stuck being Rodereich's chew toy. I may go to school. I may dress myself every morning. I may take care of myself better than how I did before. But I'm not better. I fake it.

And now let's bring you back to the present time! Right now, I was currently in the arcade of a movie theatre, clicking the toy gun furiously as I shot at a never ending horde of growling zombies. "Die you stupid fuckers!" I screamed, clicking my gun furiously regardless if I hit my targets or not. It was a good thing that I was alone, otherwise I would be getting quite the amount of odd stares right now. You see, I don't just 'play' video games. I reenact them. And by reenact, I mean that I turn it into a full out work out. If my character ducks and rolls, I'll duck and roll. Note to self. Don't duck and roll in an arcade: you'll bang your head against the next video game station. I had even resorted to making pew pew pew sounds with my mouth. Ja, I'm just that awesome. If only I had a group of ogling fannoobs to cheer me on.

But alas, it was past 11:00 clock, and the theatre was pretty well empty. My friends had left me some time ago. They were probably off doing the unthinkable. Hmmph! Fine. They were getting on my nerves anyways, what with them practically fondling each other right smack in the middle of the movie. It took everything in my will power not to pour my soda over their heads, it really did. I have to give some props to Romano though. He had been able to resist Isabel's not so subtle advances for a good portion of the movie, that is, until she yanked on his cowlick. Apparently that's 'one' of his erogenous zones. Don't ask me about the others. I really _don't_ want to know. I shuddered at the memory. Once Isabel did that, Romano couldn't keep his hands off of her. I swear to Gott if I have to hear Romano's "chigi" moan one more time….

And don't even get me started on Marriane and Arthur. Ah, well I already started, so I might as well just tell you. Some way or another, Marriane had managed to sneak in a container full of chocolate dipped strawberries into the theatre. So get this. I'm watching the movie, paying attention to it like the good samaritan that I am, and then all of a sudden I hear choking noises. Wait…that's not right. This is a romance movie, not a porno! I turn my head to the side, and low and behold, Arthur's choking on a strawberry. Despite people shushing them, Marianne's frantically pounding her elbow into the Briton's shoulder blades, while I'm sitting there, laughing my ass off and shovelling an unhealthy amount of popcorn into my face. As you can see, I found this spectacle to be much more amusing than the actual movie itself. Romance just doesn't do anything for me. To me, love is a dress up of lies and promises that would only crumble with time.

Speaking of which, I should probably get going. Lud gave me some money to enjoy a night out, but knowing him, he'd more than likely suffer from a heart attack if I came back in the morning. Oh well. I had fun while it lasted. I shook my head. I'll have to pay back Lud when I get the chance. I may be dependant and jobless, but I have morals to follow by, and if I owed someone something, regardless if they were family and objected to it ( _yes Lud, I'm talking about you, you giant lovable oaf_ ), I would always find some way to pay them back. Hmmm. Maybe I can get him those jogging shoes he wanted for Christmas.

After killing every single zombie on the arcade screen, and ringing in a new high score like the awesome beast that I was, I pulled out my phone and called a cab. Usually, I'd take the bus, but at this time of night who knows what kind of people you'd find out there. My phone buzzed, and thinking that it was a responding Cab driver, I opened the text. Nope. Just Rodereich with his nightly "go kill yourself" text. Or so I had thought. I took a deep breath and read the text. Let's just say that it was a while before I breathed again.

 _I see you._

My mind whirred. Rodereich would never lie to me. The Austrian prided himself on his twisted and brutal sense of honesty. So if he said that he could see me, then he truly could. But where was he?! Choking and spluttering for air, I placed a hand on my now constricting chest. My ears rang and my hearing faded as my eyes darted around the arcade. I was still the only one there. I looked towards the theatre's entrance: no one there again. Slowly creeping out of the arcade, I looked around the theatre. Other than the occasional employee standing by the concession and ticket stands, I didn't see any one else.

And then I saw him.

Walking down the stairs from the cinema portion of the theatre and holding hands with Elizabeta, was Rodereich. Crap! They were heading right for me! Elizabeta was too busy ogling over Rodereich to realize that her boyfriend was frantically looking around the theatre. Why might you ask? Because I had just ducked behind a garbage can. I wasn't going to let that bastard find me. There was no way in hell that I'd ever let that happen. Coincidence as it may be that he was here, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of an encounter.

When Rodereich wasn't looking in my direction, I made a beeline for the restrooms. I didn't have time to check whether he saw me or not. All I could do was pray that he didn't.

Well he did.

…

I sprinted into the washroom, and without much thought, I hurled myself into a stall and slammed the door behind me. With trembling fingers, I slid the lock shut. I tried to keep my breathing under wraps, but my anxiety wasn't having any of it today. I took to inhaling through my nostrils. My heart still pounded like crazy, and I was too nervous to think let alone stand. Gross as it was, I leaned against the stall's wall, eventually sliding down to the point that I found myself on the floor. The room quickly caved in on itself, and I felt sick to my stomach. My phone buzzed again.

 _Where did you run off to now?_

 _The restroom?_

 _Elizabeta went home. Would you mind terribly if I checked to see where you are?_

 _I worry about you Gillian. What are doing out this late? All alone…_

 _…Maybe I should change that?_

I gasped for air. No! No! No! This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not again. Not when I just beginning to enjoy myself. Why?! Why?! Why?! Why did something always have to shit on my tirade? Why did bad things keep happening to me? These questions screeched their way into my conscious mind. I was nothing more than a blank slate that let my emotions get the best of me. I had no control over myself. The only thing that I felt was fear. I let my panic dominate me. Soon after, I heard the sound of dress shoes clack against the marble floor. I stifled my scream; Rodereich wore dress shoes. He was really coming for me. Oh Gott, no!

Somehow, in the time between enduring my swelling panic attack, I managed to stand up. Quietly closing the toilet lid in the fear that Rodereich would hear me, I sat down on top of it, bringing up my legs so that my knee's were tucked under my chin. To stop my panting, I bit down on my lip and held my breath.

"Gillian are you in there?" Rodereich's stern voice echoed across the bathroom. Of course, I deadpanned. No one would see him enter the bathroom. Hardly anyone was in the theatre at this point. No one would be there to question him. No one would hear my screams if he tried anything. No one would be there for me. I was alone. I was scared. And there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it.

Rodereich clicked his tongue and tutted. My stomach revolted at the sound of it. "Hmmm. This is the only place that she could be," the Austrian let out a bitter sounding chuckle. I kept my whimpers to a minimum. Tears streaked down my face, but I held on. Just a few more minutes. If I kept my silence for just a few more minutes, there was a chance, however small it was, that he would grow bored and leave.

"Perhaps I should try kicking down a few doors?" My eyes widened. No. Oh Gott, please no. Lud! Marriane! Isabel! Romano! Arthur! Fuck, someone help me, please… I sobbed in silence, pressing my face into my knees. It hurt but I didn't care. I wanted to bury myself in my own misery to the point that I became numb. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I clenched my fists together and my nails dug into my palms so hard that I drew blood.

SLAM!

A stall dangerously close to me was just kicked open. The sound reverberated as the door smacked against the side of the stall. I flinched, but I didn't make a sound. Once more, I stifled my sob. "Should I try calling you?" My head snapped up. I fumbled to get my phone out from my skirt pocket. The keys in my purse jingled and I just about died from the dread that made my blood run cold. This was it. He was going to find me. Every bad memory that I had repressed would awaken the moment that Rodereich got a hold of me again. It was going to be just like 'that' night. I was going to be-

SLAM!

I clenched onto my phone. Come on! Come on! Come on! Why wasn't it shutting off?! After pressing on the side button for a good thirty seconds, my phone finally shut off, thankfully not making a sound because it was on silent mode. My teeth chattered with fear. I felt a wave of nausea roll over my chest when Rodereich's shoes clacked over to my side of the bathroom again. "Hmmm. Out of service…did you shut off your phone?"

"Why Gillian. I didn't know that you hated me that-"

"Um, sir? Is there a problem here?" I gasped for air. I could finally breathe again. Someone must have heard Rodereich kick the stalls open. Finally. Finally I would be freed from this Godforsaken torture chamber. I had to repress the urge to bolt out of the stall right then and there. Seeing Rodereich's smug looking face, however, was the only think that prevented me from doing so.

Rodereich cleared his throat. "Yes, I thought that I had heard a girl scream for help, but from the looks of it, there isn't anything remotely suspicious in here. Sorry if I caused you any inconvenience. I'll be leaving now." Other words were exchanged but I didn't hear any of it. I was only focused on my escape. I waited ten minutes.

And then, I ran for it.

I sprinted out of the washroom, nearly tripping over a garbage can in the process as I rounded the corner. I bolted straight for the theatre's exit and slammed my hands into the doors, pushing them open. I was welcomed with the cool chilly air of the late October night.

I stumbled over my feet, and with a crash, I fell to the ground. I scraped my knees and there was now a decent sized hole in my stockings. I cursed to myself. The pain stung but I got up and I kept running. I ran until I found a stray cab parked beside the edge of the theatre. I cried out with relief.

I had escaped.

…

Where was it?! Damnit! It was in my purse a few minutes ago. And then it dawned on me. When I tripped outside the theatre I must have dropped my wallet. My heart sank. My wallet had everything in it. My buss pass. My student ID. And more importantly a decent sized wad of cash…cash that would have been used to pay the cab ride home. Well crap. Didn't this night just get better and better?

"Um, sir? I must have dropped my wallet somewhere back-"

SCREECH!

The cab driver halted the taxi to a stop. "OUT!" he bellowed. With no money to show for it, I had no other choice but to comply. And there was no way that I was going to ask my friends for help at this time of night.

Looks like I would have to walk home.

* * *

12:00 PM

Five blocks later, I found myself walking outside a strip of restaurants. The smell of food made my stomach growl, but I kept walking. I still had another four blocks to go. Keh, stupid Rodereich. Why did he have to be such a psychopath? Ugh, I'm not even going to bother answering that question. My phone buzzed and I flinched. Ok relax Gillian. It was only Lud. He was just wondering when I'd be home. I lied and texted him that I would be staying at Marianne's place for a bit. So, if things went as planned, I'd get back to the apartment no later than 1:00 AM. Hopefully I wouldn't draw any suspicion.

I shivered. I wasn't wearing a very warm jacket. I didn't plan to be outside for this long. But here I was, dressed in the thinnest possible nylons, ones that had a massive hole in them no thanks to my previous blunder, a skirt, and a light navy blue hoodie, roaming the empty and dimly lit streets of the greater downtown area.

For some odd reason, a pet store across the street caught my eye. The flickering neon orange sign above the store spelled: 'Critters Corner.' I'll admit it. I was intrigued. So I did what any other curious person would do. I walked up to the store and shamelessly smushed my face against the front window. The store looked like it had been closed for some time now, but it was the little yellow ball of feathers in the front display that particularly caught my eye. A canary of some sort hopped up on the perch of his cage so that he could get a better look at me. A pair of tiny beady black eyes stared back at me. The bird and I mimicked our actions when we both cocked our heads to the side in confusion. The bird's ruffled feathery butt twitched around. I giggled. Muffled chirps was the birds response to my laughing. "Hello," I smirked, raising a finger to poke the spot on the window just in front of the bird's cage. "Aren't you just the cutest little thing?" I cooed.

Ooops. Looks like the store wasn't closed after all. I took a few steps back when the owner walked up to the window. "Store's closed lady!" he snapped angrily. I snorted and turned around. No need to be so rude! I was only gracing the bird with my awesome presence. If anything, that guy should be thanking me. With my blessing, that bird would far outlive his fluffy brethren. Ja, I'm weird. I thought that we've already been over this. Sigh.

I crossed the street and sat on a bench. The heavenly aroma of French fries, wings, and other orgasmically smelling food drove my stomach crazy. But sometimes you just need to sit down and take a breather. I needed a moment to collect myself before I headed home. Well that, and I had to come up with a good cover story for Lud. Hmmm. I can't say that we had a movie night because that would defeat the purpose of going to the movies in the first place. Perhaps I could say that we had a games night? Yeah, that'll do. And then I can say that I left because I grew tired of being the inevitable fifth wheel. At least that lie was partly truthful.

I chuckled to myself only to stop when I felt a guilty pang rise up in my stomach again. I was way too devious for my own good. How many more lies could I get away with? Lud knew about Rodereich, but he didn't know the extent to which the Austrian strived to make my life miserable. I purposefully kept Lud out of the loop after the incident with my blog happened. I made him worry way too much and I didn't want to drag him down with me. I should be the only one to suffer. Even if it slowly killed me on the inside while doing it, I wouldn't ask for help. I didn't need help for a problem that I'd eventually learn to overcome, and I sure as hell didn't want to be a burden to anyone other than myself.

One day, when I could stand on my own two feet, I would confront Rodereich. So badly did I want to lash out at him, but in my heart, I knew that I had to wait. I was too vulnerable to be faced with any sort of confrontation right now. I needed to harden myself to my ails, and then when I was absolutely ready, I'd give him a piece of my damned mind! That is, if I didn't lose my mind in the process…

"Um, excuse me Miss, are you alright?" I flinched when I felt a hand press down onto my shoulder. I couldn't stop the scream that rose up in my throat. Shrieking like a banshee and slapping the hand away from my shoulder, I stood up and span around. I wielded the strap of my purse in my hands, preparing myself to use it as a weapon if necessary. I began to pant as the adrenaline pumped through my veins. If any sane person saw me right now they would have ran. I'm sure that my red eyes must have been glowing quite eerily under the moonlight.

I glowered as I looked up to face my attacker. If that's what you could even call him. I let my purse fall to my side when I realized that I wasn't going to be kidnapped. A man appearing to be in his mid to early twenties stood behind me, and if I wasn't so scared right now, I could have sworn that he was trembling. He was wearing a red plaid shirt, a black waiters apron, and ripped denim jeans. Tucked behind his dirty blonde hair and right beside a curl that oddly stood out from the rest of his head, was a pen that rested on the hook of his ear. He was tall and lanky, but not lanky to the point that he was scrawny. Whatever he was, my gut instincts told me that he wasn't a threat.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Really?!" I hissed. "You nearly scared me half to death!"

Nervously pushing up the glasses on the bridge of his slender nose, the man held up his hands in apology. "I'm so sorry Miss! It's just…my boss saw you hanging around here for a while, and we got worried. And oh my God why is your knee bleeding like that?! Are you OK? Shit. I'm rambling again, aren't I," the man held out his hand to me. "The name's Matt, by the way."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "Tell me again why you're introducing yourself to me? And, uh, the name's Gillian.." I mumbled awkwardly, shaking his hand. This guy was weird. He was kind of cute and dorky, but still weird nonetheless. I gave the man a wary glance when he didn't take the cue to let go of my hand. Realizing that he had forgotten to let go of my hand, the man's face crinkled into a cringe like expression. Eventually he let go, and my hand swung to my side. Blushing profusely, he slapped the butt of his palm against his forehead. I held back my wince. "Damnit Matt! Stop being such an idiot! You're freaking her out," he cursed under his breath.

I had to stifle my snicker. This guy was oddly starting to grow on me. Perhaps I could tease him some more. But only to get back at him for scaring me of course! I enlightened him with a smirk. Realizing that I was still staring at him, Matt gave me an apologetic smile. "Agh! Sorry. I, um, tend to spout out useless crap whenever I get nervous. So, um, where were we, eh?" the Canadian asked with a shaky voice, chuckling softly under his breath.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "You were asking me about why my knee was bleeding, which really isn't any of your business…" I trailed off when I saw the hurt look that he gave me. He looked like a puppy who had just been kicked in the ribcage. "Oh fine," I huffed, crossing my arms as I sat back down on the bench. I brushed my hair out of my face and patted the seat next to me on the bench. "Well are you coming or not?" I demanded.

I don't know why I asked him to sit next to me. All I knew was that in the context of meeting this stranger it felt right. I felt like I could trust him. So I did. My gut's never been wrong before, so why the hell not? Matt swallowed. Huh. It was quite adorable to watch how his adam's apple bobbed up and down when he did that. How odd. I felt a queasy feeling rise up in my chest. "Um….sure?"

"What?" I smirked. "Are you scared?" Matt hurried over to sit next to me on the bench, looking flustered as he straightened out his apron, brushing off the crumbs from it. The Canadian was stiffer than a board. Weirdo. Seriously, who sat up that straight anyways? No one, that's who. He needed to relax, and that's coming from an emotionally strung and anxiety ridden person herself. "No, I'm more worried than anything else," he answered earnestly.

Heat rose to my face, but I bit on my lip to quell it. It wasn't awesome for a story teller to blush in the face of their audience. I puffed up my chest. Story time, bitches. "So, you see, here I was walking down the street when all of a sudden a rabid squirrel decided to attack this stray, defenseless dog. And being the awesome person that I was I chucked a rock at said psycho squirrel. But said psycho squirrel didn't like said rock being thrown in his face, so he chased after me. I ran, and in the midst of my grand escape I fell. But don't worry! I escaped in the nick of time! Psycho squirrel never stood a chance! And well, here I am," I cackled, grinning mischievously as I rolled my shoulders into an indifferent looking shrug. This guy looked gullible enough to believe me. I wonder what other outrageous lies I could pull off on him…heh.

Matt's chest shook with laughter. "Said waiter doesn't believe said story for a minute. Now care to tell me why you're really here?" he asked. I found myself staring at Matt. Oh Gott. That smirk. It was so beautiful… Wait a minute?! Did he just say what I think he just said?! I shook my head and snapped myself out of my dazed trance.

My eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. Oh, no. He didn't. That little-! Matt was much more competent than I had initially pegged him out to be. I've been tricked! Ring the alarm bells! The ditsy, timid looking boy had an edge that I had overlooked! What a treacherous act! Oh the pain! Ok Gil. Stop. You're being weird and if you keep talking to yourself like that, he's going to think that you're crazy. Seriously, wipe that smug grin off your face you goon. This isn't a laughing matter!

I sighed in defeat and let my shoulders slump. My hair fell into my face when I looked down at my boots. "IwenttothemovieslostmywalletandnowIhavetowalkhome," I grumbled under my breath.

Matt cocked his head the side. The Canadian's glasses shifted on his face when he did that. Straightening his now crooked glasses ( _dork!),_ Matt gave me a wary glance. "Eh?" he questioned, scratching the back of his head.

"I lost my wallet at the movie theatre, so now I have to walk home!" I snapped. I winced when I realized how rude I was being. I gave Matt a quirky smile. "Sorry, that wasn't very awesome of me. I should know better than to snap at someone who I just met. Oh and I got this bad boy when I tripped and fell outside 'said' movie theatre. Pretty lame, huh?" I giggled nervously. "Well, I should get going. It was nice meeting you."

I stood up, and with one last wave, I turned my back on him and walked away. "Wait!" he shouted after me. "At least let me call a cab for you. It's dangerous for a girl to be out this late." Raising a brow, I turned back around. "Really, that's not necessary." I tried to blink away my shock. Someone had actually offered to help me….huh. So the world wasn't that cruel after all. How strange.

Matt jogged over to me. "No, I insist." I kid you not, I just about melted when he flashed me with that dorky, nonchalant smile of his. It was the type of smile that was so warm and kind that you knew that it could only be genuine and nothing else. I stopped walking and with an overly dramatic hand gesture, I pointed down at my boots. "Don't you underestimate me!" I sniffed, turning my head to the side indignantly. "I can walk home myself, thank you very much. Besides," my lips curled into a wolfish grin. "These boots are made for walking," I drawled sarcastically.

Taken aback by the unequivocal reign of my awesomeness, Matthew raised his hands in surrender. It was a mocking type of surrender, but my ego at the moment was more than willing to overlook that minor setback. "I don't doubt that," the Canadian winked. I blushed profusely like the little bitch that I was. "But I'm still calling you a cab."

Placing two fingers in his mouth, Matt whistled. The sound pierced my ears and I flinched. Matt smirked at me. I grit my teeth. The nerve of this guy! "Taxi!" he shouted. "NO!" I cried out, but it was already too late. A taxi pulled up next to the curb, and Matt opened the door for me. Pulling out a twenty from his waiter's apron, the Canadian handed the bill to the driver.

Matt turned back to look at me. "Where do you live?" he asked.

"As if I'll ever tell you!" I retorted with a scowl.

"Fine," Matt relented. "How many blocks?"

"Four but why does that-" I cupped a hand over my mouth. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Curses to me and my fat mouth!

"Perfect," Matt grinned. "This should be more than enough to get you home."

Before I knew it I was pulled up by the elbow and hauled into the car. The driver asked me for my address, but I ignored him. I rolled down the window of the cab. By this time, the Canadian was already making his way back into the restaurant. Oh no you don't! "Wait! Matt!" I cried out. Ugh. I sounded so weak and desperate. Quite pathetic really. Why I did always end up leeching off of others?

With a cocky and irritatingly attractive grin, Matt practically pranced back to the cab. Bending over so that his face was at eye level with mine, the Canadian smiled. "Yes, Gillian?" he hummed out in a smug tone. Oh. I wanted to slap his face so badly right now. My hands were itching and ready. The only thing that held me back, however, was the pain in the ass that went by the name of common courtesy.

"What's your mailing address?" I grumbled as I pulled out my phone from my purse.

"As if I'll ever tell you!" Matt mocked. The Canadian clearly got a kick out of my agitation. Why else would he look so smug? Keh, what a clown. "B-but how will I pay you back?" I stuttered.

Matt shrugged and bent even closer, so close that I was met with the irises of his unusually violet eyes. "It's simple," he breathed. "You don't." Before I could usher my protest, Matt turned on his heels and walked away. And being the crazy person that I was, I poked my head outside the cab's window. The cab driver snapped at me for doing this, but once again I heard nothing. I've always had a problem with selective hearing. "MATT!" I screamed.

The Canadian spun around. "WHAAAT?!" Matt screamed back, raising his voice a few octaves just to tease me.

I cracked a generous smile. "Thank you," I whispered, shocking myself while doing so. Wow. I must really be out of it. I hardly ever apologize. This Matt guy sure was full of surprises.

The Canadian beamed and every single on of my defenses crumbled to pieces in an instant. I don't know how he did it, but Matt was reeling me in. I was unfathomably attracted to him right now and I hated myself for letting this happen. He was a stranger damnit! Why him of all people? He was older too. He probably wanted nothing to do with an angsty, unbearably loud, and awkward teenage girl like myself.

Matt's facial expression was none to short of being complacent. "Don't mention it. All in a day's work of being your friendly neighborhood waiter," he sang. Matt waved and winked at me one last time before he stepped back into the restaurant.

My breath hitched. I had been caught of guard. What's more, I let that boy toy with me. But that's what made him all the more interesting. I shouldn't have let him get to me, but I did, and something told me that I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about him for some time now. It wasn't everyday that you came across such genuine kindness. Matt, irritating as he may be, was a shining light in a sea of darkness, and like a moth drawn to a flame, I slowly found myself gravitating towards him. I was drowning, but Matt was the lighthouse that would lead me away from the rocky shores of my ails. I could feel it. This wasn't just any other encounter. I felt a connection and sense of familiarity with Matt that went beyond words.

Feelings of guilt began to wash over me. Swallowing down what little pride that I had left, I knew what I had to do. I had to repay Matt for his kindness. The dorky stranger would probably refuse such a thing, but that wasn't going to stop me. I might have to save up for a while to make up for the money that I lost tonight, but believe me when I say that I'd be back. I shook my head. This was so weird. I was defying my conventions by leaving room in my mind to think about this irkingly charming stranger. Typically, I don't like to get involved with more people than I can handle.

But what can I say? I found myself intrigued by his subtle charms and his snarky, passive aggressive quips. From what I could see, he was a sarcasm loving asshole. Well, I loved sarcasm, and I was an even bigger asshole than he was. Come to think of it, he wasn't even that much of an asshole. He was a bit of a cocky prick, but even that's stretching the label. I wasn't romantically interested in him per say, but I definitely wanted to see 'said waiter' again.

Well, I guess that I'll have to start saving up, huh?


	3. A Not So Awesome Trick

**A Not So Awesome Trick:**

Kill me now. No. I take that back. Knock me unconscious now. Don't even ask me how Marriane and Isabel managed to drag me along into going to this girl's night. I have yet to figure out how they even took down said awesome beast. If you're wondering who the awesome beast is, it's me. Like you already didn't know, of course. I mean, I may be a stick with legs, but I can still throw a mean punch if need be. I've even made Lud wince when I gave him his birthday bumps. Now that's an accomplishment.

Anyways, right now, we were out celebrating Marianne's success in the school musical. Since the French was the lead role in the entire production, it was only natural that she would get the most amount of nominations for the District Musical Awards. All I knew was that the production was a Western Parody of Romeo and Juliet. Other than that I was completely clueless on the subject.

I chose not to go to the show because I knew that Elizabeta was in it, and well, it was pretty much a given that Rodereich would be there. The Austrian loved to keep up appearances, and of course, this meant that he had to maintain his loyal boyfriend façade. I actually felt a bit of sympathy for Elizabeta in this aspect. The Austrian had never loved her. She was only a tool in his twisted game of social proprieties. It's ironic. Rodereich was hands down the best actor in the entire school. Except there was one minor setback. He wasn't an actor and no one saw through his meticulously woven mask of lies.

A tanned hand waved itself in front of my face. "Gillian, you there?" I blinked out of my daze. Isabel gave me a concerned look. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled. I wasn't fooling the Spaniard anytime soon. Tsking as she grabbed my hand, Isabel tugged me forward. Clearly, I wasn't walking fast enough. We had just gotten off the bus, and according to google maps, the restaurant that we were going to was two blocks away. The restaurant had just had it's grand opening last week, and since Arthur's parents owned it, we were all entitled to a free meal.

Thank Gott too. I've been saving up my money for the last two weeks. I still had to repay Matt for his kindness. It was the beginning of November now, so he probably wouldn't remember me, but that still wouldn't stop me from repaying my debt. My dignity could wait, and after I had told Lud of my debt, he sighed, grabbed his 'finance' book, and made some serious cuts to our budget. Seriously though, Lud and I have been eating Ramen noodles for the past two weeks. A good meal for both of us was long over due.

But who was I kidding? A good meal at a Kirkland restaurant? I cringed at the thought. If the food there was as good as anyone of their cooking, then we were all goners. But then again, it was Marianne, the self-proclaimed food expert, who had recommended this place, so surely the food must be at least somewhat edible. The Kirkland's were good at making business deals and business deals only. Cooking was definitely not their forte, nor would it ever be. Come to think of it, Arthur had nearly killed the entire school by bringing his 'mumsies' scones to the Christmas bake sale last year. I shuddered at the thought. I had almost eaten one of those retched things too. It was one thing to fuck up in the kitchen, but it was another thing to ruin everyone's holidays by making them violently ill.

My stomach growled and I cussed under my breath. Whatever. I'm just glad that I'm getting a free meal. Having connections proved to be quite useful in this situation. Friends of Marianne's would always be welcomed into the Kirkland's business chains. The elder Kirkland's viewed the French as a good influence on their 'delinquent' son. I chuckled at the memory of Arthur's punk phase. He still was a punk to this day but at least he didn't wear that godawful eyeliner anymore. The Briton still had the ear piercings to match for it, but no one but Marianne, who was able to get close enough to him without having her hand bitten off, could see the few eyebrow piercings that still remained on his residually scowling face. Seriously, his eyebrow hair was so thick that it'd make a good forest scenery in a Doctor Seuss book. HA! I should write that joke down when I get home. I'm sure that Arthur would love to see that insult typed down on my blog, seeing as to how he routinely checks it for grammar mistakes. As you can see, the Briton was always looking for something to bug me about, and I likewise.

I rolled my eyes at how lame my friends were acting right now. I didn't have to listen to their conversation in order to know that they complaining about how much they missed their precious boyfriends. Well, to be fair, it was more Isabel than Marianne who was complaining. The French and Briton could only stand each other in small bouts. If they were stuck together for too long of a time, a fight between them was bound to break out. Arthur typically attacked Marianne for wearing too much make up, to which the French would always retort with a snide quip about his massive eyebrows. I think that everyone secretly hoped that Marianne would actually carry out her threat and wax the damn boy's eyebrows. A screaming and writhing Arthur was much more tolerable (and amusing) than a sarcastic and rude one.

Isabel, on the other hand, was completely hopeless without Romano. She was like a lost puppy. Except instead of a healthy relationship, I saw Romano as an overprotective owner who tugged on Isabel's leash way too hard. But of course, Isabel was too dumb to care and so she always went back to Romano with a ditsy smile, loyal as ever and figurative tail wagging. "I miss him! Why can't he come?!" Isabel pouted with a frown. The Spaniard's grip on my hand tightened. Isabel didn't hear my wince and none too subtle gasp of protest.

Marianne rolled her eyes. "Because, I already told you that this night would be boy free. Besides, this was the only way that I could coax Gil out of her room." I nodded my head in approval. The French knew me quite well. Marianne quickened her pace so that she wouldn't have to listen to any more of Isabel's complaints.

I laughed. "True that! I was getting tired of being the fifth wheel."

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND OF YOUR OWN?!" Isabel snapped. I faltered and the Spaniard's eyes widened in apology. Marianne looked over her shoulder and spared me a concerned look. The French then glowered at the Spaniard. Not a word was said. We all knew that Isabel had touched a nerve. Thankfully, no one had decided to comment on it.

I gave Isabel's hand a gentle squeeze. "Never mind that," I chuckled weakly. "And isn't that the restaurant up there? Come on, let's go. I'm getting cold standing out here."

Isabel opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it when Marianne shook her head at her. I groaned internally. Of course. Not a day passed by where I wasn't treated delicately. Yes, I was fragile, but I was tired of being viewed as someone who was broken beyond repair.

I'm fine. Except sometimes I'm not as fine as I think I am.

* * *

Walking up to the restaurant, I didn't get any bad vibes. In fact, it looked quite normal. The Royal Fae. That was a pretty cool name. Isabel, who still felt awful about her earlier outburst, held open the door for me. The Spaniard gave me a timid smile and I reciprocated the gesture. The restaurant seemed to be quite fancy. In fact, it was a bit too fancy for my own comfort. This must have been a restaurant for rich people. I looked around at the people sitting at the tables. Yup. Definitely for rich people. Everyone was dressed in formal attire. Dresses for women and suits and ties for men. The clink of wine glasses, snobby laughing, and idle chatter filled the air. I immediately felt self conscious. Underneath my coat I was only wearing a simple black T-shirt dress, a pair of run down silver flats, and a pair of fake diamond studded earrings. I had clipped my bangs out of my face for the occasion, but after seeing all the judgmental glares that I received upon walking into the restaurant, I regretted doing so. At least with my hair in my face I could have ignored those assholes.

At least Isabel and Marianne were dressed for the occasion. The Spaniard wore a strapless red dress that hugged her curves in a modest way. And being one to pride herself on her tasteful fashion sense, Marianne was also dressed to stun. The French was wearing a navy blue halter dress that was adorned with silver beads along the front trimmings.

A young boy, no older than twelve, with blue eyes and gelled down blond hair came to take our coats. He looked unnervingly similar to someone I knew. "Merci Peter," Marianne cooed, bending over so that she could pat the boy on the head. Peter blushed. "Y-you're welcome," he squeaked. I nodded my head in thanks. When I handed my coat to him, Peter gave me an ogling look. "Your eyes are so cool!" he gushed. "Are those contacts?!" Halloween had just passed, so I suppose that his question was warranted.

I grinned. "Nope! All natural, I promise you!" "COOL!" Peter giggled, waved his goodbyes, and skipped off to put away our coats. Aw. Kids could be so cute. You know, when they weren't shitting their pants or screaming at the top of their lungs.

"Isn't he adorable?" Marianne purred. "That's Arthur's younger brother." Oh. That makes a lot more sense. They did have the same unusually thick eyebrows. Isabel nodded in response. I could tell that she was trying to refrain herself from running after the boy. It was in the Spaniard's blood to hug anything that she deemed to be cute. This would explain why she suffocates Romano on a daily basis.

After leaving the coat room, we were escorted to some sort of waiting area. I'm not ashamed to say that I bent down to touch the plush burgundy carpet. Hey! It looked really soft, and people were already staring at me as it was. Why not put on a show for them? Marianne tutted at me as she pulled me up by the elbow. "I-I thought that I dropped something," I lied. The French gave me a look that translated into something like: " _Sure you did Gil. I too in my spare time enjoy to fondle carpets."_ Jeesh. And she wonders why Arthur's so scared of her. That woman could melt steal beams with her glare.

A man wearing a black dress shirt stood behind a wooden podium. Smiling so wide that it looked like his cheeks could cave in at any second, the man waved us forward with a massive hand. I paled. My heart nearly just went into cardiac arrest. He looked nearly identical to Matt. They had the same face, the same wheat coloured blond hair, the same delicate nose, and the same tall, lanky build. Heck, they even wore similar looking glasses! But where Matt's eyes were violet, this man eyes were cerulean. He also had an unruly looking cowlick sticking up at the top of his forehead. I smirked. Someone up in heaven was clearly taunting me with this Matt look alike. Or hell. I wasn't exactly what you could call a perfect angel.

"HELLO! WELCOME TO THE ROYAL FAE! TABLE FOR THREE?" he bellowed. My hands itched to cover my ears. We weren't at a football match for Gott's sake. Why was he yelling so loud? I grimaced. Something at the back of my mind told me that this was the man's normal tone of voice.

"Oui Alfred. Is Matthieu working today?" Marianne asked with a wink. I stifled an eye roll. The French could be such a flirt, taken or not.

"YUP! HE'S SERVING TONIGHT!" Alfred paused so that he could shed Marianne with a provocative smirk. "How's my lil cuz Artie been treating you lately?" It appeared as if the entire Kirkland family was working in this restaurant. My face paled at this realization. Dear Gott, please don't have Arthur working in the kitchen. I know that my life has fallen to shit, but please don't subject me to that kind of torture. It's more than cruel. It's inhumane.

"Just wonderful, thank you." If just wonderful meant constantly berating each other with insults, then the French had just portrayed an accurate depiction of her rocky yet surprisingly stable relationship.

"Hey moron!" A piercingly cold female voice hissed. "What did the boss say about keeping your voice down? People are starting to complain!" A woman wearing a white blouse, black dress pants, and matching heels clacked over to the podium. She had long platinum blonde hair, which was tied up in a tight pony tail, and intense lilac eyes. In her hands she carried a bundle of menus. One of these menus was used to whack Alfred on the back of the head. The American cried out with unfeigned surprise.

Alfred pouted, unfazed by the fact that he had nearly just face planted into the podium. The woman had hit him that hard. "Aw, but Nat!" the American moaned. "I'm just trying to be hospitable!"

"You can be hospitable without having to damage their hearing!" Nat snapped back. "And I told you not to call me that! My name's Natalia. Not Nat. Not babe. Not poochikins. And certainly not your girlfriend," she growled.

The American winked at the fuming Belarusian. "We'll see about that. A sane woman could never resist the charm of a Hero." Alfred stood up proud and tall. The American then held up an arm to flex his muscles for her, which had earned him a handful of judgemental stares from customers sitting at nearby tables. Tch! Snobby brats. They couldn't find humour if it was spelled out to them on their unnecessarily expensive built in GPS's.

Natalia snorted with a patronizing smirk. "Who said anything about me being sane?"

Alfred blushed. The American had nothing to say to that. The Belarusian had grounded him from his cockiness. "N-no one I guess." Alfred shuffled his feet uncomfortably. After a brief moment of ego control, the American's shyness shifted into that of a much smugger expression. "But, seeing to the fact that I'm the Hero of this fine establishment it's my job to help my damsel in distress. I'll cure you of your lunacy! After all, you would be _crazy_ not to date me."

The Belarusian's eyes flashed with a murderous glint. Alfred hummed under his breath, completely oblivious to the fact that Natalia was eyeing a steak knife resting on an empty nearby table. I cleared my throat before Natalia could further abuse the more than deserving American. "Do you think that we could sit at a booth?" I asked. I had no intentions of sitting among the rest of the faux aristocratic herd. Somewhere excluded was deeply preferred.

Natalia turned her scowl into a polite smile. "Of course! Right this way." With one last blatantly dirty look aimed at a clueless Alfred, the Belarusian led us into a booth near the back of the restaurant. Thankfully, not too many people were seated at this portion of the restaurant. Marianne and Isabel sat on one side of the booth, which gave me the other side all to myself. Hehe. More space and fancy leather for me to lovingly fondle. "Your server will be right with you."

Marianne beamed. "Thank you _Natalie_." Isabel and I scoffed in mutual annoyance. The French had an annoying tendency to put an accent on everyone's names. Marianne, indifferent to our scolding looks, placed an elbow on the table, her hand resting against it so that she could cup her face. "Ah, young love. I remember the time that Arthur asked me out as if it were yesterday." I avoided mentioning the fact that Marianne was drunk out of her mind when that had happened. The French probably didn't remember a thing. An excessive amount of wine could make her black out for hours on end.

"You think that's love?!" I spluttered, choking on the glass of water that I had just taken a sip out of. Peter had just handed us a tray of refreshments. He had also brought us small glass bowls that were filled with lemon water. Apparently you were supposed to wash your hands with it. "The woman looked like she was ready to murder him!"

Marianne rolled a hand at me in an offhand manner. "It runs in their blood."

"Huh?" I cocked my head to the side. Marianne could be frustratingly vague at times. Isabel didn't even hope to follow our conversation. The Spaniard was too busy drawing a tomato on a napkin. She must have grabbed a pack of crayons from the front podium when we weren't looking. The scowling expression on the caricature told me that it was Romano.

"The boys of that family all have very irritating, cocky personalities. But once you get to know them, there's no going back. They have a charm that many girls are unable to resist. I can see it in her eyes. _Natalie_ will fall for Alfred. After all, he is quite attractive, non?"

I nodded my head. I'll admit it. Alfred was a very good looking man. "Ja, I guess so." The French had a knack for picking up on all things romance, so I didn't dare to question her expertise. If she said that Natalia and Alfred would end up together then they would. The French was a love guru after all.

Speaking of love, and by love, I mean pure and unequivocal hatred, my phone buzzed in my purse. I bit my lip. Ok Gil. Don't make a scene. I pulled out my phone from under the table, cautiously looked around the room, and when I was sure that he wasn't anywhere close, I read the text message. Or messages to be more precise. And low and behold it was Rodereich. Not much of a surprise there.

 _Hello Gillian. Good evening to you. Are you well?_

 _I wrote a song for you. I call it the Bane of all Sluts._

 _It suits you quite perfectly, doesn't it?_

 _A devil with the looks of an angel._

 _Such irony and symbolism. How truly maddening you are._

I blinked away the burning sensation in my eyes. No. Not here. I was here to have fun. I wouldn't let him prevent me from enjoying myself tonight. My hands started to shake, and it took me a few tries to unzip my purse again. Marianne asked me something but I didn't hear her.

A pale delicate hand waved itself in front of my face. "GILLIAN!" My head snapped up. "AH! WHAT?!" Isabel cried out when the French pinched her arm in order to get her attention as well. The Spaniard reluctantly tore her gaze away from her drawing. When Isabel saw my forlorn expression, however, she immediately fell into her defensive mode.

A dark look crossed over the Spaniard's face. Isabel's green eyes scanned over all corners of the room. We all knew who she was looking for. He was lucky that he wasn't here, otherwise the Spaniard would have torn right into him. Isabel was quite terrifying when she was angry.

Marianne lowered her voice and crouched over so that she was closer to me. "Is he texting you right now?" she whispered. I nodded my head. The French grit her teeth. "Give me the phone." she ordered.

I shook my head. My eyes pleaded with Marianne. I was hovering on the edges of breaking down again. I was ashamed of how pathetic I was acting. Every little thing set me off. "N-no. It's alright. He's just asking me where I am," I lied, trying not to show my panic. "Really, I can handle it."

I felt terrible. Marianne and Isabel had no idea how bad things with Rodereich had gotten over the last few months. I didn't have the heart to tell them about it. The last thing that I wanted to be was the depressing friend who burdened everyone with my problems. It was probably best that they didn't know about it anyways. All they needed to know was that Rodereich harassed me. Further details weren't necessary for them to understand the grander picture.

Isabel and Marianne exchanged wary looks. The French furrowed her brows. I could tell that she still was suspicious of me. "If you say so. Just let us know if you need someone to kick his ass for you," Isabel growled, while Marianne furiously nodded her head in agreement.

"Of course. That's what girlfriends are for, right?"

I make myself sick. I truly am a disgusting person. Any appetite that I had was gone. I had already filled myself up with enough lies to feed the Fox News Network. Ah. There it was. My sick and twisted sense of humour had come back to me in my time of unrelenting misery. Cheers to being a bitter asshole. Huzzah as Arthur would lamely say.

* * *

While we waited for our server to come to our table, the Bad Touch Trio was at it again. And by that I mean that we were creating chaos. Seriously, it's a good thing that Natalia had seated us in a distant corner of the restaurant. We were making enough noise to deafen any person sitting within a two booth radius.

Marianne was checking out the butts of every waiter who passed by our table, male or female, and Isabel was facetiming with the always grumpy Romano. Apparently, the Italian was in the middle of cooking dinner for Felicia. And as for me? Well, I was currently indulging myself by blowing bubbles in my glass of water and sticking the occasional straw in my nostrils. Classy, I know.

"Roma do you want to say hi?" Isabel gushed. Muffled swearing was the Italian's response. Regardless, the Spaniard turned the phone so that it was facing me. Romano scoffed when he saw me pretending to be a walrus. Tch! He should be the one to judge. The Italian was wearing a frilly pink cooking apron, which in the front had glittery letters that spelled " _mio fratello_." How 'adorable'.

"Ciao, demon bitch," Romano smirked. Still blowing bubbles into my glass, I stuck up my middle finger at the Italian in response. Isabel quickly turned the phone so that it was facing Marianne. The French, however, was too busy drooling to pay any attention. Marianne was a first class pervert alright.

"TELL HER TO APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!" Romano fumed. Isabel tsked. "Roma, you provoked her first. What did you expect her to do?" The Spaniard loyally spoke on my behalf. Cackling, I gave Isabel a grateful thumbs up. When Romano didn't shut up, Isabel moved the phone so that the Italian now had a full view of her cleavage. I didn't hear anything from Romano after that. He was clearly boob struck. I smirked to myself. The Spaniard was much smarter than most people gave her credit for. Including myself.

Sighing, as she couldn't hope to hold a proper conversation with him anymore, Isabel hung up the phone and started to flip through her menu. I had already picked out my meal, but not knowing what to say, I opened up my menu again. It wasn't that often that all three of us got to hang out. It wasn't awkward to be around them per say, but I definitely had a lot of catching up to do. "What are you getting Gil?" Marianne asked. The French had finally stopped ogling at the waiters. She must have grown bored of inspecting their butts. How Arthur put up with her, that was beyond anyone's sense of comprehension.

"Hmmm. I was thinking about getting the Baked Lasagna, you?" I held up the menu under the light of the chandelier. I was having a Simba moment with the menu. "Dear lord. Please let us enjoy our food. Also, I really hope that Arthur didn't cook any of it."

"Amen," Isabel agreed.

Marianne snickered. "Don't you worry, mon chere. I made sure to it that he was banned from the kitchen. His parents always listen to my advice." I raised my wine glass in the air for cheers. Too bad that there was only water to fill it. "A toast to not getting food poisoning." Marianne and Isabel both grinned as they clinked their glasses against mine. Tipping back our glasses, we drank. Ugh. Why did these glasses have to be so fancy? I felt like a I was drinking out of a cornucopia solely restricted for pretentious douche bags.

"To not getting food poisoning!" We all cheered and giggled in harmony.

"Well I would certainly hope not!" A male voice chuckled. My eyes bulged out when I recognized the waiter walking towards our table. It was Matt. Shit. Did he work here too? How many jobs could a guy have?! I felt the hair on my neck stand up. I wasn't expecting to see him here. What's more, I hadn't figured out how I would give my thanks to him. No! I wasn't supposed to see him like this.

Raising my menu so that it hid my face, I pretended that I was scrambling for a last minute food decision. Hopefully the chatter in the background hid my shallow, nervous panting. Mein Gott, I was an angsty little fucker wasn't I?

"Matthieu!" Marianne beamed. "How lovely it is to see you again," she drawled.

Matt chuckled. "Likewise. Arthur wouldn't shut up about your performance, so I'm assuming that it went well?"

"Oui. Would you expect anything different from moi~?"

"No, of course not," the Canadian huffed with a mirthful eye roll. "And these must be your friends?" I tensed, but I didn't move to lower my menu. Isabel said her hellos, and they sparked up a brief conversation. I was too stressed out to listen. I had zoned out again.

"And what can I get for you, mystery girl?" My friends gave their orders, and it was only until a hand pressed down on my menu and revealed my blushing face that I got a good look at Matt. He looked….good. He was wearing a simple black blouse, pants, and slacks. The Canadian had his hair tucked behind his ear. It wasn't shaggy in appearance any more. It had been combed through.

Matt pulled back when I let out a shrilled squeak. His violet eyes widened in recognition. The Canadian's cheeks flushed pink when he was met with my mortified expression. Marianne, screw her, picked up on the blatant amount of tension resting between us. "Do you know Matthieu, Gil?" My mouth parted open and I began to stutter.

Matt scratched the back of his head, looking equally as abashed as I was. "I may have seen her around before, eh?" The Canadian looked at me for help. I silently thanked him for not mentioning the circumstances under which we had first met. He knew that I was uncomfortable, and I was more than grateful that he had the heart to spare me from experiencing further embarrassment.

"J-ja," I mumbled shyly. I gave Matt a timid smile. "I've seen him around before." Marianne gave me a wry grin. Isabel was too confused to say anything. The Spaniard's head bounced back and forth as she tried to make sense of the situation. When Matt wasn't looking, the French cupped her hand in a circle. I'm not even going to describe to you what she just mimed to me. I vehemently shook my head at her in protest. Verdammt! Why did everything have to be so sexual with her? Marianne quickly went back to fixing the ring on her finger when Matt glanced over in her direction. I scowled. Sneaky little bitch.

"So what can I get for you?" The Canadian gazed kindly at me. "I…um. The lasagna baked please," I blurted out. I cringed and slowly started to slide down under the booth. Maybe if I took refuge under the table no one would notice. I was to become one with the ground. Ja, that sounded good.

Matt snickered. "Baked Lasagna coming right up!"

…

I picked at my food. It was hard not to after everything that had just happened. When my food came, I found a small sticky note hiding under a roll of garlic bread. Much to my dismay, it was from Matt: " _Hey there Lasagna baked! My name is bread garlic! I recommend that you dip me in some butter creamy_ ;)"

It took me a whole ten minutes to get over that little stunt of his. If I wasn't on the receiving end of that note, I would have found it to be hilarious. And it was. I just too shaken up to truly appreciate the joke. I had acted like such an introverted dork in front of him. Sighing, I twirled a string of cheese around my fork.

Marriane clicked her tongue at me in an annoyed manner. "Gillian. You've hardly touched your food. Aren't you going to eat?" I looked at my plate. I had only planned to eat a small portion of my meal. Most of it would be packed up and brought home to Lud. The kid deserved it more than I did.

"Yeah," Isabel added in between a mouthful of veal. "Doesn't her face look thinner?" I averted my gaze to the ground. I deadpanned. That's what I got for eating Ramen noodles every day for two weeks.

"Come to think of it, you're right," Marriane remarked as she too examined my face. My face burned under their critical stares. The French spared me a worried glance. "Are you getting enough to eat at home Gil?"

"Ja, ja I'm fine," I snapped, forcing for them to drop the topic at hand. Heads bowed, Isabel and Marianne went back to eating their food. Oh great. I made them upset. I had returned their concern with unwarranted anger. Good going Gil. Really. You've truly outdone yourself this time. If you keep it up, soon you won't have anyone to ask you those questions. All you do is lash out at people and push them away.

 _All I could do was take. I never had anything to offer_ …

The rest of our meal was mostly eaten in relative silence. My friends were careful not to tread upon too many subjects. Marianne talked about Arthur, and Isabel, Romano. I spoke every now and then, but I wasn't there at heart. Most of my time was spent giving my food a sour look. Quite often enough, my eyes would catch of glimpse of Matt's note, causing a hint of a smile to tug on the corner of my lips. It was such a cute gesture. He didn't have to do that, but he did. Even if he was still teasing me, I appreciated the fact that he had tried to make me feel better. Making light of my awkwardness was not a simple task to do.

After asking Natalia to pack up the rest of my dinner, I told my friends that I wouldn't be bussing home with them. I still had some last minute grocery shopping to do. Well that, and I wanted to properly thank Matt for everything that he had done. I left a note on the table, and all I could do was hope that it would get to him.

* * *

I waited outside by the back of the restaurant. I was in a sketchy alley way, standing beside a pair of dumpsters and stack of empty wooden crates. I shivered in the cold. Once again, I had chosen to wear skin tight stockings. Not a very smart decision considering the fact that winter was right around the corner.

I hummed under my breath. Little clouds of vapour poured out of my mouth. I was beginning to get antsy, and to ease my nerves, I checked the time on my phone. It was 8:00 o' clock. I had been waiting for almost ten minutes at this point. Maybe he was too busy to meet me here? The restaurant was filled with its fair share of customer's, so surely he had a ton of other things to do. Or maybe he just didn't care enough to come? I grit my teeth. I was psyching myself out. He would come. I couldn't let myself think otherwise.

I turned on my heels and began to pace back and forth. I didn't hear the back door swing open, so when Matt cleared his throat, I jumped at the sound. I spun around, clutching a hand to my chest. I couldn't hope to keep my heart rate down for a multitude of reasons. One, he had nearly scared me to death (again). Two, he was much more attractive than I remembered. And three, I get flustered in front of guys that I'm attracted to. "Must you always scare me like that?!" I quipped.

Matt laughed. "Must you always get so easily scared like that?" I puckered my face into a scowl, trying, but failing miserably at preventing myself from joining him. I giggled nervously. "So….," Matt drawled out the last vowel. "You're in high school?"

The Canadian blushed when I gave him an incredulous look. I placed both hands on my hips. "Well how old are you?" I quipped. I must have looked like a blowfish, what with my puffy jacket and stubborn, pouting cheeks.

"I'm 22. Just finished my undergrad last year," Matt answered. The Canadian then shed me with a wink. I averted my gaze to the ground, letting my long hair sweep into my face. I had long given up on keeping it clipped back. "Are you going to answer my question now? It's quite cold outside you know," the Canadian simpered. The only thing to protect him from the cold was the thin material of his dress shirt. Matt hugged himself for warmth, while his feet tapped against the ground in an irksome manner as he waited for my answer. I see that the dorky bastard still enjoyed to patronize me.

"I'm eighteen. I should be in my first year of University, but I started school late and then I failed half a grade last year, so I'm technically in grade eleven. So yes, I'm in high school," I rambled on. "But, um, that's not what I came here to, uh, ask you, I mean, I…" I cringed at how awkward I sounded.

Matt grinned. "Breathe Gillian. I'm not in a rush right now. Take as much time as you-"

"Y-you remembered my name?" I squeaked. Crap. I had just interrupted him. I wanted to facepalm so badly right now. I was acting like every dumb bimbo in those stupid Harlequin romance stories.

"Of course I did. It's not every day that you come across such a…" Matt faltered. The Canadian's eyebrows furrowed into a frown and he swallowed. "Erm, never mind what I had to say, eh?" Matt chuckled nervously. I could only do the same. We then stared at each other in a surprisingly comfortable silence, goofy looking grins plastered on both of our faces.

Matt's eyes widened and he took a few steps towards to me. I was frozen in place. The Canadian was much taller than I was, and bending over so that he was at face level with me, Matt looked me right in the eyes. I couldn't stop my face from burning under his soft gaze. I turned beet red. Curse me for paleness! "I know that this might be a bit weird for me to say, but your eyes, they're beautiful," the Canadian said in a breathless whisper.

"Thank you," I murmured. I was numb with awe. Matt's compliment was clearly genuine. "And hey, you have pretty gorgeous eyes yourself. I'm sure that you must get a lot of tips from ogling customers."

"Yeah, that's true," the Canadian agreed. "Even more so since I quit my job at that other restaurant. These people practically throw their money at me. Man, I wish I could be that rich." Matt's lips curled into a wry smirk. I must have been missing out on a inside joke.

"Don't we all," I sighed. I knew the struggle. "Well, I wanted to say thank you, for the cab ride and for everything else that you've done." I pulled out my wallet from my purse. I tried to hide my grimace. I really couldn't afford to give away this money. I was supposed to buy myself a proper winter coat with it. Oh well. I guess that I'll have to put on a few more layers from now on. I pulled out a ten and a twenty. I also wanted to give him a tip for the meal that he had served us, since we hadn't had to pay for it.

"Here," I handed him the bills. "This should cover everything. Thank you, really. I don't know what I did to deserve your kindness, but I'll never forget it." Matt refused to take the money. Taking a step back and raising his hands up in surrender, the Canadian shook his head. "I appreciate the gesture, but I can't accept your money."

"But I insist!" I tried handing the bills to Matt again, but he sidestepped out of the way. I rolled my eyes. This bastard had a flare for being dramatic. The Canadian backed up while I stalked towards him. I was no longer shy of him. I was going to pay him back damnit! "Matt," I growled. "Just take the damned money!"

Matt defiantly turned his head to the side. "Hmmm…No thanks~!" he snickered. The Canadian danced out of my way when I reached out to grab his arm. Biting my lip, I leapt straight for his chest. Before Matt could register what I was doing, I stuffed the now crumpled up bills into his dress shirt's front pocket. "AHA!" I let out a victorious shout. Matt groaned with defeat.

It was time for my retreat. I tried to take a few steps back, but Matt grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. "Oh no you don't!" Laughing, I tumbled straight into his chest, almost slipping on the permanent frost that covered the ground. The Canadian placed both hands on my shoulder's to steady me. "Easy does it," he smirked. I looked up at him and scowled.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" A smug looking Alfred poked his head outside the back door. "Hey there little bro," the American mused. "Having fun, I see." Matt let go of me as if he had just touched hot coal. I took a few steps back for good measure. Both of us were blushing profusely. I acted as if this didn't faze me, when in fact it did, and woefully so at that.

"What is it, Alfred?" the Canadian just about groaned. Matt also had a slightly disappointed expression on his face. Disappointment quickly turned to irritation when the American opened his mouth to speak. "Did you forget what you asked me to do? I brought that dessert for her just like you-"

WHOOSH!

Before I knew it, Matt had placed Alfred in a suffocating headlock. I blinked. Mein Gott, how did he even move that fast? Was he part ninja or something? The American's face started to turn purple as the Canadian continued to choke him. "What did I say about running your mouth? HUH? You fucking idiot," Matt growled into Alfred's ear. "You're ruining everything."

Alfred tapped his hands against his thigh, his eyes watering as he begged for mercy. "I-I didn't realize, t-that you were such a…." the American wheezed.

"SUCH A WHAT?" Matt snarled back.

Alfred's eyes gleamed with a mischievous light. "That you were such a pussy AHAHAHA!" he cackled. Elbowing the Canadian in the ribcage, and freeing himself in the process, Alfred then proceeded to knee Matt in the abdomen. The Canadian reciprocated that action by clapping both of his hands on top of the American's ears. After slamming a dazed Alfred into the door and thereby kicking him in the shin, Matt paused in his fight so that he could give me an apologetic look. His hair was strung all over the place courtesy of Alfred's furious nuggies. "Will you excuse me for a moment?" he asked, breathing heavily as he did so.

I stifled a snicker and nodded my head.

SLAM!

The last thing that I saw before the back door closed on me was a terrified looking Alfred being dragged back by the collar of his shirt. After hearing an abundant amount of muffled swearing and the occasional crash, the door eventually opened again. Stepping back outside, Matt cupped a plastic take out container in his hands.

"I, um, got you some dessert. I played it safe by choosing a slice of chocolate cake. I mean, everyone likes chocolate cake right?" Matt ran a hand through his hair, while I mutely took the container from his hands. "Sorry about my twin brother. He's a bit of an asshole."

"I was beginning to wonder why you guys looked so similar," I smiled. "Thanks for the cake, I'm sure that I'll enjoy it." Score! I didn't have to go to the grocery store now. I had promised Lud that I would stop by after dinner and pick him up something sweet. The nerd said that he needed something to look forward to after he finished studying for his trigonometry test.

Trying to stifle my evil grin, I placed the container in my purse. Matt fidgeted with his hands. "Hey Gillian?"

I raised a curious brow. "Ja?"

"Would you mind if I gave you my number? I mean only if you want it. You're really pretty, and I'd like to talk to you sometime."

I stared at the ground. I couldn't look him in the eyes because if I did I would surely melt into a pile of drool. "Sure, if you want," I huffed in my 'play it cool so that he doesn't notice that you're about to shit a brick' voice. Matt's facial expression was none too short of being ecstatic.

After we exchanged numbers, the Canadian bent over so that he could peck me on the cheek. I closed my eyes. He smelt good. It was a sweet and comforting scent. "I have to go now, but call me sometime alright? We can go out for coffee. My treat."

Of course I protested to this, and thinking that I had won our argument, I stalked (more like waddled) off to go and catch my bus. Little did I know that Matt was always one step ahead of me.

…

"SO DID YOU ASK HER OUT ON A DATE YET?"

"FUCK RIGHT OFF. IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUISNESS."

"I'll take that answer as a sexually frustrated yes."

"You can take your yes and shove it up your ass."

"Oh Mattie, you've always been quite the charmer."

"And you've always been quite the jackass."

"Touche."

The younger twin snickered. "Go touche yourself you big oaf."

"Every night lil bro. Every night."

"BACK TO WORK MORONS!"

"Yes Natalia. Sorry Natalia. It won't happen again Queen Natalia." The twins groaned in their mutually intimidated harmony.

…

"Hey Gillian?"

"Yes Lud?"

"Can you tell me why I found $30 dollars in that cake box?"

"THAT BASTARD!"


	4. The Fairy Jackass of Unawesomeness

**A/N:** This was absolutely heart breaking to write.

 **WARNING** : This chapter hints towards relationship abuse. It also includes very degrading comments about women. I have since changed this story to an M rating. Things only get crazier from here.

* * *

 **The Fairy Jackass of Unawesomeness:**

It was the Monday after Matt and I had exchanged numbers. Neither of us have spoken since. Which is cool because it's only been a couple of days, so, I'm not worried or anything. Nope. Still not worried. I mean, it's not like I had enough courage to make the first move anyways. I still hadn't the slightest idea of what our relationship even was. Were we friends? More than friends? Star crossed lovers? Who knows. Only time can tell. But Matt better hurry up. I can't wait forever. HA! That's a lie. This entire weekend was spent moping in my bedroom waiting for texts from one guy and deleting texts from the other. At least Rodereich's consistent. I know what kind of douchebagery to expect from him.

"GILLIAN! IT'S SEVEN FIFTEEN! THIS IS YOUR LAST WAKE UP CALL!" I groaned, pulled my covers over my head, and flopped onto my side. Lud started to pound his fists against my bedroom door. A wry grin curled onto my face, albeit the fact that I was still pissed at him for interfering with my 'awesome' sleep. After all, sleep is crucial to maximizing one's own awesomeness. The pounding stopped. I raised a skeptical brow, but I couldn't be bothered to get up and see what my brother was up to. The pounding started again. This time, however, Lud blasted world war one trumpet music from his iPod. The clangs of various pots and pans were also added to the mix.

I rolled my eyes. Oh look. Lieutenant Crapwad was back. Lud had gone full commando mode. I don't know why he takes it upon himself to wake me up. It was a job that could make any sane person want to do themselves in. Believe it or not, the awesome me is not the most pleasant person to be around. Shocker! I know. But try waking me up and you'll see just how stubborn I can be. I can sleep through anything, and Lud's makeshift orchestra of constipated sounding shouts and bangs certainly wasn't an exception to that rule. Too bad my brother was just as stubborn as I was.

I didn't even have time to burrow my face under a pillow before Lud kicked down my door. You heard me. He kicked it down. The door was broken anyways because of an incident that I would rather not talk about. Let's just say that you can't pick a lock with a screw driver. And you should probably hide said doorknob when you accidently take it off from the door completely. Apparently it's a tripping hazard. Brothers can break their ankles, and angry Opas can reciprocate that favour by breaking your eardrums over the phone. Fair word of warning, don't let your urges to become a secret spy ninja compromise the safety of your family. It's not a very awesome thing to do.

The door swung open and the door knob slipped into its usual hole in the wall. Again. My fault. Don't want to talk about it. No seriously. I really, _really_ don't want to talk about _that_. "MORNING DUMPKOPH!" Lud beamed. My brother then clanged a wooden spatula against a pan. I grimaced. Matthias, our land lord, was so going to rip into me the minute that I walked downstairs. It would either be him or his weird, voodoo magic girlfriend, whose name always seemed to slip my mind. Regardless, between Lud and I, we had wracked up a total of five noise complaints just in this month alone. It was a miracle that we haven't' been evicted yet.

When I didn't respond to his tyranny of loud noises, Lud drew open my curtains. I hissed and writhed under my blanket. The light, even through the protection of my blanket, still burned my eyes. "Fucking hell Lud! Just leave me alone," I snapped. "I'll get up when I'm damn ready to!" I grabbed a pillow and smothered it on top of my head. I heard Lud inhale sharply. Suddenly, the pillow underneath me was snatched from my grasp in one fell swoop. With an "oomph", my head fell onto the mattress.

Lud had trouble snatching away the pillow that I clutched to the top of my head, however. I clung onto to it for dear life. Lud then changed tactics by ripping off my blanket. The blanket fell in a tumbled heap to the floor. I gasped from the cold, but I didn't let go of that godforsaken pillow. Lud chuckled. "Gillian, there's no possible way that you can sleep like that."

"Just you watch me," I huffed. I must have looked ridiculous. I was wearing a panda onesie. In all fairness, with the way that I was clinging onto my pillow, a koala onesie would have been far more appropriate.

"Fine," Lud snarled. "You asked for it." And suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I let out a startled gasp when Lud climbed onto my bed, and with the full force of his entire weight, he seated himself, Indian style, onto my back. My eyes bulged out. I squirmed like a bug. "L-ud," I wheezed. "G't off," I finally managed to choke out in between having several ribs puncture my ever struggling lungs. He was so heavy that my face had pressed a good five inches into the mattress. I had three options: I could either be pressed or suffocated to death, or I could survive by agreeing to go to school. Honestly, in my opinion, the latter option was far worse than the other two.

Lud tugged on my ear. A low hiss escaped from my mouth. Just who did he think he was?! I was the elder here. I grumbled under my breath when Lud dug his elbow into my shoulder blade. I didn't respond. I was playing possum. Maybe his occupation and invasion of my personal space would end when he saw that I acting neutral. "Gillian, do you know what day it is?"

"National murdering siblings day?" I snapped back. My retort, unfortunately, was muffled by the mattress. It didn't have as much bite as I had intended for it to. Lud pressed his palm against the back of my head and pushed. I scowled. Screw being neutral! I was ready to leap for his jugular's at this point. It was a pity that I had to settle for flipping over and sending him face first into the wall. Scowling, Lud grabbed his sore forehead. I sat up and crossed my arms. "No, really, what day is it?" I asked.

Lud pinched the bridge of his nose. When he took too long to answer, I reached over and ruffled his hair. I held out my palm and rolled my eyes at the amount of hair gel that had been smeared onto it. Lud narrowed his eyes at me. He then proceeded to slick back his hair with a quick and evidently irritated flick of the wrist. "The honour roll assembly is today," he answered curtly. Lud's facial expression softened when he saw that my lips had parted open in horror.

"Gil," Lud reached over to awkwardly pat my shoulder. "You have to go. You deserve to be there just as much as anyone else." I grimaced. I was one of those students who got good grades without putting much of an effort in my studies. I was smart, I just didn't apply myself very often. And people hated me for it.

Elizabeta in particular used to make passive aggressive jabs at my laziness back when we had actually been friends. Dating Rodereich meant that she had to live up to certain standards. After all, it was expected that the student council president's girlfriend would be smart as well. But the Hungarian had never been one to take her studies seriously, so it was a bit of a surprise to me when I knocked on front her door one day only to find out that she didn't want to go paintballing. I remember being infuriated. Her cruel words still struck up a chord with me to this day. " _Unlike you, I have to work hard to achieve something that I want_."

The unfairness of those words seared right into me. She made it out as if my life was easy. As if I had never lifted a finger in my life. Did she have a brother to raise on her own? No. Did she struggle to balance her budget, cook, and pay rent every month? No. So what gave her the right to brush off my struggles for that of her own superficiality? She chose to date Rodereich. It was her choice to work hard in school. But as for my life? I never had a choice over the matter. I was thrown right into it the moment that my parents had died. Nannies came and went, but I was the only thing constant in Lud's life. Everyday, I felt as if I was drowning. I worried for Lud. I worried for our future. I was responsible for another human other than myself. And the thought of that terrified me. But I never complained about it. I couldn't afford to.

I had a wonderful, and easily impressionable younger brother who looked up to me and I couldn't let him down. I maintained my silence, and I lived through all of my hardships with an iron will. I grew up fast and I made sacrifices. I made sure to it that Lud had a proper childhood. A childhood that was free of the worries that I had to endure at such a young age. But God forbid that I have a talent that makes my life easier for me. I can't help the fact that I'm naturally smart. It was something that I had absolutely no control over. But Elizabeta? She had control. She had stability in her life. She had everything that I had ever-

…

The Hungarian's words cut deep. Deeper than what I was comfortable to admit.

So badly did I want to hurt Elizabeta for making that comment, but in my heart, I knew that I wasn't speaking to her true self. I was disgusted, but more than that I felt sick to my stomach when I realized that we were growing apart. My best friend, Liz, had changed. The wild, eccentric girl that I had grown up with had become priss, proper, and boring. Elizabeta had had her spark taken from her. And like the fairy jackass of all things pretentious, Rodereich had sprinkled the poisonous, wretched power of conformity onto the Hungarian's more than willing shoulders. He was her master and she was his muse to shape. Just the thought of this made my blood boil with anger.

 _Stop thinking about the past, idiot. When has that ever helped you?_

I blinked. Fists clenched, I averted my gaze to the ground. If anyone deserved to attend our school's academic awards, it was Lud. The boy was a flat out workaholic. Any spare time that he had was spent studying, sometimes for hours on end. Poor Felicia was up to her wits end with him. It had reached the point where she had to compete for his attention. Regardless, there was no doubt in my mind that Lud would be on the receiving end of several awards today. "Speak for yourself," I chided. "I'm not the who stays up all night finishing their homework."

Lud's cheeks flushed under my praise. I giggled. What a softie. "Ja, but we both know that you're smart too. I wanted to take a picture when you…"

"When I what?" I hummed.

Lud fidgeted with his hands nervously. "When you walk onto that stage to receive your award. You saw your report card from first semester. You aced every class that you took. Gillian, Opa and I are very proud of you. Take pride in your abilities. You deserve it."

 _Don't kid yourself. You don't deserve anything._

I brought Lud into a tight hug. "Thanks, Lieutenant Crapwad. I'll be sure to remember those kind words when I march onto that stage and strut my stuff for the entire school to see…" I faltered. Lud rolled his eyes for what felt like the gazillionth time this morning. I stifled a grin. "But only for you….I'm only doing this for you."

Lud wrapped a playful arm around my shoulder. I muttered foul curses under my breath when he pulled me into a mock chokehold. I currently had a faceful of my brother's pit. "Fine by me," he laughed. "Now hurry up. There's a chocolate Danish fresh out of the toaster with your name on it." The mention of food motivated me to get dressed. I'm afraid to say that that motivation lacked when it came to dragging myself to school.

* * *

I seated myself at an empty bench in the school's auditorium. The room was dark with the exception of the brightly lit stage at the front. Students quickly poured in and excited chatter filled the air. As expected, everyone avoided sitting at my bench. I could already feel their stares. Thankfully, the room was loud enough to block out their comments. I twirled my hair around my index finger and closed my eyes. I had to remind myself that I was doing this for Lud. I would give him the photo that he wanted. Even if it killed me on the inside while doing so.

"Gil~!" I turned around and grinned when I saw my friends elbow their way through the crowd. Isabel tugged on Romano's hand and forcefully dragged him over to my corner of the room. The Spaniard and Italian sat to my right. Romano gave me his usual scowl of greeting before he went back to yelling at Isabel for Gott knows what. I only picked up on a few words here and there. The couple tended to slip into their native tongues whenever they got mad at each other. From my understanding, Romano was mad at her for coddling him in the hallway. Nothing new there. Not long after, a bickering Marianne and Arthur sat themselves to my left. I didn't even bother to tune into their conversation. There weren't called the black sheeps of our school for nothing. Fucking weirdo, the lot of them.

I looked across the room to where the tenth graders were sitting. Lud, albeit trying to pry Felicia's arms off of his neck, caught my eye and waved. I smiled back. My smile faltered when I felt my phone buzz in my skirt pocket. Thankfully, my friends were too busy ripping out each other's throats to realize what I was doing. I pulled out my phone and read the text.

 _I read the award list. You won something. Would you like to know what it is?_

I turned around and looked across the room. A flash of ebony hair to my right immediately caught my eye. I spotted Rodereich sitting next to Elizabeta two rows over. The Austrian had his phone out, while the Hungarian, in a none too subtle manner, kept trying to peer over his shoulder. Then the unexpected happened. Rodereich slapped her hand away, and Elizabeta shrunk back down in her seat. It appeared as if he was yelling at her. Elizabeta moved to wipe at her eyes, but Rodereich caught her wrist and flung it back to her side. The Hungarian bowed her head in shame and hid behind her hair. Rodereich then proceeded to lift his chin and ignore her. My eyes widened in shock. I looked around the room. No one but myself had seen this incident.

I felt an angry sort of confusion come over me. No words could describe what I had just witnessed. Abuse was at tip of my mind, but I didn't know enough to confirm that theory. But one look at Elizabeta said it all. The Hungarian was shaking. Of course, I deadpanned. I was foolish to think that Rodereich would treat her any different than he did to me. Elizabeta had known him for so long now that he didn't feel the need to keep up his pleasant façade with her. He reigned over the Hungarian and destroyed her spirit to the point that she had willingly succumbed to his control. The Austrian knew that she was too fearful to speak out against him. And he also knew that no one would ever dare bat an eye at the school's 'it' couple. I myself knew that Rodereich was manipulative, but this was just downright revolting.

I felt sick to my stomach. How come I didn't notice this before? It was right there in front of me all this time. Rodereich had always been an abuser and Elizabeta was nothing more than a pawn in his twisted quest for dominance. She was expendable. She had never mattered to him. The only thing that mattered to Rodereich was obtaining the one person who refused to comply with his lies: me. I was the anomaly who refused to bow on the rug to his feet. Deep down, I knew that I scared Rodereich. He had crushed me beneath the soles of his feet so many times over, but it was my will to fight that kept me alive. I was that irritable stain in his life that relentlessly pestered his waking thoughts. I wouldn't let him rub me clean. I had my own life to live, and if anything, he was the one who had tainted my life with his manipulative schemes. Scratch that. He destroyed my life. Destruction was the only thing that the Austrian was good at. He was much too cold hearted to show compassion for anyone other than himself.

I was scared to point of madness, but I knew that I had to do something. The fact that I despised Elizabeta had nothing to with the matter. No one deserved to be treated like that. Not even her. My hands shook and I almost dropped my phone. I hardly ever responded to his texts. But damnit! I couldn't just sit here and do nothing. I trembled so much that it took me a good couple minutes before I finally managed to type out the text without any errors.

 _I could care less about that. I'm more concerned about your 'girlfriend'. Tell me now, how is it that she's crying and you're not doing anything about it? Perhaps it's because you had something to do with it?_

I didn't have time to blink before my phone rang off. Multiple times. Oh, was he ever angry. Even though I was scared, a satisfied grin crept onto my face. It was a small victory, but I was more than willing to take solace in the fact that I had gotten under Rodereich's skin. Just like old times I suppose. Back when he wasn't insane. Back when he was nothing more than a snotting weakling who tripped over his own uncoordinated feet.

I _could care less about her. Not to mention the fact that that matter is none of your concern._

 _Don't you get all high and mighty on me, Gillian. We both know who holds the reigns in this little relationship of ours._

 _You're my bitch. I own you. It is_ _not_ _your place to think otherwise._

I was too overcome with rage to respond back to him. It didn't matter in the end because not long after Rodereich was called to the stage. He had an introduction speech to give, after all. As the Austrian made his way to the front of the room, he met my glare. His lavender eyes smirked under my glower. It was a look that brimmed with the smugness of unrelenting authority. Chills rose in my spine, and they didn't go away until Rodereich left the stage.

Bile rose in my throat as I watched the Austrian return to his seat. Rodereich raised his hand and Elizabeta flinched. Satisfied, Rodereich wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close. Much to my disgust, Elizabeta leaned into his touch.

Lies. That sorry excuse of a man was filled them.

* * *

The assembly started and Ms. Väinämöinen, otherwise known as Tina, the school's drama teacher, took her place behind a wooden podium. The Finn gave a warm welcome to the student body, and after a pitiful attempt of trying to make us laugh, she began to read off of the long list of names that she held out in front of her. Tina first started with last year's freshman. A petite girl named Lilly Zwingli received most of the awards for the girls. Lud was her equal in that sense. He received the English, Math, Physics, Gym, and Science awards for all males in his grade. I couldn't have been any prouder. I gave him a standing ovation and snapped a quick picture with my phone. Lud was quick to scurry off of the stage after that, which had earned him a quite few guffaws and catcalls in the process. I may or may not have whistled at him too.

But I wasn't the only proud sibling in the room. Romano teared up when Felicia walked onto the stage to receive her art award. Isabel cooed at the Italian and patted his back as he sobbed into her shoulders. The blubbering idiot then threatened to kill every single one of us if we told anyone about his 'allergies.' I smirked. It was a pity that I had already snap chatted the entire thing.

The rest of the assembly went by fairly quickly. Irrelevant names were spoken. People went up to get their awards, enjoyed their brief moment of praise, and with their fragile little egos now satisfied and swelling with pride they merrily skipped back to their seats. Elizabeta, on the other hand, looked more than relieved when she was called onto the stage. That relief, however, didn't last very long. I looked over in Rodereich's direction. The Austrian's face was tense. Elizabeta had only received one award and that was for tenth grade drama. I couldn't bear to see the fearful look on the Hungarian's face as she shamefully took up her seat next to her now furious boyfriend. I forced myself to look away.

Eventually, Tina got to congratulating this year's seniors. Marianne, unsurprisingly, won the drama award for our grade. Arthur nearly leapt out of his seat when the French took the time to give an unwanted thank you speech. While she was being rushed off the stage, however, Marianne dropped her award, and when she bent over to pick it up, the entire school was flashed with the sight of her laced up thong. Horrified, the Briton fainted from blood loss. A hot and bothered stream of blood trickled out of his nose. I nudged him with my foot but he didn't show any hint of response. I shrugged. Oh well. Can't say that I'd miss him that much.

I did feel a bit sorry for him, however. Marianne could do whatever she wanted with him when he was unconscious. I looked to my left. Exhibit A. The French was currently stroking the unconscious Briton's hair. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she lifted his shirt to fondle his nipples. It wouldn't be the first time. Strokes quickly turned to slaps when Arthur was called up to receive the English award. Somehow Arthur managed to stumble onto the stage and receive his award. A red mark in the shape of the French's hand was imprinted onto the Briton's cheek. I may or may not have whistled just to spite him.

A smug smile crept onto my face once more. I didn't have to look to know that Rodereich would be furious. No matter, the Austrian creep had still won his fair share of awards, with the music award being a given. I didn't bother to listen to them. What's more, I didn't clap for him. But the rest of the school did. They all cheered and hollered for their beloved school president as if their meaningless lives depended on it. I didn't give Rodereich the satisfaction of meeting his gaze as he found his way back to his seat again. As predicted, I felt a retaliatory buzz in my pocket. Oops. Looks like I pissed off the prick again. My bad. I had a tendency to do that. Look's like the bitch decided to tug on her leash a bit.

My moment of triumph was spoiled when I heard Tina call out my name. I was the recipient for the English, History, and Poetry awards. Isabel nudged my arm and numbly, I stood up and walked towards the stage. The room immediately quieted. The whispers started when I trudged to stop on the stage. I looked down and found Lud in the crowd. Both he and Felicia gave me over excited thumbs up. The wary smiles on their faces, however, didn't fool me in the slightest. We were all waiting for the same thing. I'm just surprised that it hasn't happened yet. I turned away after Lud snapped a quick photo of me. I fidgeted on the balls on my feet. The near silence in the room was killing me. It ate away at every ounce of my confidence. I felt degraded and violated by the judgment that I knew would be voiced soon enough.

Tina smiled at me warmly and shook my hand. The Finn's violet eyes beamed with a genuine light. I gave her a meek smile in return. "Way to go kiddo," she whispered. I lamely mumbled my thanks. After handing over my awards, Tina patted me on the back. I didn't even make it halfway across the stage before the comments started.

"SLUT!"

"WHORE!"

"BITCH!"

"GOOD FOR NOTHING MAN STEALER!"

My friends stood up and started screaming back, but their shouts were quickly drowned out by the tides of hatred that quickly swept over and dominated the room. I stood frozen on the stage. People shouted for me to get off, but for some unknown reason I remained in place. I didn't cry. There was no need to. I had been expecting this backlash from the minute that I stepped into the auditorium.

"GET OFF THE STAGE!"

"WAS IT WORTH IT?!"

"TRAMP!"

"GET OFF!"

Eventually, Tina, with the help of our gruff Vice Principle, Mr. Oxenstierna, managed to get a hold of the situation. The riot quieted when the Swede cleared his throat and demanded that everyone remain in their seats. No one dared to challenge this; Mr. Oxenstierna was one scary dude.

I clenched my fists. I was angry and I needed to vent. I don't care if what I was about to do was stupid. But damn did it ever feel good when I let myself go. I stormed back over to the podium. Tina gave me a worried look when she realized what I was about to do. Berwald merely shook his head at her. A silent understanding passed between Mr. Oxenstierna and I. The Swede took one look at me, nodded his head and handed me the mic.

I turned around to face my tormentors. I tapped the mic to get everyone's attention. Any stirring or idle chatter was silenced immediately. Beady eyes glared at me. I glowered back. "Do you think that your comments hurt me?" I asked.

Silence was my response. The fact that I was so calm and steady voiced scared me a little. "Because if you do, your wrong. Don't pride yourself in thinking otherwise. Your weak words of insults don't hurt me and they never will. You may be sorry that I'm alive, but I'm not. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have somewhere else to be. The amount of hypocrisy in this room is making sick."

And with that, I handed the stunned Finn the mic and walked off the stage. My chin never lowered from its dignified stance. Shouting erupted again. I saw the figures of my friends stand up from their seats. A wave of relief washed over my face. There were right there with me, and I couldn't thank them enough for it. I didn't stop there, however. I pushed open the doors to the auditorium, and when I was sure that no one could see me, I bolted around the corner.

I didn't know where I was going. I just knew that I needed to get out of there.

* * *

Somehow I found myself sitting at one of the benches outside my locker. I needed time to process what had just happened. And after calming myself down, mortification soon followed. I had only added more fuel to the fire. I didn't help myself by fighting against their words. They would only hate me more for my beration of their actions. After all, it would be viewed as a great insult to be cussed out by the supreme ruler of all things amoral.

I heard the clack of shoes echo down the hallway. I groaned. "Lud, if that's you, save it. I'm _fine_." Oddly enough, there was a solid truth to my words. I had already grown accustomed to the heckling and harassment that came along with the woes of my scandalous reputation. I chuckled bitterly at the thought. I wasn't even the person that everyone made me out to be. I wasn't a slut. I haven't even had sex for that matter. The only thing that I was guilty of was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The voice that spoke next sent chills all across my body. It was Rodereich. "Nope, just me. Although, that was quite the performance that you put on there, truly. I almost fell for you sob story." The Austrian strolled over to the bench and stopped to tower over me. A scream rose at the back of my throat and I clenched my fists. Smoothing a hand over his already creaseless black dress shirt, Rodereich shed me with a wolfish grin. His lavender eyes greedily took in the sight of my cowering frame. The Austrian licked his lips. "Boo," he chuckled. I flinched and immediately cursed myself for it.

I was frozen in place. My mouth opened, but no words came out. I was gaping. Rodereich cocked his head to side in a mirthful, amused manner. He was toying with me. I knew that in his eyes I was nothing more than his prey. But in my eyes, he was my abuser. My assailant. The man who single handedly ended my life the moment that he had tried to force himself onto me. "What, cat got your tongue?" he mused.

The Austrian took a step closer towards me and I panicked. I let out a low sounding whimper and leaned my back as far as I could into the bench. Rodereich made a non-committal tutting sound at the back of his throat. His eyes glazed over me in a bored manner. His interest peaked when he saw that I was slowly shuffling my body to the side. Rodereich side stepped. He was light on his feet. "Trying to escape now are we?" he tsked. "Hmmm. I don't think so. I'm not quite done with you just yet. You see, I have many _things_ that I would like to discuss with you…." Rodereich trailed off ominously just to tug on my fears.

"What _things_?" I finally managed to growl out through clenched teeth. I felt like a wild animal. This moment was fight or flight for me. Unfortunately, Rodereich was blocking my path, so I had no other choice but to fight. "I have nothing to lose Roddy, so you might as well enlighten me."

The Austrian's lips twitched. He was slowly losing his composure. I could see it. The way how his had eyes darkened. How he kept fussing over the non-existent creases in his shirt. How his hands curled and uncurled into fists. Rodereich lived to control others, but ironically enough, the only thing that he couldn't hope to control was himself.

I can't say that he didn't hold at least some control over me, however. Because he does. But unlike most people, I don't roll over into submission quite so easily. I had a knack for getting on his nerves. For seeing right through the well veiled armour of his own arrogance. I saw just how weak he was on in the inside. He was nothing more than a paranoid shell of the man that he projects himself out to be. I cracked his mask while he had already broken mine. It was only time before he completely snapped. And that moment could very well be right now. I smirked to hide my fear. He had me played like a fiddle and I likewise. I tensed and prepared myself for him to lunge at me. It wouldn't be the first time…

The lunge didn't come. The Austrian held up his hand and I flinched. Smirking to himself, Rodereich fixed the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. My face burned with a lividness so raw that I began to shake. The Austrian's gaze darkened when he met my defiant glare. "Gillian," he started. My stomach lurched with disgust. I _hated_ to hear my name come out of those slimy, conniving lips of his. "I thought that I've established how I much I loath that wretched _nickname_."

I grit my teeth. Oh I was so mad. I hated how he patronized me. But I couldn't just lunge at him. No. That would only give him the excuse to do whatever he came here to do. And I couldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had bested that of my own self-control. "And you're just plain out wretched," I hissed. "Leave me the fuck alone. I don't have time your games."

This time, Rodereich really did lose his temper. "Listen here YOU BITCH," the Austrian spat as he leaned over to establish eye contact with me. I looked at the ground and considered spitting on his dress shoes. In the end, I thought better of it. "I will stay and leave whenever I damn feel like it. But YOU. You don't have that choice. You will stay when I ask you to stay, and you will leave whenever I dismiss you."

I snorted. "What am I, your dog?"

Rodereich smiled wolfishly. "Precisely. I'm glad that you understand. Now, about the assembly-"

"Fuck the assembly. I'm not apologizing for what I did."

"Oh but you will. To me. Right now. You made a fool out of every scholar in the school today."

I sat up straight and looked Rodereich straight in the eyes. Straight venom poured out of my mouth. The man was psychotic if he thought that he could coerce me into doing his bidding. "The only one who's making a fool out of themself is you, not me."

"GILLIAN?" Lud's voice echoed down the hallway. Relief poured over my face. Rodereich revelled in my fear, but at this point I didn't care. "I'M RIGHT HERE LUD!" I shouted out in a cracked voice. I heard the heaving padding of clambering footsteps. Lud must have recognized the desperation in my voice. The Austrian gave me one last look of disdain before he distanced himself and took a few steps back. Both of us had mere seconds before we had to put on our masks and pretend that nothing had happened.

"Once a skank, always a skank. I look forward to making you squirm some more," Rodereich sneered.

"And you'll forever be an asshole. If I ever see you touch Elizabeta like that again, I'm calling the cops."

Rodereich laughed and feigned surprise. I shivered. "Whatever do you mean? I hold my girlfriend very dear to my heart. Why, I'm so generous that I even have a spot reserved just for _you_."

"Rodereich, I'll ask you this one more time. What. Do. You. Want?"

The Austrian shrugged. "I want you, Gillian. It's as simple as that."

My retort was cut off short when I heard Lud bellow at Rodereich. "YOU! YOU GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER RIGHT NOW!" I paled. I don't think that I've ever seen Lud so angry before. He was practically pulsating with anger. Rodereich, of course, thrived under the tension. He even smiled at Lud as he raised his hands in mock surrender. "Now, now. I was only checking to see if she was alright. There's no need to shout."

"HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO SHOUT!" Isabel screamed as she too barrelled down the hallway. Marianne, Arthur, Romano, and Felicia were all quick on the Spaniard's heels. By this time, Lud had pulled me up from the bench. I let him wrap an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into his chest and closed my eyes. I just wanted this all to be over. I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist. I looked down and saw that it was Felicia. The poor girl was sobbing out of worry. I awkwardly patted her head while Lud patted mine.

"YOU HAVE SOME NERVE COMING HERE, RODEREICH. TRULY, I'M AMAZED BY HOW MUCH OF AN ASS YOU ARE," the Spaniard raged.

"ISA! Calm down, please," Romano urged as he wrapped his arms around his furious girlfriend's waist. If he hadn't Isabel surely would have already leapt for Rodereich's throat. The Spaniard's struggling eventually subsided. Marianne had somehow been able to talk some reason into her. The fire in Isabel's eyes died out and was quickly placed with a slow burning hatred. Her protective side had been unleashed. Rodereich would do his best not to provoke her. Although, some part of me hoped that he did. I would have loved to see his pretentious face get smashed in just for once.

The Italian directed a murderous glower at the delirious looking Austrian. "Get lost, dipshit," he growled.

"I second that notion," Arthur snarled.

Rodereich bowed his head. "Very well then. I see that we are beyond conversing in a civilized manner. I'll be leaving now." The Austrian paused so that he could look me right in the eyes. Lud's arm around me tensed. Felicia's thin frame trembled with fear. "After all, I do have someone very _dear_ to me that I must get back to."

I nearly fell to my knees right then and there. Rodereich's words pierced right through me. They cut and tore up at my insides. I writhed from the immense amount of guilt that had swelled up in my chest. He was talking about Elizabeta. My mouth parted open as a truly horrifying realization dawned on me. I knew Rodereich. He wouldn't let this go. Someone else would have to shoulder the blunt of his anger.

" _No_ ," I mouthed.

" _Oh Yes_ ," Rodereich mouthed back. A cryptic grin carved its way onto his face. " _This is all_ _your_ _fault._ "

Isabel lost it again. "NOT ANOTHER WORD RODEREICH!" The Spaniard, in all her of rage, daftly switched into Spanish. "You're lucky that I have someone holding me back right now. Watch out, asshole because I'm coming for you. No one messes with my family and get's away with it. No one."

But Rodereich was already gone. The Austrian had slinked around the other corner of the hallway. How fitting. A cowardly exit, for a cowardly person. Lud unwrapped his arm for my shoulders. "Gil, what happened?" my brother asked.

"He came to talk to me about the assembly," I shied under my friends' skeptical looks. "R-really, that's all that happened. Thanks guys, I don't know what I'd d-do without you." Even though it was obvious that I was skimming over some of the details, my friends knew better than to pry. I was already high strung enough as it was. Not long after, I was pulled into a group embrace. Tears were shed, but our friendships proved to be stronger than ever before. Their loyalty never failed to astound me. I too had to blink tears out of my eyes. I just loved them all so much.

When we finally pulled apart from the hug you could tell that we were all visibly shaken up. Romano had to pull Isabel to the side. The Spaniard was crying out of frustration, and the Italian tried his best to comfort her. Romano held onto Isabel and rocked her back and forth. Even Marianne and Arthur were silent. Felicia was still sniffling and Lud was mute with the numbness of knowing just how close Rodereich had come to hurting me again.

We all hurt in different ways. I hurt for them while they hurt for me. I even hurt for Elizabeta. I bit into my lip. I hated the fact that I still spared some feelings for her, even after everything that she did. But I knew that I couldn't let a grudge get in the way of my capacity to feel compassion for another human being. I wouldn't let Rodereich take that away from me. Not now and not ever.

I patted Felicia's head and Lud took this as his cue to coax her off of me. Felicia nodded weakly, and unwrapped her arms from my waist. My heart nearly broke in two when I saw how devastated she looked. The poor girl had worried herself to the brink of anxiousness. Romano must have realized this too. With Isabel clinging onto the left side of his chest, Romano held out his right arm. His sister practically dove right into the hug. A lump filled in my throat. They were all crying. For me. And all I could do was lie to them….

I walked over to my locker and with trembling hands, I opened it. I placed the awards that I had won onto the top shelf. I didn't have any use for them anymore. They would only bring bad memories now. Lud placed his hand over my shoulder. "Perhaps you should go home early for the day," he suggested.

I smiled through the tears that I tried to hide. "Ja, that sounds like a good idea."

* * *

I didn't know what I was doing. Like I really, really didn't know what I was doing. I _really_ shouldn't be doing this. But somehow it felt right. I needed to take a breather. To experience a break from all this craziness for once. I would have settled for anything, really. But somehow, I found myself staring at my phone. Matt's number had already been dialed. I swallowed. Well it was too late for me to back out now.

The phone rang. One. Two. Three. Four times. I was beginning to get nervous. My palms were sweaty. My heart clambered in my chest. My pupils dilated. My throat constricted. I was a mess all over again, but this time, it wasn't necessarily in a bad way. I almost felt excited. Thrilled. Anxious. I was on the edge of something unfamiliar. It was something that I couldn't quite place my fingers on. It was a feeling that made me flutter with unease. Even if I tried, I couldn't fathom to explain the smile creeping onto my face right now.

The phone picked up, much to my relief. "Hello? Gillian?" a sleepy voice on the other end answered.

"M-matt? Um….s-sorry for calling you, but do you think that we could meet up somewhere and talk?"

And meet up and talk we did.

* * *

 **Next Chapter** : First date (?) awkwardness/ dorkiness with Matt? Oh boy.


	5. It's Not Awesome to Pry

**WARNING:** This chapter has a brief mention of assault.

Ack! Sorry for those who viewed the story since Sunday. I accidentally updated the wrong chapter, and posted the third chapter twice. Chapter 4 is back and up now! It's all good now so you can go back and read it!

* * *

 **It's Not Awesome to Pry:**

I was sitting in the pastry café that Lud worked at. I was impatient and nervous. I couldn't stop drumming my fingers against the table. After, you know, the whole incident with Rodereich and me pretty well calling the entire school out on their bullshit, I had taken Lud's suggestion and gone home. I changed clothes, called Matt, and asked him to meet me here. It turns out that the Canadian didn't live that far away from here. He lived very close to me, actually. But alas, here I was, sitting in the café alone. I was ten minutes early for our 'date' or whatever the hell it was, and my nerves had yet to settle.

I couldn't stop fumbling with my outfit. I had changed out of my stuffy school uniform and was now wearing a simple pair of black skinny jeans and a Prussian blue cable knitted sweater. This was my utmost favourite sweater, if you felt the unawesome need to ask. I don't know how many times I rolled and unrolled the sleeves of my sweater. Or how many times I had tucked my bangs behind my ear only to change my mind and let them fall into my face. It was unnerving. I didn't usually care this much about appearance. But with Matt, I always felt so antsy and conscious of myself. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I wanted to look my best for him. There was nothing wrong with wanting to feel good about myself. Lord knows how long its been since I've had any confidence to my step.

I checked the time on my phone. It was noon. Matt should have been here by now. I bit my lip and looked around the café. Unfortunately, my search had come up empty. Bella, the young owner of this café, smiled at me from behind the front counter. The Belgian was in her mid 20s, and with Lud working here so often, we had both become quite friendly with each other. I could even go so far to say that I viewed her as an older sister. Said older sister's jade green eyes were currently burning holes into the side of my face. Crap. She must have just realized that I was skipping out on school again. I reluctantly met her stern gaze. I simply gave her a ' _what can you do'_ shrug and to ease her worries, I pulled out a notebook from my backpack. At least if I pretended to do my homework she wouldn't feel the urge to break my eardrums with her nonstop, incessant lectures.

My smile faded when I read over the notes written in my work book. I used this notebook to keep rough track of what happened in my day to day life. If the events were important enough, they would make it onto my blog, and if not, well, I just scrapped them. Memorable things deserved to be remembered. But memorable didn't necessarily mean good. In fact, Rodereich and his douchiness had filled up entire pages of this notebook. I continued to flip through the pages. I stopped when I came across a high lighted name that was written in caps locked letters.

 **MATT** ; _watch out future Gillian, this teasing (Canadian) casanova is a master of sarcastic, passive aggressive banter. He has an uncanny ability to make you tongue tied. **Note to self** : Look up come backs prior to meeting up with this guy. It's not unawesome to feign your awesomeness if you were already awesome enough to think ahead of time. **Concluding words** : I AM AWESOME :D_

I scoffed at my immaturity. Awesome? More like delusional. Saying that I was awesome was typically how I always ended all of my journal entries. I don't know why I did that. It was out of instinct if anything. Declaring my awesomeness was a habit that I had picked up from my late Uncle Fritz. He wasn't actually my uncle, but if I'm being honest, he was more like a father figure to me.

I had met Fritz back at the local park. I had gotten bored of making sand castles, and while my Nanny was distracted with soothing a crying Lud, who had somehow managed to get his arm stuck in the play structure (again), I had taken the liberty to venture off under my own impulsive discretion. I was looking for fun and was naturally drawn to the elderly man with 'battle' scars on his face. I was an ogling five-year-old who had a love for all things stories and adventures, and Fritz was a man of many stories. Our unlikely friendship was practically set in stone. Every day I would sit next to him on the park bench, and every day he would tell me of his times in the German military. I loved spending time with that man. I truly did. He was a great story teller and he always knew how to make me laugh. He was the most precious thing in my life at that point in time. My parents were dead, but Fritz, whether he realized it or not, had taken up that role for them. That man had taught me everything that I needed to know. How to defend myself. How to ride a bike. How to punch a boy and get away with it. Fritz was my everything. I depended on his stories as a distraction. I didn't feel lonely when I was with that man. He made everything go away.

And then, one day, he wasn't there at his usual spot on the park bench. A week passed. He still wasn't there. Whenever I asked my Nanny about him she would simply shake her head, pull me into a hug, and offer me something to eat. Eventually, my Nanny stopped taking me to the park. I became furious. I threw tantrums. I kicked, I screamed, and I cried. I was too young to understand that Fritz had died. Gott. I was so naïve back then. This is essentially why I call myself awesome to this day. Back then I was just trying to prove to Fritz that I could make it on my own without him. I was hurt that he had left me so abruptly. You could even say that I felt betrayed.

But now, whenever I say that I'm awesome, it's a cry for help. I'm lonely, and it would be foolish to believe that it was alright to continue living like this. I had to stop pushing people away. I was never better off alone. It's only human to want to share a close bond with someone. Lud and I are close, but he has Felicia now. And my friends all have their crazy, significant others as well. I honestly don't know what I'm looking for in Matt. I know that he's interested in me, and to some extent I am too. Heck. Even if we were just friends I would be able to accept that. I yearned to have someone that I could tell everything to.

I felt a pang of guilt rise up in my chest. I should have thought this through. Perhaps meeting up with Matt wasn't a good idea. I wasn't stable enough to form a close bond with someone. I couldn't handle hurting another person. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. What would Fritz tell me to do? Knowing the old fart, he would probably cuss at me for not trying. He had always told me to make an effort before you call it quits. I shifted in my seat. Ja, I would stay. It was too late to cancel anyways.

I waited another five minutes. By this time, Matt was late. I didn't think much of it. I did call him pretty last minute, after all. During this time, my phone buzzed non-stop. I didn't bother to read Rodereich's text messages. I already knew the gist of what he had to say. Something about how ' _this wasn't over'_ and how we would have to ' _discuss my insolence at another time_.' I knew that me not answering his texts would only make him angrier. I just hoped that Elizabeta wouldn't have to suffer because of it.

I still couldn't get over the fact that Rodereich treated his girlfriend so poorly. The Hungarian was afraid of him. I saw it in her eyes. But deep down, I knew that Elizabeta would never accept my help. She hated me for something that I had never done, and there was absolutely no possibility of getting through to her. I stopped trying. Elizabeta had always been a hard-head like me. I would keep an eye out for her in the hallways, but there was only so much that I could do. You couldn't help a person who didn't want to be helped, especially if that person didn't realize that they needed help in the first place.

Elizabeta clung onto Rodereich like a life line. It was a shame that the Austrian could snap that life in two at any given moment. Rodereich could destroy her entire life and he wouldn't feel any remorse for doing so. He had already destroyed my life. What would stop him from crushing another? Rodereich didn't have the capacity to feel empathy for others. He takes and takes and takes but he never gives. He sucks everyone dry of profit and unrequited benefit and then he dumps them to the side. I don't even want to think about what would happen to Elizabeta if Rodereich dumped her. The Hungarian was dependant on the Austrian. He had trained her in a way that her entire life revolved around him and him alone.

He gave orders and she followed. Elizabeta would be lost without him. It was a simple explanation. She was brain washed. And someone who was brain washed wouldn't recognize the harm that they were doing to themself. Even if I tried to talk some sense into her, she wouldn't listen. She would only blame herself for not being good enough. Elizabeta was poisoning her health by sticking around with Rodereich, but he was her _everything._ She _lived_ and _breathed_ for him. I wanted to scream at her for being so ignorant and stupid, but in the end, I knew that it wasn't my place to stop her from doing what she wanted. It wasn't my business. Not one bit at all.

"GILLIAN!" I turned around. The café's front door jingled/slammed open and in poured a huffing and puffing Canadian. He was wearing a black beanie on top of his slightly damp hair, which made his curls appear to be a bit messier than usual. He must have just recently taken a shower. I blushed when I took in the rest of his appearance. He appeared to be casual, but cute and adorable at the same time. Under his coat, he wore a simple black plaid flannel shirt and a pair of denim jeans. His cheeks were pink from the cold. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the lenses of his glasses were fogging up. (Dork!)

Matt walked over to my booth and slid into the opposite side. His breathing was ragged. I raised a curious brow. "What did you do, run all the way over here?" I mused.

The Canadian woefully nodded his head. "Yeah, actually I did," he chuckled. "Alfred jacked my truck for the day."

I shyly averted my gaze to the ground. "I hope that I didn't trouble you too much."

Matt grinned. "Nope! You just prevented me from sleeping in on my only day off!" The amount of enthusiastic sarcasm in his voice was killing me.

My head banged against the table. I let out a loathsome sounding groan. "Sorry," I muttered. "I never have good timing, do I?"

"Hey, I'm not the one to judge. I was the one who came here late, remember?" he winked. I sat up and gave him a perplexed look. The dork was grinning from ear to ear. And Mein Gott did he ever have perfect teeth. They were dazzling. _Every_ single thing about him was dazzling.

My phone buzzed. I sent Matt an apologetic look and pulled out my phone from my purse. I was expecting a text from Lud. Our school would be off on lunch break right about now and it was in his kind, slightly paranoid 'mama bear' nature to make sure that I got home safely. I scowled when I read my text messages. Nope. Just Rodereich.

 _Where are you?_

 _Did you go home?_

 _You're much weaker than I thought._

 _How pathetic._

My scowl quickly turned into a grimace. I shoved the phone into my purse and blinked. Tears were beginning to pool in my eyes but I held them back. "Who is it?" Matt asked. I didn't answer him right away. I still had to regain my composure.

I jumped back and nearly shrieked out loud when Matt reached over the table to grab my hand. My face burned with embarrassment. I wasn't expecting to be touched and I had just made a total fucking fool out of myself. I only had one person to thank for that reaction. This is what happens when someone uses their hand to harm you. I will never be the same because of Rodereich. Any touch that I didn't see coming would send me into a panic. I would go straight on the defensive.

I was so ashamed of myself that I had begun to tremble. Matt let go of my hand almost immediately. I flinched again. That only made this situation so much worse. I felt terrible for acting like this. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't have possibly known that I would have reacted in such a way. I would have enjoyed his touch if I had prepared myself for it.

What I wasn't prepared for, however, was the look of understanding that crossed over his face. It was as if he knew that something had happened to me before. The Canadian's eyes widened. Regret was evident on his face. "I'm so sorry Gillian! You just looked so sad and I…. No. I'm sorry. That was completely inappropriate of me. I won't do something like that again, I promise!" he apologized. Matt's face flushed a bright pink.

I shook my head and let out a shaky sigh. "It's alright, really." I gave him an earnest look. I reached over the table and held out my hand. I rolled my eyes. "It's fine. You just surprised me, that's all. You can hold my hand if you want to." I smirked. Matt hesitantly grabbed my hand. He gave me a quick one over. I felt his eyes all over me. I could tell that he knew that something wasn't quite right. Thankfully, he gave me the benefit of the doubt by not asking about it.

To lighten up the heavy mood, I decided to tease him a bit. "Take off your hat will ya? You look like a deranged hipster wannabee."

Matt's chest puffed up in mock offense. "And what if I was aiming for a deranged hipster wannabee look? What would you say to that?" he challenged.

"I would say that you're in over your head….literally." We both laughed at my lame comment.

"Fine, fine. I'll take it off." Matt took off the beanie and shook his head like a dog. I had a sudden urge to run a hand through his hair. I eventually settled with absently rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand.

"So, I think that you have a bit of explaining to do."

I sighed. "Where do I even start?"

"Well, you could start with why you're skipping class," he proposed. Matt squeezed my hand.

"Um…well you see….It's a half day and…" I faltered when the Canadian gave me a ' _don't you even think about lying to me because I'll see right through your bullshit_ ' look. I relented. "Oh fine. Yes. I skipped school. Quick! Call the police."

I must have said this a bit too loudly because Bella was now aiming crude, disapproving glares in my direction. The Belgian had been filling an éclair with stuffing as she shamelessly eavesdropped on Matt's and I's conversation. Said éclair was now crushed into a sugary pile of pulp. And if I didn't watch my words carefully from here on out, I could be very well suffer from the same fate. Thankfully, her older brother Tim, who was the manager of the café, swooped in to yell at her for wasting food.

I had the Dutch's stinginess to thank for my life. The pair then engaged in a heated argument. But the Dutch wasn't having any of it. He rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and ignored everything that Bella had to say. Anything that wasn't about money didn't deserve his time. Tim's interest peaked when his sister jabbed a clawed finger in my direction. I cussed under my breath. Great. Now they would both be stalking me on my 'date'.

The Canadian's back was turned to them; he was completely oblivious to our unwanted visitors.

Tim inspected Matt with critical eyes. The Dutch's brows furrowed, causing the scar on his forehead to crease as well. All I had to do was read his lips. " _I don't like him. He's too old for her_." Which was soon followed by an irritable order of " _Get back to work."_ I looked up to meet Tim's smouldering gaze. He merely smirked in turn. Bella, on the other hand, looked at me with beady, curious eyes. That woman was a vulture when it came to gossip. I gulped. There was no possible way that I would get out of here alive without telling her about Matt. I would have to warn Lud about this later. You see, Bella had a nasty habit of asking Lud about my love life. The Belgian saw it as her personal mission to set me up with her younger brother. Ja, no thanks. Emo boys with a faceful of fringe wasn't exactly my type.

Anyways, Lud did a faint idea about Matt. I had told him about the whole taxi and restaurant fiascos. You know, the works. Thus, if my brother wanted to have a higher chance of not getting murdered by his hyperactively jealous Belgian boss, then he would just have to pretend that he didn't know a thing about the Canadian. Otherwise, Bella would inevitably smack him on the back of a head with a rolling pin for not telling her sooner. I had to stifle my giggle at the thought. Sorry but not sorry, Lud.

Matt clearly wasn't amused with my sarcasm. "You know, skipping school isn't something that you should be proud of."

I nodded my head and groaned. "Skipping school isn't exactly a regular thing for me. I've just had a really shitty day. I needed to get away from it all."

Matt appeared to be touched by this. "So your first thought was to call me?" I was too embarrassed to say anything. I could feel the Canadian's smug aura smack me right in my dorky, introverted face.

Without even thinking about it, my eyes roamed over the table to look at my notebook. Matt followed my gaze. "What's that?" he asked.

"Just a journal of mine. Nothing important." I tried to keep my voice steady and carefree as I used my free hand to snatch the notebook off of the table. I quickly shoved it into my purse when he wasn't looking.

The Canadian, thankfully, wasn't one to ask too many questions. He changed subjects quickly. "Tell you what?" Matt smiled at me. "I'll go and get us some food, and when I come back, we'll talk. Sound good?"

"Sounds awesome," I corrected with a grin.

* * *

Matt came back with two steaming mugs of hot liquid. A hot chocolate for me and an espresso coffee for him. He placed a brown pastry bag onto the table. I looked up and he gestured for me to open it with a wide grin. In it were sweets of all kinds. Eclairs, Danishes, and my personal favourite, Pecan Tarts. I dug into a pecan tart and slid over the bag for the Canadian to take. Matt opted for a maple tart.

"So," Matt started with his mouth full. "How come you don't drink coffee?"

"I'm hyper enough as it is without caffeine," I answered. Matt gave me a pondering look. I merely shrugged in response. A devilish grin was plastered on my face. The Canadian reached over to grab a bottle of maple syrup that was resting at the other end of the table. I grabbed the cinnamon shaker and sprinkled it into my hot chocolate. Matt, on the other hand, just about poured half of the maple syrup bottle into his coffee. His mug nearly overflowed because of it.

I snickered. "Call it a hunch, but I'm starting to suspect that you have an addiction to maple syrup."

The Canadian winked at me. "It's not an addiction if you're in love." I made a non committal sound at the back of my throat. He was clearly in denial.

"Maple Douche," I grinned.

"Excuse you?" Matt chuckled.

"I hereby pronounce you as Maple Douche."

"And what does that make you?" the Canadian scoffed.

"Your awesome Queen."

Matt's brows furrowed into a frown. "You wish," he scoffed. "Alright, but enough funny business. We came here to talk." the Canadian pouted when I burst out into another fit of giggles. "What?!"

"Funny business? Really? You sound like a middle-aged suburban soccer dad!" I chortled. I clutched my rib cage for good measure. When I had finally managed to get my breathing under wraps, albeit not being able to shake the placated smirk from my face, I relented and grabbed Matt's hand again. His hand practically enveloped mine. It was like clutching onto the paw of a bear. A warm, dorky, and easily flustered bear. The Canadian cursed in Quebecois French. I couldn't tell you what he was saying. I only spoke German and English, unfortunately.

I inspected the deep irises of his violet eyes. I admired how they reflected the light. I looked at myself through them. I was actually laughing and smiling. It was a nice change from all the sobbing and yelling that went on earlier today. I squeezed his hand. "You're right. It's only fair for me to give you an explanation. After all, I am taking you away from your day off."

Matt hmphed at me. "Damn straight."

I shed him with a weak smile. The Canadian's joking expression changed instantly. The smile from his face disappeared and he gaped at me. "I don't know how to say this without being blunt." I laughed nervously. Matt merely shook his head and encouraged for me to continue. And so I did.

I told him about my school and how everyone hated me. I didn't go into too much detail, but he was now aware of the fact that I was constantly belittled and bullied. It came as a great shock to him. But rather than pitying me, the Canadian's eyes brimmed with compassion. He didn't look at me as if I was broken. He looked at me as if I was someone who had endured through many hardships and struggles, but had still come out alive. He didn't view me as a victim. He saw me as a survivor. And honestly, I couldn't thank him enough for being so understanding. No words could even fathom to explain my gratitude. If I wasn't sure before, I was certain that I had feelings for him now. He was hands down the most amazing, funny, sarcastic little shit that I had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

I then decided to tell him about Rodereich. If Matt and I were going to date, or meet up, or whatever the hell that this relationship between us was, he deserved to know. Once more, I spared him from the finer details. I refrained from telling him about what had happened on the night of _that_ godforsaken party. All Matt needed to know was that Rodereich harassed me, and that I had previously taken time off of school because of his harassment. Perhaps later, I would tell the Canadian more, but for now, this was more than enough.

The Canadian's anger grew when I told him more about the Austrian. His face was tense, and I could tell that he biting down on his words. I finished by telling him about the assembly. Through taut lips he congratulated me for winning my awards. I smiled and thanked him before continuing on to explain how I had ended up here. Matt visibly paled when I told him about how I had been leered and taunted at on the auditorium's stage. His grip on my hand tightened when he heard about my confrontation with Rodereich. And his face reddened when my phone buzzed in my purse.

"It's him, isn't it?" he growled.

I nodded my head. "Probably." It took me a long time to calm him down after that. Multiple times had he offered to answer the phone and call Rodereich, to which I would respond by simply shaking my head. I smiled despite the cracks in my appearance. It was no use for him to talk to Rodereich. The Austrian was too stubborn and miserly to listen to anyone else but himself. Nothing that anyone said or did would change his mind when he had it set on something. I lied and told Matt that Rodereich didn't bother me. That I viewed him merely as a pest. That my problem with Rodereich was something that I had learned to handle over time. Lies. I couldn't stop them from spewing out of my mouth.

 _He's too good for you…_

I needed a distraction. And so, I asked Matt to tell me more about himself. The Canadian was slow to cool down after such a heated topic, but eventually he opened up and revealed more about himself. Turns out that he and his twin Alfred lived together in a condominium just two blocks away from me. I found out that he had just graduated with an honours Bachelor of Criminology at the local University. Or how he planned to become a writer some day. What I found to be the most interesting about him, however, was that he was the heir to a massive fortune. I came to the conclusion that money must have run in his family. The Kirkland's had their restaurants and the Jones-William's owned several apartment complexes and condominiums. Their family pretty much owned the entire city, now that I think of it.

But, oddly enough, both he and his brother Alfred refused to accept financial help from their parents. They lived in a condominium that was owned by their family, which meant that they didn't have to pay for utilities such as water and electricity, or even rent, but as for every other expense, the brothers opted to pay for them themselves. This had both surprised and humbled my opinion of Matt. He wanted to work hard in life. He didn't want to take the easy path.

And when I asked him why he had taken up a job as a waiter, he had merely answered with: "The more strange and unique people that I meet, the more strange and unique ideas that I have for a novel."

The Canadian not-so-subtly winked at me after that and I blushed profusely. Like a little bitch.

What's more, Matt also told me about how he and Alfred had initially wanted to become cops. Eventually their dream died out when they realized that violence and corrupted bigotry wasn't a thing for them. They had moved on and were willing to try new things. Alfred served tables at night, and during the day he spent his time bringing joy to young, impressionable faces. In his spare time, the American would dress up as super heroes, and upon request, he would visit the children's ward of the local hospital. Both twins were quite admirable in that aspect. They both worked hard and they both had their own honour and standards to live by. They were honest, compassionate individuals, and I knew that I had much to learn from them. Heck. I had yet to grow up. I was still in the process of removing my head from my own delusional, sorry excuse of an ass. My ass was a crude metaphor for my life, just to be clear.

I picked up my mug of hot chocolate and sloshed it around. At this point, Matt and I were done and away with the heavy, depressing topics. We were just enjoying ourselves. He joked and I insulted him. He complimented me and I blushed. And such were the ways of our relationship. He had a knack for leaving me speechless.

Matt cupped a hand around his mouth and stage whispered to me. His eyes kept darting back and forth between me and Bella, who was none too subtly listening to every single word of our conversation. The Belgian had been cleaning the same table for close to five minutes now. Crap. Where was Tim when you needed him to drag off his nosy, protective, but regrettably well-intentioned sister?

I looked around the café. The Dutch was no where to be seen. Ah. Never mind. I spotted the stoic giant standing outside with his hands stuffed into his pockets. He was probably waiting for another drug deal to take place.

On top of running a café, Tim also dabbled in the area of selling copious amounts of weed. I learned that lesson hard and well when I had eaten one of his brownies. Note to self: _If someone asks you if you want to relax and offers you a brownie, don't take it. Even if they are a trusted friend. Because you will trip mother fucking balls. P.S Eating an entire week's worth of groceries in the span of one hour is_ so not _awesome._

"That lady's been giving me dirty looks all afternoon."

I snorted in response. "Bella," I called out. "Can I _help_ you?" Help in this context meant 'butt the fuck out.' Bella clearly didn't get the memo.

The Belgian was hovering over our table in no time. Her apron flapped behind her and she nearly slipped on the floor that she had just mopped. Matt and I both chuckled, but Bella quickly cut us off with a stiff glare. That glare didn't last long. The Belgian had a part to play, after all.

"Gillian! Mon chere, how are you?!" Bella feigned that infamous cat-like smile of hers. Her eyes twitched and I could tell that it took everything in her will power not to smack me over the head. Matt was twenty-two and I was eighteen. The twenty-three-year-old Belgian clearly didn't approve of our age difference.

I shed her with a smile while my eyes analyzed her with a calculated stare. What was she up to? "I'm good and you?"

"Fine, fine." The Belgian wasn't one to beat around the bush. "So, who's this?" She pointed towards Matt.

Matt held out his hand. "The name's Matt, nice to meet you." Bella eyed his hand, smugly remarked something in French, and reluctantly shook hands with him. "Bella," she murmured.

The Canadian chuckled. "I can speak French too, you know." Bella's eyes widened and she begrudgingly ushered out an apology. After promising not to refer to Matt as a ' _shaggy-haired sack of shit'_ again, that of which I had practically _forced_ her to do, the Belgian beckoned me closer. Fearing for my life, I obliged.

"Are you crazy?!" she hissed into my ear. Mein Gott. I don't understand why she had to be so secretive. The smirk on Matt's face, however, confirmed that he could very well hear everything that we were saying. It didn't help that Bella kept ogling at him. She was never one to be subtle.

"No?" I whispered back.

Bella grabbed my ear and tugged. "OW! What was that for?" I seethed. I smacked Bella's hand away. Matt whistled and pretended to be oblivious to the fact that we were talking about him. Even though we were crouched over like a couple of gossiping, hormonal middle schoolers.

"HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY BOYFRIEND. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"Oi!" I protested. "You don't see me judging your love life. What are you on now? Boyfriend number #37?"

"28," she corrected. "And me sleeping around has nothing to do with the fact that you're practically a baby. Babies shouldn't be having babies, end of discussion."

"Who said anything about having babies?!" I roared.

"You will if keep it up like this. It's only a matter of time before your hormones scream for his dick."

"BELLA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"What? I'm just trying to keep it real."

"YOU CAN KEEP IT IN YOUR GODAMN PANTS."

"Honey, I'm sure that," Bella paused to look at Matt. "What's your name again?"

"Matt."

"I'm sure that Matt is an 'OK' guy, but in the end, they're all the same. Men will be men. They're all pigs." The Belgian aimed an unapologetically apologetic glance at the astounded Canadian.

"No offense."

"None taken…?"

I had had enough. After hissing and snapping at Bella to get out of the way, I stood up. I grabbed my purse, walked over to the other side of the booth, and grabbed Matt while I was at it. The Canadian winced when my nails dug into his wrist. I was too angry to notice. Matt nearly tripped over his feet as I dragged him forward. I slammed open the front door and stormed the fuck out of there.

* * *

"Oh merde," Bella cursed to herself. "She can avoid it all she wants, but sooner or later I'm going to have to give her the sex talk."

"Do that and she'll become a stripper in no time," Tim retorted with a scoff.

"No one asked you, Tim. Go choke on a fat blunt."

"I'd tell you to choke on something too, but it appears that you've stuck so many things in your mouth that you have no gag reflux to show for it."

No words were said after that. For once in her life the Belgian was left speechless.

* * *

Matt was kind enough to walk me home. Well, I didn't leave him with much of a choice, now did I? I was so mad at Bella that I had unconsciously dragged him in the direction of my apartment. Eventually, he managed to calm me down, however. The Canadian had actually forced me to sit down on a park bench. I felt childish, but Matt was very patient. He held my hand the entire time, which was always a nice bonus. We had now reached the front entrance of my apartment. I punched in the code and cringed when the apartment buzzer let out a familiar ear splitting shriek.

I turned around to face Matt. "Well, thanks for putting up with me," I smiled.

Grinning, Matt bent over into a low bow. I'll repeat myself again. The guy was a massive dork. "You're very welcome. It was my pleasure to finally take you out on a date."

I fumbled for words. "O-oh. Ok. So you do think of me like that. Good." If I had the balls to punch myself in the face I would have done so in a heartbeat. Matt gave me that half-smirk that always made my knees turn to jelly. Seriously, I had half the mind to clutch onto the door for support.

"Of course I do. I thought that you knew that already," the Canadian chided with a dramatic sigh.

I puffed up my chest. "I'm just making sure, you douche." I leered at him. I probably wasn't all that intimidating. Matt could easily snap a mouthy twerp like me in two. I glowered up at the Canadian. His height irked me. It was like dating a sky scraper. Speaking of dating…

"Hey, uh, Matt?"

"What is it Gil?"

"What are we?"

Matt beamed from head to toe. "Whatever you want us to be."

"Alright then," I rolled my eyes. "I say that we're friends with a mutual attraction to each other."

The Canadian pouted. "Just friends?" he moped.

"Oh fine," I relented. "I'll upgrade you to a boy toy."

"Boy toy?! That's even worse."

I opened my mouth in protest, but Matt merely shook his head and pulled me into a hug. This time I was ready for it. My head fell against his shoulder. "I'm only kidding Gillian. I'm perfectly fine with taking things slow if that's what you want."

I pulled away from the hug to look up at him. "That would be wonderful," I croaked. Matt placed a finger on my lips. He let his forehead fall against mine. His warm breath tickled my face. "Shhhh," he cooed. The Canadian smoothed a hand over the back of my head. I closed my eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?" I asked.

"If that boy….If he gives you any more trouble…. Will you come to me about it?"

The only thing that I could do was nod my head. Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. I felt reassured. I knew that Matt genuinely cared about my well-being. His hands were trembling at the thought of what Rodereich had done to me. During our date, the texts had become so frequent that I was left with no other choice but to shut off my phone. The incessant buzzes had driven him crazy. I could tell that he disagreed with my ignoring of them. Maybe I would let him do something about it. But not right now. Selfish as it was, I didn't want Rodereich to scare Matt away. I'll admit it. I was insecure. I don't know what Matt saw in me, but I'm just glad that he had at least found something that was worth sticking around for.

Matt pulled me even closer to him. He bent down to peck my forehead. "Good. I want us to be honest with each other, alright?"

"Alright." My voice cracked again. I wasn't lying to him entirely. I would tell everything to him…eventually. Today just wasn't a good time.

 _Excuses…._

Matt cupped a hand around my cheek. "I should go. Alfred's making dinner tonight. If I'm not there to supervise, there's a high chance of him burning down the entire complex."

I giggled. "Kay, see you later then."

The Canadian kissed me on the cheek one last time before he turned around to leave. I had to stifle my laughter when he nearly tripped over his feet and face planted on the ground. "Don't you smirk at me, young lady."

"I'll do whatever the hell I want, old man." I retorted with crossed arms.

I stuck out my tongue at the dork and wished him a safe trip(less) home. Still laughing, I stepped into my apartment building's front lobby. Matthias' weird voodoo girlfriend was sitting in one of the lounge's leather arm chairs. In her lap she was fiddling with a green troll figurine. I could feel her smug indigo eyes watch my every move. I rushed past her and repeatedly jabbed my finger against the elevator button.

"Hmmmm," Voodoo girl mused. She tucked a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Very interesting." I pretended to ignore her critical glare.

"You look different." I cussed under my breath. Of course the elevator just _had_ to be occupied at the time that I needed it most. I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk horoscopes with voodoo girl. Last time that happened she had been able to track my menstrual cycle to a tee. " _A heavy heart for a heavy bleeder_." Ugh. I know. I know. Too much information. Sue me.

"WHO LOOKS DIFFERENT?" Oh great. Matthias was here. Said Dane came strolling into the lounge with a massive grin on his face. I hid behind my hair. If Matthias saw my blushing face he would never let me live it down.

"Gillian does," Voodoo girl answered. "It would appear that she's love struck."

" _She_ can hear you, you know." I snapped.

Matthias ran a hand through his spiked, blond hair. "Is that true Gillian?" Booming laughter filled the lobby. The Dane then walked over to ruffle voodoo girl's hair. "That's my Lucy for you! Always so intuitive!"

"I predict that you have a 99% chance of getting punched in the balls if you don't let go of me _right now_ ," the Norwegian threatened with a cold, unforgiving look on her face. Maybe it was just me, but I felt the air drop a good five degrees. The Dane was a brave man. I honestly don't know how he put up with her. Because quite frankly, she was terrifying. Especially when she was angry. And oh, was she ever angry right now.

Matthias didn't seem to be fazed by his girlfriend's blatant frigidness. "Not so fast lover girl!" I groaned. The elevator was taking too long and I had just started to walk off in the direction of the stairwell.

I skidded to a stop. I didn't even bother to turn around. "What?!" I snapped.

The Dane whistled at me. "Come on," he cooed. "Let me get a good look at you!" I reluctantly turned around. I still had to be on my best behavior with them. I was one noise complaint away from being kicked out of this building. Matthias burst out laughing when he saw my beet red face.

The Norwegian's mood appeared to lighten up at the sight of my blatant embarrassment. "I knew it," she smirked. "This one has just met the love of her life."

Matthias' brows furrowed in confusion. "What makes you think that?"

"Mr. Troll told me so."

"Just like Mr. Troll told you that I was your soulmate? Hmmmmmm~?"

Voodoo girl nervously fidgeted with the cross clip in her hair. "I'm still fighting with him about that….but yes."

Cue Matthias squeezing the life out of voodoo girl.

While the Dane doubled over from the pain of being punched in the groin, I snuck around the corner and made a bolt for the stairwell.

I had dealt with enough nut jobs for one day, thank you very much.

* * *

 **Next Chapter** : All Hell breaks loose after school. Fists will fly and threats will be made. A LOT OF SHIT GOES DOWN GUYS.

So… is the Prucan a hit or miss?


	6. Jingle Bells, Liza Smells!

**A/N:** Badass Prussia. Nough' said xD

 **WARNING** **:** Potentially scarring mental images of Romano ;)

* * *

 **Jingle Bells, Liza smells, Awesome all the Way!:**

I was in English class. This was one of the few classes that I was able to take with my friends. Marianne, Arthur, Romano, and Isabel were all in it. Rodereich was also in this class, but he was too busy sitting at the front and kissing Ms. Katyusha's ass to heed any attention to me. Or direct attention to be more accurate. English class gave him a much larger window to pester me. Why? Because his shadow wasn't there to watch his every move. The shadow that I'm talking about is Elizabeta, just to be clear.

Anyways, right now Ms. Katyusha had given us some group work to do. We were supposed to read out a scene from Hamlet and analyze it. Marianne and I let Arthur do most of the work. It's not that we weren't capable of doing the work. But rather, Arthur was too stubborn to listen to our opinions. The Briton had lived and breathed Shakespeare ever since he was a wee little shit head. It was best to let him do as he pleased. I guess you could say that we were appeasing to his hot-headed temper.

I pulled out my phone and smiled when I realized that I had gotten a text from Matt. Over the past couple of weeks, we had been texting and calling each other back and forth. On Friday afternoons, we had also made it our tradition to grab a coffee/ hot chocolate from Bella's pastry café. I really enjoyed spending time with him. And he was also a great texter, might I add. His passive aggressiveness increased ten fold when he didn't have to worry about hiding his blush.

 _Matt: Happy first of December :D_

 _Me: What's so happy about it?_

I'm a hormonal, angsty douche. I know. You don't have to remind me. I'm well aware of the fact.

 _Matt: I'm talking to you! That's always a good start ;)_

 _Me: Flattery will get you nowhere, Maple Douche._

 _Matt: You better watch your tone Gillian ;)_

 _Me: Or what?_

 _Matt: I'll hug the attitude right out of you ;)_

 _Me: Don't make me kick you in the balls._

 _Matt: :O_

 _Matt: So rude!_

 _Matt: Desperate times, calls for desperate measures. I suppose….eheh_

 _Me: uh-oh. What's going on in Maple Land now?_

 _Matt: It's a surprise ;)_

 _Me: I hate surprises._

 _Matt: Argh! Why are you so grouchy today?!_

 _Matt: All I wanted to do was shower you with lots of hugs and kisses ):_

 _Me: Bring me food and you have a deal._

 _Matt: Can we cuddle too?_

 _Matt: I like cuddles._

 _Me: I like food._

 _Matt: I like cuddles and food._

 _Me: I like cuddles and food and cute Canadian boyfriends._

 _Matt: :D_

 _Me: What?_

 _Matt: You called me your boyfriend._

 _Me: Shit. Cat's out of the bag, huh?_

 _Matt: Go catch it then ;)_

 _Matt: I like cuddles and food and cute, blushing German girlfriends._

 _Matt: Beat that :D_

I didn't realize that I was smiling until Marianne reached over her desk to tap me on the shoulder.

"Texting Matthieu again?" she mused. The French's blue eyes gleamed with an all-knowing light. I shrugged. I had no reason to lie to her. I was actually happy for once.

"Ja," I giggled. "He's such a dork."

A wave of uneasiness overcame me. I felt like I was being watched. I looked up and was met with a pair of shrewd, lavender eyes. Rodereich had his desk turned so that it was facing me. His lips curled into a faint, cruel grin when I matched his gaze. I was sitting in the back of the classroom, far away from him. But that didn't stop my blood from running cold. I knew the drill. I reached for my phone before it even had the chance to buzz. Marriane, who had her back turned to Rodereich, didn't pick up on this exchange. For all she knew, I was still texting Matt _._

 _Rodereich: You have a very beautiful smile._

 _Rodereich: It's a shame that you don't wear it more often._

 _Rodereich: Perhaps if you just smiled and never opened your mouth again things would be better for you._

I bit my lip. No. I wouldn't let Rodereich get to me. I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of looking back. I would smile and laugh, brighter and louder than ever before. Just to piss him off. Just to let him know that his comment hadn't fazed me in the slightest. Because knowing Rodereich, he was jealous. He wanted me to reserve my smile and devotion for him. And that was something that I would never, ever do. I viewed this as a small sort of victory. Rodereich may make my life miserable, but he will _never_ make me his.

I won't let him.

I laughed so loud that half the class turned around to give me odd looks. But I couldn't have cared less. I got what I wanted. Rodereich snapped his pencil in two. I relished in the triumph of it. He clearly wasn't expecting me to bounce back so fast. He'd have to try much harder than that if he wanted to bring me down.

 _"Oh my God! Rodereich! You're hand's bleeding!"_

 _"Hmmm? Dear me; you're right."_

 _"Can someone go to the office to get Rodereich a bandage?_

 _"I'll do it!_

 _"No me!"_

I forced myself to tune out the sickening background chatter.

Marianne smirked. "What did he say?"

My response was cut off short by the echoing sound of jingle bells. A wry smirk played onto my face. It was time for Christmas Candy Grams. In my school, at the end of every week in December, candy canes are handed out. They can be for both friends and lovers. The sender can also choose to leave a note for the receiver. I myself had bought a few candy grams for my friends. I made sure to write a sloppy, annoying pun for each and everyone one of them.

For example, Arthur's was something like: _Happy Holidays! Don't get too drunk! Wouldn't want you to get browsy ;_)

Heh. I was such a little shit. I turned around and gave Marianne 'the look'. The look that said ' _get your cameras ready_ '. Marianne whacked Arthur on the back of the head. The Briton's eyes screamed bloody murder, but when he realized the cause of our excitement, he too was quick to pull out his phone. I could already hear Isabel's whines and Romano's swearing. They were only a few paces outside of the classroom by now. You see, Isabel ran the school's Christmas charity campaign, as her parents regularly made very large donations to it. But to run such a campaign, Isabel required a lot of help. And thus, Romano was suckered into helping her parade around the school in silly outfits.

I cupped a hand around my mouth and stage whispered to Marianne and Arthur. "Lights, cameras, action!"

Arthur chuckled. "I've got snapchat covered."

Marianne winked at her phone. "This is going up on my vlog channel."

I was just glad to partake in the madness. Actually, never mind. This video was definitely going to be posted onto my blog. Isabel, grand smile and all, strolled into the classroom, alone. She was wearing a very tight fitted pair of red, full body overalls. The only indication that made her look like Santa was the white-trimmed hat on her head and the brown burlap sac that she carried over her shoulder. Their budget must have been very scarce this year.

"CANDY GRAMS!" she trilled. The Spaniard blinded everyone with her cheek stretching grin.

"Oh! Isabel! Come in! Come in!" Ms. Katyusha trilled. The Ukrainian was one of the teachers who ran this charity campaign. She had a big bust, *I mean heart to show for it.

Isabel's brows furrowed. "Roma!" she hummed. I could already tell that she was on the edge of snapping. "Get in here! You have names to call out~!"

"NO! It's too fucking embarrassing!"

Isabel's eyes darkened. "I SAID NOW!"

And there comes the snap. I felt bad for Isabel. She probably had to repeat the same (tedious) process for every classroom that they visited. With an unmanly squeak, Romano scuttled into the classroom. He hovered near the door. His eyes fearfully darted around the classroom. It didn't take long before everyone roared with laughter. The grumbling Italian was dressed in an elf's suit: a full body green spandex outfit, fluffy red slippers with little bells attached at the tips, and a green pointed hat. In one hand, he held onto a crumpled piece of paper. Which I assumed was the list of everyone's names. But that wasn't what everyone was laughing at. The spandex suit was so tight that Romano was forced to cup the other hand around his crotch area.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Romano wailed but to no avail. The Italian only received catcalling whistles in response. I may or may not have whistled at him. Repeatedly. Incessantly. Lovingly. It was a sight not only to remember, but to admire as well. I was merely giving Romano the attention that he deserved.

"SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS ROMANO!" Arthur guffawed.

I held my phone high into the air. "AND THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS A WILD ROMANO IN HIS NATURAL EMBARRASSED HABITAT! LOOK AT THAT BLUSH! OH MY! HOW FIERCE!" I cackled.

"I'M ABOUT TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM SHOVING THAT PHONE DOWN YOUR THROAT, BEILSCHMIDT!"

"OH LOOK! I MADE HIM ANGRY!"

"QUIET!" Marianne shouted. Surprisingly, the class settled down for her. Ms. Katyusha sent her a grateful look. What a mistake that was.

The French winked into the front camera of her phone. I scoffed. We didn't have time for her to check her appearance! She was letting the gloriousness of this moment slip away! Eventually, after many impatient groans from everyone in the room, she reversed the camera. The twitching Italian was once again thrust into the limelight; against his will, of course.

"So….Romano! Care to tell me who wears the jingle bells in your relationship? Ohonhonhon."

"THAT'S IT! I'M OUT OF HERE!" Romano turned to storm out of the classroom. A tanned hand lashed out to intercept him. Isabel grabbed onto his ear and tugged. And hard at that.

"AGH! ISA!" Romano thrashed as Isabel pulled him farther into the classroom. The Spaniard planted a chaste kiss on the Italian's cheek to placate him. The lip stick stain on said cheek went unnoticed. His blush was doing a good job at disguising it.

"Don't make me put you on my naughty list!" Isabel scolded.

"Now read the names before I do something truly naughty…eheh."

The Spaniard only spoke loud enough for the Italian to hear.

Romano was silenced instantaneously. While he grudgingly read out the long list of names of everyone who had received a candy gram, Isabel kept shedding him with provocatively naughty looks of her own. Which, of course, only caused Romano to stutter like a tongue-tied idiot. After much struggle, the Italian had finally finished reading through the list. This time, Isabel had drag him out of the classroom. Romano hadn't finished enlightening our class with his crude hand gestures. I was a bit disappointed when they left. I had been looking forward to hearing Romano's colourful, crude, and oh so creative death threats. Oh well. What's done is done, I suppose.

I pawed through my pile of candy canes. I had received so many that they were starting to spill over my desk. I had gotten one from all of my friends. Some were anonymous as well. As I looked through the notes taped to the anonymous candy canes, I prepared myself for the worst. But surprisingly enough, the notes weren't malicious at all. One person had actually written that they didn't believe the rumours about me. That one warmed my heart. I rolled my eyes when I came across Ivan's candy cane. I didn't even bother to read the entire note. I stopped at ' _My dear, preciously pale sunflower_.'

Fuck to the nope.

There was only one candy cane left that I had yet to touch. I picked it up and unfurled the note that was attached at the end. It was from Elizabeta: _Congratulations, you're still a slut (:_

I crumpled the note in my hand. I felt an uncontrollable rage swell up in my chest. Of course, Elizabeta would take advantage of the fact that she was in the student council. They were the ones who censored the candy grams, after all. No one would dare question her sending this note to me. Not when she and Rodereich would be the ones to receive the most candy canes in the first place.

But this was just too much for me to ignore. I looked up at the clock. There was still forty-five minutes left before school ended. At this point, I was too furious to be reasoned with. Come the end of school, I would confront Elizabeta head on. I balled my hands into tight fists. My nails cut into my palms. Oh. Was this what it felt like to snap? (Ha!) How weird. I felt so calm. (Ha!) Perhaps even placated. My thoughts were just so clear and coherent! (Ha!)

I twitched in my seat.

What can I say?

That bitch had everything coming to her.

* * *

…

The bell rang and I sprung out of my seat. I had nothing but murder on my mind. There was no stopping me now.

"GILLIAN WAIT!" Marianne cried after me.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Arthur roared.

I suppose that showing Marianne and Arthur the note was a bad idea. Oh well. It was far too late for them to do anything, let alone change my mind. I was already storming through the hallways. I had a small window of opportunity before Rodereich came in to cut me off. He was probably having one of his kiss butt after class talks with Ms. Katyusha right about now. If only Marianne and Arthur would quit making such a damned scene.

I skirted around the senior's hallway. One more corner. Just one more corner until I would be in the junior's hallway. Everyone kept clear of me. I didn't exactly look sane. My eyes were glowing with rage. My shoulders were tense, and my hands were itching to throttle around a certain _someone_. I didn't care about the repercussions. I only cared about letting go of my anger. I wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off of Elizabeta's face. My combat boots clacked against the ground. I wanted to make my presence well-known.

Ah. Perhaps it was a bit too well-known. "WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON WITH HER?" Another set of footsteps clambered after me.

"SOMEONE STOP HER!" Marianne huffed. "SHE'S NOT THINKING STRAIGHT!"

HA! I was thinking perfectly straight alright. For a well-rounded, psychopath in the making, that is.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" Isabel screamed.

The rest of their shouts fell deaf on my ears. I deadpanned. Shit. Isabel was probably the only one who was strong enough to stop me. I now had four people chasing after me. I was both the hunter and the prey. I beamed. And would you look at that! I had just spotted my prey. Elizabeta was standing in front of her locker, talking and giggling with Feliks, that Polish twerp who worked for the school newspaper with her. Elizabeta was a gossip columnist. Surely she wouldn't mind too much if I created a juicy scene for her to write about! I was even generous enough to give her a leading role in the matter.

I used her old nickname just to piss her off. "Liza Héderváry!" I cackled and trudged to a stop. My hair flew into my face. I swept it back with an impatient flick of the wrist. I was grinning from ear to ear. I was mad with the onslaught of the chaos that I was about to unfold.

I pulled out the candy cane for her, or rather, for everyone to see. "Guess who just made it onto my naughty list!" I then proceeded to snap the candy cane in two, throwing it to the ground.

My friend's shouts could be heard in the distance. I grit my teeth. Enough with the dramatic flare. It was time to get straight to the punch. I clacked over to Elizabeta. Feliks dove for cover at the other end of the hallway. I looked around. Oh Good. An audience had already started to gather. How fun!

Elizabeta slammed her locker shut. Her shrewd, green eyes pierced right through me. "That's Elizabeta to you!" she huffed. The Hungarian tucked a long strand of honey-brown hair behind her ear. I knew her well enough to know that she was nervous. She wasn't expecting me to confront her like this. Her face was pink. She anxiously looked over my shoulder.

I smirked and leered down at her. "Uh-oh! Looks like Roddy isn't here to protect you."

"I can handle myself just fine." she glared.

I chuckled. "Prove it." I threw the first punch. Elizabeta staggered back. Her cheek was red. It was already starting to bruise. I gestured at her with a smug come hither motion. I wanted to see the old Liza. The Liza that rolled in the mud with me. The Liza that could take on boys twice her size.

It goes to say that I got what I had asked for.

Elizabeta looked up at me. Pure and unequivocal hatred was the best description of the furious expression on her face. Before I knew it, she had tackled me into a row of lockers. All air escaped from my lungs. I choked and held up my fists to block her punches. "YOU FUCKING SLUT!" she spat. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE?!"

I knotted my hand through Elizabeta's hair and tugged. The Hungarian shrieked and pulled back. "LEAVE YOU ALONE?! I WASN'T THE ONE WHO WROTE THAT NOTE!" I was now the one to ram into Elizabeta. I tackled her to the ground. I threw a countless number of punches. Elizabeta held her ground -literally, since she pinned to it- and blocked all of them.

"GET OFF!" Elizabeta struggled and thrashed underneath me. We were a struggling ball of hair, nails, punches, and swear words. I didn't know whose arm or leg was which. The cheers and catcalls of everyone in the hallway only fueled my anger. Some were even bold enough to cheer for me.

"Not until you apologize!"

"HA! AS IF I'll EVER DO THAT!"

Elizabeta kicked me in the stomach. I rolled off of her and onto my feet. She stood up and I didn't hesitate to slam her into a nearby brick wall. We were both breathing heavily. Our faces were beaded with sweat and our hair was strung in frizzy clumps. I then decided to switch tactics. I held her down by both shoulders. I ignored the punches that she threw at my stomach. I _had_ to ask her this. I _had_ to know.

"Why do you stay with him? All he ever does is hurt you."

Elizabeta faltered. Her eyes flickered with doubt. But that doubt quickly hardened into rage. The brief moment of vulnerability that she showed to me was effectively suppressed. It was at this moment that I _knew_. There was so much more to their relationship that I didn't know about. Elizabeta was scared. But she was too afraid to show it. My heart ached. Everything slowed down. This girl was crying for help, yet refusing it at the same time. I didn't know what to do. I froze and got a good punch to the face for it.

"You know nothing!" Elizabeta hissed.

"GILLIAN! HOLY FUCK! STOP!" Romano's arms wrapped around my waist. (Well, at least he wasn't in his elf outfit anymore. That would have been unbearably awkward.) He pulled me off of Elizabeta. I didn't fight back. I was too stunned to do anything. Elizabeta watched me with sad, angry eyes.

"I can help you!" I screamed. I dug my heels into the ground. My arms thrashed about. I was too delirious to realize what I was saying. I shouldn't have been making empty promises like that. Not to someone who wouldn't accept my help. Not from someone who… refused help herself.

"Just leave me alone!"

I grit my teeth. "STOP LYING TO YOURSELF LIZA!" I croaked. "DON'T Y-YOU SEE WHAT HE'S-"

"SHUT UP! I DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM A WHORE LIKE YOU!"

Oh. Was she ever asking for it.

"I'M NOT A WHORE!" I shrieked.

 _I never was…_

This comment must have set Elizabeta off. Ah. I see. She still thought that I was lying to her. How ironic.

The Hungarian lunged forward. I closed my eyes. I opened them, expecting a blow to the face. I received a blow to my confidence instead. Rodereich wrapped two arms around a struggling Elizabeta's waist. He pulled her back and whispered harshly into her ear. Elizabeta froze. She fell back into his chest. Rodereich had drained the fight out of her. He was taking Liza away from me again. Screw Elizabeta. I hated Elizabeta. I wanted my _real_ best friend back. Fuck. I wanted my life back.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" Rodereich bellowed. A few ogling freshmen in the crowd whimpered and took several steps back. In fact, the entire crowd began to disperse. Rodereich was absolutely terrifying when angry. He looked past Elizabeta's shoulders and over at me. I swallowed. He looked insane; murderous; crazy. Don't get me wrong. I've seen him far worse than this. It just surprised me that he was willing to let himself go in front of all these people.

Romano tightened his grip on me. Marianne, Isabel, and Arthur hung at our sides. The Italian was the first to speak. "Your _girlfriend_ started it. Gillian was provoked."

Isabel growled under her breath. The hallway fell to a scaring silence. Elizabeta looked at her shoes and scowled. She opened her mouth to say something, but Rodereich snapped and ordered for her to be quiet. Elizabeta obeyed. The Austrian let go of the Hungarian. She walked to stand behind him. Aw! How submissive~!

Rodereich shed us with a cruel looking smile. He spoke in a whisper that only those within a few paces could hear. "Whatever Elizabeta did, she _most_ certainly did not ask for a fight. You and your rag tag group of sluts and hooligans are the only ones to blame for this confrontation."

Romano tensed. "I'm going to fucking kill him," he growled into my ear.

I smirked. "Go for it. I won't stop you." Romano didn't need any more convincing. He let go of me and charged forward, swearing all the while. Marianne, Arthur, and Isabel were quick on his heels. I didn't join them. I wanted to see Rodereich get punched in the face just as much as anybody else.

"YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTH!" Romano raged.

Everything that happened next was a blur. Romano sucker punched Rodereich in the chin. Elizabeta cried out. Arthur, albeit being impressed by his friend's bravery, dove in to break up the fight. Marianne held a frantic Isabel back. The Spaniard was screaming and crying, begging for the Italian to stop. She was terrified of him getting hurt. And as for me? I just stood there and watched, clutching my sore and bruising cheek. It was absolutely glorious to watch Rodereich have his pretentious ass handed to him for once.

"ROMA PLEASE!" Isabel whimpered. "You don't have to do this!"

Arthur struggled to pull Romano off of Rodereich. "LIKE HELL I WON'T! YOU HEAR THAT, PIANO FUCKER?! CALL MY GIRLFRIEND A SLUT AGAIN AND I'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING NOSE!"

"BLOODY HELL, ROMANO! CALM DOWN!" Arthur grunted.

The Briton had finally managed to pull the Italian off of the Austrian.

Rodereich laughed. It was a laugh that sent chills up my spine. "Like I said. Sluts and hooligans." Elizabeta fawned over Rodereich. She cupped a hand to his bruising chin. Tears streaked down her face. I scoffed. Her devotion to him was absolutely sickening. Oh wait. She was sick. It's called being delusional. ( _Ha!)_

Whatever Romano had to say next was cut off by the sound of a whistle.

 _Oh great_ , I deadpanned. The teachers had come to break up the fight.

Too little, too fucking late.

* * *

…

I was seated in the front room of the office. I clutched an ice pack to my right cheek. My shoulders were slumped and I refused to look up and meet Rodereich's smoldering gaze. He was seated just to my left and was also holding an ice pack to his face, or rather, his chin. Five seats separated us (thankfully). Arthur and Marianne had already gone home. Elizabeta was speaking to the principal. Isabel and Romano were huddled over in the right corner of the room.

Isabel clung to Romano's shirt. She sobbed into his chest. Disgruntled, Romano awkwardly patted her head. He didn't have much to say. I leaned back into my chair and sighed. I was so done with everything. After Elizabeta's sob fest and Rodereich's smooth talking lies, I knew that things wouldn't turn out in my favour. I would probably be suspended. I didn't have to fear an expulsion, however. Rodereich would never let me slip away that easily. The teachers were bound to listen to his opinion on the matter. They pretty much viewed their precious student council president as a godsend.

My phone buzzed in my skirt pocket. I pulled it out. I already knew who it was.

 _Rodereich: I think that a chat between us is long over due._

 _Rodereich: You've turned this school into a zoo._

 _Rodereich: I won't stand for it._

I didn't have the strength to refrain myself from responding. I was still itching for a fight. Even if that fight included confronting the one person that I feared and loathed most in life.

 _Me: I can already see that you 'won't stand for it.'_

 _Me: That's why you're sitting down, right?_

 _Me: Do me a favour and fuck off._

Rodereich inhaled sharply.

I coughed to hide my snort.

 _Rodereich: One day, you'll regret saying that to me._

 _Rodereich: Just you watch._

"Gillian Beilschmidt?" The office lady poked her head above the oakwood desk. "Mr. Oxenstierna will see you now."

I stood up and walked past Rodereich. I didn't bother to spare him another glance.

 _Rodereich: Good luck getting out of this one._

 _Me: Leave me alone._

 _Rodereich: Silly Gillian. You know that I'll never do that._

 _Rodereich: I won't stop until your mine._

He just didn't get it, did he? As long as I could help it, that would never happen.

I refused to submit myself to someone like that.

I couldn't.

No.

I wouldn't.

(Ha!)

* * *

 **Next Chapter:** Aftermath of the fight, drunk Ludwig, and an unexpected visit from a certain dorky stranger.

I know I'm repeating this, but things really do start to get crazy...soon.


	7. Angst the Bringer of Awesome Kisses

**A/N:** **Hello! Yeah…usually updates aren't this slow for me. If it's any consolation, I've pre-written up to the 12th chapter since University's starting up again.**

 **Kudos if you get the Bugs Bunny and Hamlet references in this chapter :D**

* * *

 **Angst; the Bringer of Awesome Kisses:**

Gillian was not a happy camper. Why is Gillian talking in the third person? Gillian should shut the fuck up. Gott damnit. I've always sucked at these intros, haven't I? Ugh. Whatever. So…at least my predictions were right. Elizabeta's crying had gained her a free pass from further disciplinary measures. Rodereich, I'm sure, had a lot to do with that. Oh well. It can't be helped. Pompous assholes will always prevail in the institutional setting. It's just the way that the world worked, unfortunately.

I was unhappy for a number of three reasons. Don't trust my counting, by the way. My head still hurts from being punched in the face. I could already feel a massive bruise forming on my cheek, despite the ice. Anyways! One; It was Friday, and since this office meeting had taken much longer than usual, I had no choice but to cancel my café date with Matt. Two; Romano and I were to serve three in school suspensions from Monday-Wednesday next week. That meant that I would be forced to sit in the office all day. A place that Rodereich regularly frequented during his lunch break and afternoon spare period. Three; the VP had called to inform my Opa of this incident. It goes to say that that phone call didn't end very well. It wasn't fun to be shouted at in both English and German. It was quite overwhelming to say the least. Besides, I already knew that I was a massive disappointment. Them telling me was only rubbing it in. Four; (I'm just going to link this to reason #1. Ha! So my counting is still awesome after all!) The bruise on my face would be hard to hide. From Matt and especially from Lud.

In fact, I could see Lud right now. He and Felicia were sitting on a wooden bench just outside the office. I was still sitting in the front room of the office. I could see them through the transparent, glass window. They both looked sick with worry. Felicia was crying and Lud was as pale as a ghost. I wanted to turn around and wave to them, but my confidence from earlier just wasn't there anymore. I was too ashamed to face them. I was the big sister. I was supposed to be the role model. The person that Lud looked up to. But instead, I was the example of what Lud should never be. And the thought of that sickened me to my core.

Isabel sniffled to my left. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held her tight. She wasn't crying anymore. But she was still very clearly upset. I patted her back when she hiccupped. Rodereich and Elizabeta had left a good half hour ago. Disgusted sneers and snide remarks included. Isabel and I were waiting for Romano to finish up with his disciplinary meeting. But, judging by the echoes of Italian swear words and miscellaneous bangs, Romano wouldn't be coming out of the VP's office anytime soon.

I was right. Romano didn't come out for another half hour. And when he did, well, he looked like shit. His olive toned complexion was pale and drained from all colour. Purple bags were evident under his eyes. I could tell that he had exerted a lot of his energy today. I wanted to tell Romano just how grateful I was to him, but I knew that that would only add to his anger. He'd probably say something like: ' _We're friends. What the fuck is there to be grateful for_?' And then, after that touchy feelsie moment was done and over with he would deny ever saying that, along with our entire friendship in general. I grimaced. Shit. I would have to find a way to make it up to him. He was missing his afternoon shift at the pizza place because of me.

Isabel leapt out of her seat. Romano shed her with a weak smile as she threw herself into his arms. Romano murmured sweet nothings into her ear until she calmed down. His Italian had a smoothing effect on her. Romano grabbed Isabel's hand. He looked at me and I gave him the go ahead. We opened the front doors to the office and stepped out into the hallway. We were ambushed almost right away. Lud went straight for me. He placed both hands on my shoulders. I averted my gaze to the ground and let my hair fall over my cheek. I didn't want him to see the bruise. Lud was smart enough to spot my evasive tactics. He swept my hair to the side. When he saw my bruise, his blue eyes widened.

Something in Lud snapped. His worry shifted into anger. I bit my lip and shook my head. Lud took this as his cue to pull me into a hug. I didn't bother to speak. My throat was too constricted for that. I let my body language speak for itself. I wanted to forget everything. To put it in the past. Ruminating over something so trivial wasn't worth it in the long run.

Felicia sniffled into Romano's chest. Isabel had her arms wrapped around both Italian siblings. "I-I was so worried! F-fratello!..." It took Felicia a moment to catch her breath. "Are you OK? Did you get hurt?"

Romano shook his head. A proud, shit-disturbing grin crept onto his face. "I gave that piano fucker a run for his money."

Isabel took this comment the wrong way. She pounded Romano's arms and chest with angry, shaking fists. "Roma!" She sniffled. "You have to be more careful. I don't…." Isabel's voice faltered. "I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt." Romano grabbed Isabel's right fist. He brought it to his lips and kissed it. His amber eyes smoldered with affection. It made my heart twist into a bunch of knots. Matt looked at me in that exact same way. Did that mean….did that mean that he…? No. It couldn't be. I was simply overthinking things. That's all.

" _Bella_ , you know that I'm more than capable of handling myself. I can't always have my gorgeous girlfriend save the day for me. How boring is that?"

Isabel grumbled something incoherent into his chest. Romano chuckled and ran a hand through her thick chocolate curls. Felicia pulled away from Romano and slowly sauntered over to Lud and I. I bent down and kissed Felicia on both cheeks. "Grazie," I murmured. "I can always count on you to take care of my brother." Felicia's doe-like eyes brimmed with unequivocal happiness. The amount of care in her eyes was so genuine that it was almost piercing. No. It was angelic. I loved her like she was my own sister.

Felicia nodded and smiled up at me. "Bitte."

Lud cleared his throat and walked over to Romano and Isabel. This was the one time that the Italian didn't glare at my brother. Lud extended a hand to Romano. "Danke. You protected my sister when I couldn't be there for her."

Romano reluctantly shook hands with Lud. It took him a lot of effort not to wipe his hand on the cuff of his pants afterwards. "You've done the same for my sorella," he scoffed. "I was simply returning the favour….bastard." Lud accepted his thanks and shed Romano with a faint half-smile. That was the kindest that Romano had ever been to Lud. We all knew that it wouldn't last. But still. It was nice to see everyone getting along for once. Especially in a time when it was necessary to stick together.

Isabel pulled away from Romano and reached into her purse. Everyone winced when we heard the jingle of car keys in her hand. "Who wants a lift home, eheh?" she chuckled weakly. Romano cringed. Lud just about shit his pants. Felicia was oblivious. I honestly could care less. All I wanted to do was go home. If Isabel drove, we might die, we might not. But it meant that we would get home later.

Isabel's carefree, lax attitude translated into her driving. If Romano drove, well, again, we might die, we might not. Romano was impatient. Believe me, if you looked up road rage in the dictionary you'd find his name right next to it. What I'm trying to say is that Romano sped like a deranged maniac. And so, with his driving, we'd get home much sooner. Tch. Italian's and Spaniard's and their poor driving. Absolutely hopeless. All of them.

I looked over at Lud and grinned. The vein in his temple was popping out. The thought of driving in a car with two of the worst drivers on the planet had him shaking in his boots. It'd probably be much safer to let Lud drive. But we both knew that Romano would rather die than let that happen. Apparently, we potatoes are too anal in our driving. Ha. Better anal than front and forward. What the actual fuck is this analogy? Never mind. Don't ask. I have no idea where I was going with that. Nor do I want to know.

Romano snatched the keys from Isabel's hands. "I'm driving," he growled.

"But Roma!"

"Don't you pout at me like that! It won't work."

Romano's blush said otherwise.

"Ugh, fine. But run one more red light and I'm setting fire to your driver's license."

"Eheh, kay.~"

Lud's eyes twitched: _To accept or to not accept a lift? That's a real number cruncher. Whether it's more practical to suffer at the hands of horrible drivers, the swift turns and accidents of careless mistakes…_

I grinned. Poor Lud. I could see him crunching the numbers in his head. He valued money more than anything. Even that of his own life. Which, in turn, meant that he would be getting into Isabel's car. Regardless of the driver. I clapped my hands together and cackled to myself. I couldn't wait to film this entire fiasco.

…

(6:00 PM)

I was sitting on my bed. My lap top rested on my lap. It was currently giving my thighs a third degree burn. Eh. I was too lazy to move it anyhow. It was the only hot action that I would ever be getting in my room anyways.

I was still icing my face with one hand. The other hand was used to upload the driving fiasco video onto my blog. In the end, it was Isabel who drove us home. I grinned at the memory. Felicia was too excited and happy to care about how Isabel almost drove us into a fire hydrant. But, to be fair, Romano was yelling at her. He knew full well that Isabel had a very limited attention span. Apparently, Isabel had forgotten to signal when she switched into another lane. But she forgets a lot of things, so what's new?

I'm almost certain that Lud suffered from a mini-heart attack. If the dents in the car door handles weren't evident enough. Lud was desperate enough to duck and roll out of the car at one point. Felicia and I, on the other hand, had a blast. We stuck our heads out the window and tasted the oncoming hail of snow and sleet. No. We didn't just taste it. We embraced it. Well, we embraced it until Lud dragged us back into the car. Something about it being a safety hazard or whatnot. For the rest of the car ride, Felicia and I were tucked under Lud's armpits. He didn't budge in his grip either. So not awesome.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I crossed my arms and huffed. "Password?"

"Hail Awesome," Lud grumbled.

I grinned maniacally. "Access granted."

Lud walked into the room. In his hands he held onto a take out box from Bella's café. I reached for the box, but Lud raised it into the air. I furrowed my brows into a scowl. Screw him for being so tall. Screw me for being too lazy to get up. Lud sat down on the foot of the bed. I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I tightened my arms until I heard him splutter for air. "Give me all your food!" I hissed into his ear.

Lud held up his hands in surrender. While he gasped for air, I pried open the take out box. I ran a tongue over my lips when the sweet, godly scent of a cinnamon roll filled the air around me. I would have eaten it right then and there if Lud hadn't slapped my hand away. Damn you, Kiku Honda. How dare you teach my brother the art of being a ninja. "Not on the bed," he scolded. I rolled my eyes and pouted. Lud shed me with his ' _authoritative_ ' look. I audibly pouted. I wasn't having much success.

Lud closed the box and put it to the side. "So, do you want to tell me what happened?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. It would be naïve to think that Lud would let go of this fight so easily.

"What did you hear?" My voice was already beginning to sound hoarse.

"That you attacked Elizabeta for no reason."

I had to laugh at that. It's funny how selective people can be when it comes to reporting gossip. Bias? I think so. Lud turned me around so that my back was facing him. He already had a brush in his right hand. One of the things that Lud lectures me about most was the fact that I 'never' brush my hair. Which wasn't true at all. I brushed my hair. Just not as often as most hygienic people would. Whatever. Him brushing my hair had a therapeutic effect. On both of us that is. It helped him unwind. I liked to think that my hair was his own version of a stress ball. Besides, being pampered was always good for the ego.

I winced as Lud ruthlessly brushed through a large tangle at the back of my head. "Ha! As if! The bitch sent me a candy gram…"

"Oh?"

Lud you're killing me here. Don't make me say it.

"What did it say?"

Fuck.

"She called me a slut. OW-!" Lud combed out a large tangle. He roughly brushed through my hair. We didn't say anything for a while. I could tell that he was angry. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. That there was nothing he could do. That he couldn't possibly change the way how people thought. But in the end, all I could do was come up with a stupid and possibly destructive solution.

"Want to get drunk?"

A wry smirk twisted onto Lud's lips. After placating our Opa on the phone, soothing a crying Felicia, and working a busy shift at the café, getting drunk was exactly what Lud needed. Perhaps it wasn't what I needed. But hey. I've accepted my impulsiveness. I was already drowning in self-pity. Why not add a shit ton of beer to the mix? (Ha!)

"Ja."

And thus, Lud set off to find Matthias.

Perhaps he could bribe the Dane into buying us some beer.

A lot of beer.

...

(9:00 PM)

My ears rang. Romano's shouts still echoed in my head. Eh. Whatever. I was still in a giggly mood. I wasn't drunk per say, but I was definitely buzzed. Lud, on the other hand, was a completely different story. The boy turned into a massive pervert whenever he got drunk. Which would explain why he had drunk dialed Felicia. It didn't take long before Romano called me up to scream every sort of profanity that came to mind. Apparently, Lud had told Felicia to " _Brace for his wurst_." Whatever the fuck that meant. I honestly didn't want to know. I knew far too much already. Seriously. That's the last time that I ever check under his bed. I'm not kidding. You don't want to go under there. That is, unless you're a kink loving fuck. It's a BDSM paradise. Ugh. Not even my buzzed mind could handle the image of that.

THUMP!

I groaned. I placed my phone on the kitchen counter and stepped into the living room. Lud was lying face down on the couch. His chest was shaking. Was he…? Oh my Gott. He was crying. Again. I sat down next to Lud on the couch and patted his back. Lud turned his head to the side. His blue eyes were red and puffy. Including his nose. "I-I don't…..want to…." He sniffled.

I felt like I was soothing a bear. He was just that big.

"You don't want to, what?" I cooed.

"I don't want to do homework anymore! I hate it!" he wailed. "All I want to do is marry Feli, eat pasta and watch her paint all day. Is that too much to ask for?"

Oh. That hit me right in the feels. My heart couldn't handle all the angst.

"No, of course not," I chided.

"I want *hiccup* to make her *hiccup* happy."

"Then why don't you take a break from your homework?"

I smoothed a hand over his gel slicked hair. Oops. I discreetly wiped my hand over the back of his shirt. He was too drunk to notice anyhow.

"You don't get it! I do my homework _because_ of Feli. She's *hiccup* what motivates me to do what I do. I want her to be better off in life."

I had no words to say to that. I simply let Lud cry it out. All the while I was touched by his sincerity. Looks like I had done good a job in raising him after all. Er….minus the slight pervertedness. But I was willing to overlook that. In the grand scheme of things Lud had turned out to be just fine. Mama Gillian was more than happy; she was elated. Fuck. Again with the third person?!

Lud sat up. I had about 0.3 seconds to escape. Argh. I wasn't fast enough. Lud trapped me in a hug. He sobbed into my shoulder. "How come….How come I haven't met your new boyfriend yet?"

I froze. That was a really good question. I had no reason not to introduce him to Matt. It's funny because Matt and I visit the café whenever Lud's preparing pastries in the back. I bit my lip. How shitty of me. Lud was so obviously worried about Matt. He was afraid that I would let myself get hurt again. The poor guy. Lud wanted to protect me from the world. It was a pity that the world loved to shoot me down. Perhaps that's why I liked to distance myself from others. I didn't want to bring them down with me. It just made life so much easier to bear…

I hugged Lud back. "How about Friday afternoon? You can meet him when you're on break."

Lud sniffled and yawned. "Alright." I froze. Lud's weight shifted and grew heavier. Oh Gott. He was falling asleep. I tried pushing him in the chest. My efforts to do so were futile. With a heavy oomph, Lud fell on top of me. I thrashed and squirmed underneath him. Lud snored in protest. My phone vibrated against the counter. I was completely pinned. I could hardly move. And then it hit me. The path to freedom was a sneaky one.

I raised my voice a few octaves. "Ve, Luddy! What do I do if my apron catches fire in the kitchen?" Lud stirred in his sleep. The oaf was always worried about Felicia hurting herself. She was a massive klutz, after all. And since Felicia spent so much time in the kitchen, Lud had just about forced her into memorizing several safety manuals. One of them included what to do in the face of a fire.

"Drop, tuck and roll," he grunted. And Lud proceeded to do those very same actions. Everything was swell until he rolled off of me and onto the floor; face first. Lud was too drunk to wake up anyhow. Although, in the morning he was sure to have a killer bruise on his forehead. I had half the mind to take a picture of him. I thought better of it when I remembered that my phone was still ringing.

"Hallo?" I answered.

" _Evening beautiful_!" I could practically hear the smirk on Matt's face.

I balanced the phone between my right ear and shoulder. I walked over to Lud and crouched down. Yup. He was still breathing. I rolled him into a position where he wouldn't choke. I tried to ignore what he muttered under his breath. It was hard not too.

"Feli, you naughty girl. Don't make me stroke that curl of yours."

I shuddered. I don't even want to know.

" _Who's that in the background_?"

"It's just my brother, Lud. He's uh…" I giggled. "Very drunk."

Matt laughed. " _You sound a bit tipsy yourself_."

"What? Me?! No!" I protested. The fact that I slurred my words proved otherwise.

Matt tsked. " _Whatever you say, Gil."_

 _" So…are you free right now?"_

My brows furrowed into a frown. "Why do you ask?"

" _Because I'm standing outside your apartment building_."

"You're what?!"

" _Meet me downstairs in five_ ~!"

Matt hung up before I had the chance to protest.

I groaned and cupped my face with both hands.

Well. There was no hiding from him now.

…

I don't think that I realized how drunk I was until I stepped outside. Matt was standing on the cement steps in front of the lobby. But he wasn't alone. A gigantic, white, polar bear sized Newfoundland dog sat on the ground next to him. My doge senses were tingling. I wanted to hug it and squeeze it and call it George. Ok. It's confirmed. I was definitely drunk off of my mind. Wipe that smirk off of your face, you idiot. He's going to think that you're crazy. But…the doge was just so godamned cute! Lud would have been tripping over his feet to pet it. As you can see, we both had an immense love for dogs. But this dog was definitely a doge. Anything that belonged to Matt was inevitably derpy.

Matt turned around when he heard me squeal. What?! I couldn't help it. The doge was practically calling out to me. I ran over to Matt. He opened his arms for a hug. I went straight for the canine. I crouched over and wrapped the doge in a tight bear hug. It licked my face and I giggled. The doge then nuzzled his head into my chest. Heh. I had forgotten to zip up my coat.

Matt stifled a groan. "Lucky bastard."

"And Hello to you too, Gillian," he muttered.

"Hello!" I was speaking more to the doge than to Matt. "What's his name?" I asked.

Matt grit his teeth. "Kuma."

I cupped Kuma's face with both hands. "Kuma? Where's Matt?! Huh?" Kuma gave me a blank look. He looked very confused. I pointed to Matt, who simply shrugged in response. Kuma still didn't give Matt the light of day.

"It's been six years and he still doesn't know my name. The only memorable person in his life is Alfred."

"How come?"

"He spoils him with hamburger meat, why else?"

Oh. That would explain why the dog was so chubby. I blew air into Kuma's wet, mushroom shaped nose. He licked my own nose in response. "So Kuma, what brings your adorable furry butt out here?"

"Alfred was too lazy to walk him. He… I mean I was also worried about you."

"Hmmmm?" I hummed.

"Gillian, can you look at me when I speak to you?"

"Huh?" I stopped blowing air into Kuma's ear. "Oh….sorry."

I stood up and raised my coat sleeve to wipe off the slober from my cheek. Matt reluctantly let me kiss him (sloppily) on his own cheek. "I missed you," he grumbled into my ear. Matt pulled me into a hug. My head rested on his shoulder. Heh. He was warm. How nice and comforting. Heh. He was like a pancake; warm and sweet. Not to mention the fact that he smelled like maple syrup. I began to drool at the thought of pancakes. Another voice in my head snapped at me to focus.

"Sorry about this afternoon. I…..uh….a lot of things got in the way…" I stammered. Matt pulled away from the hug. His violet eyes narrowed. They were inspecting me for any faults. I realized my mistake when it was far too late. I ducked my head so that my hair swept into my face. But Matt had already seen the bruise. The fluorescent light hanging above us made it even more visible. Matt inhaled sharply. I averted my gaze to the ground, thoroughly ashamed of myself.

Matt cupped a delicate hand to my enflamed cheek. "Gillian, what happened to your face?" I could hear the hurt in his voice. He was angry at me for not telling him about it. I couldn't blame him. I would have been angry too. "Was it _him?"_ he growled. I shook my head. Tears welled in my eyes.

"No! Well… kind of! Um…how about we go for a walk?" I laughed weakly.

"I promise that I'll tell you everything," I added in quickly.

"You better." Matt grabbed my hand in one hand and Kuma's leash in the other.

We spun on our heels and walked towards the main road. Kuma happily trotted along by our sides.

It was a long time before I said anything.

The fact that Matt was angry terrified me.

…

The silence was killing me. Matt wasn't just angry now. He was furious. Although, he wasn't furious at me. He was furious at how Rodereich and Elizabeta continued to get away with meddling in my life. Today was the first time that he had shouted at me. Well, almost shouted at me to be more accurate. He stopped when he realized that I was on the verge of tears. He had also threatened to call the cops. I begged for him not to. He made me promise that I wouldn't keep any more secrets from him. I agreed. Which, wasn't completely a lie. If he asked, I would tell him anything that he wanted to know. And since he hadn't asked about _that_ night, I didn't have to tell him about it. It was a dirty trick. But it was the only thing that kept me sane.

We stopped in front of my apartment's front lobby. Matt let go of my hand. Not a word was spoken during the entire walk back. Even Kuma had sensed the change in mood. He walked with his tail hidden between his legs. That was exactly how I walked too. Matt's height appeared to grow with his anger. Perhaps the scariest part about him was the fact that he didn't become volatile when angered. But rather, he kept to himself. He didn't say anything. His face didn't give away any emotion either. Matt didn't show his anger. You felt it.

"Matt…." A sharp pair of violet eyes bore into me. "I just…."

"You just, what?" he said in a clipped voice.

Ah crap. Here come the tears. Shout out to my heart for being a weak little bitch. "Why do you even bother? Why worry about me? Surely there's something better for you to do…" I averted my gaze to the ground and shuffled on the balls of my feet. Matt cupped my face with both hands. He tilted up my chin so that I looked him right in the eyes. His face flushed with warmth.

"Because I love you, Gillian," he whispered. He used the thumb of his glove to wipe away the hot tears that streaked down my face. "Stop being stupid. What could possibly be better than spending time with you? I don't care if I've only known you for a couple of months. I care for you more than I do for myself.

"And that's why I can't stand to watch you get trampled on by others. You can only handle so much. I want you to trust me. To lean and rely on me whenever you feel like you can't stand up on your own two feet. That's what I'm here for. My job is to make sure that you're happy and well-"

I cut him off right there.

"I am happy and well!" I stubbornly crossed my arms. Gott. I was acting so godamned childish.

"You may be happy, but I know for a fact that you are not well. Please, I want us to be completely honest with each other. Don't tell me that what they're doing to you isn't wrong. Something needs to be done. I can't…no. I won't let this go on for any longer."

No thoughts could describe what I did next. Perhaps it was the buzz of the alcohol. Or the selfish desire to distract myself. Or even the selfish desire to distract Matt from his thoughts. I pulled him down by the collar of his jacket and kissed him. And I mean _really_ kissed him. I was used to pecking him on the cheeks. But never on the lips. Fuck it! I growled under my breath and deepened the kiss. I closed my eyes and hoped and prayed to God that he would reciprocate.

It took him a while but he did.

Matt placed a hand at the back of my head to support me. He kissed me back. And with an equal amount of vigor. "Don't you ever…" he breathed. "…devalue yourself. You're above those assholes and you know it." I parted my mouth when Matt ran his tongue along my lower lip. His tongue slipped over mine. Verdammt. He tasted amazing. Our breathing became short. We had trouble separating from each other. Not that we had any intention of doing so. I wanted more. I wanted him close, to feel his heat seep into my body. I unconsciously brought my hips closer to his. He moaned in response.

"No promises," I gasped. "There's a part of me that will always hate myself."

Leave it to my intoxicated brain to blurt out my deepest and darkest secrets.

Matt held me tighter. "My love will be more than happy to make up for that."

I giggled and pulled away. I rubbed my nose against his. "Optimistic douche," I scoffed.

"Pessimistic fool," he retorted.

I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck. Matt tucked his chin over it.

"I love you."

I didn't freeze up like I thought that I would. It was because I truly believed in his words. I felt it from the moment that I had first met him. Matt wasn't just my best friend. He was my soulmate. He was the person who I could pour my everything into. Dark, twisted past included. I loved that sarcastic little shitbag. I loved him so much that it hurt. Fuck. This wasn't supposed to happen. How could I be so unready yet so damned willing at the same time? It didn't make sense. None of this made sense. Love in general didn't make any sense.

The world spun around, and yet, I found myself gravitating towards Matt. He was pulling me in. Closer and closer. Except this time, I didn't struggle. I let go. Every doubt, insecurity, and pestering malicious thought that haunted me was tossed to the side.

It was time to make room for someone else.

Someone who I loved dearly with all of my heart.

"I-I… hate you too."

Leave it to me to fuck up a love confession.

Sigh.

This was going to take some getting used to.


	8. Everything Awesome Turns to Shit

**Sorry for the late update guys! I'll explain why at the end of the chapter. Enjoy and as always thanks for reading~!**

* * *

 **Everything Awesome Turns to Shit:**

(December 11, Saturday, 6:00 PM)

A lot has happened since the last time you saw me. Granted, it's nothing catastrophic. But these moments are still important enough to mention. I recorded them in my journal, after all. First, Romano and I served our in-school detentions. Big surprise. The office personnel were giant assholes. They didn't let us speak to each other and confiscated our phones. Romano spited them by ordering a pizza for lunch. I ate until I looked pregnant. I ended up paying for the entire pizza too. It was my way of saying thank you to Romano. I had also asked my Opa for some extra apology money. I felt horrible. Romano had missed out on an entire shift at work. All because I had let my temper get the best of me.

Opa complied, but only out of principle. It wasn't in Romano's place to defend me. He did it because he cared. I lied and told my Opa that Romano had missed out on ten hours of work as opposed to five. I could tell that the extra money really helped. Romano was too stubborn to thank me in person, however. The blush on his face was all that I really needed. I knew that the holiday season made him nervous. The lack of money ate away at his conscience. He wanted to spoil Isabel and Feli with everything but he had nothing to show for it. What he didn't realize was that them having him was more than enough. I mean, come on. Feli and Isabel sat outside the office and waited for Romano all three days that we were under suspension. Lud did the same for me. Regardless, the point that I'm trying to make here is fairly obvious. It was better to have each other. You could quantify money, but you couldn't quantify the feeling that came along with genuinely caring for someone, let alone it being reciprocated.

Aw. Look how adorable and naïve I sound. Oh well. Anything good in my life has a horrible habit of being drowned out by the bad. Bad meaning Rodereich and Elizabeta. While Romano and I sat in the office, bored out of our minds, Rodereich paid us lunchly visits. Isabel's screaming from outside let us know that he was coming. Rodereich would come in, leer at us, scold us, and just about provoke us into fighting back. I didn't look at him and Romano kept his mouth shut; for once. It was in our mutual agreement that we wouldn't give Rodereich the satisfaction of knowing that he had triumphed over us. All was swell until my phone just about exploded with texts from that douche nozzle.

Something was off with Rodereich lately. He had become more possessive -if possible- and increasingly angry. Again, if possible. The messages weren't just malicious anymore. They were psychotic. He would message me at late times of the night, asking what I was doing, what I was wearing, if I had eaten, and if I had gotten any sleep. His concern for me was concerning. I wasn't his girlfriend. I wasn't Elizabeta. What I did was none of his business. So why in Gott's name did he care so much? No. Scratch that. He didn't care. He was obsessed. I was nothing more than a toy that he had fascinated himself with. I didn't mean anything to him. I was the muse to his madness. There was no other way of explaining it.

I think that his agitation partly had to do with Elizabeta. She was still, unsurprisingly, holding a massive grudge over our fight. If Romano and I being booed when we walked out of the office at the end of the day wasn't already an indication of that. Oh no! Call the cops! The _it girl_ had a bruise on her cheek. Oh, woe is me! How tragic! Seriously, though. She already paints her face with a bundle of lies and deception. Why not add another colour to the mix? Besides, it was winter. Blue was in right now!

Ah well. Despite the crazy, I did have my high points over the last week and a half. Seeing Rodereich have to wear a bandage over his bruised chin was one of them. But enough about Elizabeta and Rodereich. Let's talk about people who actually matter. OHHHHHHH! Shots fired, yo! Oh no. I've gone full thug mode. *Air horns* There's no stopping me now. Kesesese.

Anyways! Matt and Lud finally got to meet yesterday. It was fucking hilarious. Lud tried his best to look intimidating. Which wasn't hard because, well, he's massive. As Romano liked to say, he was part 'brick'. I'm going to skip over the fact that Romano also referred to him as part 'dumbass potato.' Well, looks like the potato's out of the bag. Gott. These puns just keep getting worse and worse. Focus, Gillian. Hmmm. What was I saying again? Oh, that's right! I was talking about how Lud attempted - _and failed-_ to be the 'overprotective brother figure'.

Matt had Lud wrapped around his finger at the sole mention of beer. After that, Lud couldn't help but grin and shake his hand. Repeatedly. Lud also liked Matt because of his money. Not that he was going to mooch or anything. It was just reassuring for Lud to know that I would be well taken care of. The fact that Matt also liked beer was shocking. It was a nice surprise. And by 'surprise, I mean tackling Matt to the ground, screaming in his ear, and cackling out loud like a mad person.

I then gave him an ultimatum: " _Get drunk with me or prepare to have your vital regions seized_." I don't know where the vital regions part came from. It seemed right at the moment, albeit it being extremely inappropriate. Actually, never mind. I'm almost sure that I've heard that line from an old anime that I used to watch.

In the end, Matt agreed to get drunk with me. The 'vital regions' part, however, was going to be tough to overlook. I had unleashed a monster. A passive aggressive, sexual innuendo crazed monster, that is. Matt wouldn't let that comment go. I think that he wanted to take things further, ah, in 'bed'. I know that he wouldn't push me to do anything that I didn't want. But that comment-! That damned comment had escalated things way too quickly for my liking. Every date now ended with him asking me to come over to his house and cuddle. Which I would have, if I hadn't been so busy with exams in the first place.

Yesterday was the last day of in school classes. The next week would consist of exams, and then after that, Christmas break would start. Lud had driven me crazy over the past few days. Although, I suppose that his stress was warranted. He had a lot of responsibility resting on his shoulders. He, Felicia, and Kiku had been chosen to represent our school at a mock UN summit in New York. They would be acting in the place of the Axis powers, post World War two. It's almost ironic how their heritage suited their roles perfectly. Lud would represent Germany, with Felicia being Italy, and Kiku being Japan. I felt an immense amount of pride for my brother. I know for a fact that great things lay ahead of him. Hopefully this trip would help him realize just how competent he truly was. If he set his mind to it, Lud would succeed. He had an amazing work ethic, and a determination that was almost scary. It was a pity that he was so always so hard on himself.

The poor boy had been stressed out for a number of reasons. On top of taking his exams earlier so that he could leave for the trip on time, Lud also had to worry about Felicia's grades. The organization running this trip had a minimum GPA acceptance level, and Felicia wasn't exactly the brightest meatball in the pot. Studying and tutoring Felicia had taken up most of Lud's spare time. It didn't help that both Opa and I had practically forced him to go on the trip. Lud wasn't very keen on leaving me on my own for a week. You would think that I was the younger sibling here. I shrugged off his worries by telling him that I had Matt to look out for me. Matt had been more than happy to comply with this statement. Although, that only gave the douche more of an excuse to bring me over to his house for a cuddling session. Ja….'cuddling.' Nice try, Maple Douche. You're not fooling me any time soon.

So this brings me to where I am now, walking outside in the frigid evening cold. Lud's flight for New York had left earlier this afternoon. I know that I should be studying for my exam on Monday, but I couldn't be bothered to. I tended to perform better if I didn't study at all. Studying drained the awesomeness out of my brain. Pulling all-nighters just wasn't my thing, unlike Lud. Although, I had to commend him for his creativity. Pouring mountain dew into a red bull was a sure fire way to stay awake. Minus the 50-50 chance of dying from a heart attack afterwards. 10/10 would not recommend.

I shivered and shoved my hands into the front pockets of my coat. The wind blew my hair around. It trailed and billowed behind me. The sun had set over an hour ago. I was walking through a busy strip of the downtown area. Christmas lights hung on roofs and nearby pine trees. Couples were out and about, enjoying the pink and purple hues of the setting sky. Laughter and the sound of carols filled the air. My boots crunched against the salt covered side walk. The wind ripped at my cheeks and any exposed skin through the holes of my denim skinny jeans. I was suddenly in the mood for a hot drink. I'm pretty sure that there was a Starbucks nearby anyways.

Regardless, I was just glad to be out here. The cool air had a therapeutic effect on me. It numbed me to everything that had been going on lately. It was also nice to get out of the apartment. Other than school and my dates with Matt, I didn't get out all that often. With all the craziness lately, I had less and less time for evening walks like this. I reached into my coat and pulled out my phone. Perhaps I would call Marianne and Isabel and see if they wanted to hang out. Knowing them, the last thing that they would be doing right now was studying.

I called them and their excuses varied. Isabel was too busy comforting Romano. The grump was still sobbing over losing his sister to a 'potato' for the week. Marianne and Arthur were another story. Apparently, the two of them were stuck babysitting Arthur's younger brother, Peter. Oh well. It couldn't be helped. It's not that I minded being alone. I actually preferred it most of the time. I just felt a bit awkward because it was the holiday season. Everyone stuck together in groups. I felt left out. It was a feeling that I was used to, but not out here. I took walks because it helped me forget about my social exclusion at school. I was a stranger. People didn't know my story and therefore I would be treated neutrally; without judgment. But now, since it was December, everyone grew closer together. I'll admit it. I was envious. I loathed being the odd one out. In fact, I didn't want to be out here anymore.

I turned on my heels and set off in the direction of my apartment. I froze in my tracks when a black pick-up truck pulled up next to me, just about running over the curb in the process. I ducked my head and quickened my pace. Call me paranoid all you want. I'd rather be safe than sorry. The truck honked at me and I nearly jumped three meters into the air.

"OH GILLIAN~!" A familiar voice sang. I bit my lip and groaned. It was Matt. People stopped to stare. Matt honked three more times for good measure. I kept walking. My face burned. I wasn't about to deal with this right now. If he wanted to get out of the truck and talk to me like a _normal_ person, then _fine_. I wasn't going to put up with him being a complete and utter moron. I spoke too soon. Matt put the truck into reverse and slowly rolled after me. He probably thought that he was being _so charming._

"Aw! Why you gotta be like that, eh?" he whined.

I didn't look at him when I spoke. "Park the damned truck and stop drawing attention!" I snapped. I continued to trudge forward. Matt tutted and pulled the vehicle to a stop, woefully following my orders.

True to my word, I growled under my breath and crossed over to poke my head into the passenger's side window. Matt grinned and turned the radio down. I scrunched my nose. Nickel back? Really? I groaned at the sight of his attire. He was wearing a black Canadian goose jacket and a German flag themed hat. Keh. I told him not to buy that. Didn't he have any patriotism for his own country?

Once again, I spoke too soon. In the back seat there was a box of Molsen Canadian beer, along with several other empties to match. The front cup holder also had a half-empty bottle of maple syrup in it. I scrunched my nose again. I caught a faint sniff of weed. My eyes fell to floor. A giant, maple leaf themed bong had claimed shotgun. Matt blushed. I stifled a giggle and propped up both of my elbows onto the window sill. My face fell into my palms.

"T-that's not mine!" he stammered.

I shrugged and shed him with an unrelenting grin. Matt was busted and he knew it. "Sure it isn't," I smirked. "That's why there's a blunt paper sticking out of your coat pocket." Matt's blue eyes widened in alarm. He fumbled to reach into his pockets. His search came up empty.

"Ha," I chuckled. "Made you look." Matt looked up to glare at me. I smugly raised my eyebrows.

"Okay, 'Smartass'," Matt growled. "Want to tell me why you're not at home studying?"

"Didn't feel like it," I hummed. "What are you doing out here anyways?"

Matt pursed his lips. "I have work in an hour. Thought that I would grab a quick coffee."

I ran a tongue over my chapped lips. My distraction didn't work very well.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Enough pouting. You and I both know that it's not going to work."

I crossed my arms and huffed. "Fine. I'll go home and study, happy now?"

Matt shook his head in annoyed disbelief and shut off the truck. He flashed me with a lopsided grin.

"But of course."

"Cocky jerk."

"That cocky jerk was just about to offer you a free hot chocolate."

I was quick to correct myself. "Cocky, bribing jerk."

Matt stepped out of the truck. I met him half way and grabbed his hand.

We had just enough time to grab a quick drink at Starbucks.

Matt insisted on walking because it set the 'romantic mood'.

What a dork.

…

I held onto Matt's gloved hand with my left hand, and onto my cup of hot chocolate with my right. He had already finished his coffee. He chugged it despite the scalding temperature. I, on the other hand, actually enjoyed tasting my drink. I blew on my hot chocolate and took a small sip. Matt chuckled, sending clouds of vapour into the cold evening night.

"Come on," he whined for what must have been the fiftieth time. "Just one sip."

I protectively hugged the cup of hot chocolate to my chest. "No!" I huffed. "It's not my fault that you finished yours so fast." Matt tutted and turned his head to the side. He stuck up his nose to the air. I deadpanned. Oh great. Now he was moping.

I poked him in the rib cage. "Oi, stop acting so stubborn." Matt didn't respond back. He kept his eyes locked forward as we walked on. My impatience grew. I reached out to poke him in his flushed cheek. I giggled when his jaw tensed up. I poked and poked, but he didn't relent. Eventually, I gave up and accepted his silence. Matt wasn't very happy about this. I swear, sometimes he could be so goddamned childish.

He stopped walking. I wasn't paying attention. He yanked my hand back when I obliviously stepped a few paces ahead of him. I fumbled and almost dropped my hot chocolate. Some of it splashed onto my mittens. I scowled up at him. Matt's teeth glowed blindingly white under the fluorescent streetlight.

"Pity. All that hot chocolate wasted when you could have just given me a sip."

I grit my teeth and held out the steaming cup for him. It was time to swallow my pride and accept my defeat. I couldn't put up with his wallowing for much longer. Him drinking would help wipe that smug look off of his face. "Here," I grumbled, blushing all the while. "You can have a _small_ sip." Emphasis on 'small'.

Matt grinned and took the cup from me. I wanted nothing more than to elbow him in the face. He was taking his time to bring the cup to his lips. He slowly sipped on it. I watched and counted away at the seconds. Two seconds; that's it. Okay. Now it was five seconds. Shit! Matt was full on chugging it, his adam's apple bobbing as he tipped the cup further and further back.

"Matt, that's enough…You can stop now! Matt?! Matt!"

I reached out to smack the cup from his hands. Matt chuckled and stretched on the tips of his toes. As if he wasn't tall enough as it was. I swiped and clawed at the air like a deranged maniac. My boyfriend was a sky scraper. The only solution was to strike low. And so, I did. I elbowed him in the stomach. Matt spluttered and choked. I swiped the cup from his hands. Perhaps a bit too hard. The cup splattered to the ground. I mourned for the premature death of my hot chocolate. I had been deprived of so much chocolate-y goodness. That bastard! Grief quickly turned into anger.

I stomped my foot against the ground. "Just look what you did!" I hissed. Matt's mouth parted open in an O. He smirked and I fucking lost it on him. I started to pound my fists against his chest. After five blows, Matt finally caught my wrist, bent over, and planted a quick kiss on my lips. That shut me up real fast. He pulled away. I refused to look him in the eye. I was more absorbed with angrily kicking at the salted gravel at my feet.

"Wow. You really get worked up about your hot chocolate."

"Keep it up, and I'll set fire to every bottle of maple syrup that you own," I bit back.

Matt's eyes darkened. He grabbed my hand, and against my will, tugged me towards his chest. My protests and profuse cursing were muffled by his Toronto Maple Leaf's scarf. His arms wrapped around my back. Hot breath tickled my ear. "Do that and I'll make you my cuddle slave for an entire month."

"Isn't that what you're doing to me right now?" I deadpanned.

Matt lessened his grip. He raised a hand to cup my face. I pouted and puffed out my cheeks. I probably looked like an angry chipmunk. Matt cocked his head to the right. I shifted my head in the same direction. He pressed his lips to mine and this time I let him kiss me much longer than last time.

Passer-by couples whistled and hollered at us in encouragement. I grinned and knotted my hand through Matt's shaggy, but surprisingly soft hair. It was like touching a soft cloud of douche. The scene was perfect. The warmth of our lips cancelled out the cold. I faltered for a moment. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. My gut feeling told me that I was being watched, and my gut had never been wrong before. In between kissing Matt, my eyes frantically roamed around our surroundings.

My heart stopped when I spotted Elizabeta and Rodereich standing at the other end of the street. They were walking together, arm in arm, probably out for an evening 'stroll'. All air escaped from my lungs. Suddenly I felt cold again. I locked eyes with Rodereich and panicked. Matt's back was turned to Rodereich. He wasn't seeing what I was seeing. Elizabeta still hadn't noticed me. She kept looking up to Rodereich with confusion written on her face. Everything slowed down. My hearing sharpened and my vision blurred.

(" _Rodereich, dear, what are you looking at?")_

Rodereich snapped at Elizabeta with a harsh retort. I didn't hear it. I whimpered and Matt pulled away from the kiss. His eyes widened in alarm when he saw the terror in my eyes. "What's wro-?"

Matt stumbled forward when I grabbed his hand and tugged. I didn't care if people stared. All I knew was that I needed to run.

"G-Gillian?" Matt questioned in a breathless, heaving voice.

The sound of my name was like a stab to the chest. Fuck. Any hopes of keeping my cover was now blown. I didn't stop. I picked up my pace and ran, dragging Matt along with me. Matt turned back to look behind him. "DON'T!" I screamed. I jerked Matt's hand so that he was looking straight ahead, almost tripping over my feet while doing so. My hair was blowing straight into my face, limiting my vision.

I didn't want Rodereich to get a good look at Matt. That would only lead to more trouble. I grit my teeth and cursed under my breath. How stupid of me. I should have thought this through. I winced when I felt an all too familiar buzz in my pocket. The texts had already begun. Tears rolled down my face. "Gillian," Matt repeated. "What the fuck is going on?!" He was beginning to get worried. His grip on my hand tightened as I led him, full sprint, towards his truck.

I looked up to Matt and pleaded with him. "I can't…." I sobbed. "I just…I need to get out of h-h-here…"

Matt choked when he realized that I was crying. He didn't need further explanation. Matt took over and led the way ahead. He must have noticed how panicked I looked. He knew that something was wrong and that we, or rather I, was in some form of danger.

Matt pulled out his car keys from his coat pocket and clicked open the doors. Without hesitation, I leapt into the passenger seat and ducked. I curled into a ball and sobbed while my phone _buzzed_ and _buzzed_ and _buzzed_ with new texts. Matt drove away, swearing all the while.

I cursed myself for being so ignorant. Of course, Rodereich wouldn't accept the fact that I was dating someone else. He wanted me for himself. He was a greedy bastard who wouldn't let me experience any shred of happiness in my life. I was stupid and naïve to think that things between Matt and I would work out in the end. Matt wasn't just dating me. He was dating my problems as well. And my problems came in the form of a stuffy, entitled Austrian who believed that he could control every aspect of my life:

 _What was that?_

 _Who was that guy?_

 _You slut!_

 _Are you dating someone behind my back?_

 _I thought that I've made myself_ very _clear._

 _You're mine, Gillian._

 _Break up with him._

 _Now._

 _Do not_ _make me interfere._

 _You'll be sorry if I do…_

…

I felt so embarrassed. I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. Matt pulled up into the back parking lot of the Royal Fae. He still had twenty minutes before his shift started. My phone kept buzzing. It didn't stop. Every buzz fuelled my anxiety. I refused to look up and meet Matt's face. I was miserable. The incessant buzzing of my phone was his only answer. Matt unbuckled his seat belt. He bent over and placed a hand over my hunched back. I hiccupped and squinted my eyes.

"Gillian, baby, please, look at me," he whispered. My heart shattered. His voice was filled with pain. Pain that I had caused.

I shook my head and cried even harder. Matt rubbed circles over my back. "Baby, please," he begged me again. "What happened back there?" I couldn't stand it anymore. I sat up and buried my face into his chest. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He didn't understand. I wouldn't be his baby for that much longer. Not if I felt any form of compassion. It would be selfish to ask him to stay with me.

Matt held me tight. My sobs turned into sniffles, which eventually turned into hiccups. I pulled away and Matt cupped my face with both hands. His palms were warm and comforting. I hated myself for leaning into his touch. It wasn't fair. I hated how much I loved him. He kissed my nose, my forehead, and my cheeks. He used his shirt sleeve to wipe away my tears. His violet eyes were wide and pained. I saw myself through the reflection of his teary eyes and wilted. I looked awful. My hair was strung all over the place. My eyes were puffy and red. Redder than normal. I felt my lips tremble. I quelled back the rising sob at the back of my throat. "Rodereich," I choked out.

"He saw us…he was there," I hiccupped. "I had…to get away…"

"Shhhh," Matt soothed. "Deep breaths." It took him a while to take in what I had just said. I felt Matt tense as he pulled me closer again. "Wait. Are you trying to tell me that you saw _him_ out there?"

The pieces clicked together and Matt's tone of voice suddenly became very angry. "Give me your phone," he ordered.

I shook my head and gasped. "N-n-no!" Fuck. I couldn't even speak.

'Gillian, don't make me repeat myself."

I felt nauseous. The world spun around. I bit my lip. The taste of iron filled my mouth. I fumbled for my phone. I had previously placed it on top of the front dash board. Matt and I both reached for it at the same time. I smacked the phone out of his reach and it fell to the floor. I then kicked it under the seat. Matt surged forward but I held him down by placing both hands on his shoulders. This time I really wanted him to look at me.

"M-Matt….please…It's o-okay…" I wheezed, begging for him to understand.

Matt jerked and shrugged me off easily. My hands numbly fell back into my lap.

He raked a frustrated hand through his hair.

"DAMNIT, GILLIAN!" he roared. "IT'S NOT OK! YOU CAN'T KEEP LETTING THAT GUY TREAT YOU LIKE THAT! IT'S NOT RIGHT!"

Matt slammed his hand against the dashboard in frustration. I winced and jumped a little in my seat. I turned my back to him and rested my head against the window. The cool glass helped numb the sting of being yelled at. I shrunk, smaller and lower than ever before. Matt cursed under his breath. I closed my eyes and whimpered softly. I didn't ask for any of this. Was a little bit of stability in my life too hard to ask for?

Matt started up the truck again. I lifted my head from the window. "Where are we going?" I croaked.

"I'm going to give that guy a piece of my damned mind," he growled.

I leapt out of my seat and placed a hand on the gear stick. "No! Everything's fine! R-really!" My sobs proved otherwise. "Please. Don't."

As gently as he could, Matt tried to pry my hand away from the gear stick. I had no intentions of letting go. If I could help it, we wouldn't be going anywhere. Matt didn't understand the magnitude of the situation. Rodereich was a mad man. Talking to him wouldn't solve anything. But rather, it would only make things so much worse than what they already were. Rodereich was unpredictable and Matt's safety was uncompromisable. I was the person who Rodereich wanted. I wouldn't let that bastard have Matt too. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't allow it.

Matt spoke through his teeth. His temper was spiking again. " _Let go_."

I didn't back down. "You love me, right?"

I waited until we established direct eye contact again. I pleaded and begged for him to stay with me. This wasn't my Matt. He was too angry and rash. I wanted to see my sweet, dorky Matt again. The one who teased and smiled at everything that I did. It took everything in my willpower to pull him out.

Matt let go of the gear shift, leaned back into his seat and let out a shuddering sigh. He looked up at the truck's beige, padded ceiling and balled his hands into tight fists. "Of course I do," he breathed out after a long moment of silence.

I leaned forward and smoothed the bangs out of his face. "Good. Because I love you too. And that's why I want you to trust me. I can stand up for myself if I need to."

Matt sat up and brought me into another hug. "Running away and crying isn't exactly standing up for yourself," he half-heartedly murmured into my neck.

"What happened before had nothing to do with standing up for myself. I was worried about you."

"All the more reason to call the cops."

Ugh. This argument again. "They won't do anything," I protested with a scoff.

"How do you know that?"

 _Because I've tried before…_

"Because I do."

Matt shook his head. His facial expression told me that he had given up on the matter. My stubbornness was legendary. Thankfully, he was quick to move on…well…sort of…

"Can I see your phone?" Matt implored me with wide, worried eyes. "Please?" I grumbled and reached under the seat. It was a good thing that I had deleted the more 'threatening' messages beforehand. I knew that something like this would happen eventually. I handed Matt the phone and averted my gaze to the ground. My face burned with shame. The silence was killing me.

Matt inhaled sharply. His face paled and his breathing became ragged. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. When I couldn't take it anymore, I reached over to cup his face. I used the other hand to gently put the phone down. He didn't need to see anymore. It was clear by the horrified look on his face that he had seen enough.

I rested my head against the crook of his neck. "I don't take his words to heart," I whispered, trying my best not to let any hint of emotion slip onto my face. This wasn't a lie. I wasn't a slut. Never was and never would be. The accusations laid against me was Rodereich's feeble attempts to cover up his mistake. That mistake being my entire existence.

Matt hugged me tighter. "I would certainly hope so."

I sighed. His fingers knotted in my hair. "Gillian?"

"Hmmm?"

"If things get any worse, I'm calling the cops."

I scoffed internally. I agreed just to placate him. "I suppose that's fair."

"One more thing."

I groaned into his chest. Matt pecked me on top of the head.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For yelling at you."

I silenced him by placing a finger over his lips.

"You showed me that you cared. How could I possibly be mad at you for that?"

Matt blushed. I only saw it from the neck down.

"I lied."

I giggled. "About….?"

"I'm not done."

I pulled away from the hug and looked him right in the eyes. "What now?" I inquired with a smirk.

Matt pressed his lips to my forehead. "I won't let you get rid of me that easily."

I smiled through my grimace.

( _He's smarter than he looks…)_

This douche was here to stay.

It wasn't holding him close that made me selfish.

It was pushing him away.

* * *

 **And….Let the chaos begin!**

 **From now on, _please, please, please,_ read the A/N at the top of the chapter because quite often enough THERE WILL be trigger warnings. I urge you to put your well-being first before you read some of the upcoming chapters.  ESPECIALLY Chapter 10 and 12 (I'll give the warnings again, regardless)**

 **Anyways, I have some explaining to do. University is killing me, and since I was impulsive enough to start another story, I'll be sticking with updating this story once a month. It's a miracle that I've been able to upload one story weekly as it is :P Speaking of which...**

 **Shout out to my AMAZING Beta Reader, NebulaZee for turning this chapter into something coherent and readable. Alright, on three. One, two, three "Thanks Zee~!" Much love and appreciation xD**

 **Moving on, I've been going through a really hard time lately and I don't have a lot of spare time because of school. But I feel like I don't say this often enough, so I will. A big thank you to everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed this story! You honestly don't know how much your support truly means to me. It really does help me push through!**

 **That being said, I implore for your patience. I'm in the process of recovering from an eating disorder** **(I'm okay now), so updates won't be all that quick (I also have two other stories in progress). I will try my absolute best to get these chapters out there, but only if I'm at my absolute best…okay?**

 **Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a fantastic day, eh? (I'm so Canadian, who's the maple douche now lol?)**

 **-Ella**


	9. Snowstorms and Unawesome Predictions (?)

**Snowstorms and Unawesome Predictions (?):**

 **(December 16, 9:00 PM, Thursday)**

Exams passed by without any big problems, which should be viewed as a problem in my opinion. Rodereich's texts became less frequent. I suppose that that had to do with his studying schedule. But after the incident with Matt, and despite the lesser frequency of texts, Rodereich became even more possessive. He had gone out of his way just to remind me that I was 'his.' I refused to answer his questions about Matt, however. My dating life was none of Rodereich's business and it would never be. Thankfully, exams got in the way of further encounters. We were only at school for the mornings, and after exams, most students frequented the library, a public and thankfully _very_ crowded space. There wasn't much of a chance for Rodereich to confront me there.

And even after I left the library, my friends formed a protective ring around me. Rodereich had been cut off completely. I know for a fact that he was furious about this, but honestly, I couldn't give a rat's ass. Perhaps now, Rodereich would finally take the message and leave me alone.

Matt certainly seems to think so. After I told that dork about the lack of messages and taunting posts on my blog, the Canadian had been ecstatic. He believed that Rodereich's interest in me had to do with the fact that I was single. That I was a girl who Rodereich couldn't have, but would still chase after just for the thrill of seeking. I didn't have the heart to tell Matt that this probably wasn't the case. He didn't know Rodereich as well as I did. The Austrian had ulterior motives that extended far beyond Matt's simplistic assumption. Unfortunately, I have yet to figure out what exactly they were.

Regardless, I was still grateful for the relative silence and peacefulness of the past week. I had just completed my last exam today. It was the evening now, and I was sitting alone in my dining room, getting ready to skype with Lud, Felicia, and Kiku. I was looking forward to hearing about how their mock UN meeting went. Hopefully the internet connection would hold out for more than twenty minutes. A violent snow storm was running amok outside. Hail and sleet rattled against the window, causing the lights to flicker every now and then. The fact that I was alone during all of this was unsettling.

I grabbed a mug of tea and sipped on it. The skype icon on my laptop popped up with a new call. I answered it after one ring. I grinned and waved my middle finger in hello. Lud, Felicia, and Kiku stared back at me. They were crouching in front of the foot of a hotel bed. Felicia grinned and moved to reciprocate my fingered greeting. Lud grimaced, shook his head, and grabbed Felicia's hand, preventing her from doing so.

Kiku bowed his head politely. Kiku was a shy, polite Japanese boy who had coal black hair in the shape of a bowl cut. He had a love for manga and anime that I could match any day of the week. Which would explain why the first question that popped out of my mouth had to do with that very glorious subject. "Kiku, my man!" I cackled. "Did you get me the merchandise?"

Kiku smirked. He reached down to pull up a large black t-shirt. He spun it around for display and I leaned closer to the web cam. A graphic Attack on Titan t-shirt stared back at me. I stifled a squeal and put on my best poker face. Kiku had bargained for this in the black market. Hopefully, his stoic composure had done me good. Lud and Felicia would have been awful bargainers. Lud was cheap with his money and Felicia was way too trusting. She would have gone for any price. Kiku, on the other hand, was a silent, badass ninja who could unnerve anyone with just one glare, including myself. Seriously. The kid had huge eyes and spoke very little; his appearance was enough to throw any person off of their game.

I crossed my arms. "How much?" I huffed, blowing away some annoying fringe from my forehead.

Kiku shed me with a wry smile. "Twenty dollars." Wow. That shirt went for close to $60 on amazon. Kiku's bargaining game was _on_ point.

I fist pumped in the air and hollered like a maniac. "Aw man! You really pulled through for me! Tell you what, I'll give you $30 for it. Just for your troubles."

Kiku shook his head, folding the t-shirt into a neat little box. "That won't be necessary. Consider this as my Christmas present to you." I grinned and accepted his offer. I had a super rad gift for Kiku as well. I had bought him a limited edition volume of the Levi spin off series. Kiku was sure to get a kick out of that.

Lud cleared his throat. I moped and tried to contain my excitement. Felicia was bouncing up and down. That tended to happen when she didn't receive enough attention. Although, I'm sure that Romano must have been calling her at all hours of the day. Not to mention the fact that Lud was at her side at all times. Especially when they were walking through the streets of New York. It would save everyone a lot of stress and trouble if Felicia wore a leash. Screw being humane. How about being safe?

I playfully stuck out my tongue. "Hi to you too, Lud."

"So she does know that I exist!"

Felicia giggled. I smiled. Lud was joking and that meant only one thing.

He was having a good time.

I smirked. "Ja, but sometimes I try to forget."

Lud waved off my comment with an irritated eye roll. "How were exams?"

I shrugged. "I passed, if it's any consolation."

The vein in Lud's temple twitched.

I relented. "They were okay. Nothing too difficult…How did your meeting go?"

Lud draped a restraining arm over Felicia's shoulders, who burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter in response. Kiku bowed his head in shame. I swallowed. Uh-oh. This couldn't be good.

"'Italy', over here," Lud grit his teeth in an attempt to stifle his own laughter. "Clearly doesn't understand the true purpose of the UN."

"Huh?" I deadpanned.

"She declared war on Russia for having poor fashion," Kiku facepalmed.

"And since we're her allies, we had no choice but to back her up," Lud moaned.

I joined Felicia in her cackling. How priceless.

Lud blushed. "Don't encourage her!"

Felicia turned to give Lud a smug peck on the cheek. "Ve! I'll take over the world! One clack of the heel at a time~!"

"You do that!" I chortled.

The lights flickered. Everyone's laughter died down. The connection weakened and the screen went blurry. Thirty seconds later the connection stabilized again.

Lud furrowed his brows. "What was that?"

"Poor connection. There's a real bad snow storm going on outside. We should probably say our good byes now while we still have the chance."

Lud's expression became disgruntled. The storm only added to his long list of worries.

"Lud, I'll be fine," I chided. "There's no need for you to worry about me. Enjoy yourself for once, will ya?"

Lud nervously fidgeted with his hands. Felicia wrapped an arm around his neck and cooed soft words of Italian into his ears. Lud's ears reddened indefinitely. "Okay…but I still want you to call me every night."

I beamed. "Of course. I wouldn't dream of missing out on your incessant lectures."

"Smartass."

"Worrywart."

"I have every reason to be worried! You nearly burned down the apartment yesterday!"

"For a good reason," I defended.

"Gillian, microwaving an egg for the sake of time is _not_ a good reason," he lectured.

"According to you."

I puffed out my cheeks, sucked up my pride, and said my goodbyes. The connection broke off right when I hung up the Skype call. I sighed and scooted my seat against the ground, causing the wooden flooring to screech in protest. I padded over to the kitchen and placed my mug in the sink. The lights flickered and I froze. Thankfully, the electricity stayed on. I wouldn't know what to do if it went out. Lud was the survival master. I, on the other hand, was rendered helpless as soon as my precious Wifi connection broke off.

My cellphone began to ring. I picked it up from the kitchen counter and eyed the screen with wary eyes. The call was from an unknown number. I let it ring twice before I finally mustered the courage to answer it.

"Hello?"

 _No answer._

"Matt is that you?"

Silence.

"Are you trying to prank me? Because if you are it's _so_ not working."

 _No answer._

"Okay seriously. You can stop now." I nervously rambled on. I grimaced. Have I not learned anything from horror movies? Clearly I didn't. I hung up the phone right after that. Not today, wannabe prank murderer. Not today.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I turned on every light in the apartment after that. My luck struck out when the power went out for good. I inhaled deeply, and urged myself to calm down. I pulled out my phone and turned on the flash option. I then padded towards the couch and wrapped myself in a blanket cocoon. I could already feel the cold seeping into the apartment. The heaters had been shut off. I didn't know what to do. I texted Matt in the hope that he could offer me some of his 'douchey' expertise.

 _Me: Haha. Nice try._

 _Matt: What are you talking about?_

 _Me: You tried to prank call me, remember?_

 _Matt: No I didn't…._

I frowned. How odd…

 _Me: Weird. I got a call from an unknown number._

On cue, my phone rang again. This time I answered it on the first ring.

"Hello?" I answered.

Once more, there was silence on the other end. I waited a minute. I scoffed and hung up when I didn't get a response.

 _Matt: Perhaps it was the wrong number._

 _Me: Maybe, but they've called me twice now._

 _Matt: What did they say?_

 _Me: Nothing. It's a blank phone call._

Matt's advice came in two seconds too late.

The phone rang again, and this time I didn't hesitate to answer it.

"Hello?!" Frustration leaked into my voice. "I think you might have the _wrong_ number…"

 _No answer._

Like a broken record, I ended the phone call after a minute of silence. I grit my teeth and hugged my knees to my chest. I hated the fact that I was alone. It allowed my mind to run wild with eerie possibilities. The vulnerability of my situation was beginning to get to me. I know that this was probably a joke. Regardless, I didn't like the uneasy feeling that curdled in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't as if I felt like I was in danger, but rather, the storm, lack of electricity, and silent phone calls had me spooked. So not awesome.

 _Matt: Don't answer if they call you again._

I decided to switch the topic at hand. No need to blow the situation out of proportion.

 _Me: Are you working tonight?_

 _Matt: Nope! The restaurant's closed because of the storm._

 _Matt: Why?_

 _Me: Uh…my power's out._

 _Matt: And ;)?_

I already knew full well where this was going.

 _Me: You're a horny little bastard, you know that?_

 _Matt: Oh hush!_

 _Matt: Come on! What were you going to say?_

 _Matt: I'm DYING from the anticipation!_

 _Me: Do you think that you could…come over?_

 _Matt: Aw~! Are you scared to be alone? ;)_

 _Matt: Not to fear, Gilly Boo! Maple Douche is here to save the day!_

 _Matt: I will come bearing marshmallows, blankets, and warm hugs!_

 _Me: Ugh. Just get here as soon as you can._

 _Me: I take back what I said. Take your time getting here._

 _Me: The roads are terrible._

 _Matt: Will do :D_

I sighed and stood up from the couch. I grabbed my coat from the dining room table and shrugged it on. I shivered as I walked over to the front door. Before Matt came over, I wanted to look at least somewhat prepared. The only light that I had to use was my phone. Hopefully, Matthias's 'voodoo' girlfriend would have some candles to spare.

I didn't let the fact that I had just invited Matt over get to me. It was going to happen eventually. I suppose that things really were serious between us now. I can't say that I minded it all that much. In fact, I was actually looking forward to snuggling up next to him on the couch. As long as he didn't try anything too perverted, everything would be A-OK. My phone rang and I grimaced in response. I had spoken too soon.

I nearly snapped the phone in half when I answered it. "Do me a favor and fuck off. This isn't funny anymore," I growled. I didn't give the person a chance to speak. Not that they were going to anyways. I hung up the phone and stepped out of my apartment. Thankfully, the calls stopped after that. It wasn't until later that the texts started up again, however.

…

My trek downstairs was not an easy one. The elevator was down, which meant that I had to take the stairs. The entire complex was pitch black. My phone was the only item that I had to ward off against the darkness. With all electronics turned off, the familiar hum that filled the air was now gone. Every sound was amplified, and every creak of the metal staircase made me flinch. I was on edge, and that nervousness didn't go away when I sauntered into the front lobby.

A cold, chilling wind, swept across the room. My combat boots clacked against the lacquered, marble tiles. I shifted my phone, using the light to look around. No one was sitting at the front desk. I turned in the direction of the lounge. If Matthias and Lucy ( _ha! I actually remembered her name!)_ weren't' there, then I would likely find them in their apartment. But alas, I wasn't the one to find Lucy. Lucy was the one who found me. An ear-splitting screech rang and echoed throughout the lobby. I spun around only to be tackled with a desperately thrown hug.

Wide indigo eyes dilated under the light of my phone. Lucy's hair was strung up in all places imaginable. The cross clip that always held back the bangs from her face was gone. Her cheeks were hollow and her outfit didn't show that much progress either. She was wearing a blue silk robe that dragged on the floor and hung loosely over her thin shoulders. Underneath she wore a pair of white, full body under garments. She must have been sleeping before she came here. But why? I got my answer when Lucy grabbed my shoulders and throttled me back and forth.

I gasped and spluttered. "L-Lucy? W-what are you…?" Lucy looked at me, except she wasn't _really_ looking at me. They were blank slits that gave way to a whole other dimension. Lucy's lips trembled. She buried her face into my chest, her nails digging sharply into my shoulder blades.

"D-Don't go!" She sobbed.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here," I soothed, despite my increasing heartrate. "I won't leave you."

I awkwardly patted her back. This wasn't the first time that I had seen her like this. I didn't believe Matthias at first when he had told me that Lucy could see into the future. But after seeing Lucy make crazy and impossibly accurate predictions, I wasn't so quick to judge. She had predicted Lud breaking his arm last year. Not only that but the exact date and time of when it would happen. Lucy knew about things that I had never even told her. For example, she knew about Fritz and the names of my late parents. There were no secrets with her. She knew and saw everything, so it goes to say that my concern increased tenfold when I saw her sobbing at the very sight of me. She was worried. About what, that I don't know.

I pried myself out of Lucy's grasp, grabbed her hand, and steered her further into the lounge. She was hyperventilating and muttering gibberish under her breath. I tried my best not to panic. Matthias was the expert at calming her down when she was like this, not me. I sat Lucy down in a chair and kneeled before her. I squinted to get a good look at her. Shiny tears streaked down her pale cheeks. Lucy doubled over and cupped her face with both hands.

"The music," she whimpered, squinting her eyes shut as tightly as she could. "It's too loud…"

I smoothed back the hair from Lucy's face. "Music? What music?" I asked.

Lucy shook her head. My words fell deaf on her ears.

"LUCY!" Matthias's footsteps pounded down the front lobby's corridors. He too was wearing bed attire. A large red robe with a black t-shirt and red and white plaid pants underneath.

The Dane burst into the lounge, using his own phone as a guide. I moved to the side and let Matthias do his thing. The Dane let his head fall into the Norwegian's lap. Lucy absently played with his spiked up hair. She wasn't looking at anything in particular. All she did was tremble and murmur unintelligible words to herself.

"Matthias," I started. "What's going on?"

Matthias grabbed Lucy's hand and brought it to his face. "Atta girl," he soothed, cracking a weak smile while doing so. "It's almost over. You're doing great." Lucy whimpered. She clamped both hands over her ears and began to rock back and forth.

Matthias turned his head to the side. "A storm generates a lot of psychic energy. They leave her vulnerable to episodes like this," he explained. Lucy grabbed Matthias's hand. He winced when her nails dug into the soft flesh of his palms.

I swallowed back my fear. "S-she mentioned something about music…" I stuttered.

Matthias flashed me with a grateful, albeit strained smile. "It's always good to write down things as we go." He pulled out a notepad from the front pocket of his robe. "Lucy, sweetheart? Can you tell me what you're seeing right now?" Lucy didn't answer him. Her hands were still cupped over her ears.

Matthias let out a deep shaky, breath. "Lucy ran out of the apartment as soon as she sensed you. You must have really worried her. Getting that girl out of bed is a miracle in itself," he chuckled nervously.

"Uh…" I faltered. "I only came down here to see if you guys had some extra candles…"

"Candles? Yeah, we have those," Matthias muttered bluntly. His concern for his girlfriend had inhibited his ability to think coherently. Poor guy.

Lucy sat up without warning. Matthias and I's breath hitched. Matthias surged forward and helped her to her feet. Lucy irritably shrugged off his hand with an indignant scoff. She took a wobbly step towards me. "Gillian," she murmured, looking me dead in the eye. My heart raced. The darkness surrounding us became overwhelmingly suffocating. "Don't listen to the music."

Lucy swayed forward.

"Matthias! She's going to faint!" I shrieked.

Lucy's eyes rolled into the back of her head.

"Oh no you don't!" Matthias grunted, reaching forward in the nick of time.

The Norwegian crumpled into the Dane's chest.

I stood and watched with a horrified look on my face.

 _Don't listen to the music?_

What the heck was that supposed to mean?

…

I paced back and forth in my front hallway. It was the only way to keep warm. I was wearing two hoodies and a pair of sweats, and yet, I was still freezing my ass off. The candles lit and spread around my apartment didn't really help all that much. They spread light, but not warmth. I inhaled deeply. The scent of sage filled my nostrils. Matthias had also insisted on giving me a bundle of incense sticks, free of charge. Lucy's worry for me had concerned him. The sage was supposed to ward off negative energies. Unfortunately for me, they weren't effective in warding off perverted, passive aggressive boyfriends.

Three shrill knocks rapped against my front door. I cocked my head to the side. That's odd. How come I didn't get a buzz from downstairs first? I slowly approached the door and placed an eye in front of the glass peep hole. And lo and behold, Matt was standing on my front mat (heh), practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. I grinned, unlocked the chain and poked my head out the door.

"Password?"

Matt smirked. "Gillian is awesome."

"Access granted. Welcome to my humble abode, my dear Maple Douche." I stepped to the side and courteously let Matt enter the front room. I took his coat and hung it up in the front closet. Underneath he was wearing a baggy Toronto Maple Leafs hoodie and a pair of black sweat pants. I tucked a stray piece of hair out of my face. My messy bun bobbed up and down as I trotted back over to him. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but I was very glad that he was here. I had been spooked enough for one night. His presence was quite comforting to say the least.

I placed both hands on my hips. "So…want to explain to me how you got up here?"

Matt shrugged. "A lady was sitting in the front lounge. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she was waiting for me. Weird, eh?" he chuckled.

I sighed. "That's Lucy for you…" I anxiously shuffled my feet on the ground. "Did she…did she say anything that sounded a bit off to you?"

"She told me to look out for you."

"Oh," I hummed in thought. "Nothing _too_ weird, I suppose."

Matt grinned. "Nope!" He placed great emphasis on the P consonant. His lips popped as he mouthed it out. I shifted under the Canadian's leering gaze. Shadows from the candles mischievously danced across his beaming face. He looked like a jack-o-lantern. I shivered. Matt took a step towards me.

"Is my precious Gilly Boo cold?" he cooed. "Not to worry! Mattie's here to fix that for ya!" I spluttered and took several steps back. Matt loomed over me. I wasn't fond of the predatory look on his face.

"Matt…" I warned in an hesitant voice. My eyes widened into saucers. "What are you…? ACK!"

Before I knew it I was thrown over his shoulders and screaming my head off. I pounded my fists against his back. This only caused Matt to cackle even louder. He led me to the couch. I deadpanned. Fate had doomed me to become his cuddle slave. Ahem. Not that I minded all that much.

…

11:00 PM

I stirred and shifted under Matt's arm. He was fast asleep, breathing lightly. His chest fell and rose underneath my head. He had taken off his glasses. I admired his side profile and resisted the urge to trace my fingers along his jaw line. Faint stubble sprouted on his chin. I smirked. Oddly enough it suited him. I opted to smooth back the bangs from his forehead instead.

I sighed in contentment. The power should go out more often. The last couple of hours had been absolutely amazing. The dork had brought over a make shift smores' kit with him. I was savvy enough to suggest using a lighter to burn the marshmallows with. We had then stuffed ourselves to the point where going to bed early was inevitable. Which would explain why we were sleeping on the couch. Sleeping on my bed just didn't seem appropriate. At least, not yet anyways.

My phone buzzed underneath my leg. I was careful not to move too much when I pulled it out. I raised the blanket to shield Matt from the light of my phone. I scoffed when I saw that the text was from Rodereich. I grit my teeth. I was _so_ not in the mood for this right now.

 _Rodereich: Pity that I didn't get to see you after the exam today._

 _Me: Pity for you. Victory for me._

 _Rodereich: Being a bitch again, are we?_

 _Rodereich: Tell me now, are you still seeing that guy from the other day?_

 _Me: And what if I am?_

Sue me. I was itching for a fight.

Little did I know that today would be the day when Rodereich finally snapped.

* * *

To be continued...

* * *

 **Hello again :) I hope that you're all well!**

 **I'm astounded by how kind and supportive you guys have all been, and for that I thank you so so so much! I love you all, and it makes me so happy to know that you're enjoying the story.**

 **Just a heads up, next chapter will have a MASSIVE trigger warning. IF you don't want to have the end of the chapter spoiled, skip ahead and don't bother to read the author's note at the top! You've been warned!**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Ella**


	10. It isn't unawesome to be afraid

**HEY! HEY! HELLO!**

 **TRIGGER WARNING!: ( DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT THE CHAPTER TO BE SPOILED. SKIP AHEAD!) Contains physical violence and partner abuse. **

* * *

**It isn't unawesome to be afraid, but it is to let it control you:**

 **(December 16, 11:30 PM)**

 _Rodereich: Pity that I didn't get to see you after the exam today._

 _Me: Pity for you. Victory for me._

 _Rodereich: Being a bitch again, are we?_

 _Rodereich: Tell me now, are you still seeing that guy from the other day?_

 _Me: And what if I am?_

 _Rodereich: Terrible things will happen._

 _Rodereich: I've warned you about this many times._

 _Rodereich: And yet you still choose not to listen to me._

 _Rodereich: But this time you won't be the only one to pay._

 _Me: What the hell does that mean?!_

 _Me: And what gives you the right to threaten me like that?_

I inhaled sharply. At this point I was freaking out. I was ballsy enough to respond to Rodereich only because I was with Matt. He made me feel safe, but now, Rodereich was threatening someone else. My safety and well-being wasn't the only thing in question now. I had to get to the bottom of this. I hated to do it, but I was going to have to play nice if I wanted to get any more information out of that arsehole. Rodereich always lived up to his threats; I couldn't take any risks.

 _Rodereich: Call me._

 _Me: Excuse you?_

 _Me: You're not making any sense?_

 _Rodereich: The solution is simple._

 _Rodereich: Call me and I'll explain everything._

 _Rodereich: You have ten minutes._

 _Me: Enough with these games!_

 _Rodereich: Tick tock, Gillian._

 _Rodereich: You, my dear, have a very important decision to make._

 _Rodereich: I suggest that you hurry up._

I didn't respond to Rodereich after that. I knew what I had to do. I was going to call him. I had no other choice. He wasn't just threatening me. He was threatening someone else. Why? Because I was stupid enough to pick a fight with him. This was my fault and I needed to own up to the consequences of my actions. I pressed my face against Matt's shoulder and bit down on my lip. I could already feel my anxiety rising. Things had never escalated this far. Sure, every now and then I responded to Rodereich's texts, but I've never actually spoken to him over the phone. Hearing the sound of his voice would surely throw me off. Rodereich knew that I was secretly terrified of him. He's wrecked my confidence and reputation before, and I wouldn't rule him out from doing it again. I hated this man. Just the thought of him sent chills running up my spine. I clenched my teeth and had half the mind to hiss like a cat who had just been spooked. Whatever Rodereich had to say, it couldn't be good. I just knew it.

Matt shifted in his sleep. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned. "Gillian?" he murmured. I nuzzled my head against his chest and softly cooed for him to go back to sleep. He reluctantly obliged. I unwrapped the blanket from my waist and stood up from the couch. Matt protested. I bent over and gave him a placating kiss, promising that I would be right back. Unfortunately for me, that wasn't enough for him. With a smirk, Matt grabbed onto my wrist and tugged me forward. I gracelessly fell into his lap.

Matt chuckled. "Who said that you could leave me?" he whispered. My heart pounded in my chest. Time was ticking. I had to think of something and fast.

I sat up and moved into a much less compromising position. I was still straddling him, but at least my face wasn't pressed up against his crotch. I cupped a hand to his face and purred. I owed my performance to the darkness of the room. Matt couldn't see the strain on my face or the tears that welled at the corners of my eyes. I tried my best not to tremble. It didn't work. I've never been able to pull anything past Matt. Not for that long anyhow.

"Baby, you're trembling. Are you cold?" Matt's grin was instantaneous. "Want me to warm you up?" I spluttered and quickly found myself trapped in one of his bear hugs. I prayed to every God imaginable that he wouldn't be able to hear my racing heartrate. I craned my neck to look up at him. I raised a finger and traced it along the corner of his mouth. Matt took the hint and rushed down to meet my lips. I parted open my mouth and let him take the lead. It was a lazy, sloppy kiss that didn't last for very long.

I pressed my face into his collar bone and let him tuck his chin over my head. All the while I was frantically keeping track of how much time I had. Five minutes. I still had five minutes to call Rodereich before his deadline passed. It was more than enough time to come up with an excuse. "Why don't you go back to sleep?" I cooed.

Matt hummed in agreement. "As long as we stay like this."

I shook my head and giggled. "At least let me use the washroom first."

Matt grudgingly unwrapped his arms from my waist. "Fine, but be quick. Wouldn't want you to get hypothermia," he winked. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the heat was back on. He was still too sleepy to think coherently. I grinned and teasingly flicked him in the forehead. He half-heartedly growled at me. Sleep kicked in not long after and he let his eyelids fall shut. I took a few steps forward, careful not to make too much noise.

I waited until I heard the reassuring sound of his soft snoring before I snuck over to the front door. I reached for the door knob. My breath hitched. I looked back at Matt. The peaceful expression on his face ate away at my conscience. I was lying to him and I hated it. Matt would surely disapprove of what I was about to do, but I couldn't risk not calling Rodereich. Too much was on the line.

Slowly, I twisted open the door knob. The door creaked, and I paused. My ears pounded. Thankfully, Matt was still fast asleep. I swung open the door and was careful to _quietly_ shut it after me. Each creak and groan of protest only added to my already growing anxiety. I blinked out black spots from my vision. The bright lighting of the outside hallway stung my unadjusted eyes. I had been sitting in total darkness for close to five hours now. I pulled out my phone from the front pocket of my hoodie. My pupils dilated and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I nearly dropped the phone as I fumbled to press all the right buttons. I leaned against the cement wall, pressed the phone to my ear, and closed my eyes. One ring; no answer. Two rings; no answer. I grit my teeth. The bastard was doing this just to drive me off the wall; _literally_.

Rodereich picked up on the third ring. " _Good evening, Gillian."_ My blood ran cold at the sound of his voice. It was like the purring of a car engine. People often mistook Rodereich as charming, when in fact, he was quite the opposite. This was the voice of a conniving, manipulative psychopath who held no empathy for others. I couldn't let my guard down.

"What do you want?" I growled.

" _Tsk_!" Rodereich tutted. " _Poor manners as always_. _I shouldn't be so surprised."_

I clenched my free hand into a fist. I was done with his pleasantries. I wouldn't let him string me along anymore. I wasn't his puppet to direct. I never was and never would be. "I don't have all night, Roddy," I hummed, biting my lip so hard that I tasted blood. "Now are you going to give me an explanation or what?"

Rodereich inhaled sharply. I took some satisfaction out of his reaction. But I also knew that I couldn't press him too much. Whether I liked it or not, Rodereich was the one who held most if not all of the power over this situation.

Rodereich chuckled airily, causing my stomach to lurch with unease. " _Silly, Gillian. I'm afraid that I'll be the one calling the shots here. Unlike you, I have the entire night at my discretion. I'll keep you here as long as I damn well please_."

What I did next was extremely stupid. I hung up the phone. I needed to let him know that it was _my_ choice to call him. He wasn't keeping me anywhere. At least, not for that long anyways. I still had Matt to get back to. I couldn't let this call drag on too much. I intended to make Rodereich blunt with anger. This way he would get to the point much quicker. I knew that what I was doing was dangerous, but it was the only way to balance my ticking timeline. I waited a mere 30 seconds before my phone rang with an incoming call. I inhaled deeply. Round two of scary phone talk. I'm practically _quivering_ with excitement.

"Hello~?" I sang.

 _"Listen, you bitch_ ," Rodereich hissed. " _It's about time that you learned your place. You better be on your best behaviour, otherwise, I'll be inclined to do something very, very rash_." His breathing had become laboured and heavy. I could tell that his anger was growing, and very quickly at that.

I didn't respond. I knew that he wasn't done speaking. I feigned my submission and remained silent. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to fight back. I stifled those thoughts by picturing the faces of all of those close to me. Rodereich had enough power to hurt them. Perhaps not directly, but he had his ways. It was in my best interest not to lash out, no matter how badly that I wanted to do so.

" _Much better,"_ Rodereich snidely remarked. " _I see that you've finally come to your senses_."

I swallowed back the bile rising at the back of my throat.

" _From now on, I'll ask and you answer. Do I make myself clear_?"

I sighed and muttered my agreement. This was the only way that Rodereich would tell me anything.

 _"Splendid. Are you still dating that boy_?"

"Yes."

" _Are you going to break up with him?"_

Blood from my lower lip trickled into my mouth. The taste of iron and the sound of Rodereich's sickening voice was not a very pleasant combination to experience. "No."

" _Oh, but you will. That is, of course, if you want your darling little brother to do well in school."_

"You bastard!" I screamed. "You keep Lud out of this! He didn't do anything!"

" _Keep out of this? My dear, I've been in this before you were even aware of it. Who do you think was the one who signed your brother's recommendation letter? Why, without me, Lud couldn't have possibly made it to New York_."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" I seethed. "Lud was chosen for that trip because of his grades! Several teachers recommended him for that position!"

" _And what of my opinion as the 'beloved' student council president? I was the one who had to pile through and organize the applications. It gets quite tedious and tiresome at times. Perhaps I should just make it easier for myself and throw a whole lot of them into the scrap bin. Hmmm….come to think of it, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea…?"_

I felt like pulling my hair out. It wasn't just Lud who Rodereich was threating. He was now bringing Felicia and Kiku into this as well.

My voice lowered into a dangerous tone. I was beyond livid. "Threaten me all you want. But don't you _dare_ bring anyone else into this."

" _You're in no position to be giving me orders. But, as I do consider myself to be a reasonable, fair- minded individual, I will give you a choice. Break up with your boyfriend and I will abstain from interfering. You're mine, Gillian. And I have just about had it up to here with your stubbornness over the matter."_

"I belong to myself!" I shrieked. "I was never yours in the first place, you lunatic!"

 _CLICK!_

I hung up the phone only to answer it again thirty seconds later.

"Your threats mean nothing to me!" I screeched.

" _Oh, but you know that they do…"_

 _"You'll come around_ … _eventually_ …"

"Like hell I will!"

Rodereich chuckled in an attempt to sway my mind. I, on the other hand, was having none of it.

" _I suppose that I have no choice but to interfere now_ …"

"I'm sure that I'll manage just fine!" I snapped, hanging up the phone. There was some truth in my words. If I played my cards right, Lud, Felicia, and Kiku would be just fine. All I had to do was sneak into the room where all the applications were held. I've snuck in there before. Doing it again would be easy, and just to spite Rodereich I'd put several of their applications in there. That way, the principal would scold him for not filing them properly. There _were_ ways to skirt around Roderich's threats. He wasn't as powerful as he thought he was, despite him trying to persuade me into thinking otherwise.

I took a deep breath and urged myself to hold on. My knees wobbled and my vision became dizzy. The constant ringing of my cell phone aggravated my pounding headache. My breathing was shallow. The ringing stopped for the time being. It's just a guess, but I'm almost certain that Rodereich would be throwing a hissy fit right about now. I swallowed and turned around to step back into my apartment. My eyes widened into saucers when I realized that Matt was standing there, his arms crossed as he leaned up against the wooden doorframe. The sharp look in his violet eyes told me that he had heard this entire exchange.

I faltered under his gaze. "I…I… didn't know what to do. He wouldn't leave me alone…" I mumbled.

Matt shook his head at me in disbelief. "So your only solution was to call him?" he asked. The disappointment on his face was heart breaking. My lips trembled. I bit down on the sob rising up in my chest. Matt simpered and dropped his harsh gaze. "Oh, Gillian," he muttered. "What am I going to do with you?"

I felt terrible. I opened my mouth in apology. The ring of my phone beat me to the chase, however. Matt's fatigue wore off. His expression became more far more alert. He looked furious. I began to stutter when he held out an expectant hand in front of me. "N-no…it's not going to help," I pleaded. Matt didn't drop his gaze. After the third ring, I relented and handed him the phone.

Matt's jaw tensed as he pressed the phone to his ear and answered it. He spoke with a sharp and curt tone of voice. I winced at the very sound of it. It wasn't at all like the friendly, jovial tone that I had become so well accustomed to.

"Hello, this is Gillian's boyfriend speaking here," he snapped. "You've caused her enough trouble and it'd be in your best interest to stop whatever the hell it is that you're doing. This is the one and only warning that I'll ever give to you. Call her again and I won't hesitate to get the cops involved."

Matt snapped the phone shut before Rodereich had any chance to respond. I didn't know what to feel. Could one feel terrified and relieved at the same time? Because that's exactly how I felt right now. Matt's arms wrapped around my waist. I numbly let my head fall against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and murmured sweet nothings into my ear. I let myself relax, the real type of relaxing. For once, I wasn't worried about Rodereich. I had Matt right here with me and that's all that mattered in the end.

..

I couldn't have been more wrong. This was only the beginning. It wouldn't just be petty texts anymore. Roderich's obsession with me had turned into something much, _much_ bigger. Oh God, I didn't have a clue.

…

 **Elizabeta's POV: (earlier that day)**

I decided to visit Rodereich's house this afternoon. Today was the last day of exams and I thought that it would be nice to surprise him with a visit. I know full well that what I was doing was risky. His temper and overall patience has been very thin as of late. He's been much more distanced than usual. I couldn't help but worry. The stress of exams must have really gotten to him. You see, Rodereich worked according to a schedule, which meant that he balanced his time very carefully. Time put aside for studying and hosting student council meetings took up most of his day. I was more of an afterthought. I didn't get to spend any real time with him. Sure, we spent our lunch breaks together, but we didn't really speak all that much. Too many people sat with us during that time. Hmmm. He still sent me good morning/ good night texts at least. Not to mention the fact that he checks up on me multiple times a day. I've always found that to be really sweet. It's nice to know that he cares. All I wanted to do was reciprocate that feeling. Surely there's nothing wrong with that, right?

His parents showed me into his room. As always, they were kind and very welcoming. Rodereich was giving a piano lesson down in the basement. He would be done in half an hour's time. This gave me some time of my own to let my mind run wild. Events from the past few weeks blurred together. My face burned with embarrassment. It infuriated me to know that I had let Gillian get under my skin again. As if that bitch didn't already make my life hard enough as it was. I now know that Rodereich had always been right about her. I just never thought that she would have done something to me like that. I used to call that girl my best friend. At one point I had even considered her to be my sister.

Over the course of our friendship, Gillian and I had had our fair share of fights. I've always been a bit jealous of her ability to attract the attention of others. Her boisterous personality and wide, goofy smile had earned her a good reputation in the school. She was a natural people pleaser; everyone liked her and she liked them right back. She flaunted her way around life and got everything that she wanted. She was talented at almost everything that she did. Back when we were friends, I tried my best to act happy for her, and to a certain degree, I genuinely was. I trusted and loved Gillian.

Rodereich, on the other hand, had been skeptical of her from the very beginning. From what I understand, Rodereich and Gillian had never gotten along, even in preschool. Back then, I had tried my best to placate the both of them. I wanted them to like each other. I wanted us to all be friends and to get along. Unfortunately, God wasn't kind enough to grant me my wish. Everything took a turn for the worse at a house party last winter. Gillian was hammered as usual with an excessive amount of beer. At some point, I had lost track of where they both were. There were lots of people at the party and the music was blaringly loud.

And then there was the screaming. I remember it so vividly. I remember Gillian stumbling out into the living room. She looked at me with wide, pleading eyes, mumbling "I'm sorry" and "I tried to stop him." Her lies didn't fool me in the slightest, however. Rodereich had already told me what had happened between the two of them. I didn't bother to listen to her excuses. Rather than feeling, I acted. I slapped Gillian with the force of every ounce of frustration that I had ever felt towards her. My best friend had tried to sleep with my boyfriend. I couldn't believe it. I had never felt so betrayed in my life. My whole world stopped. The one and only good thing that I had going for me had almost been taken away. Rodereich was _mine._

All my life, I had shared the spotlight with her. I lurked in the shadows of her giant, egotistical footsteps. Rodereich was the first person who saw me as something more in his eyes. He believed in me and pushed me to work harder in school. He woke me up from my own foolishness. Pranking people and wrestling was childish. It wouldn't get me anywhere in life. He paved the way for my success, and being the slut that she was, Gillian just had to ruin and tear everything apart.

Rodereich was never the same after _that_ night. He had been completely devastated; he was broken. It was a long time before he opened up to me again. Eventually, he told me what had happened in more detail. I remember feeling revolted all over again. Rodereich, of course, had protested to her advances, but Gillian had never been one to take no for an answer. Rodereich didn't have much of a choice. He shoved her away, but this type of reasoning didn't reassure him in the slightest. He was still disgusted over the fact that he had harmed a woman. I begged and pleaded with him. It wasn't his fault. It never was. I then became very angry. Gillian didn't come back to school after that. She hid from her mistakes and neglected to face the consequences of her actions. Several times she had tried to call me and apologize. I absolutely refused to speak with her. If she couldn't face me in person, then she wouldn't face me at all.

In fact, Gillian didn't return back to school at all last year. And so, when she made her appearance at the beginning of _this_ school year, I couldn't help but lash out at her. The anger that I had repressed for so long had come back to me in full swing. I wanted to make sure that she paid for her actions. I wouldn't let her escape from me this time. I wanted her to know and to truly believe that she was a shitty person. I was and am still very resentful and bitter over what had happened at that party. Call me childish all you want. Gillian didn't ask for the attention. That bitch had practically screamed for it, and I was more than happy to give it to her.

I'll admit, our last fight did get a bit out of hand. Rodereich hadn't been very pleased with me about that incident either. He berated and scolded me for my actions, writing them off as immature, and I couldn't have agreed more. I felt terrible. I could tell that the whole situation with Gillian still bothered him. I wanted to make things up to him, to please him and ease his worries. I worked extra hard when it came to studying for my exams. I just hope that my efforts paid off in the end. I wanted Rodereich to be proud of me. I despised feeling like a burden. A good girlfriend should be there to soothe her boyfriend, not stress him out.

I stepped into Rodereich's bedroom and gulped nervously. Everything was spick and span, and I've always had a nasty habit of making a mess. I looked at his computer desk. His laptop was open and his cell phone was placed right next to it. I had to remind myself that I wasn't allowed to go anywhere near there. I then looked to his bed. The burgundy covers were impeccably pulled over all four corners of the mattress. The lack of creases on the comforter made me wary to sit on it. I unconsciously rubbed at my wrists. I had to be very careful with what I was doing here. It only took one mistake to set him off. I looked to my left. His violin case was leaning up against the glass doors of his closet. It was best not to go anywhere near there as well.

In the end, I had no choice but to sit at his desk. I gently twisted the swivel chair back and forth with my hips. I let my backpack rest in my lap. I didn't know where else to put it. The floor certainly wasn't a viable option. I hummed to myself and tried to suppress my peaking curiosity. Rodereich's been very touchy about his phone lately, and I've been too scared to ask him about who he's texting. All I know is that he's been very worked up about it.

To help pass the time, I fumbled with the buttons of my white blouse. I had to make sure that they were clasped shut. I then smoothed my hands over the rough material of my black pencil skirt. I sighed out of relief when I realized that there weren't any visible wrinkles. The creak of footsteps could be heard. The door opened and Rodereich padded into the room. I turned around in the swivel chair. I immediately considered turning back around. Rodereich looked furious. He carefully closed the door behind him. I silently trembled in my seat.

Rodereich spoke slowly, agonizingly so. "What did I say about going near my computer?" he growled. I grimaced. Again with the computer. I don't understand! We're supposed to be partners, and partners certainly don't keep secrets from each other. It bugged me how secretive he was. I wanted to experience everything with him, but he would never let me do so!

It hurt to be shoved to the side like that. All I wanted was the best for him. Screw privacy. I didn't care about that. I let him look through my phone whenever he wanted to. I had nothing to hide. We used to tell each other everything. But now, I stayed only in the hopes of finding my real, beloved Roderich, my true boyfriend, the one that I had originally fallen in love with. I was determined to help him get through this tough time in his life. I loved him with all my heart. Every day I prayed that he would open up to me again, and that's exactly the reason why I was here today. I came here to support him. To be the shoulder that he could lean on. I didn't care about the risks. If I showed him that I cared, he couldn't possibly push me away. Or so I had thought…

I stood up from my seat, letting my fear and worry get the best of me. My bag dropped to the ground with a loud crash. I winced. Rodereich almost lost it right there and then. His eyebrows and lips twitched with irritation. I took a hesitant step forward. "I-I didn't know where else to sit," I whispered in a breathless voice.

"There's a reason for that," he hissed. "I don't remember giving you permission to come over today." I hated seeing him like this. His sweet, lavender eyes narrowed into an unfamiliar scowl. It didn't suit him at all. My poor Rodereich. What has Gillian done to you? How selfish of her to take you away from me. Darling, please, come back to me. I _miss_ you…

"I-I was worried," I stammered. "You've been wearing yourself thin over the past couple of weeks. I wanted to help you rela-"

Rodereich cut me off. He stepped forward and my vision blacked out. The echo of the slap registered only when my head thudded against the carpeted ground. My hair fell into my face. My eyes burned and stung with fresh tears. I quelled them back and shivered in place. I didn't dare to get up. I didn't have the strength to. I wept silently to myself and pleaded for God's mercy. I had never asked for this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. There was no getting through to Rodereich when he was like this, when he was angry beyond reason. All I could do was lay there on the ground, paralyzed. My wrists stung. The ghost sensation of him grabbing me had caused yet another involuntary wince on my part. I buried my face deep into the carpet. I was ashamed of myself. I was pathetic and weak and completely undeserving of his time.

"Are you insinuating that I can't handle myself?" Rodereich spoke, inhaling through his nostrils.

"N-no!" I wept, my shoulders shaking. "I only wanted to make you happy…" Rodereich sighed. I could hear him pacing back and forth across his room, silently cursing to himself in German. I sat up and crossed my legs. I held perfect posture and kept my eyes trained on the ground. I only spared him a glance when his back was turned to me. He took off his glasses and set them down on the desk. His hair stuck up in odd places when he raked a rigid hand through it. He was losing his composure. There was no pretending in his room. This was the real Rodereich. The angry, bitter, and hurting person who I loved and only wanted to help.

I didn't realize that Rodereich was looming over me. He cleared his throat. "Get up," he ordered. I complied in an instant. He grabbed my wrist and a flare of pain shot up my arm. I still had a fresh bruise from the other day. I shook my head and steered myself away from those irrelevant thoughts. I was perfectly _fine_. Rodereich sat on the foot of his bed. He guided me down to sit on his lap. His arms wrapped around my waist and his nose brushed up against the crook of my neck. "You know better than to surprise me like this," he quipped. I leaned into his embrace and tried my best not to wince. He was still angry at me. I could hear it in his voice. My hands shook when he intertwined his long elegant fingers with my short, stubby ones.

Tears sprang at the corners of my eyes again. He was right. I should have known better. I _knew_ his triggers. I _knew_ what made him angry, and yet I still hadn't learned my lesson. What had happened just now wasn't his fault. It was mine. I had caused his anger, and it was about time that I owned up to it. I squeezed my eyes shut and ignored the stinging sensation in my left cheek.

I opened my mouth and swallowed the large lump resting at the back of my throat. Two words and I would forgive him entirely. "I'm sorry," I whimpered. Rodereich kissed the back of my head. I felt a sudden itch, or rather urge, to rub at my wrists. It was a habit that I did out of nervousness. I loved Rodereich with every fiber of my being. I couldn't possibly leave him. He needed me. He had never meant to hurt me. He hurt me because he was hurting himself. I didn't have it in my heart to blame him. It wouldn't be fair for me to do so. He's helped me through so much. The least that I could do was stand by his side.

Rodereich's arms tightened around my waist. "You said that last time," he snapped.

I bowed my head. My hair swept in front of my face again. I let it bury and stow away the guilt and shame that I felt over the matter. Tears finally streaked down my face. Rodereich inhaled sharply. He used his sleeves to wipe away at my tears. "Oh Elizabeta," he chided. "What am I going to do with you?" His voice was gentle, but strained. I must have finally gotten through to him. He almost sounded like Rodereich, _my_ Rodereich.

But at the end of the day, I was still dating a complete stranger. Gillian took away everything from me. I paid for her selfishness every day. Everything around me was broken and crumbling right before my very eyes. I don't know who I hated more. Gillian or myself. I clasped my lips shut to stifle a disbelieving giggle. I'm not being honest here. The answer to my previous question is obviously the latter. Go figure. That's what I get for failing Rodereich. I was a _disappointment_. A _useless_ nobody who didn't have anything good going for her. It's no wonder that Rodereich blames me for everything. He had never proven me wrong before.

Why start now?

* * *

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 **A/N:** I think it's really important to make it clear that I am ** NOT** romanticizing Rodereich and Elizabeta's relationship in anyway shape or form. Rodereich is an abusive and manipulative partner. This isn't a normal, healthy relationship. It's destructive, harmful, and misinformed (just to clarify, I mean confused) on Elizabeta's part. A key thing that an aggressor will always do is try to diffuse the blame onto others. "You know my triggers" "You provoked me" "You should have known better." He's a psychopath, there's really no other way of putting it.

I hope to see you guys next time.

-Ella


	11. An Unawesome Disclosure

**TRIGGER WARNING!:** Unwanted touching + physical shoving **.**

* * *

 **An Unawesome Disclosure:**

 **(Saturday, December 18th)**

After Thursday's incident, things have been unusually calm, and being alone in my apartment, I had no idea what to do with myself. Matt was as busy as always juggling between afternoon and evening shifts at the restaurant. His mornings were typically free, but I couldn't be bothered to prevent him from sleeping in. I was bored simply because I wasn't used to experiencing such silence. Rodereich's texts and constant harassing had been a part of my life for so long, and now, it looked like he had finally decided to leave me alone. It honestly boggled my mind. A fog had been lifted; my life saw clarity again. No longer was there any negativity or snide comments to rain down on my parade.

In fact, I was in such a good mood that I had decided to venture outside of my apartment. It was probably around noon at this point. My brain was on holiday mode, therefore the mundane task of checking the time was far below my awesomeness threshold. My sleeping schedule was all over the place, as you can see. It didn't help that my biological clock had just about been destroyed by the amount of sugar that I've been consuming lately. I had to spend my time doing something, after all.

Matt was working an afternoon shift today, which meant that I had a good six hours to kill before we met up for whatever lame date that he had planned for us. In the end, I had decided to spend the afternoon at Bella's café. I hadn't been very successful in mooching off her 'reject' eclairs, unfortunately. Either way, the Belgian must have been dying to know about how my relationship with Matt was faring. The fact that she was currently giving me the dirtiest death glare in all of bitch kind was an obvious indication of that.

I leaned an elbow against the café's front counter and smirked. Bella stiffly paced back and forth in the small space behind the counter, her flour-splattered apron trailing behind her like a cape of forthcoming doom. When she wasn't looking, I reached to grab an apple caramel muffin from the samples tray, but alas, a pale manicured hand was quick to intercept my path.

 **SLAP!**

I whimpered, only to be met with a pair of stern chartreuse eyes. I was quick to waver under Bella's increasingly smelting glare. I then slumped down onto the counter, letting my face fall into the palms of my hands. Utter defeat would explain my predicament right now.

 **SLAM!**

Bella confiscated the samples tray and slammed it down onto the opposite side of the counter. I morosely turned my head and looked at the treats bar resting behind the glass pane of the front display. Urgh. So many cookies and baked treats that I _really, really,_ shouldn't splurge on. Eh. I ended up buying five chocolate macadamia cookies anyways. What?! Opa had given me some extra money to spend during the holidays. Call me a spendthrift all you want, but a happy tummy would always make for a _very_ happy Gillian.

Unfortunately, unlike her older brother Tim, Bella couldn't be won over with money. I scoffed. The Belgian was presently squeezing excessive amounts of filling into a freshly baked batch of maple donuts. I made a mental note to myself to buy some of those for Matt before I left the café for our date. Might as well suck up to the douche if I expected him to cook for me later tonight.

"Bella?" I mused.

The Belgian wasn't giving me the light of day. She was gripping onto the plastic decorating bag so tightly that an arc of caramel-coloured filling erupted out of it, splattering the pastel pink wall behind her.

"MERDE!" Bella cursed, subsequently proceeding to lose her shit on me. She slammed the decorating bag into a nearby garbage can. I involuntarily winced in response. Tim was sure to throw a fit once he found out about how much food she had just wasted. Oh well. Tim's anger issues were the least of my problems right now.

"Bellaaaaaaaa," I repeated once more, my cheeks spread out in a wide and ever shit-eating grin.

"What?!" Bella growled.

"Talk to me," I cackled. "You haven't said a word all morning." 'Tis true. I've been tuning into the channel of 'bitch central' for the past hour or so. Bella was obviously still butthurt over my relationship with Matt. She also didn't appreciate the fact that I hosted a majority of our dates at her café. In her eyes, I had done that for the sole purpose of 'rubbing it in'. Well excuuuuuse me princess. Not everyone has a consistently horrible dating record. Sorry but not sorry for being happy. Geesh.

Bella untied the back of her apron, crumpling the fabric into a tight ball and slamming it down onto the rolling counter, where several balls of unkneaded dough rested. The Belgian then brushed off the excess flour from her pant leg, straightened her posture, and blew ruffles of blonde fringe out of her quickly reddening face. She leaned in closer to me. The hush-hush look in her eyes told me everything that I needed to know. I turned to flee, but my route for escape was quickly diminished when she grabbed onto my wrist, forcefully holding me in place.

"Oh Gillian~!" she trilled, loud enough for the rest of the customers to hear. "Why don't you tell me about that new boyfriend of yours?"

I deadpanned. That whore. Now I couldn't run away without looking like a pansy bitch myself. I grit my teeth together and aimed a fierce scowl at the smirking Belgian. I had half the mind to reach over the counter and tear out a good chunk of her hair. Heck if Tim minded, let alone cared if I did in fact decide to do that. Bella wasted far too much food to be considered a profitable asset to the café. Getting rid of her would save him a lot of money and spare me from a shit ton of harassment in the long run, and by harassment, I mean coercion. Coercion into telling my deepest, most intimate secrets that it is. Ahem, not that I would ever dream of doing that.

To placate our now gathering audience, and just to spite Bella, I too raised my voice. "Of course! But only if you tell me how your date with boyfriend number 40 went~!" An eavesdropping elderly lady choked on her chocolate chip muffin.

The plastic grin on Bella's face faded. She just about snarled at me. Seriously, her lips were curled into a bared sneer. So not awesome. It was also very unattractive, might I add. She spoke in a low, hissed whisper, her threat further accentuated by the fact that I had now lost all blood flow in my wrist. I bit my lip. I would _not_ show weakness.

"That was a dirty trick," she seethed.

I shrugged to the best of my ability despite my constrained position. "It takes a bitch to know one."

Bella dug her nails into my wrist. I smiled through the pain, occasionally blinking out black spots from my vision. "What do you want, Bella?" I inquired with a grimace. "It's obvious that you've been dying to ask me something."

Bella cocked her head to the side, analyzing me as if I were her prey, and grinned wholesomely. "Did you have sex with him?" The amount of genuine curiosity in her eyes was killing me. It was also a bit creepy. Extremely creepy, actually.

"What?!" I spluttered. Honestly, I shouldn't have been that surprised. We were talking about Bella here, after all. This was the girl who always managed to bring up the topic of sex during conversations, regardless of the circumstances. She always did it so casually too.

"Did. You. Have. Sex. With. Him?"

My blank look prompted further inquiry on her part.

The Belgian let go of my wrist, causing my mouth to part open in horror. "Shall I do a demonstration for you?" she asked in a suspiciously sugary-sweet tone. I silently shook my head and gulped.

Bella still nonetheless proceeded to cup both hands around her mouth and make pronounced sex noises. I hissed in anger and was now the one to restrain her. I could feel the customers' stares burning into the back of my head. My face reddened under the unwanted attention. I was used to being judged, sure, but certainly not by strangers.

Bella shook one of her wrists free from my grip. She then placed two fingers over her mouth, in V formation, and stuck out her tongue.

"Oh Matt, yes! Yes!" she moaned.

"STOP IT!" I roared.

Bella lowered her hand, but not before sensually licking off some of the leftover maple filling from her index finger. Disgusted, I let go of her other wrist and let my forehead bang against the counter in defeat. I wanted to bury myself in a large, dark hole, preferably with high-speed Wi-Fi, curl up into a ball, and never come out. The second-hand embarrassment was way too much for me to handle.

"Are you done now?" I groaned.

Bella patted my head, smiling to herself as she let her fingers gently comb through my hair. What a loving 'mother' she was. "I don't know," she purred. "Are you going to answer my questions honestly?"

I nodded, knowing full well that I didn't have much of a choice over the matter. "Ask away," I grumbled.

"Have you guys had sex?"

"No."

"Oral?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Does my face scream I eat dick to you?"

"Kind of…"

I sat up. "What do you mean ' _kind of'_?! I don't do that type of shit!"

Well, at least not yet anyways.

Bella impishly stared back at me. "How come you're blushing then?"

"Because you're a fucking pervert! That's why!"

"I'm not a pervert. I'm a sex enthusiast. Learn the difference," she enthused. Note my awesome choice of words.

"Ugh. Why are you even asking me this?"

"You're too young. I don't want you to get pregnant and carry his weed babies."

"Weed babies?"

Bella waved a casual hand at me. "Tim sells to him now," she hummed.

I smirked in response. Speak of the devil. The sound of Tim's combat boots angrily clacking against the ground could be heard, but thankfully Bella's anger had deafened her to this.

The Dutch silently skirted around the front counter, stopping to loom behind Bella. I gave the Belgian no warning when he wrapped both arms around her neck, expertly placing her in an unrelenting headlock. Heh. Pay back's one hell of a bitch.

Bella cussed, growled, and slapped at the cuffs of his beige jacket, but Tim wasn't about to budge any time soon. Tim's chin was humorously tucked over Bella's head. I smiled. Their sibling relationship was actually really cute. It reminded me a lot of the one that I shared with Lud. The only exception was the fact that I would be the one to kick Lud's ass, and not the other way around.

Tim's sharp green eyes narrowed when he spotted the large pile of reject foods resting in the nearby trashcan. "You can consider your Netflix account suspended for the rest of the month," he huffed, grunting a little when Bella stomped her heel onto his left foot.

"Oh come on!" she whined. "I didn't waste _that_ much money!"

"You're not supposed to waste any money at all!" Tim snapped.

The Dutch and I established eye contact, causing him to shed me with an all-knowing smirk. His eyes darted back and forth between the front pocket of his jacket and the wallet that was currently sticking out of my own jacket's pocket. I grimaced in realization. Not again. Tim was discreetly trying to offer me drugs, but I had absolutely no interest in purchasing them. Remember what happened last time? Ja, no thank you.

I shook my head to decline the Dutch's offer. Looking a bit disgruntled, he then went back to 'strangling' his thrashing sister. At this point Bella wasn't making much progress to free herself from his grip as her head was firmly tucked under his armpit.

Red-faced, Bella pounded her fists against Tim's forearm in defeat. Tim sighed and let go of Bella, a fatal mistake that he was quick to recover from. Bella growled and stretched up onto her tippy toes, making a grab to clap both of Tim's ears with her palms. Tim simply placed a hand onto Bella's forehead, thereby preventing her from getting within murdering distance of him.

I looked around the room and stifled a giggle. The levels of entertainment of everyone in the café ranged between horrified stares from the elderly folk to intrigued and slightly amused reactions from the younger demographic. I was probably a mix of both of those reactions.

The fight between the two siblings subsequently ended when Tim just about flung Bella into the back-storage room. She had been lifted off her feet as if she weighed nothing more than a rag doll. It was fucking hilarious.

Tim cussed under his breath as he smoothed a hand over the wrinkles in his jacket. Bella's shrieking could be heard from behind the door that he purposely placed his full weight and back against. I didn't understand nor did I want to understand her angry French.

Tim whistled to get my attention. "There's someone outside waiting for you."

I furrowed my brows. "Really? Who?"

Matt was supposed to be at work right now. Hmmm. Perhaps he was able to get the rest of the day off?

Tim's answer was cut off short when Bella, in all her rage, somehow managed to pry open the back-storage room's door. A clawed hand grabbed onto the collar of Tim's jacket, dragging him backwards against his will.

The Dutch's eyes widened with a warranted amount of fear. In the two years that I've known the guy, this was by far the most emotion that I've ever seen him show.

…

I pushed open the door to the café. The usual jingle of the entrance bells was deafened by the roar from the blowing wind outside. I had opted to take the side exit out of the café as this was typically where Tim did his drug deals. I had put two and two together and assumed that Matt would be waiting out there to surprise me. I scoffed at the ridiculousness of my situation. Of course, Matt just _had_ to be spontaneous and keep me on my toes. I honestly never knew what to expect from that dork.

I took my time and was cautious to walk around the alleyway's rusted metal dumpsters. I had a sneaking suspicion that Matt was looking for the right opportunity to jump out of nowhere and scare the living shit out of me. It wouldn't be the first time, after all.

"Matt?" I called out. "You bastard! You told me that you were working today!"

No answer.

I groaned. Maybe Tim was in on this joke too? It would explain why he had said 'someone' as opposed to 'Matt.' Those two were buddies now and regularly took amusement in pranking me whenever they had the opportunity to.

I was beginning to lose my patience.

"You can come out now!" I snapped. The cold weather outside only added to my irritation.

The sound of shoes crunching against the salted ground could be heard. I turned around and stifled a scream. It was Rodereich. He was wearing a black button down winter coat, grey dress pants, and polished, charcoal slacks. His lips stretched into a sadistic grin in reaction to mine parting open in horror. A rising scream sat in a petrified lump at the back of my throat. I was utterly paralyzed with fear. Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn't. All I could do was stand there helplessly and watch as Rodereich stalked closer and _closer_ towards me.

Rodereich sneered. "My, my, Gillian," he tutted. "I see that you still haven't learned how to dress accordingly."

My face burned with shame. A cold wind blew across the alleyway, causing my almost bare legs to tremble and shiver uncontrollably. I was only wearing a thin pair of latex nylons and a mid-thigh cotton blue skirt on the lower half of my body. The bakery wasn't that far from my apartment, and I hadn't been expecting to stay outside for this long.

I shifted uncomfortably under Rodereich's glare. He was staring directly at my legs, hungrily and without losing any focus. I felt my fear grow tenfold. I couldn't breath. My perception of movement slowed down, whereas my heart rate skyrocketed. Nothing felt real anymore. Heck, I didn't even feel alive. In my mind, I was already dead. I was dead and numb to whatever sick plan that Rodereich had in store for me.

Without even realizing it, I moved away from Rodereich. I inadvertently backed up against a brick wall, cornered, scared, and overwhelmed with feelings of nausea. Rodereich followed after me. He was only a few paces away. I whimpered as hot tears streaked down my face, blurring my vision considerably.

I shook my head in utter disbelief. It was happening to me all over again. Everything that I had repressed over the last year was coming back full swing to haunt me. I hated how weak I was. Terror was a pitiful thing. It rendered brave people useless. But I was far from brave. I had always been a coward. I was only good at running away, which was exactly what I had to do right now.

My path to escape was deliberately cut off when Rodereich slammed both of his hands against the brick wall, trapping me in place. I cowered and refused to look him in the eyes.

Rodereich reached out a gloved hand to cup my face. His touch felt and burned like acid. I writhed and swallowed, desperately trying to release the scream that I had been holding in for far too long. I opened my mouth and gasped when the harsh winter air stung at the back of my throat. No sound came out. It was like I was experiencing one of those dreams where no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't move and were consequently stuck in place. Except this wasn't a dream and I was very much in danger.

I turned my head to the side in defiance, an act that didn't turn out all that well for me. Rodereich grabbed my chin and tilted it so that I was looking directly into his beady, lavender eyes.

"Not so brave now, are we?" he mused. "Tsk! You become such an insufferable coward when you're alone."

Rodereich let one hand fall back to his side. He was cocky enough to believe that I would stay put, and that using excess force was far from necessary.

His breath clouded into my face, causing me to feel sick to my stomach. I felt disgusted and uncomfortable and I…just didn't want to be here anymore! My breathing quickly turned into panting gulps for air.

Rodereich placed a finger over my lips. "Shhh," he cooed. "There's no need to be afraid. You're with me now. No one will hurt you." He leaned in closer. Our noses nearly brushed up against each other, albeit unwillingly on my part. Strands of ebony hair fell over his forehead, scratching my face as if they were knives, knives that dug into my fear with an uncanny amount of ease. I struggled to find the strength needed to physically shove him away from me.

I shook my head back and forth and sobbed. Rodereich's face reddened in anger. "Who's Matt?" he hissed. "Is he the boy that you've been seeing?"

I chose not to respond. Not saying anything was the one variable that I could control in this situation, and damn it all if I was going to let Rodereich take that away from me too. Now if only I could regain control of my body…

The anxiety swelling up in my chest was becoming too much to bear, so much so that it hurt. Every place that Rodereich touched me hurt and burned like crazy. Sensing my unease, Rodereich bent down and scraped his lips against my upper cheek. I hissed through my teeth, shaking all the while.

"You dirty slut," he chided, speaking to me as if I were nothing more than a bratty toddler in need of a scolding. "You know how much I hate to repeat myself."

"T-then…d-don't…" I grunted.

Rodereich laughed, sending cold shivers down my spine. "I suppose I could do that. But that doesn't give me much amusement, you see. Why speak when I can just show you?"

Rodereich tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. "You are my precious little anomaly, Gillian. Everything would be so much easier if you'd just learn to accept that."

"I'm not 'your' anything!" I snapped. "I never was and never will be!"

Rodereich grabbed onto my shoulders. He then pulled me forward, only to harshly shove me back into the brick wall. I gasped and choked for air, far too surprised to feel any sensation of pain.

"There isn't any room for discussion. _No one_ will ever love you like I do!" he spat.

Something in me snapped, causing adrenaline to surge through my veins. It riled me into fighting back. I growled, and with both hands, I shoved Rodereich away from me. He stumbled backwards, a look of bewilderment plastered on his face. He was more startled than anything else. He was still taller and stronger than me, regardless of how scrawny he was in comparison to other guys.

"Love?!" I roared, utterly disbelieving as to what I had just heard. "Your twisted mind knows _nothing_ about love! Love doesn't cause you to hurt people! You wouldn't know compassion even if it hit you right in your pretentious, ass-kissing face!"

"That's quite enough!" Rodereich raged in retort, raking a frustrated hand through his hair. "I refuse to be spoken to like that! Especially from an ungrateful whore like you!"

I don't remember opening my mouth. The words that I spoke next came out on reflex. "Well tough shit, asshole!"

I surged forward and skirted around Rodereich. He grabbed onto my wrist, and without looking, I flung my arm back. "Don't you fucking touch me!" I shrieked. My fist made impact with something, I just don't know what. I heard a grunt of pain behind me, but I didn't look back. I ran and ignored the footsteps that clambered and chased after me. Rodereich's yells and shouts would be useless the moment that I escaped from the confines of this tight alleyway.

It wasn't long before I broke out onto the main street, taking a sharp left and nearly slipping on a patch of ice while doing so. The tears that continually streaked down my face blinded me, but I didn't have to look to know where I was going. It didn't matter anymore. Even when I was 'safe,' I still wasn't safe. I was a fool to think that I would be granted happiness, even for the small period of a single day. I had omens that followed me everywhere I went, and today _certainly_ wasn't an exception to that rule.

I ran towards the source of light in my life. I didn't know what else to do. One of the only protections that I had was oblivious to the true amount of danger that I was in, no thanks to my own stubbornness. It was about time that I did something. Said something. I was done being silenced. What had happened just now told me everything that I needed to know and more. Rodereich wouldn't stop. He would never stop unless I stopped him myself. I needed help, and I couldn't do this alone.

It was finally time to confront my past and put an end to it all.

For good.

…

My hair was sticking up in all places imaginable, courtesy of the raging wind outside. My nose and cheeks were red from both the cold and crying uncontrollably. I could feel the crust of frozen tears plastered on my face.

I opened the wide, wooden entrance doors to the Royal Fae and poured into the waiting room. Alfred was standing behind the greeting podium. He looked very bored and unsure of what to do with himself. The lunch rush must have been slow today.

Alfred perked up when he heard the chiming, pleasant sound of the front bells. "Welcome to the Royal Fae! How can I help y-?" Alfred faltered when he noticed the pitiful state that I was in.

"Gillian! Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Alfred stepped down from the podium. His cerulean blue eyes widened with concern. "Are you hurt?!"

I flinched and averted my gaze strictly towards the ground. Several tears splattered against the carpet.

"I'm _fine,_ " I sniffed, lying through my teeth. "When you get the chance, can you tell Matt that I'll be waiting for him outside?"

My voice broke off and I opted not to say anything further. I didn't want to arise anymore suspicion, nor did I want to shoo away what few customers they had. I was unwanted. No, I was making a scene. Everyone would be better off if I just got up and left, and so I did.

I turned on my heels and aggressively pushed open the doors leading outside.

Shocked and confused, Alfred called after me. "Gillian, wait! You can stay in here! You'll catch frostbite if you stay out there!"

I ignored him and pressed on.

Frostbite was the least of my worries right now.

…

I sat down on top of an empty wooden beer crate. I waited all but two minutes before the side door of the restaurant swung open. Matt came scrambling out, wearing nothing to protect himself but his waiter's uniform. I felt a pang of guilt settle in the pit of my stomach.

I started to sob again, and it wasn't long before I had thrown myself into his arms. Matt's eyes widened as he stumbled backwards, eventually gaining his balance. "Gillian? Gillian?! Oh my God! What's wrong?" he blurted out.

Sheer panic took over. I shook my head and buried it deep into the folds of his dress shirt. I wanted to hide from the world and from him. I couldn't possibly look him in the eye. It was almost a given that he would hate me once I had told him everything.

Matt wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. He patted my hair and cooed sweet words of soothing into my ear. A few minutes passed, and I had finally gained the courage to pull away and look him in the eye. Matt bent down to press a chaste kiss onto my forehead.

"What happened?" he croaked. I felt like crying all over again. Matt just looked so very broken. How awful of me to make him feel like that.

"R-Rodereich," I gasped.

"Rodereich?! What about Rodereich?!" Matt let out a shuddering breath. "Gillian, baby. Please. I need to know what happened. I can't help you if you don't tell me anything."

"He…attacked me outside of Bella's café…" I wheezed in between heaving sobs. "I didn't think that it would ever get…t-this bad."

Rodereich was becoming increasingly desperate. His harassment wasn't just texts anymore. Matt was a variable that Rodereich had never even considered, and the fact that I was dating someone else infuriated him. He was now acting far more impulsively.

Rodereich's meticulous planning to make my life a living hell banked on the foundations of his own arrogance. He saw me as his and only his, and the thought of this terrified me. Things had escalated to a point of no return. It wasn't just my safety that had been compromised, but rather, I had unwillingly dragged Matt into this mess as well. I just felt so ashamed and dirty for lying to Matt like this. Not even _that_ night could compare to today's devastation, and that was saying _a lot._

Matt's eyes hardened and he inhaled sharply. His facial expression was complacent, but far from calm. I could tell that he was absolutely livid on the inside. He gave me a quick once-over before placing both of his hands onto my shoulders.

"Did he hurt you?" Matt asked.

I shook my head to say no. I was far too incoherent to speak at this point, but I still nonetheless struggled to string something together. "H-he pushed m-me…and I…r-ran away."

For both of our sakes, I opted not to go into too much detail.

Matt clasped his hand around mine, hissing under his breath as he reached out to pull open the door leading back inside. "You'll be staying here at the restaurant until I'm done my shift. After that, we're heading straight to the police station and filing a report. It's ridiculous how long this has gone on for!" he spat.

I pulled back. "N-no! C-calling the cops won't do anything! Y-you don't understand-!"

 **SLAM!**

Matt slammed his free hand against the metal surface of the door, causing me to flinch.

"Of course I don't understand!" he roared, finally letting go of my hand. "Obviously, there's something that you're not telling me! This isn't just some petty stalker anymore!"

"FUCK!" Matt swore and aimed a fierce kick at the door. "Do you know how fucking frustrating it is to watch you hurt like this?! I love you, Gillian! Why don't you tell me these things?! Do you…do you not trust me enough?"

His voice broke off as he turned his back to me, still clutching tightly onto the doorknob.

I placed a hand on Matt's forearm, wincing slightly when he turned around again. I then fell forward and buried my face into his shoulder. "That's not it at all," I choked. I was so shaken up that I could hardly stand on my own two feet.

"Of course I trust you! I…I…love you!"

Matt was quick to wrap me in another hug. It was only until I felt something warm streak down the back of my neck that I was realized that Matt too was crying. I titled up my chin and pressed my lips against the stubble on his jawline. "Please," I sobbed. "Don't you dare cry over me."

"The woman I love is hurting and there's nothing that I can do about it. How can I not?"

I didn't say anything, but rather I simply held onto him tighter. We stood there for a while, shaking, yet supporting the other's position.

"If it makes you feel any better," I sniffed. "We can call the cops… but first…"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. This was going to be hard. I know for a fact that I didn't have the strength to relive these memories on my own. I was speaking about it now only because I had an obligation and responsibility to someone other than myself. I refused to let this selfishness persist. It was about time that I stopped being a burden to others.

Matt deserved to know. He deserved to know everything about me. I was killing myself all over again for the person that I loved, and I would gladly do it again because that's how much I cared about him. I was making a sacrifice, a sacrifice that was absolutely necessary to strengthening the bond that I shared with Matt.

I had closed myself off for so long now. Opening myself up again was plain out scary. I was more vulnerable now than ever before. But this was what trust was. I trusted Matt with my life and it was his right as my boyfriend and best friend to know everything about it.

"…You should know that I haven't been completely honest with you. You're right; this isn't about some petty stalker…

"…This is about a man who ruined and almost ended my life."

* * *

 **To be continued…**

* * *

 **Next time will be a flashback chapter, which means that you guys will finally get to know what happened on 'that' night. That being said, I'm not sure how to go about it. It's already written, but it's a whopping 11,000 words. I can either split it up, or upload it all in one chapter. If I do decide to split it up, the waiting time in between will be much shorter.**

 **Thanks again for your amazing support. It motivates me immensely to keep this story going!**

 **-Ella**


	12. The Night I Thought My Awesomeness Died

**TRIGGER WARNING!:** This chapter contains sexual and physical assault.

 **A/N,** **PLEASE READ** : Okay, this chapter will be very heavy and hard to read. It was very hard for me to write it. If at anytime you don't want to read it, and still want to know what happens, feel free to PM me. I'd be more than willing to summarize it for you. Opinions are always welcomed. I think it's pretty clear that I'm a feminist by now, and I would love to discuss these issues with you guys. This story has comedy, yes, but I want it to be more than that. I want it to be meaningful. I want you to enjoy the story, but I also want you guys to think critically and question the society and culture we live in. You shouldn't feel inclined to agree with me either. I'll open the discussion for the main message that I'm trying to convey in this story next chapter. For now, it just doesn't seem appropriate for me to do so.

Thank you for those who read this and to my amazing beta reader **Nebula Zee** for flawlessly polishing off the grammar mistakes that I made in this chapter. Keep being awesome.

* * *

 **The Night I Thought My Awesomeness Died:**

(1 year earlier)

Today was just full of anomalies. Not that I'm complaining or anything. Exams were finished, and like every other teenager on this planet, my friends and I were looking to get wasted. For some reason, however, I've had the strangest, most uncomfortable feeling churning in my gut all night long. Perhaps it's just because things thus far have proceeded unnaturally smoothly for me.

For one thing, Romano was letting himself unwind. This meant that I'd finally be able to convince Isabel into coming to the party tonight. You see, Isabel and Romano were still in the honey moon phase of their relationship. They're basically joined at the hip, as totally unawesome as that sounds.

I suppose that I had Lud and Felicia's friend, Kiku, to thank for this miracle. Without that bowl-cut boy wonder, this night would have been near impossible. Romano would have never left Felicia and Lud on their own. Thankfully, Kiku had had the idea to host an anime marathon at his house in celebration of the end of the semester.

Whatever. So long as I didn't have Lud pestering and lecturing me after the party was over, like the boring, tight-butthole of a person that he was, everything would turn out just fine. I could get as drunk as I wanted to without having to hear the angry wrath of my Opa over the phone. Yup, Lud was a first class snitch alright. Obviously I didn't raise him properly. My darling little brother leapt at every opportunity to get me into trouble. Just to spite that dorkwad, I'm going to snapchat him a picture of me chugging a beer. Ha! I can be so petty, but still very awesome, of course!

Eh? Oh, that's right. I had been talking about anomalies. The other anomaly in my life was currently getting dressed in my apartment's bathroom. Liza, or 'Elizabeta' as she liked to refer to herself now, was visiting my apartment for the first time in what had felt like months. Our friendship hadn't exactly been all that stable lately. We've hit many rocks and bumps, and it was all because of one stupid boy in her life. Elizabeta…fuck! Now I'm saying it-!

Ahem, Liza and I had been best friends since preschool. We were a dangerous duo that no one dared to mess with. We were strong, independent, and wild. Teachers were absolutely terrified of us. We had basically owned the playground and all of its respective peasant inhabitants. Sports, rolling in the mud, and spontaneous wrestling/ ass-kicking were our strengths in life. These were all things that we bonded over and enjoyed to do. But all of that changed the moment Liza started dating Rodereich.

Rodereich was a pretentious snot that I had also had the displeasure of growing up with. He was my age, and thus one year older than Liza. I suppose that's why I feel so protective towards her. It goes to say that their relationship came as a huge shock to me. Other than her borderline unhealthy obsession with yaoi, Liza had never shown any interest in tying herself down to one thing, let alone another person. One of the golden rules of our friendship was that we were to never let another person control our carefree spirits.

Liza and I were impulsive, but the adventures that came out of these impulses were grand and exhilarating. Sure, we always got into trouble, but at least we were having fun. Unpredictable was entertainment, whereas anything predictable was mundane. And for reasons that will forever escape my mind, Liza decided to take the mundane path in life.

Liza was no longer Liza, although deep down, she'll always be Liza to me. Liza suddenly became Elizabeta, and this was all because of that arrogant Austrian prat. I've never liked Rodereich, and growing up, it became clear that this feeling was mutual. I liked to refer to him as the triple P: Prim, Proper, and Priss. But, if I'm to be completely honest, he's more of a prick than anything else. He was the type of guy who lived for appearances. He worked for the student council, and when he wasn't organizing meetings, he was either practicing his skills on the piano or studying.

Accomplishment and proper presentation were Rodereich's two main goals in life. Liza, however, didn't quite fit into that deranged picture of his. And so, this is where the assimilation and subsequent brain washing began. Liza changed as Rodereich just about forced his habits onto her. Parties were a fad and studying was the new fashion. In terms of our friendship, it was now something to be looked down upon. Apparently, I wasn't a good influence for Liza. I was boisterous, loud, and downright crude when it came to exercising manners. I didn't kiss ass. Oh no, I kicked ass and Rodereich hated me for this alleged vulgarity.

Again, like I fucking care. I've never liked that guy. He had an uncanny way of staring at a person that didn't sit right with me. Sometimes during lunch, when Marianne, Arthur, Isabel, and Romano were all making sickening googly eyes at each other and I couldn't stand the sexual tension in the air, I sat with Rodereich and Liza. Liza used to have lunch with me anyways, so it wasn't that big of a deal, right? Wrong! Rodereich would never speak to me directly, but rather, he would let out none too subtle huffs and roll his eyes in annoyance. He would silently criticize me for my poor posture, the way that I ate, and my supposedly 'unacceptable' wardrobe. Just to be clear, when I say silently, I mean that all of this was spoken behind my back.

'Nice, demure' girls didn't wear ripped tights, eyeliner, chew with their mouths open, and God forbid that they let out the occasional curse word. Everything about who I was as a person irked Rodereich. It was creepy how often he stared at me. His gaze was both piercing and unnerving. One stare was enough to make me feel uncomfortable, perhaps even violated. Most of my lunches were spent under the strict monitoring of beady lavender eyes, eyes that analytically watched my every move with a heavily judgemental poise.

It became clear to me that I was the unwanted anomaly in the situation. Liza felt embarrassed by me. She didn't have to say this for me to know. I could see it on her face, her body language, and even in the amount of strain in her voice. It was mere stubbornness that urged me to keep sitting with them. It was a desperate attempt to show to Liza that what Rodereich wanted out of their relationship was far from her own needs. She told me that she was happy, but I refused to believe this. Call me overprotective all you want, but I saw her change for the worse right before my very eyes. In my gut, I knew that it was Rodereich who was pulling the strings of their relationship. He was controlling and treating her like she was a passive marionette doll who lived only to follow his orders.

Liza was like a little sister to me. She had always seen me as her mentor. Before, she had come to me for everything, but now, she hardly ever spoke to me, and when she did, our conversations were meaningless. Weeks passed and she eventually stopped coming over to my apartment after school. We didn't go paintballing on Fridays, and our traditional weekend treks in the downtown area had stopped entirely. In fact, she didn't even leave her house past eight o' clock these days. We'll get to how I had convinced her to come out to this party later.

Anyways, I could tell that something was off with her. The changes were subtle in the beginning. It started with tweaks in her appearance. Her use of eyeliner lessened considerably. All she wore now was a modest amount of mascara and perhaps a dollop of blush. Her characteristic messy hair buns and pony tail dos were the next things to go. Liza pretty much always wore her hair down now, but rather than clipping it back with her favourite flower hair piece, she simply used bobby pins. Nothing vibrant or exciting. She was dressed for the sole purposes of blending in.

At first, I chose to ignore this. My reasoning being that it's normal for people to change a little in order to suit their partner's preferences. I wanted to give Rodereich the benefit of the doubt, I really did. But I just couldn't bring myself to. He had a voice that most people would mistake as charming. To me, it sounded something like sandpaper. It rubbed me in all the wrong ways, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. Not once did I see Rodereich compromise with Liza. She was always going out of her way for him, but never receiving anything in return.

I had restrained myself from intervening only because talking to Liza about Rodereich was pointless. She was so wrapped up in her love for Rodereich that any words spoken against him were blocked out entirely. My dislike of him meant nothing to her. I'll admit, it hurt to have my opinion be discredited like that. I like to think that I'm resilient, and that I can take a lot of pain, but the final straw for me was when Liza's passions were attacked.

Liza ran the gossip column in our school's newspaper. It was the only section that students ever read the paper for. Liza's success in this took a turn for the worse when the column narrowed its sights by focusing only on student council meetings. Her love for love had been halted right in its tracks. I saw right through this façade. Rodereich didn't approve of her friendly rumour spreading, or 'lies' as he liked to call them. Liza had never been malicious in her writings. In fact, her column had helped many couples admit their feelings for each other. I thought that what she did was beautiful; I couldn't have been any prouder. Liza had put her heart and soul into these articles, and Rodereich just had to stomp and spit on her happiness by calling her immature for writing them.

It wasn't long before Liza's articles changed, becoming far more boring and bland. Subjective and spontaneous became objective and run of the mill ordinary. What's more, Liza hardly ever mentioned anything about anime anymore. It had once been a significant part of her life. I would always laugh at her for being such a fangirl dork about it. Sadly, I wasn't too surprised when I had found a pile of manga lying in the trashcan by her locker.

I'd like to say that I'm a reasonable person, well, at least somewhat. And so, I decided to mind my own business and look the other way. It wasn't uncommon for people to lose interest in hobbies over time was what I had told myself. Liza's rejection of anime and manga was the reason why I had gotten into it myself, ironically enough. I had wanted to spite Rodereich by bringing up the subject during lunch. It pained me to see Liza's eyes light up in recognition, only to have that excitement quelled and extinguished by one of Rodereich's suffocating glares.

What irked me the most was the fact that Liza constantly looked to him for approval. Much to my dismay, his control over her was growing. Liza was naturally a popular girl, so it wasn't unusual for her to get a lot of texts over the course of a day. I had thrown a fit the first time Rodereich snatched the phone from her hands, nosily reading over the text without her permission. That phone was _her_ property. Hers. Not his.

And then, a scary sort of realization dawned on me. Rodereich saw Liza as his property. It was a sickening thought, despite it being undeniably true. Checking Liza's phone became routine for Rodereich. But, of course, I was the rude one who wrongly criticized him for this blatant invasion of privacy.

It wasn't long before Rodereich controlled every aspect of Liza's life. He wrote down study schedules for her to follow. Visits to his house were to be agreed upon beforehand. Holding hands in the hallway was a must. After all, Rodereich was campaigning to be student council president next year. It was imperative that he created a good image for himself (barf). This phony sort of romance was revolting for me to watch. He treated Liza as if she were his dog, and trained her accordingly. He also relied on Liza to put a figurative muzzle over my mouth at all times, because speaking to me was just that hard.

My friend was slipping away from me; I had seen no other choice but to finally vocalize my opinion. Liza and I got into more and more arguments, most of which consisted of cheap insults and the opening of wounds that no friend would have ever resorted to poking at in the first place. Time and time again, I pulled Liza aside and cautioned her against Rodereich. And time and time again, she didn't listen to me. She never listened. Her heart beat for Rodereich and no one else. Everyone else was irrelevant to her, including myself.

I became frantic. I refused to lose her, my partner in crime, my best friend…my sister. Yes, I would always have Marianne and Isabel. But Liza had been there with me from the very start. I was scared to think of what life would be like without her. Liza was my other half, and it absolutely broke my heart to realize that I was no longer hers.

We fought about Rodereich a countless number of times. Heck, we still do. Tonight was the first time in ages where she had finally agreed to hang out with me, in public of all places too. I know, total shocker, right? It still hurt to know that she wasn't going to this party because of me, however. She was going only because Rodereich would also be attending. With the student election happening right after the holidays, this party was his last opportunity to make a good impression on potential voters.

Honestly, I could care less about these intentions. All that mattered to me was that for one night, no matter how brief it was, I would have my Liza back, the real Liza. Rodereich wasn't here and thank God for that. He had a music recital to perform, and would therefore be meeting up with us at the party. This meant that Liza and I had half of the night to ourselves. I was already dressed and ready to go. Marianne and Isabel would be arriving any minute now.

I gave my appearance one last quick inspection before the closet mirror. I was wearing a pair of ripped denim skinny jeans and a blueish purple long-sleeved crop top. I had also taken the effort to straighten my hair for once. It fell half-way down my waist in long, silky white tumbles. My red eyes popped out even more than usual thanks to the generous amount of mascara that I had applied to my upper and lower lashes.

Other than that, I didn't bother to put on anymore make-up. I didn't trust myself to wear anything that wasn't water proof. Apparently, I was a happy, crying sort of drunk. I stifled a giggle at the thought. Last time I got wasted, I had hugged Romano, revealing to him that I loved his shitty personality because it was so easy to make fun of. You can only guess that he had taken that comment the wrong way. The Italian had 'chigied' the fuck away from me after that.

A drunk Gillian was someone that any sane person would be smart enough to avoid. I become much more affectionate. Not to mention the fact that I'm already brutally honest as it is when I'm sober. What little of a filter that I have disappears entirely, courtesy of a few good beers.

I huffed and puffed as I impatiently waited for Liza to get ready. I had spent a good amount of time pacing back and forth outside the bathroom. Half an hour passed before my patience dried up completely. I then decided to pound my fists against the bathroom door. When that didn't work, I bust into there with an almighty ninja kick.

Liza shrieked as she leapt out of the way of the swinging door. I shed her with an unapologetically apologetic grin. "Little Liza, little Liza. Let me in," I growled. I raised my hand into feigned claws, lowering my voice into a gravelly, demonic tone.

Liza huffed indignantly before she went back to rolling mascara onto her lashes. "There's a thing called knocking," she grinned. "Perhaps you should try it." I draped a casual elbow onto Liza's shoulder and met her gaze through the bathroom mirror. Heh, I really did look like a demon tonight. _Awesome! Wow!_ I'm amazing, I know. You don't need to tell me.

I grabbed a strand of Liza's honey-brown hair and twirled it around my index finger. "I did knock," I pouted through puckered lips. "You ignored me." Liza sighed and mumbled a snide remark under her breath. I revolted at the lack of attention. While she powdered her nose, I took to poking her cheek, both incessantly and lovingly.

I'll admit, Liza had a lot of patience when it came to dealing with me, even more so than usual. By now, she would have placed me in a headlock, all the while painting her nails with the other hand. Being a tomboy was cool and all, but being a girly tomboy? Now that was pretty fucking redeeming if you ask me.

Liza grit her teeth in irritation while I provokingly blew air into her face. "Oi, Liza?" I said, burping and purposely blowing my breath under her nose. "Guess what I had for dinner?"

Liza closed the cap to her concealer stick, placing the product back into her make-up bag. It took her a hilarious amount of time to close it. She had been jerking the zipper so hard that the whites of her knuckles showed. I smirked at this small victory. My Liza would be back in 3…2…1…

 **PUNCH!**

And there she was.

I doubled over and cried out when Liza elbowed me in the stomach. I still grinned like a madwoman all the while. Liza dashed out of the bathroom, looking over her shoulders and cackling at my slumped over position. "Hmmmm!" she giggled with amusement. "My guess would be a cinnamon roll!"

I chased after Liza in the front hallway. I grabbed her by the back hook of her jeans and slammed her, none too gently, against a nearby wall. Liza gasped, winded by my awesome reflexes. It didn't help that she was giggling like crazy, which only made me cackle even harder. God, I missed this so much.

"Ding! Ding! Ding~!" I sang. "We have a winner!"

Liza placed a palm over my face and pushed. A ceasefire of hands was agreed upon after I had accidently elbowed another hole in the wall. Oops. Lud wasn't going to be very happy when he came home tonight. Besides, if Liza and I wrestled anymore our appearances would surely suffer. Nothing said catfight like frizzy hair, random scratches, and smudged eye make-up.

I sat down at the dining room table, panting up a storm, while Liza inspected and fixed her appearance before the closet mirror. She was wearing a modest length, grey high-waisted skirt with black nylons underneath and a black long-sleeved shirt. The outfit hugged her curves appropriately, accentuating her long, thin legs. Her thick, wavy hair was parted to the side to show off her adorable dimples and pink, rosy cheeks. I secretly took pleasure in her choice to wear combat boots as opposed to her usual girly pair of flats. Rodereich wasn't here to tell her what to wear. Her freedom was my victory.

Liza combed through her hair with her fingers. I couldn't help but pick up on the troubled expression that she wore on her face. "Liza?" I asked. "Is there something bothering you?"

Liza's green eyes widened with evident surprise. She nervously fidgeted with her hands. "No…well…there is something…"

I waved my hand with a casual rolling motion and gave her an encouraging smile. "Go on..."

"I'm just worried that Rodereich won't like what I'm wearing." The smile on my face fell almost immediately. I grit my teeth together and bit down on my anger. _Of course_! Rodereich had a talent when it came to preventing Liza from having a good time. He didn't even have to be physically present for this to occur. That arrogant bastard! So what if Liza wasn't dressed like a Mormon?! She looked good and that's all that mattered, damnit!

"Screw what Rodereich thinks!" I groaned, and quite dramatically at that. "Tell me, are you happy with the way you look right now?" I pretended to ignore the hurt expression on Liza's face. Any insult thrown at Rodereich offended her as well. I've done many things for Liza, and I wouldn't hesitate to do more. But liking Rodereich was something that I could _never_ bring myself to do.

"Y-yeah…I guess…"

"Then you have nothing to worry about!"

Liza blushed and glanced at herself in the mirror again. The straight posture that she held herself with didn't match the lack of confidence that she felt on the inside. With just one look, I could tell that she was doubting herself. Not once have I ever heard Rodereich tell Liza that she was beautiful. It killed me to see my once valiant and brave friend look so unsure of herself.

I stood up from my seat at the dining room table and popped the remaining pieces of my second cinnamon roll into my mouth. I swallowed heavily, silently reminding myself that Liza was now prone to scold me for my poor chewing habits.

I walked behind Liza and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Look at yourself, Liza," I whispered. "You're absolutely stunning. If Rodereich doesn't think so, then he's either blind or has no sense of taste."

"Or both," I added in as an afterthought. Liza snorted, only to giggle when I teasingly poked her in the ribcage. When she slapped my hand away, I gave up and nuzzled my chin on top of her shoulder.

"Alright," she conceded, dutifully ignoring my jab at her precious Rodereich. "I'll take your word for it. But just this once…" Liza didn't need to finish her sentence for me to understand. There were supposed to be no fights tonight. We had thought it best to put aside our differences, even if it was only for the meantime. Exams were over, and it was about damn time that we enjoyed ourselves.

A knock on the front door stirred us away from our moment of bonding. I didn't bother to get the door. My apartment was like a second home to Marianne and Isabel. Or at least it used to be before they had let their stupid love lives consume most of their free time. First it was Isabel, and now it was Marianne, who had just recently gotten together with Arthur two weeks back. The hurt of losing another drinking buddy had taken a much larger toll on me than I'd like admit.

But enough about the negative! Tonight was supposed to be fun! I was surrounded by all three of my best friends. I had no reason to feel lonely, and I certainly didn't have to worry about being neglected and shoved to the side. It was time to let loose and embrace the freedom of the holidays while it still lasted.

The front door opened, and Marianne and Isabel came strolling into the apartment, twin lovey-dovey grins plastered on their faces. Underneath Marianne's chic Aritzia winter coat, she wore a red long-sleeved shirt with matching suspender straps, black stockings, and mid-thigh jean shorts. Her hair fell loose over her shoulders in bouncy, hairspray-coated waves.

Isabel was much simpler in appearance. She was wearing Romano's Adidas soccer coat and matching track pants of her own. Her long, chocolate brown curls had been straightened and were kept out of her face with a headband. I smiled at the Spaniard. I found it cute how Romano had finally convinced her into tucking away those unruly bangs from her face. That way, everyone could see her bright green eyes, adorably freckled nose, and endearing cheek-to-cheek smile.

Marianne smirked and propped up an elbow against the door frame, while Isabel followed her nose into the kitchen and helped herself to a cinnamon roll, the greedy bitch. "Liza, ma chere," Marianne purred. "It's been a while, non?" I patted Liza's back in encouragement.

"Marianne," Liza nodded her head in stiff acknowledgement. "It's nice to see you here." Marianne and I exchanged simpering glances. Liza's formality was just so unnecessary.

Marianne chuckled for the purposes of humoring Liza. "Always so polite," she smiled, not really knowing what else to say. Few words were exchanged after that. Liza, even if she didn't realize it, was making the situation very uncomfortable and awkward for the rest of us.

It was frustrating to me that Liza would act like this when we had all been friends for so long now. I was finding it increasingly difficult to navigate around this strange new barrier that had been formed between us. Something told me that that very barrier had a lot to do with Rodereich's unfavourable opinion of Marianne and Isabel. Liza was acting cautious around them simply because Rodereich didn't approve of their 'promiscuous ventures.' She didn't want to be closely associated with them out of the fear of what he would have to say about it afterwards. This, of course, is forgetting that Liza used to smile, joke, and open her heart to them all the time.

Liza's acknowledgement of Isabel carried on in the same fashion of stiff hellos and half-hearted smiles. Isabel was a bit more oblivious to this barrier, however. The Spaniard had pulled Liza into a tight hug, and was adamant on pinching the latter's cheeks. Thankfully, Isabel's elation diffused most of the tension in the room.

Actually, never mind. The tension started up again when Isabel spun a pair of car keys around her index finger. The carefree nutjob didn't even have her license yet! I aimed a sharp glare at Marianne, who merely shrugged in a helpless ' _what can you do'_ manner.

Liza clung onto me for dear life during the entire car ride. Between Romano's and Arthur's swearing, mine and Isabel's cackling, and Marianne's distressed 'mon dieu!'s we had all just barely made it to the party. We had almost died a grand total of 37 times. The casualties included one broken fire hydrant, Romano's pants, courtesy of the idiot soiling himself, and several cigarette burns on Marianne's arms, that of which she was none too pleased about it. Arthur had been smoking to ease his nerves, and Isabel's topsy-turvy driving had caused all of us passengers to jolt around quite a bit. Regardless, we were alive, and I couldn't have been any happier. I was with my friends, the night was young, and there were several unopened beers with my awesome name on it. What more could I have possibly asked for?

…

I really needed to stop thinking so optimistically. It shouldn't have been that much of a surprise to me that I would find myself alone. My friends were all taken, whereas I was still hopelessly single. Liza was immediately pulled to Rodereich's side. He needed his girlfriend to flout around while he spoke about his upcoming campaign with anyone who was drunk enough to listen to him. Believe me when I tell you that no sober person would be able to withstand Rodereich's 'the arts program needs more money' small talk.

Whatever. Looks like I'd just have to get drunk on my own. I had been hoping to spend more time with my friends, but it appeared that they were a little 'busy'. To my left, Romano and Isabel were sitting on a love seat, arms entangled together, and their tongues shoved deep in each other's throats. I looked up and spotted Marianne pleading and crying for Arthur to get down from the chandelier above. Well, that would explain why the disco lights were so wonky.

"Arthur! Get down from zhere!"

"Dun't tell me wot to do womannn! I'll be bloody King Kong if I damn want teh!"

"Tch! Fine! Don't come crying to me when you break your neck!"

"OI! Just this once can you let meh be on top?!" I was quick to tune out the rest of _that_ conversation.

I began to make my way over to the drinks table. This party was mostly filled with seniors. I felt out of place, even if people were calling out to me left and right. I had always had a nasty habit of grabbing the attention of others. All I ever needed, or rather wanted, was a small group of friends. But alas, these friends weren't there for me right now. Sigh, such is the life of a single person.

I stepped over various spilled drinks, crushed chips, garbage, half-naked grinding freshmen, and God knows what else. The house was just that big. I could very easily get lost in the place. It appeared that every corner of the house had its own respective lounge filled with lazy boy couches, flat screen TVs, and food bars. Rather than a mansion, this house was more like a dungeon to me, one that had me trapped in a space full of intoxicated and irrationally impulsive teenagers.

No matter, soon I would be drunk enough to fit in with the rest of the moronic herd. I smiled and waved at everyone that I walked past. It was hard not to. I was a very likeable person adored by many people in the school. I may not be the best role model, but I was far from fake, and people respected that.

"Gillian!"

"Come! Sit with us!"

I waved back. "Sure thing, Mei! I'm just grabbing a drink first!"

"Sounds good~!"

"Oi! Gillian! Looking good babe!"

"Haha," I chuckled. "Right back at you, Emil! I'll catch a beer with you later, alright?"

Emil winked back. "I'm holding you on that promise~!"

I averted my gaze to the ground as I strode past Ivan.

"Gillian! You will come sit with me, da?" Ivan purred.

"Eheh," I rubbed a nervous hand over the back of my neck. I felt shivers run up and down my spine. I can't explain it, but the air always felt colder around that creep. "Maybe later?" I squeaked.

"Okay! See you then, my dear little sunflower!" Later meaning never. Sorry man. I have no interest in becoming one of your girl pets. I mean, just look at Rachel. The poor thing shakes like a Chihuahua whenever Ivan 'convinces' her into sitting on his lap. Totally disgusting if you ask me.

It had taken much longer than expected, what with all the constant twists, turns, and reroutes, before I had finally reached the drinks table. I pawed my way through a cooler, the ice stinging against my semi-frost bitten hands. I quickly settled on a Corona, and was now intent on finding a functioning bottle opener. I spotted one resting by a pile of red solo cups. I reached for the can opener, only to brush hands with someone else. I apologized and daftly looked away. I wasn't in the mood for small talk right now. All I wanted was to get black out drunk and forget about how miserable I was feeling.

The hand that brushed against my own was pale and elegant in form. It had slender, yet all too familiar fingers. I froze when I realized that I had missed my chance to turn around and leave without it being awkward. I did in fact recognize this person. Bumping into him had totally caught me off guard.

"Oh. Hello, Gillian. How has your evening been so far?" Rodereich's silky, pleasant voice scraped against my left ear, sharp and biting as razor blades. I grudgingly turned around to face him. He was wearing a black dress shirt, casual denim jeans – which was quite the surprise for me – and polished pointed slacks for shoes. His ebony black hair was parted to the right side of his face, save for that one stray curl near his hairline that always managed to stick out of place, much to his dismay. Kind, but oh so fake lavender eyes looked to me expectantly, peering over the delicately crafted frames of his glasses.

Rodereich, who had already opened his own Corona at this point, offered me the can opener. I reached out a shaky hand and took it from him. The fact that Rodereich was drinking tonight didn't faze me in the slightest. He was Austrian, and Europeans typically had a much laxer attitude when it came to drinking.

I answered his question curtly and concisely. There was no need to speak to him anymore than I absolutely had to. "My evening has been just fine, thank you for asking."

I bit my tongue to keep the venom in my voice to a bare minimum. I didn't even bother to ask how his evening of mooching for student votes had gone. The fact that he was frowning and curling his lip in slight irritation told me that my stubbornness wasn't boding well with him. This boy was just so goddamned perfect and fake that it was infuriating. My anger got the best of me as I started to jerk and wrestle with the _obviously_ faulty can opener.

"Allow me," Rodereich smiled, taking the beer from my hand. He popped off the cap with ease, an action that was so unnecessary and patronizing that I just about exploded with anger again.

"Where's Liza?" I blurted out as he handed me back my beer.

I tilted my head back and took a massive chug from the drink, making sure not to break eye contact with Rodereich as I did so. I was silently challenging him, and much to my petty delight, it worked.

Rodereich took a small chug from his own beer. The way that he flicked his wrist made the motion seem far more elegant and calculated than mine did. Tch! Fuck him!

Rodereich dabbed at the corners of his mouth with a napkin. " _Elizabeta_ is speaking to Feliks about an article that they're supposed to write together. You know how she is," he said with a sigh, feigning resignation when we both knew full well that he was just irritated that _Liza_ wasn't giving him her full attention.

I scowled and took a small sip from my beer. "I see," I remarked in a bored, uninterested tone of voice. I turned around to leave. "Well, see you later. I have ten more beers to chug and poison my liver with before the end of the night."

I waved over my shoulder and scoffed. "Best of luck with your campaign." Rodereich didn't see me roll my eyes. I jumped a little when I felt him reach out to gently tug on my wrist. Startled, I pulled away, causing his hand to fall back to his side.

Rodereich swallowed, his face flushing an embarrassed shade of pink. I hadn't realized that it was lust until much, much later. "Thank you," his eyes widened in gratitude. "That's quite possibly the nicest thing that you've ever said to me."

"Ja, whatever. I wouldn't get used to it." I pointed to my now half-empty beer bottle. "Thank this."

Rodereich lightly chuckled to himself. "Would you care to have a drink with me? It isn't very often that we get to speak without having Elizabeta around. I know that she wants us to be friends, so why not stay for a while? We can become much better acquainted with each other…"

I scowled and took another sip from my drink. I was going to need a lot more than a simple beer if I was to waste anymore of my time with Rodereich. Despite how much I loathed to admit it, he was right. Liza would have my head later if she found out that I had turned down his offer, and Rodereich knew this. Liza was always playing mediator between us. She wanted us to be more than acquaintances, which would never happen if I could help it. As charming as he played himself out to be, every move that Rodereich made was calculated. He was a snake who only played the cards that would serve to his own benefit. Talking to me just so happened to put him on Liza's good side.

"Ja, okay," I grumbled. "But only for a little bit. I still have nine other beers with my name on them." My humour was met with another emotionless chuckle from Rodereich. I grabbed another two beers, knowing full well that it wouldn't be long before they were both gone.

Our conversation lasted far longer than expected. I felt like I was trapped. He asked me question after question. At first, they were trivial and simple, like where I was born, or what my favourite TV show and food was. The questions, no doubt with the aid of beer, then became much deeper. He asked, whereas I answered and drank to ease my nerves. I was nervous and the only way to dull the regret was to feel the soothing swish of beer slick down my throat.

Rodereich never stopped smiling. No, he never stopped _staring_. His actions were far from charming and suave, as he would otherwise like to think. If I didn't know any better, I would have felt violated. His eyes were hungry for something other than random facts about myself.

I was too stupid and naïve to trust my gut instincts regarding his odd behaviour. I continued to drink as he asked me even more questions. They were now questions about my love life. Had I dated anyone before? What were the types of things that I looked for in a guy? I was basically playing 21 questions. Things escalated when Rodereich began to play with my hair, teasingly twirling the strands around his index finger. He had played it off as a joke, saying that he couldn't possibly refrain himself from touching it. Apparently, the light bounced off it in the 'most perfect of ways'.

Unnerved, I backed up a few paces, only for him to follow and close the distance between us once more. I looked up to his much taller stature and swallowed. He was thin and lanky, but he still towered over me. I stayed with him out of fear. I couldn't bear to disappoint Liza again. I was trying my very best for her. I would find something good and redeeming in Rodereich, even if it cost me my dignity.

The party got even louder, if possible. I looked over the balcony of the second floor, peering down into the living room. Someone had moved a ping pong table into the middle of the space, and it appeared that a massive drinking tournament was well underway. Unsurprisingly, Arthur was the rowdiest of them all. I tensed when I felt a hand tug on my wrist, once again without my permission. My chest swelled with unease. Where the heck was Liza? Rodereich was becoming uncomfortably comfortable with me. He had somehow thought that tracing his fingers along my arm was appropriate.

I looked all throughout the cheering crowd below, and much to dismay, I couldn't find Liza anywhere. I was stuck with her obnoxious boyfriend for the meantime. I considered excusing myself to the restroom, and then ditching him while he waited. I didn't like how touchy he had become with me. Buzzed or not, he was still acting weird.

I moved away from the balcony's railing, stumbling and nearly tripping over my feet. I was losing my coordination fast. I suddenly found myself holding onto Rodereich's hand. He was taking me away from the crowd, leading us towards a quieter corner of the house. The alarm bells ringing off in my head were dulled by the buzz of the alcohol coursing through my veins. I had simply thought that Rodereich was taking us to a place where we could sit.

While we walked, I kept my eyes open for Liza, but she was still nowhere to be seen. Rodereich led me down a hallway that had many mirrors and paintings hung up on the walls. He picked a random door to his left, opened it, and kindly gestured for me to go in first.

I entered the room, only to freeze in apprehension. Rodereich hadn't taken me to another lounge, but rather, a bedroom. The slowed down cogs in my brain spluttered with a start. What…? What the hell was going on? Rodereich shut the door behind him, causing me to turn around.

My brows furrowed in drunken confusion. "R-Rodereich, what are you do-?!" Rodereich silenced me by crushing his lips against mine. I gasped and tried to pull back. I don't know how, but Rodereich had somehow managed to pin me up against a wall. He growled under his breath and began to run his hands down my thighs, squeezing them as he let his fingers explore places that should have never been touched. I was overwhelmed with both anxiety and disgust. My reactions were slowed down by the alcohol, but I was still able to recognize what was going on. Rodereich was forcing himself onto me. Nothing made sense anymore. I just felt so betrayed and helpless and completely out of control.

"Mmph!" he breathed. "So beautifully tantalizing! Tell me why you're the only girl who doesn't fall for my charms," he cooed. I raised both hands and shoved him hard in the chest, but he didn't budge. My heart hammered against my ribcage, so much so that it hurt. Fight! Damn it! _Fight_! My mouth was pried open against my will, and his tongue tangled with mine. I was being invaded. I fought to the point where my arms were beginning to get tired. No matter how many times that I pounded my fists against his back, he didn't stop. He never stopped. The fight that I put up only aroused him further.

"You're the one girl, the one _anomaly_ in this school who I can never impress! You're the forbidden fruit that I can't help but…" Rodereich roughly bit and tugged at my lower lip with his teeth, instantly drawing blood. "…take a bite out of!"

Hot tears streamed down my face. I gasped, whimpered, and pleaded for him to stop. "Rodereich...h-how could you?!" I choked. Rodereich lifted the bottom of my shirt, palming my stomach with his right hand. His hand was eager to move upwards after that. "W-what about L-Liza?" My hands fell dead and limp against my sides. I closed my eyes and pleaded with every God in existence that I would wake up from this hellish nightmare. It goes to say that my prayers went unanswered.

"It was never about Elizabeta," Rodereich purred, pressing his hips firmly against mine. A cold hand coiled around my waist. I was far too terrified to move. I felt a hardness against my side that I couldn't bear to look down at. I knew what it was. I just couldn't believe that this was happening to me.

I gasped when Rodereich grazed his teeth against my collar bone. His hair scraped against my chin, sending tremors all over my body. His spit was slobbered all over me. My face, my nose, my lips, my mouth…everywhere. I felt disgusting everywhere.

"It was always about you! You fascinate me, Gillian. You don't follow the rules. You intrigue me. For the longest time, I've wanted to tame your wild spirit. To make you mine," Rodereich purred. My vision tunnelled and the room shrunk along with it. Everything became blurry. My tears and buzzed senses weren't strong enough to help me escape from the terror of having my body be so wrongly violated.

"Please…just s-stop…oh God…I can't…I don't…w-want this…"

"Shhh! You won't be saying that for long," Rodereich grabbed my hand and forcefully pressed it against his hardening crotch. A switch, like red-hot fire, jolted up my spine and spread throughout my entire nervous system. Fight or flight. _Fight! Fight! FIGHT, DAMN IT_! My leg rose, unbeknownst to Rodereich, and I kneed him in the groin, causing him to cry out with pain and let go of my wrist. I bolted towards the door, only to be halted when strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back.

"LET GO OF ME!" I shrieked. "HELP! HELP! I'M BEING-!" Rodereich clamped a hand over my mouth. I kicked, thrashed, and screamed. When that didn't work, I opened my mouth and bit down into the soft flesh of his hand. I tasted blood in my mouth, his or mine, I didn't know.

Rodereich pulled back his hand with a snarl. I screamed and screamed, not that it really mattered. The music downstairs was loud enough to drown out the sounds of an air raid. "YOU DIRTY SLUT!" Rodereich raged, tightening his grip around my waist. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"

"ANYWHERE BUT HERE!" I shrieked back. "I DON'T WANT THIS! I DON'T WANT YOU! F-FUCK-!" I kicked back, not caring where I hit, only taking relief in the fact that I had made contact with something, _anything_. Rodereich staggered backwards.

I leapt for the door, fumbling with trembling hands to open it. I opened the door and sprinted out of the room, the sound of heavy footsteps and the slur of angry German swearing right on my heels. I sprinted out of there so fast that I nearly ran straight into the adjacent wall. I quickly regained my balance and thundered down the corridor. My socks slapped against the marble floor, my breathing heavy, yet restricted with fear. I didn't look back. I was too scared to.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BITCH!"

Everything hurt. My scalp, from when he had harshly tugged on my hair. My lips, which were now bleeding profusely because he had bitten them so hard. My wrists, from where his nails had dug into the thin flesh, both obtrusively and forcefully. Every place that he had touched me burned with shame. I kept my head bowed low as I ran through an endless maze of hallways. Rodereich had taken me to a very isolated portion of the mansion. T-that bastard! He had been planning this the entire time!

More tears streaked down my face. Some people, who weren't nearly as drunk as I was, tried to stop me. I was too incoherent to stop and listen to them. I'M FINE! I'M ALRIGHT! Lies! There were all lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Dirty, shameful lies! I was dirty! This entire night was dirty and spoiled and rotten and terrifying and hurtful and just so _fucking_ confusing.

I needed to find someone familiar, _anyone_ really. I sprinted all throughout the house, desperately searching for my friends. I didn't dare to stop. W-what if Rodereich found me again? I couldn't, no, I wouldn't let that happen. I would find my friends, get the hell out of here, and call the police. Now. Now. Now. Go Gillian. Stop crying. Go. Go. GO!

I wasn't looking where I was going when I collided with another body. Strong, sturdy hands grabbed my shoulders to steady me in place. I looked up to meet Romano's angry amber eyes. His anger shifted to confusion when I buried my face into his chest and began to sob even harder.

Gillian?! The fuck?!" he screamed over the music. "What's wrong?"

"Just get me out of here! Get me out! Get me out! Out! Out! Out!" I blubbered unintelligibly. The music was too loud. Very few people had even noticed that I was crying. Either that, or they didn't care. In their eyes, I was just some stupid drunk girl who had had far too much beer for her own good. Nothing new! Carry on! We shouldn't be worried. It's not like she had just almost been raped or anything. No, of course not! Because no one in here would _ever_ be capable of that. Pass the punch! Huzzah. A toast to our collective obliviousness!

"S-shit," Romano stammered. "Okay, shhhh. You're safe. I'm right here." Romano wrapped an arm around my shoulders, letting me lean on him for support. He helped me hobble towards the front door. I couldn't see, relying solely on Romano to lead me out of this godforsaken party. He knew that something was wrong. I never cried. I was a cheerful happy go lucky person who hardly let her good mood get spoiled. I had been so hopelessly naïve. Fuck! Just look at me. I'm comparing myself now as if I'm a completely different person. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything about this night. I just… I wanted to go home.

"Are you hurt?"

I weakly nodded my head.

The anger in Romano's voice grew. "Did someone hurt you?"

I let my silence speak for itself. Romano tightened his arm around my shoulder. A couple minutes passed before the worried faces of my friends hovered and swarmed before me. I saw everyone but Liza. Questions, more questions that I had to navigate through and answer. I heard them mention something about calling the police. I was too busy sobbing to give my input.

I was soon herded into the back of Isabel's Chevrolet. Marianne sat on my right and cried with me. Isabel sat on my left, crying as well as she buried her face into my shoulder. We were all too shocked to acknowledge what had just happened to me. Arthur and Romano sat in the front, arguing and snapping at each other over what we should do next. The graveness of the situation had caused everyone to sober up.

I've never seen Romano so angry before. Arthur was doing his best to keep the Italian calm, albeit being quite frustrated himself. Romano was adamant on taking me to the hospital, whereas Arthur said that we should go to the police station first. I stopped listening to their argument after that.

Romano called Felicia and asked to speak with Lud. The moment that he did that, I shoved my way out of the car and began to walk away, purposefully blocking out the protests of my friends. I couldn't handle speaking with Lud. I couldn't bear to think of how guilty he would feel for allowing me to go to this party. He was sure to be feel horrible for enjoying himself on the same night that I had been assaulted and violated. Violated. _Violated._ That word still hadn't registered in my mind. It almost didn't feel real. _Violated._ What an eloquent word for such a disgusting denotation. Disgusting. _Disgusting._ I felt dirty and disgusting. Dirty. Dirty. _Dirty_ and _disgusting._

The cold winter wind whipped and cut at my face. I paused mid-stride when I remembered something. I had forgotten my purse back at the party. Sometime when I had been talking with _him_ , I had set it down. I _needed_ the journal. Forget the purse. I refused to let my privacy be invaded anymore. Perhaps I was being irrational. Perhaps I was being overly high strung. But damn it all, I was going to get that journal back! A lot of things had been taken from me on this night. Call me petty all you want, but that journal was the one thing that I could take back for myself.

I turned on my heels and ran, more like staggered, up the front driveway of the mansion with Marianne and Isabel closely clambering after me. Romano honked at me, and soon enough, two other pairs of feet were added to the chase.

"Gillian!" Isabel screeched. "Wait!"

"Where do you think you're going?" Marianne called after me. I winced. Where do I ' _think'_? I don't think. I go and I run. I'm running towards the sole part of myself that I can claim back for my own. My journal reflected my mind, and I was _not_ going to lose my mind over what had happened to me on this stupid, _stupid_ night.

"I f-forgot my purse!" I whimpered. "I need it! R-r-really badly…" I choked as another roll of nausea churned in my stomach. I stopped running, doubling over as I puked into a nearby snowbank. What was before pure and white had now been spoiled with the green and yellow bile of my empty, wretched, and _disgusting_ insides.

Two pairs of soft, delicate hands patted my back. With nothing more to gag out, I stood up, straightening my spine. My vision blurred with another round of uncontrollable tears. I think that I was walking now. Yes, we were all walking towards the mansion together. Isabel and Marianne had their arms wrapped around my waist. Their incessant bickering went in one ear and out the other. _I_ was the one who would get my purse back. Not them. Me. Me. _ME_.

I would redeem myself. I would prove to everyone just how _disgusting_ Rodereich truly was. I would show to Liza what her _disgusting_ boyfriend had done to me. I could only hope that she wouldn't find me _disgusting_ , because I most certainly did.

For the second time tonight my prayers went unanswered.

* * *

 **To be continued...**


	13. 12 pt 2

**TRIGGER WARNING: Includes mentions of self-harm, depression, sexual assault and thoughts of suicide.**

* * *

 **The Night I Thought My Awesomeness Died (pt 2):**

Even through the blur of my alcohol-hazed brain, I could tell that something was wrong the moment that we walked back into the mansion. Rather than smiles and kind greetings, we were met with cold stares, upturned noses, and disgusted snorts. I held onto Marianne and Isabel tighter. I was used to people liking me. Why didn't these people like me anymore? Did they realize how disgusting I was? Oh, that must be it. I hung my head low.

Romano and Arthur flanked behind us, growling under their breaths like rabid guard dogs. I giggled a bit in disbelief. I was beyond saving at this point, so why even bother?

We walked into the living room. Almost immediately the music died down, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up in warning. I could feel both Marianne and Isabel tense as well. It was then that the shouting began. I couldn't make sense of any of it. What were they all so angry about? It wasn't my fault that I was disgusting.

"GO HOME, YOU FUCKING SLUT!" Emil, my alleged friend, screamed at me, his face beet red with anger.

"GET OUT! GET OUT!" the crowd chanted. Marianne and Isabel inhaled sharply. They were just as confused as I was. Romano and Arthur returned these jeers with profanities of their own.

"NOT ANOTHER WORD, EMIL!" Romano bellowed. "YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Are you out of your bloody mind?!" Arthur roared. "What in God's name would make you think that she's a slut?!"

"SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID! JUST ASK LIZA!"

 _Ask Liza? Ask Liza what?_

The crowd parted for Liza to walk through. I reached out a hand for her. I was reaching for my sister, my other half in this world. I would save her. I wouldn't let her suffer like I did. Words of warning fell short on my tongue. I had no idea where to start.

"Roder…Roder…" I couldn't even say his name. I choked and spluttered while Liza glared at me through red, puffy eyes. Betrayal flashed across her face. She was furious. Oh no. No! No! _NO!_ She thought that I was disgusting too. Nothing went right for me anymore. Nothing. Nothing. _NOTHING_!

Liza scowled at me. She looked at me as if I was nothing more than a mere bug to squash under the sole of her foot. I was repulsive, gross, and disgusting to her.

Liza held up my black leather satchel to the air. "Looking for this?" she seethed. I mutely nodded my head while Marianne rubbed circles into my back. I felt a tight, overwhelming knot rise up in my chest. The room was dead silent as Liza hurled my bag to the ground. It skipped on the ground a few times before finally stopping at my feet. Arthur's arm swept forward to grab it, albeit this going completely unnoticed by me.

Liza's voice cracked, causing tears to stream down her face. "How could you do this to me, Gillian?" she screamed. "I-I trusted you! And just look what you did! I leave you alone with my boyfriend, and you try to hook up him?! ( _wait, so she knew?!)_ Just how disgusting and sleazy can you b-be?!"

I broke down, shaking my head back and forth in disbelief. I could feel the burn of everyone's stares.. I squirmed, writhed, and suddenly became uncomfortable under the spotlight that had unwillingly been cast onto me.

"N-no! W-What? That's not what h-happened…H-he tried to…He tried to…"

"I don't want to hear your slutty excuses! You're a liar and a no-good tramp! God! I have one good thing going for me and you try to take it all for yourself?! Go figure! I've always known that you were selfish and self-deluded, but this really proves to me just how shitty of a person you truly are!"

I don't know how, but sometime in the midst of all the chaos, I had broken free from Marianne and Isabel's grip. My real friends shouted after me. People who I had thought to be my 'friends' called us all kinds of names. Regardless, my ears and sights were only set on Liza. I had to get through to her. She didn't know! She didn't know! Everything just happened so quickly. Lies! Lies! They were all lies. She deserved to know the truth!

My voice croaked as I spoke. "L-Liza!" I called out, running towards her. I screamed and pleaded for her to listen to me. "N-No! It's not w-what you think! Rodereich's the one who-!"

 **CRACK!**

I had just been slapped.

My face flung to the left, causing me to sway and eventually topple to the floor. People whistled and catcalled in sadistic encouragement. I didn't have the strength to lift my head.

"I'm s-sorry," I sobbed. "I t-tried to stop him."

Liza leered down at me, curling her upper lip in disgust. "Get out!" she hissed. "Get out and don't you dare speak to me ever again!"

I turned my head to the side, blinking harshly at the fluorescent lights of the chandelier. My hair fell into my face, obscuring most of my vision. Rather than an angel, a demon with shrewd lavender eyes joined Liza at her side, willingly taking part in the public shaming of my disgusting self.

It was then that I realized what had truly happened. Rodereich had reversed the story. He had told Liza that I had come onto him. What fucking bullshit that was! I felt winded, and it wasn't just betrayal, but it was also from the injustice of this situation. What did I do to deserve this? I had never asked for this. All I wanted was to have a fun night out with my friends. Now, I wasn't so sure if I even had friends anymore.

The demon shed me with a cold, knowing smile before finally walking away, taking his sobbing, oblivious girlfriend along with him. I glowered at him, struggling to form a proper sentence. I wanted to say something, anything. Fury seeped into my veins, rendering me completely paralyzed. He was leaving, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it.

It wasn't long before the chants started up again.

"SLUT!"

"TRAITOR!"

"GET OUT!"

Marianne and Isabel helped me onto my feet.

"She's not a slut!" Isabel shrieked, bravely attempting to stifle her own sobs.

"Stop calling her that!" Marianne's voice trembled as she spoke.

"It's not just Gillian! They're all sluts!"

The hatred was then cast onto my friends as well.

"Romano! Control your girlfriend, eh? She's too feisty!"

"Looks like someone hasn't gotten laid in a while."

Tears streamed down Isabel's tanned cheeks.

"Y-you shut your dirty mouth!" Marianne screamed.

"I'll shut my mouth when you close your legs!"

"Pardonne?!"

"SLUTS!"

"WHORES!"

"GET OUT!"

Romano and Arthur's yelling only added fuel to the fire. Hatred blinded reason, and without reason, my friends and I were left helpless in the wake of Rodereich's meticulously concealed lies. We had no choice but to leave. A riot would have broken out if we hadn't. It was clear to me that we weren't wanted here anymore.

It was in my best interest to never show my _disgusting_ face again.

…

Hurt, more hurt, questions, and even more hurt. That was what my holiday break was like. The image of the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital was still singed into my brain. It was a memory I knew that I would never forget. Samples…weird machines…Trusted professionals used these machines to violate me all over again. None of my words meant anything to them. For all they knew, I was in denial. There was the possibility that my assault had gone farther than what I had been able to recall to them.

In the end, the tests had come up negative. All that had been left of my assault were several bruises on my face, grazes along my neck and collar bone, and a fractured vocal chord. I've screamed a lot for a person who had been so easily silenced in the long run.

The cops did nothing but ask me more questions. Had I given _him_ my consent? No. Was I physically penetrated? No. No. No. No. None of my answers were the ones that the detective had been looking for. My case didn't concern them at all, in fact. All I was to them was a stupid, under-aged girl, who drank irresponsibly, and had therefore paid the consequences for her mistake.

The cold treatment of neglect was like a slap to the face. I was then told not to be a doormat. That I should have fought back and not lain down for my attacker to walk right over me. That I wasn't vocal enough. In other words, I was being blamed for my own victimization. Forget consent. Forget anything that was actually relevant. The only thing that mattered to them was that I hadn't been raped.

I wasn't important. My suffering hadn't been enough to warrant an investigation. And so, my case was deemed unfounded. It had been dropped without my knowledge. As far as that asshole detective was concerned, my degradation and utter humiliation wasn't serious enough for him to invest his time in. He had never returned any of Lud's phone calls either.

Oh, Lud. My dear, precious baby brother. My angel, my saviour. He shouldered so much guilt. What had happened to me destroyed him. He had never liked the idea of me going out on my own. He knew how rowdy I could be. And even though none of this was his fault, he still blamed himself for not being there to protect me.

Lud hardly left my side after that night. He was there for me whenever I woke up from my nightmares, writhing and screaming uncontrollably. He was there to pat me on the head and whisper useless words of reassurance until I had fallen asleep again. He had even gone so far as to sleep next to me in my bed. It was just like when we were little.

In a way, I very much felt like a kid. I was kept in the dark about a lot of things. Lud called Opa in secret whenever he thought that I was sleeping. They were still adamant on finding another detective who would be willing to take on my case. Honestly, I could have cared less at this point. I don't think that I would be able to bear living through that wretched moment over and over again. The thought of being on trial terrified me.

I wasn't foolish. I knew exactly what would happen. The defense lawyer would pick apart my past with the sole intent of attacking my credibility. Unfortunately, that's the world that we live in today. We live in a world where a woman's word falls short to that of a man's. Any slight mishap would ruin my case. Therefore, it was best if I just let it go entirely. I would take it upon myself to forget about that godforsaken night.

Lud wasn't very happy when I had told him that I didn't want to proceed forward with my case. But when he saw how mute and unresponsive that I had become, he caved, choosing to keep his opinion to himself. I wasn't taking care of myself anymore, and curbing these bad habits of mine was what Lud had dedicated most of his time to now.

I didn't eat or sleep, and at times I couldn't even be bothered to move. Moving required thinking, and whether I liked it or not, my thoughts always managed to fall back on Rodereich. I had seen Lud cry for the first time in what must have been years. His big sister wasn't the strong girl that she used to be. I wasn't myself. The Gillian of the past was something that Rodereich had forever robbed from me.

Now, I was always watched after. My friends came and went, the tortured looks on their faces telling me everything that I needed to know and more. I had changed and would never be the same. I hated it, to be pitied and babied, to be treated like an infant who hadn't yet learned to walk on her own two feet. There was no need to be delicate with me if I was already broken. All that needed to be done was for me to scrape away the broken shards and dispose of them. I needed to move on.

But there was always one thought, or person rather, lingering at the back of my mind that prevented me from doing so. Liza. I had called her a countless number of times, but she never answered.

School started again, and I didn't even think about going. I wasn't ready. I wasn't stable. The news that I had heard back from Lud was awful, making me relieve the trauma and pain all over again. Isabel and Marianne were picked on just for being friends with me. What disgusted me even more was the fact that the students had labelled us as the 'Bad Touch Trio'. Slut shaming at its very worst, I'm afraid.

Rumours spread about me like wildfire. Liza had seen me leave the drinks table with Rodereich, but what she didn't know was what had happened afterwards. According to the school, and most importantly Liza, as she had been the one to propagate this story the most, I had attempted to seduce Rodereich. I had run away 'screaming and crying' simply because I hadn't been able to handle his rejection. My past anger towards him was now seen as jealousy, as unbelievably ridiculous as that sounds. These rumours didn't just eat away at me. Lud had to face the blunt of them every day, alone. He quickly become known as the whore's brother.

I felt more and more helpless as the days went by. Our house phone rang, incessantly, all day long in fact. The guidance counsellor was worried and wanted to meet with me. I didn't dare to leave the apartment, however. My days were spent scrolling through my blog. I blogged about simple and happy things, things that didn't allude to the misery that I felt with each waking breath.

Lud's stress levels had hit the roof. He had contacted many therapists, none of which that we could afford anyhow. Their responses were all the same. They could only host meetings if the patient gave their consent. I didn't want to go to these meetings, and so, I didn't. Lud had Felicia to take comfort in. I, on the other hand, had resorted to isolation as my only comfort in life.

Two weeks into second semester, things took another turn for the worse. Rodereich had gotten my number, and boy was he ever pissed. My absence had thwarted his master plan. He couldn't erase his mistake now. How could he shove me under the rug if I didn't show myself in the first place? I was hiding under my own rug, and thus under my own terms.

Rodereich despised this lack of control. He texted me at all hours of the day, his tauntings hitting me much deeper than what I'd like to admit. I was called a slut. I was called worthless. He called me these names because he believed that he had every entitled right to control my actions. After winning the student council election, he was now the most powerful student in the school. He had a strong reputation and mindless, blind followers at his beckoning command. I didn't have that. I had a rag tag group of friends who had no power, who were belittled, bullied, and torn apart every day at school. I had no power. I had no voice. I had no credibility.

The guilt of knowing that my best friend, Liza, was still in love with that monster wounded my very soul. Heck, Liza was turning into a monster herself. She spread his lies and contributed to keeping the school's hatred of me alive. She had turned into a bitch, that of whom didn't even realize that she herself was being manipulated.

Today, the lies and hatred just so happened to get to me. It was noon, which meant that Lud was in school. Regardless, he still had Matthias check up on me at least twice a day. Thankfully, Matthias had already done his afternoon check up. I had pretended to be asleep, trying my best not to wince whenever my phone buzzed with another one of Rodereich's cruel texts.

Lud was worried that I would be spending most of my time out on our apartment's balcony again. How silly of him. It was winter. More than that, I wasn't brave enough to commit suicide. Geez, for such a smart boy, he couldn't figure out the simplest of things. I was a coward. I ran away from my problems. Ja, so what if suicide could be considered as running away from your problems? I was far too stubborn to go through with it. I was here to stay, perhaps not for the right reasons, but I was still here nonetheless. I still had a bit of fight left in me, despite how very little it was.

Tsk! Rodereich was being especially nasty today. I glanced at the text, giggling at the ridiculousness of it. He was asking why I wasn't at school, again. Ha! As if me being at school would have made any difference. I didn't have to be there for him to rake my reputation in the mud. He had already succeeded in doing that.

I peered at my face through the cracks in my phone's screen. I was met with puffy eyes, dark circles, pale cheeks, and a nappy mass of hair. Disgusting. _Disgusting_. I picked, twisted, and pulled at the hairbands that I wore on my wrists. I now have to wear long-sleeves to hide the welts on my lower arms.

My mind snaps to the beat of the rubber bands.

My phone buzzes again. This time, I diligently read the texts, processing them at a much slower rate than before.

 _If you're so adamant on disappearing, why don't you do it for good?_

 _It would make my life a whole lot easier._

 _It's not like anyone would miss you…._

 _Anyone but me, of course._

I drop my phone. It crashes to the ground. I find myself walking over to the balcony before I even realize what I'm doing. I slide open the glass door, followed by the protective screen. I'm bare footed, and am only wearing a thin t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. I shiver when the cold winter air blows against my exposed legs and rustles through my hair.

I grip my hands onto the metal railing, climbing to stand on top of the bottom rung. I close my eyes. The cold is painfully numbing. It hurts, but it relieves all the same. Neither Matthias or Lud is here to stop me. I look down five stories and a sense of vertigo rolls over in the pit of my stomach.

I gasp and grit my teeth, but for reasons inexplicable I am still leaning over the railing. Positioning myself this way gives me a sense of control. I balance my life for once. I hold the power. Everything falls into my hands. I could do it. If I want to, I could jump at this very moment.

I hear my phone buzz back in the apartment. The sound of it brings me back to reality. I step down from the railing, sighing in resignation. I realize that jumping is exactly what Rodereich wants me to do. I am the mistake. I am the ugly smear in his otherwise flawless and clean life. He ruined my life. In return, I will exist just to ruin his.

Rodereich wants to hide me from the world. And I will concede to that notion, for now anyways. But I will never give him the satisfaction of taking the easy way out. His tauntings no longer hurt me. What really kills me is the accusations. My entire life was ruined by one lie…one man…one night…

I'll become stronger just to make sure that no one else suffers because of him. I'll go back to school, perhaps not right away, but eventually. It doesn't matter if people don't like me. I see the truth. I see Rodereich for who he truly is. He's disgusting…repulsive…manipulative…a bastard in every way, shape and form.

Tears stroll down my cheeks. I pad into my apartment with raw, sore feet, just like my heart. This isn't fair. None of this is fair. My reputation and almost all my friends are gone. An injustice has been done to me, and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. I am weak and helpless in the wake of a person much stronger, a person far more relevant than I am. No one believes the word of a whore. I am unimportant. I am not viewed as a victim.

I have become a slut, and quite unrightfully at that.

 **To be continued…**

* * *

 **A/N** : **Next chapter kicks off the climax, oh boy.**

 **A big inspiration for this story derives from the Steubenville Case (the idea of slut-shaming and blaming the woman for her assault) Just look up some of the media coverage. The reporters are literally sympathizing with the offenders.**

 **More than that, many girls that do report their sexual assault are not taken seriously. If anything, I'd recommend watching the documentary: "Hunting Ground" It really fleshes out a lot of the implicit arguments that I've been making.**

 **Until next time**

 **-Ella**


	14. The Unawesomeness Never Dies

**The Unawesomeness Never Dies:**

A long time had passed since I had finished telling my story. For the most part, Matt and I had remained silent. He was hugging me and crying into my shoulder, which, of course, only made me cry even harder. To know that I had hurt him this way bothered me. I simply rested my head against his shoulder, blinking, but not registering my surroundings. I had just gotten rid of the biggest burden to our relationship, and yet I still felt so heavy and pained. Each choked sob of his made me clench onto his shirt tighter. I cried until my eyes were dry, to the point where I was simply gasping and whimpering into the crook of his neck.

Matt held onto me tightly, as if he thought that I would fall to the ground at any given moment. He murmured sweet words of soothing into my ears, but again, nothing registered. His kisses on my cheeks, my nose, and my forehead were touches that all felt distant to me. I had become numb to all forms of contact. Just like that night, I was frozen, paralyzed by the fear of being judged, and rendered helpless by my inability to escape this scrutiny.

Matt pulled away, only to let his head fall against my shoulder, his posture slumped, his teeth gritted in frustration, and his eyes squeezed shut to prevent the falling of anymore tears. I absently brought a hand to the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft blond curls.

"I'm so sorry, Gil. I didn't know. Oh God, I had no idea. I shouldn't have pressured you like that. I-If I would have known, I wouldn't have been so hard on you before…"

"Shhhh," I cooed. "It's fine _. I'm_ fine. It's okay to be a bit frustrated. Believe me, I am too."

"You're not fine!" Matt sniffled. "None of this is _fine_! I understand why you didn't speak out, but holding it all in isn't doing you any good either. I love you too much to see you hurt like that."

I faltered and nuzzled my nose against his ear. "I just…I didn't want you to think differently of me. Every time that I tell someone what happened they treat me as if I'm broken, as if I'm an entirely different person. What they all ignore is what _I_ myself want to be thought as. I don't want to let what Rodereich did to me define me as a person, because as hard as it is for some people to believe, a victim doesn't stay a victim for the rest of their life. I'm not broken; I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of having this stigma follow me around everywhere that I go. I'm tired of always feeling like a burden to others. No one saw me the same way after that night. I was the outcast that was either treaded around or treaded upon.

"And then I met you, the silly maple syrup-loving, weed-smoking goofball who treated me as if I was me, the old me. You were the one person who made me feel human again. I wasn't special by circumstance. I was made special by this wonderful feeling called love that has a horrible habit of sneaking up on people during the most inconvenient of times. I'm sorry too, for being selfish, and for not being completely honest with you. All this time, I've been worried that once I told you everything, the raw genuineness of our relationship would slip away."

I paused and inhaled deeply, chuckling lightly in disbelief. "And now look where my stubbornness has taken us. I should have just been honest with you from the very start. At least that way, I wouldn't have caused you so much pain."

"Stop that!" Matt snapped. "I don't ever want to hear you negate your worth as a person. Just like you choose not to be a victim, I'm choosing to be with you right now. Nothing that you said changes my mind about how much I love and care for you. Don't you get it? There's nothing wrong with feeling pain, especially when it's shared with the person that you care about most. You're still the same old Gillian to me, my partner in crime and shitty pun-making. The girl who stumbles when she's nervous; the girl who shatters glass when she gets excited and screams at the top of her off-pitched lungs. Nothing's changed between us, and nothing will if you let me share this burden with you."

Matt straightened up and established direct eye contact with me. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, but they were also narrowed and hardened with anger. "What we do next is up to you. I mean, if it were up to me, I'd fucking murder the guy, but I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't want that, and your voice in this is all that really matters to me right now. But what I do know is that you're not going home alone tonight. It's not safe, and I can't risk you getting hurt, not after what happened today."

Matt let out a shallow breath, knitting his brows in deep thought, looking conflicted all the while. "Do you think that you could you at least consider going to the cops about this?"

I bit my lip. "I don't have much of a choice at this point. Just promise me one thing."

Matt bumped his forehead against mine. "Anything."

"If I do decide to back out, I want you to respect my decision."

"Of course," Matt nodded his head. "I'll stand by whatever you decide to do, so long as it doesn't compromise your safety. What happened to you before is wrong on so many levels," Matt's facial expression darkened considerably. "But I absolutely refuse to let you constantly be re-victimized by that asshole. If not the cops, we'll find some other way to deal with this. All I know is that something has to be done. I don't care what or how, but I do know when, and that's _now_."

Matt shuddered. "I don't want to think about what I'd do if he even so much as _tried_ to lay his hands on you again." The murderous expression on his face spoke more than enough volumes.

I quickly brushed my lips over the corner of Matt's mouth, pulling away so that I could use my coat sleeve to dab at his wettened cheeks. "Take a deep breath, you goon. I'm here and safe with you right now, aren't I? I'm not going anywhere, so there's no need for you to bust a lung getting all worked up about this. You're right, something does have to be done. I was just too scared to admit it. Once I go to the cops, it feels like I'm admitting defeat. I failed to protect myself, and it's not even guaranteed that they'll protect me. They didn't before, and I'm not naïve enough to believe that they will this time."

"Then _I'll_ protect you. My job as your _handsome, ungoon-like_ boyfriend, ahem, is to make sure that you're not going through this alone. It's not your fault that some entitled prick believes that he has the right to incessantly belittle you. It's wrong, and you shouldn't be blaming yourself for something that hardly anyone else in your position could hope to prevent."

I tsked under my breath. "That's not what the detective said when he unfounded my case."

"I understand where your doubt's coming from, but it can't hurt to at least consult with them over the matter. They have a lot more power to act on this problem than we do. How that detective treated you was demoralizing and _definitely_ not part of his job, but now that they have you on record, they might be more inclined to help. I'll be right there with you, every step of the way. I'll _make_ those cops listen to you if I have to."

"I'm sure that your passive aggressiveness will be a valiant weapon in defending my honour," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

Deciding to look over my ill-timed sarcasm, Matt grabbed my hand, opened the back door to the restaurant, and led me inside. "Come, if you stay out here any longer you're going to catch a cold. Tch! I can't count how many times that I've told you to dress warmer," he grumbled in what I liked to call his angry Papa bear voice.

"And don't think that by joking you'll make me forget about hearing your opinion on this."

 _Oh, he's good…TOO good._

"I _suppose_ I see your point," I sighed, raising my brows when Matt not so discreetly aimed a sharp glare at my unzipped jacket. "Oh, and I'd rather choose fashion over looking like a woolly Michelin woman."

Matt scoffed and muttered some snide comment to himself. Something about how one day all my fingers would fall off and he would have to spoon feed me for the rest of my life. Well, at least that's one thing that I know for sure. Matt wouldn't be leaving me any time soon. I don't know whether that made me happy or just plain worried. Probably a bit of both, if I'm to be completely honest with myself.

…

7:00 PM

For the most part, things have calmed down ever since Matt and I had left the restaurant. I had shut off my phone, knowing full well that leaving it on wouldn't have done me any good. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Rodereich would be trying to call and/or text me right now. And because of today's events, it terrified me to know that these in person confrontations could become a regular occurrence.

This fear was the exact reason why I wasn't staying over at my apartment tonight. After getting Alfred to cover the rest of his shift, Matt had driven me home. He helped me put together an overnight pack, and had then taken us back to his own apartment. Staying over for the night had nothing to do with taking another step further in our relationship. If anything, we were beyond celebrating superficial milestones like that. No, staying with him right now was the only thing that made me feel safe. Without Lud to watch out for me, Matt was more than willing to step in and help me feel as comfortable as I possibly could.

It was already agreed upon that we would go to the police station and file a report first thing in the morning. The thought of going through their brutal questioning techniques again had me trembling. You don't realize how fucked up society can be until you have a firsthand experience with these institutions that are supposed to be there to help, but can't be bothered to fulfil their promise.

We come from a culture of responsibilization, one where victims are blamed and shamed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was never about what Rodereich did, but rather, it was all about what I could have done to prevent my assault. Was I wearing provocative clothing? Did I give off misleading cues?

None of these questions addressed the actual assault that had taken place. It was all about the actions leading up to it, and more specially _my_ actions. I was blamed for something that I had never asked for, something that no one should ever have to go through. Whether I drank or not was irrelevant. What I wore on that night was irrelevant. What _was_ relevant was that I hadn't given my consent. But you try telling that to a detective who seemed to be more concerned about my behaviour rather than the crime itself. I can guarantee that you won't get very far. All that mattered in his eyes was that I had 'caused' my own assault. It was demoralizing to be stripped down like that, to be viewed as nothing more than an alleged slut who didn't deserve the same protection as any other 'good' girl would. It's evident to me that biases and problematic assumptions still filter through in how we as a society treat sexual assault.

I'm ashamed by how that detective treated me, but all in all, Matt still had a point. I couldn't give up now. People have fought tooth and nail to get their cases heard. If not for myself, I'd go to the police to help ease the worries of those closest to me. I know that it killed them to see me still be haunted by the events of _that_ night.

Lud was the one who fought the hardest to get me help. He had called and left messages to the Victim Services Unit that to this day have yet to be responded to. It was for this exact reason that I chose not to inform him about what had happened today with Rodereich. I wanted him to enjoy his last two days in New York. When he got back, I'd tell him everything, but right now, I didn't have the heart to spoil his fun and make him worry any more than he had to.

I can only imagine how upset Lud will be when he gets home, however. It's a given that he'll be furious at Rodereich and disappointed with me for not telling him sooner. It was hard to control Lud when he was angry. His usual level headedness was thrown into complete disarray the moment that someone he loved was put into harm's way. I guess that I'd just have to deal with that when the time comes. For now, it was best to take things one step at a time.

Matt, despite joking around from time to time, was still treating me very gingerly for the most part. Nerves had shrunk my appetite, but he was still insistent on getting me to eat something. We bickered for a while, and eventually I caved by agreeing to eat a can of two-month-old mystery soup that he had found lurking in the back corners of his pantry. I had eaten only to humour the maple goof. Thankfully, I had been able to feed Kuma the remaining leftovers under the table.

As of now, I was walking around in Matt's kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of socks and a black t-shirt that was long enough to be a night gown. My hair was woven into a messy French braid, and as I paced back and forth, I played with the tip of it.

Most of my interest and attention was devoted to the little yellow canary that was currently napping on top of the kitchen counter. Alfred had bought the little guy after the pet store near their old workplace had closed down. The bird was lying in a make-shift bed that consisted of a glass fruit bowl and several old washcloths.

When the little guy was awake he absolutely refused to leave my side, or rather, shoulder. I found it adorable how he would shake his feathery little butt whenever he got excited, hence the reason why I had dubbed him the nickname 'Giltwerk'. Ja, I named a bird after myself. What are you going to do about it?

Giltwerk and I had immediately bonded, and I think that Kuma was beginning to get jealous of it. Speaking of which, Matt and the doge had just gotten back from their evening walk. I giggled when I felt a familiar wet nose nuzzle the back of my thigh, followed by the sound of high-pitched whimpers.

I sighed and bent down to pat Kuma on the head. "Oh, hush you," I chided, rolling my eyes. "I've given you enough attention for one night, don't you think?"

Matt let out a shiver, took off his coat, and slung it over the counter. His cheeks were pink from the cold with fogged up glasses to match. "What about me?" he chuckled. "Your dear maple douche could use a big, warm hug right about now."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I stood up and wrapped my arms around Matt's neck, sighing deeply as I let my head rest on his shoulder. "Your glasses are all fogged up, you dork."

Matt snickered into my hair. "I think that Kuma's beginning to get jealous again," he observed, mirroring my previous suspicions. Said doge was currently walking in circles around us, growling, biting, and sheepishly nipping at Matt's heels and pant legs.

I laughed and pulled away from the hug. "You better go and take a shower then. Kuma and I have some much needed bonding time to catch up on. A cuddle session on the couch is long overdue."

Matt sighed as I placed both hands onto his shoulders, spinning him around to face the opposite direction. I then shoved him towards the stairs. "Fine, fine. But you better save some room for me when I get back," he winked.

I grinned, and for the first time today, I let myself relax. I just felt so at home whenever I was with Matt. I wanted to spend all of my time with him. To joke with him, to hold him close, to open up to him; they were all things that I truly enjoyed doing. Wait a minute, was I actually happy?

"I can't make any guarantees," I giggled. "Kuma's already called shot-gun on my lap."

Matt's face scrunched up in mock offense. "Oh, woe is me. I've just been rejected by the masterful paws of my own dog! I've never felt so betrayed in my entire life!"

I threw up my hands in exasperation. "Always the dramatics with this one!"

Smirking all the while, Matt then whistled to garner Kuma's attention. "Oi! Useless furball who still hasn't bothered to learn my name? It's your job to make sure that she doesn't do anything stupid when I'm gone!"

"WOOF!"

"I'm glad that you understand your mission."

"WOOF!"

"No, I'm not trying to steal her from you! I found her first, damn it!"

"Can't I just have you both?" I protested with a whine.

Cue a simultaneous **WOOF!** and a very aggressive "NO!"

…

Kuma and I had taken up a very comfortable cuddling position. The doge laid sprawled across the couch on his stomach, his head resting in my lap. I absently scratched Kuma's ears while I scrolled through my group chat notifications on Facebook.

Isabel and Marianne were all worked up about planning our annual Christmas party. Normally, I would have joined in and added to the chaos, but right now it was best to limit the amount of time spent on my phone. Heck, I wasn't even supposed to turn it on in the first place. Matt had been very clear to me about that. He didn't want to give Rodereich a chance to escalate things further. Oh well. What Matt didn't know couldn't hurt him, right?

The fact that I hadn't received any texts from Rodereich was a bit surprising, but I still didn't want to take my chances. Just a few more minutes and I would shut off my phone for good. Well, at least until the morning anyways.

I decided to check my blog notifications one last time. I wasn't too surprised when I had found my inbox to be spammed with a whole string of cryptic, anonymous messages. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that they were all from Rodereich. I can only imagine how furious he is right now. I mean, I had actually defended myself this time. More than that, I had hit him. I don't know where, but what I do know is that I had hit him hard. The back of my hand was still throbbing because of it.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax. Rodereich wasn't here. I was safe. He couldn't do anything to me now. The thrumming of Matt's shower upstairs and Kuma's slow breathing soothed my ears. I titled back my head and sighed.

 **RING! RING! RING!**

My eyes fluttered open in shock. My cellphone's explosively loud ring tone stirred Kuma out of his sleep as well. I looked down at my phone screen, and for the longest time, I couldn't remember how to breathe. A wet nose nudged at my forearm, but I didn't pay any attention to it. The phone rang and rang and rang. I simply stared at the screen, refusing to acknowledge what was happening. I didn't know what to do. How to think. How to comprehend anything. Rodereich was calling, and like so many times before, I was paralyzed with fear. What did he want now? What could he possibly have to say to me?

"Gillian?" Matt's voice echoed from upstairs. "Is that your phone?"

Thankfully, the showerhead didn't stop running.

"It's just the TV!" I called back. At this point, my phone had ceased ringing. Matt must have been satisfied with this answer as I didn't hear from him again.

 **RING! RING! RING!**

Kuma growled low in his throat. He must have sensed my fear. "Shhh," I cooed, smoothing down the shackles of his fur. "It's o-kay."

Things were so not 'okay' right now.

After the fourth ring, I was left with no choice but to answer the phone. The TV excuse could only be used once, unfortunately.

"What do you want?!" I spoke in a low voice that was still sharp enough to get my frustration across.

 _"You're at that boy's house right now, aren't you?"_ Rodereich snapped.

"I'm not obligated to answer that."

Rodereich laughed. " _Have it your way then. I suppose that I'll just have to find my way around on my own..."_

"Come again?"

My question went ignored.

" _Tell me now, why is it that Lud has so many photos of you on his nightstand?"_

"A-are you fucking with me right now?" All blood drained from my face. How would he know what Lud kept on his nightstand? Unless…oh God…oh God. No. No. No. No. He was _not_ in my apartment right now. He couldn't be! J-ja, he was probably only joking. Either that or he was just a really good guesser.

Rodereich crushed any remaining hope that I had when I heard the familiar creak of a bedroom door in the background. " _Tsk! Messy, messy girl! You really haven't kept yourself together lately, now have you? When was the last time that you did laundry? Weeks? Months_?"

I hunched in on myself and pressed my forehead against Kuma's growling frame. Tears streaked down my face, but I had to keep myself together right now. I couldn't shout or else Matt would know that something was wrong.

"H-how did you get into my apartment?" I croaked.

" _Ah! So the red-eyed wonder slut has finally figured it out! That's twice in one day that I've taken time out of my very busy schedule to see you. You've made me angry, Gillian. I have very little patience right now and it'd be in your best interest to listen to me. You won't be leaving me again, not unless you want me to do something that you and I will both regret."_

"You're not making any sense!" I sobbed. "Just give me a straight answer, damn it! How are you even there?!"

Rodereich spoke casually, as if he hadn't just broken into my apartment and violated the most intimate space that a person could have. "I used Elizabeta's key, of course."

"But Elizabeta gave me back her key!"

The ability to control myself was becoming increasingly difficult. My voice raised higher and higher, and louder and louder as Rodereich continued to play off my fears. He was violating me all over again, except this time, I didn't have the ability to run away from him. Calling the cops would do nothing if Rodereich was gone by the time that they got to the apartment.

In fact, that's probably what he wanted me to do. He wanted me to give him an excuse to ruin my life further. Everything that I had ever cared for and loved was back in my apartment, and I couldn't let Rodereich have access to that for any longer. No, I would have to take matters into my own hands. Talking sense into a psychopath who would just keep hurting me over and over again was not an option, let alone it actually being plausible.

" _Hmmm, yes, but not before I made a copy of the key first_."

I nearly choked on my own spit.

Rodereich took my silence as his excuse to start opening the drawers to my wardrobe. He shut/slammed drawers just as fast as he opened them. _"Shirts: tch! How boring!"_

 **SLAM!**

" _Pants: even more boring!"_

 **SLAM!**

"D-DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF!"

Rodereich simply ignored me. " _Ah! I've finally found something worth my time! Mein Gott, how many different colors do bras come in?_ "

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE OR I'LL…I'LL-"

" _Or you'll what? Call the cops? Darling, I think we're far beyond that now, don't you think_?"

 _"Ooooooh, how stylish of you! Do you think that you could wear those purple lace panties for me sometime? Pretty please with a nice black eye on top?"_

"W-WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"

" _Tsk! I don't like that tone you're using with me. It's quite rude_."

"Gillian?" Matt called out to me again. "Is everything alright?"

I brought the phone away from my ear, placing a hand over the speaker. "Just peachy!"

If peachy meant dealing with an obsessive stalker, that is.

"There's a really good action scene going on right now!"

"Okay…" Matt didn't sound very convinced. "Just call me if you need anything."

"Roger that, Maple Douche!"

I waited until I heard the bathroom door close before I brought the phone to my ear again.

It pained me to do so, but I forced myself to speak as calmly as my nerves would allow. "What is it that you want?"

Rodereich snorted. " _Much better! And isn't it obvious? I want you, Gillian. Now and forever."_

I was too terrified to respond.

Kuma leapt off my lap. The canine was currently pacing back and forth along the foot of the couch, growling nonstop.

" _Are you alone_?"

"What?"

" _Don't pretend like you didn't hear what I just said. Now don't make me repeat myself again: Are_ you _alone?"_

 _"_ Y-yes."

 _"Splendid. You have twenty minutes to get here. Failure to comply will result in one broken belonging for each minute that you are late, starting first with your laptop. See you soon, mein engel. I hope you've realized that disappointing me won't end very well for you. Good bye…for now_."

 **CLICK!**

I screamed, hearing nothing but the dead, droning sound of the dial tone. My hands shook so badly that I dropped my phone, causing it to crash against the wooden floor boards. I grabbed a pillow, brought it to my face and screamed again.

After that, I went into auto pilot mode. I stood up from the couch, angrily rubbed at my wet cheeks and puffy eyes, and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a scrap piece of paper and a pen, hastily scribbling a note that was hardly legible, as my tears had smudged most of the ink. I then placed the note onto the living room table.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath. I needed warmer clothes. I found one of Matt's sweatpants lying on top of the banister near the front door, slipping them on despite how baggy they were on me. No longer shivering, I grabbed my coat and set off to leave.

Kuma curled around my legs, whimpering and making it near impossible for me to walk anywhere. "Move, Kuma," I snapped.

Kuma made no indication of moving.

I quickly lost my temper. "I SAID MOVE, YOU DIRTY MUTT!" I screamed.

 **YIP!**

Kuma scurried back into the living room, his head bowed and his tail resting between his legs. I choked back a sob. I always caused pain for those close to me. It was starting to become a lifelong pattern.

I placed a hand around the doorknob, gritting my teeth. From this point on, I would be on my own. I was going to put an end to this once and for all. I was foolish to think that going to the cops would have actually done something. There was no reasoning with Rodereich. I was done running away from him. What hurt me most, however, was that I had to run away from Matt in order to do this.

I stepped out of the apartment and shut the door. Kuma's howls and the shouts that followed soon afterwards didn't reach my ears. I was already gone, both mentally and physically.

I ran as fast as I could. Street lights, cars, and people all blurred together.

My only focus right now was getting home, a place that would soon become my own personal hell.

* * *

 **To be continued...**

* * *

Hello again! I'm so glad that you guys picked up on the victim-blaming aspect that I was aiming for. I really am sorry for the infrequent updates. This story, personally, means so much to me and I don't want to rush the writing :)

I'll end this on one note. I'm sure that you've all heard the saying "No means No." But how about instead "Yes means yes?"

Saying No implies that the person A (being male or female) has permission to engage person B regardless. Yes should be the permission-giver.

Thanks again for being so amazing and supportive (again, I apologize for leaving off on such an irritating cliffhanger…)

 **TRIGGER WARNING/SPOILER ALERT!**

Agh, please don't hate me but I have to put in the trigger warning now because I don't want to shock anyone too bad. Next chapter includes death.

-Ella


	15. Awesome Does Die

**A/N:** Just a few words of advice for later chapters...don't take anything for face value. Before you bombard me with "HOW COULD YOU?!" just keep reading later chapters, alright?

* * *

 **Awesome Does Die:**

 **Elizabeta's POV:** (December 18th 7:00 PM)

I know that I probably shouldn't be doing this. Rodereich was sure to be mad at me. But, I just couldn't help myself. I needed to see if he was okay. He hadn't been answering his texts all day, and when I had called his parents earlier, they didn't have a clue about where he was either.

This would explain why I was in his bedroom right now. I was waiting for him to get home. I had nowhere to sit, so all I could do was stand there awkwardly and pace back and forth whenever my anxiety decided to get the best of me.

Final exams were over. I had no idea what could have been stressing him out so much. Rodereich never missed a beat in his schedule. He would usually respond to his texts within minutes. You can only guess how nervous knowing this made me feel.

An hour passed, and during that time, I had been staring at his computer, wondering about it. I had never been allowed to touch any of his personal belongings without his permission. He looked through my phone all the time and I didn't mind. Surely, if I just took a sneak peek he wouldn't get _too_ mad. Besides, I might find a clue about where he was. Knowing him, he probably had his daily errands saved as a document on his desktop.

I slowly walked over to his desk, constantly looking over my shoulder in fear. If Rodereich were to walk in on me right now, I wouldn't be able to control his anger. He was always so firm with me whenever it came to respecting his privacy. He was a mystery who had predictable outbursts of tantrums. It would be in my best interest to be very careful with what I was about to do. I was breaking a lot of our relationship rules, even if I did have good intentions for doing so.

I winced as I rolled out the leather seat from his desk, sitting down on it. I instinctively bowed my head, rubbing my arms to help control my breathing. _Rub. Rub. Rub_. You're fine. _Rub._ He's not here. _Rub_. He's fine. _Rub. Rub._ You'll bring him here.

I opened Rodereich's laptop, feeling my face pale of all colour. What I was doing was so wrong and disgusting that I felt sick to my stomach. Rodereich didn't deserve a person like me. What kind of girlfriend sneaks behind their boyfriend's back? Certainly not a good one.

I bit my already swollen lip, quelling back further tears from spilling down my face. There was no point in going back now. One quick peak and I'd never look at his laptop ever again. "You're fine," I murmured to myself. "You're a good girlfriend. There's nothing wrong with being worried about him."

I scanned through the folders plastered onto his violin-background desktop, spotting one in particular that caught my immediate attention. It was labelled 'Gillian'. Confused, I clicked on the folder. Perhaps this is where he kept that bitch's school record? How odd. I didn't see any other students' records saved onto his desktop. Just _hers_ for whatever reason.

The folder opened and my heart dropped. There were several screenshots saved, that of which included some of the most repulsive and degrading insults that I've ever read in my entire life. This couldn't possibly be my honest, sweet Rodereich talking to her. Why was he calling Gillian a slut? Why was she asking about me? Why did she care? Why was Rodereich bragging about the party? Why did he say that…

He loved her?

Several tears splattered against Rodereich's desk, blurring my vision. Was our whole relationship a lie? How could he possibly love Gillian? I read on, feeling my dignity drop and my heart grow heavier with each new message. Gillian had never been the liar. It had been Rodereich all along.

I clamped a hand over my mouth, stifling my screaming sobs. I couldn't let Rodereich's parents hear me. I needed to get a hold of myself. For once in my life, I would take control. The man I loved was not the man that I was reading about in these texts right now. It was all fake, a lie, a performance that had fooled the entire school, and I had bought right into it like a mindless, devoted minion.

"Oh Gillian," I sobbed. "I didn't know. I didn't know!" I shrieked, clawing at my hair with both hands.

I shook my head back and forth. My best friend had been molested by my boyfriend and all I had done was accuse her of being a slut. I had never felt so petty and revolted with myself. I was no better than Rodereich. I was a monster who had contributed to Gillian's suffering.

A fog was lifted from my mind. I could think much clearer now, and boy was I ever angry. I was angry with myself for being so ignorant. I was angry with Rodereich for being so repulsive and sinister. He didn't only abuse Gillian. He stalked, taunted, and tortured her on a daily basis. He texted her more than he did to me. I was above feeling jealous now. I was furious and just so unbelievably ashamed and disappointed with myself.

"Damn it!"

I pounded a fist against the desk, gritting my teeth in frustration. A low, guttural growl escaped from my throat. Forget about me for a second. Everyone deserved to know who Rodereich was. I would ruin Rodereich. Fuck it! I would reveal these screenshots in my next big journal article. I would finally write about what I wanted to write. The gossip column would be revived again. But first…

I had to fix things with Gillian. I wasn't going to pretend like we could go back to being friends after this. I had been absolutely awful to her over the past year. I didn't expect her to forgive me. Heck, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I've done. All it took was one change of perspective for me to realize how cruel I had been to Gillian. She had always cared about me, even if I had long turned my back on her.

It was up to me to redeem her. I had been so in love with Rodereich that I had been blinded to her agony, to my agony. Rodereich abused everyone around him. He had never loved me. My friend had been shunned because of him. More than that, I was the one who had led the moral crusade against her. But now, it was time for me to do the opposite. I would save her from Rodereich. I would save the entire world from Rodereich and make sure that he never harmed anyone ever again.

I saved and sent the screenshots to my email, pausing when another folder caught my eye. It was addressed particularly to me: 'Dear Elizabeta'.

I clicked on the document with trembling fingers, only to find a note:

 _Dear Elizabeta,_

 _I would like to congratulate you for disobeying me once again. You never fail to disappoint when it comes to letting me down. Regardless, I have written this as my final farewell to you. By now, you must know about my true feelings for Gillian._

 _I love her and plan to run away with her. I ask that you not to follow us. I will be taking her somewhere where we can finally live in peace, alone. I have never loved nor remotely cared about you. You were only useful for getting me closer acquainted with Gillian. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh, but you at least deserve to know the truth._

 _Calling the cops will solve nothing. I am probably already with Gillian right now as you are reading this. If she does not want to be with me, then so be it. I will have no other choice but to talk some sense into her._

 _What happens next cannot be helped. I've been repressing my true feelings for her for far too long. I want to be with her, and no one is going to stop me from making that happen. Worse comes to worse, I will kill her and then myself. I could not bear to live in a world without her standing by my side._

 _Do not try to contact me as I will not answer. Today is the day where I start my new life with Gillian. We will either live or die together. Romantic, is it not? Then again, you will probably be a sobbing mess by the time that you have finished reading this note. Oh well. I cannot say that I care all that much if you are._

 _It was a complete displeasure faking my love for you,_

 _-Rodereich_

Time stopped after I had finished reading Rodereich's note. My vision narrowed, my body tilting with a new wave of nausea. I lost my balance and fell off the chair, only to scream when I spotted a metal bullet lying underneath the desk. Rodereich was sick. There was no other way of putting it.

"Oh God," I choked. "Oh God no! NO!" I cupped a hand over my mouth again.

Caught up in the moment, my rationality fell short. I was trembling with fear. My friend was still in trouble, and yet here I was paralyzed and helpless on the ground. NO! I had to do something. I needed to get to Gillian's apartment. I would call for help. I wouldn't be useless anymore! I refused to be helpless! I wouldn't fail my friend again!

 _Rub. Rub. Rub._

I stood up from the ground, brushing off my own troubles in light of something far more important. Gillian's life was in danger and I couldn't waste any more time. I left Rodereich's house without saying goodbye to his parents. The clock was ticking, my heart was racing, and my body was shivering from the cold as I sprinted in the direction of Gillian's apartment.

Rodereich was desperate to get Gillian to love him. But if he really loved her he wouldn't even think about harming her. Maybe I wasn't the best person to diffuse the situation, but someone needed to talk to him, to tell him that what he was doing was irrational. He hadn't earned my sympathy, but he sure needed help.

I was finally taking responsibility for my actions. I was the one who had brought Rodereich into our lives. It was therefore my responsibility to remove him entirely.

Tears streaked down my face. "I'M SO SORRY!" I wailed to no one in particular, the sound echoing over and over again across the barren, snow-covered street.

I held the phone up to my ear, calling Gillian's phone over and over again.

No answer.

I tripped on a patch of ice, falling heavily onto my back. During this fall, my phone had been smashed into irreparable pieces. With a growl and an awkward stagger, I stood up and kept running.

There went calling the cops…

 _Gillian, I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm here to help. Your little sister is back. Whether or not you choose to accept me is up to you. I'm willing to die if it means saving you from my mistakes._

 _Hold on for just a little while longer! I'm coming!_

…

 **Gillian's POV:**

I was blinded by tears as I sprinted towards my apartment as fast as I could. Just knowing that I had left Matt behind was enough to make me hate myself all over again. I grit my teeth. I couldn't think about him right now. As much as it killed me to do so, I had to move forward without him. What I was doing was for the best anyways. Less people would get hurt this way.

I looked over my shoulder, only to realize that a car was trailing after me, repeatedly blinking its headlights. It was far enough not to peak my concern. Perhaps they were just worried about me? Regardless, I could have cared less. I had somewhere else to be and it couldn't wait. I kept on sprinting, my hair whipping behind me; the cold stinging at my cheeks.

No one was out tonight because of the snow fall warning that had been put into effect. I could hardly see where I was going. It was beyond me why this car was even out here driving in the first place. The roads were terrible.

I lost my temper when the car drove ahead of me, making a U-turn. They honked and I heard shouting over the howling wind. I cussed and made a break for it in a nearby alleyway. There was a shortcut that I could take if I managed to hop over the metal fence.

…

"I can feel her!" Lucy exclaimed. "She's somewhere around here. Quick! We need to find her before it's too late!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!" Matthias responded.

"Is that Gillian?" Lucy shrieked, frantically tapping Matthias's arm. Through the snow, a small, straggling figure could be made out.

"It looks like it!" Matthias answered, tilting the steering wheel so that he could make a U-turn.

Lucy gasped, clutching at her forehead. Matthias looked over his shoulder. "Honey, Lucy! What's wrong?"

Lucy paled. "How did I not sense this before? He's in her apartment!"

"Who's in her apartment?!"

"Her stalker! Gillian's stalker is in the apartment building waiting for her!"

"Shit!" Matthias cursed, raising his hand to honk the car's horn. Lucy had brought them out here because she believed that Gillian was in trouble. Little did they know that Gillian was actually heading straight for the trouble. The storm must have tampered with Lucy's sixth sense. It wouldn't be the first time that this has happened.

Lucy opened her car window, gasping as a strong gale of wind blew into her face. "GILLIAN!" she shouted. "WAIT! IT'S ME, LUCY! DON'T GO BACK TO YOUR APART-"

Lucy fell back into her seat when she was pelted with a faceful of hail and sleet.

"Did she hear you?"

Lucy shook her head, tears of frustration streaming down her face. "She went and took a shortcut. We'll never make it back in time with how bad the roads are!"

"Don't say that!" Matthias snapped, dangerously manoeuvring the car around with a definitive screech of all four wheels.

Lucy shrunk back in her seat.

"Get 911 on the phone!" Matthias commanded. "There's still time!"

"I can't! I don't have any service!"

Silence filled the car, minus the shrieking snowstorm outside. Everything was going wrong and there was nothing that they could do about it.

…

 **Gillian's POV:**

After leaping over the fence and almost spraining my ankle, it wasn't long before I had made it back into my apartment building. I didn't bother to use the elevator, opting instead to clamber up the stairs, running as if Satan himself was on my heels.

My feet thundered down the hallway as I veered around the corner, finding my apartment door swung right open. I entered the apartment, slowing to a stop and panting uncontrollably. The lights weren't turned on save for the one pole lamp in the living room. It was dim, but I didn't let this scare me.

"I'm here, you sick bastard!" I shouted. "Come and get me!"

"I'm impressed, Gillian. You made it here with two minutes to spare. Well done. No broken belongings for you!" a familiar voice hummed.

A chuckle to my right caused me to freeze on spot. Rodereich left my bedroom, slinking out into the front hallway with the sharp clack of his dress shoes. He was dressed in a cliché black trench coat and pants. What surprised me was that he wasn't wearing his glasses. His lavender eyes pierced through my wall of confidence, rendering me completely paralyzed. There was a dark purple bruise on his left eye in particular, the exact place where I had backhanded him earlier this afternoon.

I gasped, gritting my teeth as the means of holding my ground. I was shaking from a mixture of both fear and anger. "Get out," I hissed. "Get out of my apartment right now!"

Rodereich chuckled, an amused smile creeping onto his face. "And if I don't?" he mused.

"I'll make you!"

Rodereich reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a handgun. My eyes widened as I took a step back. I lost control of all senses when he pointed the handgun at me, his eyes greedy with a hunger that I have never experienced before. This wasn't just lust. These were the eyes of a madman.

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" he tutted, cocking the handgun to scare me further. It _worked._

"You don't call the _shots_ here," Rodereich leered. "I do."

I gulped, silently nodding my head.

"Close the door. Scream and I'll shoot you."

I backed up a few paces, refusing to turn my back on Rodereich. It took me several attempts to grasp onto the doorknob properly. I quietly shut the door.

"Rodereich," I started. "Please, don't do-"

"SHUT UP!" Rodereich shrieked, the gun wavering in his hand.

Rodereich took a deep breath, his knuckles white from gripping the gun so tightly. "I'm sorry," he muttered, lowering the gun. "This isn't how I wanted this to go."

I didn't say anything out of the fear of triggering another loud outburst from him. He wasn't in the right state of mind. Negotiation was completely out of the question until he calmed down.

Rodereich took a step towards me, forcing a plastic smile onto his face. "Dear me," he remarked. "I got all dressed up for you! And to think that you only came here wearing sweats! Ha! Oh well. I suppose that you'll want to be wearing comfortable clothing if we are to travel."

"Travel?" I choked.

Rodereich cupped my face with the hand that wasn't carrying the gun. "Yes, travel," he purred. "We'll be starting a new life together, just you and me. Although, I haven't decided on a place quite yet. Perhaps Austria? Vienna is an absolutely divine place to live," he proposed.

I flinched at his touch. "I'm not coming with you," I hissed.

 **CLICK!**

Rodereich held up the gun to my chin. "There's that big mouth again," he chuckled. "As if you have a choice over the matter. Now come along, we have some much-needed time to bond with each other before we set off in the morning!"

Rodereich grabbed my hand, towing me into the living room. I stumbled and tripped, looking all over the place for a potential weapon to use on him. Nothing remotely useful was within my reach, unfortunately.

Unbeknownst to me, the echo of footsteps could be heard outside the apartment.

I was then thrust against the dining room table, my back painfully pressing against the sharp edge of the wood. "Rodereich," I started again, only to have a cold, thin finger be placed over my lips. A single tear trickled down my cheek, prompting Rodereich to wipe at it with his coat sleeve.

"Hush. My poor darling," he simpered. "Why are you crying? You should be happy. We can finally be together now."

The Rodereich that I knew was gone. He had been replaced with a boy far crazier than I could have ever imagined. I bit my lip when he bent down to kiss my cheek, refusing to let him see me tremble.

The creak of the front door caused me to look past Rodereich's shoulders. Liza burst into the front room of my apartment, her eyes wild and her face red from what appeared to be crying. "GILL-" she screamed, only to be silenced when I interrupted her.

Oh no, not Liza too. I couldn't let Rodereich hurt her!

I spoke up before Rodereich could realize what was happening. "You said that we would be travelling to Austria, ja?" I asked, piping up my voice to maintain Rodereich's attention.

Liza paused, turning her head to spot my pinned position against the table. She cupped a hand over her mouth when she saw the gun, thankfully being able to collect herself and stifle her shock. It was the first time that she hadn't glared at me in a whole year. A look of understanding was quickly passed between us… or so I had thought.

My eyes pleaded for her to leave. Rodereich was still kissing my cheek, slowly moving down to my jawline. I made a quick hand gesture, pointing towards the door. Liza shook her head, creeping past Rodereich as she made her way into the kitchen.

What the heck was this girl thinking?! She should have called the cops if she knew what was happening. Why did she come alone anyways?! I had so many questions, and yet there was too little time to find the answers.

Rodereich nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck, wrapping his arm against my waist. I could feel the side of the handgun dig into my thigh. "I knew that you would come around," he praised. The amount of happiness in his voice spooked me out entirely.

Liza pulled out a pan from a drawer in the kitchen, signalling for me to keep Rodereich distracted while she crept behind him.

"Yes, my love. Austria will be the place for us to start all over again. I'll make you so happy. I'll spoil and pamper you like a princess…"

I brought a hand to the back of Rodereich's head, quelling another wave of nausea as I raked my fingers through his ebony hair. "Okay," I agreed. "I'll come with you on one condition."

"And what is that?" Rodereich smirked, lifting his head to patronizingly glance at me. I was no more than a kid to him, and was treated like such.

"Eat shit!" I screeched, snatching the handgun from his hand as Liza shrieked and swung the pan down onto the back of his head.

 **CLANG!**

Rodereich's face flushed with both surprise and anger, listlessly turning blank when he crumpled to the floor from the blunt force of Liza's pan swing.

I placed the handgun onto the dining room table, breathing for the first time in what had felt like hours. I then collapsed, grabbing onto the edge of the table to hold me upright.

"Gillian," Liza started, setting down the pan onto the table as well.

"NOT A WORD!" I fumed, seething from head to toe. "Save your excuses for later. We have other things to deal with right now."

I stormed into the living room, reaching for the home phone. "Crap!" I cursed. "There's no service!"

Liza followed after me. "I didn't know!" she sobbed. "H-he lied to me and I believed him!"

I turned around to glare at her. "Gee! As if I didn't already know that!" I snapped. "What? Did me warning you a million fucking times about him finally get through to that thick skull of yours?"

Liza winced, nodding her head. "I'm sorry! I didn't realize how horrible he was!"

"Liza, you're really beginning to get on my nerves here. Thank you for saving my life and all, but don't think that I'm just going to forgive you so easily."

"I don't expect your forgiveness! I just…didn't think that he was like that with other people," Liza trailed off.

I turned around to look Liza dead in the eye. "He abused you, didn't he?"

Liza choked, rubbing at her arm. "Yes," she said simply. "He did."

I softened my glare. "I knew it," I mumbled, my voice cracking. Anger quickly took over. "I FUCKING KNEW IT! I'LL _KILL_ HIM!"

Rodereich may be unconscious right now, but when I was done with him, he'd-!

My vision reddened. I surged forward, but was held back when Liza wrapped her arms around my waist, trapping me in place.

"STOP!" Liza cried out. "Don't you see that that's exactly what he wants?!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" I roared. "HE HURT US BOTH! I WON'T LET THAT BASTARD GET AWAY WITH IT!"

Liza span me around, pulling me into a hug. "Gillian, please," she begged. "We need to find help. It's only a matter of time before he wakes up."

I let my head rest on her shoulder, shaking and trembling from a wide range of conflicting emotions. "Fine," I said through gritted teeth.

I pulled away from the hug, refusing to look her in the eye as I was still mad at her. "Go check on him. I'll get the first aid kit in the kitchen. Asshole or not, he still doesn't deserve to die."

Liza hummed her agreement while I left for the kitchen. I rummaged through the cabinets, finding the first aid kit on top of the fridge of all places. A bang and shriek to my left made me rush out of the kitchen.

"Liza?" I called, panic swelling at the back of my throat. "Liza what hap-" I paused, feeling my blood run cold when I saw Liza being held at gunpoint by Rodereich.

Rodereich grit his teeth, a trail of blood running down his left cheek. "My, my. You ladies just don't know when to give up, do you?"

"Gil," Liza choked, her green eyes dilating from fear. "Run!"

"NO!" I shouted back. "I'm not just going to leave you here!"

Rodereich smiled, breathing shallowly and not looking stable at all. He wobbled a bit as he clung onto Liza's neck. "Now that's where you're wrong. We _will_ be leaving _Elizabeta_ here."

"Let go of me!" Liza fumed, struggling under Rodereich's grip.

"Fine then," Rodereich mused, directing his attention back to Liza. "I've been meaning to get rid of you for some time now. I was hoping that my note would be our final farewell. This will just have to do."

 **CRACK!**

Everything happened so fast. Rodereich grabbed Liza by the hair, slamming her head against the dining room table. Liza collapsed to the ground, her neck turned at an unnatural angle. She wasn't moving, and for the second time tonight, I stopped breathing. I would never be able to forgive Liza. She had died before I had been given the chance to reconcile with her.

"LIZA!" I shrieked. "LIZA?! OH GOD, NO!"

I stepped forward, finding myself face to face with the butt of Rodereich's handgun. "Not another move!" he hissed.

"You," Rodereich snapped, his eyes burning right into mine. "You ruined all of my hard work! Ungrateful bitch!"

 **SLAP!**

Rodereich used his other hand to slap me across the face. And just like that, my mind became just as mad as his was.

Tears stung at my eyes. I glared right back at Rodereich, unafraid of him anymore. "Shoot me and get it over with," I smirked, revelling in his devastated expression. "Your precious plan just went down in flames. A murderer like you will never be able to leave the country."

Rodereich didn't say anything. All he did was grip onto the handgun tighter. "Do it," I dared. "Or is it true? Can a psychopath like you truly love someone?"

"I do love you!" Rodereich growled.

"Ah, but what are you to do now?" I asked.

Rodereich laughed. It was loud enough to shatter glass. He was truly insane, and if I wasn't in danger before, then I sure was now. "We can still run away together," he cackled. "Don't you see that? Every single thing that I do is for you!"

I faltered, suddenly feeling fearful again. The adrenaline that had pushed me over the edge just a moment ago was gone. "W-what do you mean?"

Rodereich pursed his lips. "We'll have to go into hiding. I'll figure something out, maybe buy a pair of new identities for us. Yes! I have enough money to last us a full two months…"

The rest of his rant fell into nonsensical German. He had thought this all out to a tee. Tonight wasn't just a coincidence. He must have been planning this for a long time.

Rodereich pointed the handgun away from my head. "Forgive me," he murmured. "I have to do this for everything to work."

"Rodereich, what are you-?!"

 **THUNK!**

Rodereich brought the butt of the handgun onto my head, knocking me out cold.

…

Rodereich bent over to pick up Gillian's unconscious body. "I scream," he chuckled, wincing when he felt blood ooze out of the gash in his head.

"You scream…" Gillian groaned as Rodereich cupped her head to his chest.

"We all scream for mercy~! HAHAHA!"

 **To be continued…**


	16. Unawesome Timing a Crapload of Psycho

**Unawesome Timing and a Crapload of Psycho:**

(December 18th, 7:30 PM)

 **Matt's POV:**

I had hoped that the steam of the shower would have relieved my muscles from the constant aching that I had been feeling for the last few hours. My neck and jaw were tense; my throat sore from crying, and my chest heavy with the knowledge of how much suffering and trauma that Gillian had been through.

I blinked away these thoughts, knowing that she wouldn't want me to worry or fuss about her. At least, not in front of her anyways. It was hard for me not to grab my hockey stick and whack the shit out of that bastard who had molested her.

I clenched and unclenched my fists, realizing that Gillian would never want me to do such a horrid, _albeit warranted_ , thing. That girl was so much stronger and mature than she gave herself credit for. It hurt me to see how insecure she was of herself; to see her constantly de-validate herself; pushing me away as if I had never wanted to be with her in the first place.

How I treated her now became even more complicated. I couldn't baby her, otherwise she would think that I was treating her like a victim rather than a person. And yet, at the same time I also had to be there to comfort her and constantly reassure her that she was safe, that I was there for her, and that things would get better. I could only hope and pray that things would get better…

Words cannot describe how devastating it was for me to see Gillian, the girl whom I loved with all my heart, break down in front of me, leaving herself open to rejection, almost as if she had been expecting it all along. She was small, sure, but she was far from weak. I saw everything through those red eyes of hers: determination and courage. Her shoulders sagged with her defeat, but her eyes told another story. Her eyes told the story of a hero, someone who would do anything to stop that monster from harming any other person.

I had seen Gillian at her worst. No, worst doesn't do her justice. I had seen Gillian at her most vulnerable. Despite everything that she had gone through, she still fought back. She still tried to get through to the friend whom despised her, the friend who had made it her mission to bury Gillian further into the ground.

Gillian possessed more compassion and bravery than any person that I had ever met in my entire life. She hated herself, and yet she still made great efforts to tell and show others that they were loved. She was depressed, and yet she strived to make other people happy. She was anxious, and yet, she easily masked these feelings with a smile, a witty, sarcastic remark, and a casual snooty roll of the eyes. And now that I had gotten to know all if not most of her, I loved her even more than before.

And because I loved her so darn much, I knew that in order for her to heal, she would need her space. She didn't need me in particular; she needed someone. I just so happened to be the person who would stick by her side. I would see to it that Gillian had peace in her life, that she could smile without feeling the need to mask how she truly felt on the inside.

All of this was just too much for me to take in. Gillian was the breath of life that I hadn't felt in so long. And to know that someone had taken away her own joy in life infuriated me. But every time that I thought of the hurt expression on Gillian's face, a much stronger image was always quick to replace it. I would imagine her smiling at me, her eyes leering in challenge; her chest puffed up to match the Godzilla of all egotistical porcupines. I could practically hear her shrill 'I ain't taking your shit' voice yelling at me right now: " _Chin up, Maple Douche! Get your ass downstairs, make me some food, and rub my feet. Chop-chop_!"

Oh, Gilly Boo. Bossy as always, I see. Even in my own mind…

I smiled faintly to myself, shaking my head in disbelief. That girl was a tad bit crazy all right. Exhibit A: just a few minutes ago, I had heard her shouting at the TV. If I had to guess, she was most likely watching a wrestling match or something along the likes. Sometimes I wondered if Kuma wasn't the only one that I needed to put a leash on…er…not in a sexy way, I mean! Oh gosh, Matt! Way to be a complete and total pervert.

On instinct, I cupped my face with both hands, feeling my face heat in embarrassment. I could still hear Gillian shouting like a goofball downstairs. Yeah, I should probably get out of the shower before I let these thoughts trail off into something far worse…

I turned off the shower head, shaking my head like a dog. I smiled to myself, deciding not to dry my hair completely. Who said that a good boyfriend couldn't tease his girlfriend every once in a while?…Or every waking moment that they spend together.

Regardless, it wouldn't hurt to lighten the mood a little given the awful situation that we were in. We would both be going to the police station tomorrow morning; there was no point in letting our nerves take over our ability to appreciate each other's sarcastic company. Either way, I needed to distract myself from the temptation of beating the living crap out of that snotty stalker of hers. He's just lucky that I wasn't there when he had approached her earlier today…

I stepped out of the shower, drying off the rest of my body and wrapping a damp towel around my mid-section. I grabbed a bottle of shaving cream and a razor, squinting at my furrowed face in the foggy bathroom mirror. I would have to put a lot more effort into hiding my anger. The hatred that I felt was still too fresh and raw for me to get a proper handle over my emotions.

"Ah! Crap!" I cussed when I nicked the side of my face, a thin stream of blood trickling down my right cheek. I let out a loathsome sigh, wiping at my face with Alfred's eagle-themed hand towel ( _patriotic douche!_ ). Giving up on saving my face from its prickliness, I grabbed the hoodie and pair of sweatpants that I had set onto the bathroom counter prior to getting into the shower and began to get dressed.

I had just put on my fogged-up glasses when the sound of pained howling could be heard from downstairs.

"Kuma?" I whispered to myself.

Panic settled in and I slammed open the bathroom door. "Gillian?" I called out.

No answer.

"GILLIAN?!" I shouted much louder, my heart dropping when I didn't get a response this time as well.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I swore, running out into the upstairs hallway to look down into the living room. I gripped onto the stairs' railing to steady myself, spotting Kuma frantically pawing at the front door. I looked everywhere, but Gillian was nowhere in sight. I looked at the front coat rack: Gillian's coat was gone. Tacked onto the wall above the coat rack was a note.

"No," I mouthed. "She wouldn't…"

I fumbled down the staircase, nearly tripping over my feet as I rushed towards the front door. Kuma's howls became louder as he looked up to me desperately, his tail hidden between his hind legs. I grabbed the note, and for the second time tonight, Gillian shattered my heart into pieces:

 _He broke into my apartment. I have to stop him._

 _I'm sorry about breaking my promise to you. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn't turned on my phone._

 _I've always been really shitty at goodbyes…_

 _So I'll just say this instead. Whatever happens to me just know:_

 _Ich Liebe Dich, Matt._

 _You were the best thing that ever happened to me._

 _-Gillian_

My breathing halted; my vision spinning. And then everything became much clearer as the adrenaline kicked in. I dashed into the kitchen, swearing profusely under my breath. It took me several times to have my call go through to the 911 responder. I don't even remember what I said; it all went by so fast. I told them Gillian's address, somehow managing to give a coherent explanation of the danger that she was in.

 _(How? Why is this happening?)_

I didn't stop there, however. The weather was real shit outside, and I didn't like the chances of how long it could possibly take for 911 to get to her apartment. I didn't live far from Gillian, and damn it all if I was just going to abandon her in her time of need. I was completely ignoring the respondent's advice to stay where I was. I grabbed my coat, not even looking over my shoulder to heed to Kuma's whining.

 **CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!**

I sprinted down my apartment's outside hallway, my hands fumbling to dial Alfred's number. The service proved to be shitty once more, but after four attempts, I had finally managed to reach him at the restaurant. I gave him a breathless run-down of the situation, letting him know where I was; just in case. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Of course, being the stubborn ass that he is, Alfred refused to stand by and agreed to meet me at Gillian's apartment. This was the one time where I would concede to the usefulness of his obnoxious hero complex. The more numbers that we had, the stronger the likelihood that Gillian would come out of this unscathed.

It had only taken me thirty seconds of conversation to know that Rodereich was insane. When I had spoken with him on the phone that one time, I had decided not to tell Gillian what he had said to me. Gillian had told me about how possessive he was, but such a realization had only settled in when I had heard his voice for the first time; the voice of someone who was desperate, insecure…furious…

 _"Gillian is mine. She doesn't belong to you."_

This wasn't just some deranged teenager like I had originally thought. Rodereich hadn't been bluffing to intimidate me.

No, he been telling the truth all along, and the thought of that terrified me.

…

 _Seven minutes later…_

I knew it, the horrible weather outside had halted the reaction time of the 911 respondents. I circled around to the back of Gillian's apartment building. I remember her telling me that the back entrance was almost never locked.

I parked the truck, turned off the ignition, opened the driver's door, and slammed it behind me. I shielded my eyes as the beaming lights of Natalia's blue Punch Buggy pulled up into the parking spot beside me. Alfred and Natalia quickly stepped outside as well, their faces red from both the cold and exertion.

Natalia brushed her long blonde hair over the right shoulder of her white parka, nodding her head in acknowledgement. Thankfully, she had also been working when I had called Alfred for help. Alfred must have given her a quick run-down of the situation, judging by the cool and calculated expression on her face.

I faintly smiled at her in appreciation, whereas Alfred began to shout and panic.

"Well, what the hell are we waitin' for?! Let's get in there before something bad happens!" Alfred called out over the roar of the sleet that was constantly being pelted into our faces.

"Right!" I spoke up, my voice cracking with uncertainty. I felt numb, and disconnected as all three of us ran towards the back exit, shoving upon the doors. Gillian was right; the doors had been left unlocked.

The doors led us straight into the stairwell exit of the building. The echoes of our boots pounding against the creaking, metal staircase matched the uneven beat of my heart. Each step that I took made my chest swell with increasing anxiety and unease. I didn't have a good feeling about this, not one bit.

When we reached the right floor, the unease only grew stronger. Natalia's breath hitched as we stopped before Gillian's front door.

"What is it?" Alfred asked her.

"Nothing good," Natalia trailed off ominously, furrowing her perfectly plucked brows in contemplation. From what I heard, the girl had a sixth sense that not a lot of people possessed. Alfred told me all the time about how she could see and communicate with ghosts, as well as read the atmosphere much more diligently than the average person. I trusted Natalia, and the concerned look on her face made me feel nauseous all over again.

I lost all sense of rationality as I ran over to the door and pounded my fist against it. "GILLIAN! ARE YOU-!" I faltered when the door swung open, revealing a pitch-black apartment.

No. I shook my head stubbornly, refusing to accept that I was too late. Alfred flicked on the light switch. Natalia gasped at the crumpled form of Gillian's friend. Elizabeta was lying at the foot of the dining room table, her skin pale, and her body motionless. I recognized her from one of Gillian's old photo albums. I had only seen her briefly in public that one time, but I had never actually gotten a good look at her, let alone Rodereich.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Alfred muttered to himself, paling. "What the hell happened in here?"

Natalia ran over to crouch beside Elizabeta's unresponsive form. "She's still breathing!" she called out. "Did someone call 911?"

"I did. They should have been here by now," I growled, trudging heavily into the rest of the apartment. I looked everywhere, but Gillian was nowhere in sight. All background sounds were dulled out. I could only here the blood pumping in my ears, the shallow tone of my breathing. I was pacing back and forth, clawing at my hair in frustration, tears slipping down my cheeks.

If only this was a nightmare. I half expected to see Gillian leap out at me from around the corner, cackling at my flustered reaction. The fact that Elizabeta was pretty much dead ripped away at any sense of hope that I had felt before. For God's sakes, just look at how desensitized I am to this bullshit…

"Gillian?" I called out, thrusting open her bedroom door. "Gillian?!"

"Calm down, will you?" Natalia growled. "Getting angry and freaking out won't change anything."

I scowled at Natalia, despite knowing that she was right. Still, she didn't have to be so cold about it. **SLAM!** I opened the bathroom door, swallowing deeply when Gillian wasn't in there. Time ticked on at an agonizing pace, my frustration growing as 911 _still_ hadn't showed up yet.

DAMN IT! WHERE WAS SHE?!

I stalked back into the dining room, furious and nauseated. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up in apprehension. I looked down at Elizabeta, my glare wavering when I saw how small and weak she looked. She didn't look nearly look mean enough to fit the part of one of Gillian's tormentors. Natalia had moved Elizabeta's head onto her lap, holding up an icepack to the latter's head. Alfred came back from the kitchen with the first aid kid, crouching down next to Natalia.

"She has a massive bump on the back of her head. Probably suffering from a severe concussion," Natalia reported.

"Will she be okay?" Alfred asked.

"I think so," Natalia nodded her head. "As long as there isn't any internal bleeding…"

Alfred called 911 again, his shouts blending into the background. I heard and felt nothing. Gillian wasn't here. I had come too late. Who knows where she was now…what Rodereich had done to her…what he was going to do to her. He had hurt and almost killed his own girlfriend. Argh! None of this made sense?! Why was Elizabeta even here? Think! Think! Did she find out about Rodereich? Did she know that he was going to go after Gillian?

"I recognize this girl," Natalia whispered to herself. "We used to go to the same high school last year before I transferred."

Alfred choked. "You're in high school?!"

Natalia rolled her eyes, propping up Elizabeta's form by hooking her arms under the latter's elbows. "Da, I told you this. My older brother goes to Gillian's school."

"How old are you then?" Alfred burst out, a confused blush playing onto his face. I'll admit, Natalia looked much older than her actual age. If I wasn't so terrified right now, I would have showed surprise at this revelation...

I couldn't think or breathe. I had no idea where Rodereich could have taken Gillian. I had to make an assumption for the worst. I know Gillian. She would have never harmed Elizabeta so seriously. Only a monster like Rodereich could have done such a thing. What had likely happened was that Gillian had come here, encountered Rodereich, and for reasons that I don't know yet, Elizabeta had shown up, consequently being thrown right into the crossfire. Now Gillian was gone and I had no idea where she was. I was helpless; stuck. I had no information to act on. All I could do was stand here uselessly as Natalia and Alfred fussed over Elizabeta's stirring form.

"Seventeen," Natalia hissed. "Now can you wipe off that dopey-ass expression on your face and help me sit this girl in a chair?! I'm pretty sure that she's beginning to wake up."

"Yes ma'am." Alfred whipped his head up and down in a robotic nod, taking Elizabeta from Natalia. He effortlessly scooped the unconscious teen into his arms, gently sitting her down into a chair that Natalia had pulled out from the dining room table. Natalia propped a pillow behind Elizabeta's neck for support, while Alfred held an icepack to her head wound.

Elizabeta groaned, her eyelids slowly fluttering open to reveal two wide and fearful green irises. "Gillian," she croaked, wildly glancing around the room. "You need to help her!"

"Help her?!" I spluttered, rushing over to her side. "Help her how? Do you know where she is?!"

Natalia waved me off with an irritated hand gesture. "Let the girl gain her senses first," she scolded. "Elizabeta, it's me Natalia. I used to go to your high school. Help is on the way, alright? Is there any other place than your head that hurts?"

"No need to be scared. You're safe and sound, sweetheart," Alfred echoed in reassurance.

Elizabeta wildly shook her head, her eyes not looking focused at all. "I'm fine! I'm fine!" she snapped in a state of delirium. "Gillian! You need to help her! Rodereich took her! He's going to-!"

The suspicion that I had been most fearful of had just been confirmed.

Natalia swept away the hair that had fallen into Elizabeta's face. "Shhh. It's okay, take it easy."

I ignored Natalia's deadly look.

"Took her? Took her where?" I boomed, my voice sounding foreign and surprisingly steady.

A bead of sweat trickled down Elizabeta's forehead. "I don't know. If…I had to guess…" she wheezed, scrunching her face in pain. "He would be at the opera house downtown. It's where he practices his music during his spare time. It's the only place in the world where he feels comfortable…I don't know where else he would go but there…"

"Opera house?" I muttered, my eyes widening in realization. I knew the place that she was talking about. It was about a ten-minute drive from where we were now.

Alfred gave me a worried side-glance, almost as if to say ' _don't you dare even think about it_.'

I swallowed, refusing to meet his scolding glare. Natalia took back his attention when she unfolded the first aid kit, calling him over to help her cut up some bandages for Elizabeta's head wound.

"You," Elizabeta looked directly at me. "You're her new boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Yes," I answered. "I am."

Elizabeta smiled faintly. "Do what I couldn't do. _Save her_ ," she whispered.

I looked at Elizabeta, and then at Alfred and Natalia who were still busy fussing over which bandages to use. I looked back at Elizabeta once more, who made a small discreet hand gesture towards the door.

"Go," she mouthed. "Before it's too late."

I nodded my head, turning around.

"Wait," Elizabeta croaked.

I looked over my shoulder. "He has a gun. Be careful."

I swallowed a giant lump in my throat, thanking Elizabeta one last time. I then slipped out of the room, pulling out my phone only when I wasn't within hearing distance. I had never been a very noticeable person. The exception, the one anomaly to this rule had been Gillian; she was the only person who had ever noticed me.

Not that they were all that helpful right now, but I called 911 again, informing them about the current details of the situation.

I then took the back exit of the building once more, sprinting down the stairs three at a time. As I got closer to the ground floor, I could hear two panicked voices shouting at each other. I had just made it to the door that led out into the back-parking lot when someone grabbed me by the hood of my jacket, slamming me against the nearest concrete wall.

I gasped, winded of all breath as I came face to face with a furious pair of blue eyes. A man a couple inches taller than me with spiky blonde hair brought his face closer to mine. "What the fuck did you do to Gillian, you sicko?!" he raged, speaking with a foreign accent that I couldn't quite place.

"What are you…talking about?" I wheezed as he pressed his forearm against my windpipe. "I'm trying to help her!"

"Help her?! Is that a code that psychopaths like you use nowadays?!"

"L-let go of me!" I choked. "I don't have time for this!"

"Matthias wait!" A familiar female's voice cried out. "That's not Gillian's stalker. It's her boyfriend."

The blonde-haired and indigo-eyed tenant who had let me into the building just last week came sprinting down the hallway.

Matthias scowled. "You sure about that, Lucy?" he growled.

"Yes! Now let go of him for God's sakes," Lucy deadpanned.

Matthias reluctantly let go of me, but not before thrusting me forward. He still must not have trusted me. I gasped for air, not even hesitating to turn on my heels.

I was stopped once again when Lucy grabbed onto my wrist. A weird look of understanding was exchanged between the both of us. Gillian had told me that this woman was psychic, and the amount of wisdom that she held in her eyes, despite being so young, proved this to be very true. I winced in pain as Lucy's nails dug into the thick layers of my coat.

"Protect that girl. She's had a dark omen following her around for far too long now."

I silently nodded my head, impatiently gritting my teeth. Time was running out. I needed to act _now._

Lucy jolted, her body posture stiffening. "Beware of the music," she mumbled, looking right past me with glazed eyes. "Gillian, beware of the music…It all ends tonight..."

"Oi! Easy does it, I gotcha, girlie."

Matthias ran forward to catch Lucy's passed out form in his arms, whereas I simply stared at the couple, dumbfounded.

"Why the hell are you still here?!" Matthias barked. "Get a move on! Lucy says that you're the only one who can save her!"

He didn't have to tell me twice. Brushing off all the craziness, as I didn't have time to ask any questions, I pushed open the door to the back entrance. I could feel my phone buzz in my coat pocket as Alfred frantically began to call me, over and over again. I never picked up the phone; I was more focused on getting the hell out of here and finding Gillian.

It was only when I was speeding out of the back-parking lot that the 911 responders began to pull in.

Too little, too fucking late.

…

(December 18th, 9:00 PM)

 **Gillian'** **s POV:**

Ringing, pain, confusion; that's what I heard, felt, and was currently enduring through. I was slowly rousing into conscious, wracking my brain for any idea as to what had just happened to me. I vaguely remember being in a car; something wet, sticky, and hot pouring down the back of my neck. I remember my cheek being pressed up uncomfortably against cool glass. I remember being jostled around, the pain becoming so unbearable and nauseating that it had caused me to pass out again.

My eyelids twitched, eventually forcing themselves to open by a slight crack. I was met with several harsh, bright lights. My ears were assaulted with a soft melody, which was only served to aggravate my growing headache. I groaned, attempting to move my limbs, only to find that my wrists were bound to something. I opened my eyes again, letting out a gasp.

I was sitting in the middle of an Opera chamber, strapped by my wrists to a red plush seat with curved wooden handles. The room was big enough to seat a couple thousand people. I was sitting at the very bottom row, right along the raised wooden dais that hosted several music stands and one grand piano at the center of it all. I looked up, averting my gaze away from the harsh spotlights that were cast down onto me. The ceiling was decorated with intricately crafted moulds, patterns so small and minuscule that it hurt my head just to look at them. The sides of the room had several acoustic shells jutting out from the walls.

My breathing became shallow as I felt a cold wave of panic settle in. I could feel the crust of long-dried blood plastered against my neck. I furrowed my brows, a bead of sweat dripping down onto the red carpet below my feet. The sounds in the background was beginning to get louder, as I became more and more conscious and aware of myself. The back of my head throbbed, my hair falling forward into my face, stringy, dull and limp. Everything around me felt slowed, so much so that I could hear my quickening heartbeat.

I finally looked up when the lights were no longer too bright for me to withstand. I really wish that I hadn't. In fact, I wish that I had never woken up in the first place. I would have been better off dead. Rodereich halted his piano playing, swinging his hips, and shuffling on the bench that he was seated on so that he could face me. A wry smirk crept onto his lips as he stood up, his polished dress shoes clacking against the wood, harming my ears once more.

I incoherently began to cry out, words not quite reaching my tongue. My lips and throat were dry, but even so, no person would have been able to form thoughts that would be able to describe the sheer terror of this moment. Rodereich began to climb down the steps of the wooden dais, absently twirling around a pocket knife in his right hand. Hungry, lavender eyes latched their sights onto me. Like a trapped animal, I began to fidget and grunt, unsuccessfully attempting to free my wrist from the rag binds that kept me in place.

"Oh good, you're awake," Rodereich mused. "I can't even begin to describe how relieved I am. Gillian, darling, I must apologize for how I acted earlier this evening. I wasn't thinking straight. You see, the thought of not being able to spend the rest of my life with you was quite worrisome."

Rodereich was slowly closing the distance between us, his lips curled into a smirk mad enough to drain all hope of survival from me. This man had completely lost it; there was absolutely no reasoning with him. All I could do was stall my inevitable death and play along with his games. I was the mouse and he was the cat; the time of my death depended on how long it would take for him to get bored of toying with me.

"No matter, I managed to book us a flight to Vienna for tomorrow afternoon. In the meantime, I suppose that we'll just have to stay here. The theatre is closed for the weekend, so you need not worry about us being interrupted. Elizabeta is gone, so it's just you and me now. Ah, but I'm getting way too ahead of myself here. You must be in an immense amount of pain right now."

Fresh tears sprung into my eyes as the image of Liza's death flashed through my mind. I gasped, gritting my teeth. I sounded like a wounded animal, one that had been deprived of the right to feel free. Who am I kidding? I hadn't been free for close to two years now. The only way to be set free from this nightmare was only if one of us died. I didn't have to be a genius to know that I wouldn't be coming out of this situation alive.

 **CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!**

Matt, Lud, Isabel, Marianne, Arthur, Felicia, Kiku, and anyone else who was kind enough to believe me; I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having you worry about a useless nobody like me. You wasted your kindness on someone who didn't deserve it. I'm sorry for being secretive, for snapping whenever you pried just a bit too much. I know that you all cared. I was just too ignorant to tell you everything. It's too late now. What's done is done. I was stupid to supress it all, and now I'm paying in full for such a foolhardy mistake. Liza's already paid for it…it's my turn now.

 **CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!**

It looks like I'll be seeing you soon, my dear, precious little sister. I'm sorry that you had to leave this world so prematurely. Lud, I know that this is going to break you, but you'll be able to move on. You're strong, and you'll always have Felicia by your side. And Matt, oh God Matt. What have I gotten you into? I can only hope that you're not the first person to see my dead corpse.

God, I know that you've been giving me a hard time lately, but please don't let Matt get involved in this. I know him; he's just as stupid and reckless as I am. He doesn't deserve me and my burdens. He deserves to live a free and happy life. It just sucks because I thought that I would be the one to give him that…

"Gillian, dear, I need you to look up at me." Rodereich brought the tip of the knife to my chin, his eyes motioning for me to tilt my face upwards. I numbly did as he asked, refusing to meet his gaze.

"I don't see any signs of a concussion. Although, you do look a bit dazed."

Rodereich pulled back, holding up three fingers for me to inspect. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked. It horrified me how calmly he was acting right now.

"Hey, Rodereich?" I croaked.

"Yes, my love?"

"Read between the lines, that's my answer," I coughed, forcing my lips into a faint smile.

Rodereich's eyes narrowed. "That humour of yours is going to have to go in order for this relationship to work," he tutted, leaning in closer. My breath hitched when he brought the pocketknife to my cheek, pressing the edge of it into the first few layers of skin. Drops of blood dripped down my cheek, and it was only then that I met Rodereich's gaze, my eyes burning into his with an intangible amount of hatred.

"Look at that face!" Rodereich pursed his lips, thoroughly amused. "Why don't you _smile_? Lighten up a little! In just a few hours, we'll be starting our new lives together!"

I screamed when Rodereich curved the knife into my right cheek, making a sloppy half crescent moon in the flesh. The wound was shallow at best, but it still hurt nonetheless. "F-f-fuck!" I cried out, more terrified than in any actual pain. This act had caught me off guard; it had surprised me because of how childish it was. This only confirmed to me how unlike himself Rodereich was being. His mind had snapped completely.

Rodereich wiped the butt of the blade against the bottom of the seat adjacent to me, tsking under his breath. "Pity, I hate seeing you so upset. Perhaps I should play some music again to cheer you up?"

I responded by tugging my wrists and kicking my legs. Unfortunately, Rodereich was out of my kicking range. I stopped struggling when Roderich chuckled, patting at a large bump in the front pocket of his dress pants. He reached into the pocket, pulling out enough of the handgun for me to see it.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! I have dealt with enough of your tantrums for one night. You are to listen to everything that I say. Do I make myself clear?"

I helplessly fell back into my seat, bowing my head in compliance.

"Good," Rodereich purred, walking over so that he was standing in front of me again. He reached over to sweep away the bangs from my face, tucking them behind my ear. I flinched at how cold and bony his fingers were. I began to whimper. "Shhh. It's alright. You'll grow to enjoy my company. Believe it or not, I'm actually a very good lover. I promise to cherish you for as long as we spend our time together."

An uncomfortable silence passed as Rodereich petted my hair, causing me to wince every now and then when he touched a sore spot. Tears poured down my face. I was dizzy; trembling; paralyzed with fear. But once those feelings settled, a burning sensation grew in the pit of my stomach. Despite how little hope I felt, I still had a small amount of fight left in me. Rodereich clearly cared about me, no matter how deranged his love for me was. I don't think that he would ever mortally wound me, at least not intentionally. It sickened me to do so, but my only chance of surviving was to play along with his delusion.

"I-It's very nice in here," I murmured, wincing again when Rodereich stroked his thumb across my forehead.

"Hmmm?" Rodereich hummed, a pleased, albeit confused smile creeping onto his face. "Yes, quite. The history of this building is rich with the passion of past and present musicians. I perform here every weekend. I must say, I'm going to miss this place. Although, I'm glad that I get to spend my last moments here with you."

"M-me too…" I nearly choked out, feeling absolutely disgusted with myself.

Rodereich's eyes widened for a brief moment before he pursed his lips in an amused manner. "Coming to our senses now, are we?"

I mutely nodded my head.

"Good."

I let myself relax a little when Rodereich placed the knife back into his jean pocket. He then resumed stroking my hair, looking down at me to inspect my reaction every now and then. He was testing me and I knew it. The bastard wasn't the only one who could perform in this place, that's for sure.

"How did you get us here?" I asked, feeling the blood drain from my face. Anything could have set Rodereich off at this point. I had to be careful.

Rodereich shrugged. "I rented a car. We'll be using it to get to the airport tomorrow."

My lips twitched. He sure was confident in his plan. It was this naivety that fuelled my own hope. Rodereich wasn't nearly as calculated and thoughtful as his past self was. I could tell just by his rigid movements that he was nervous and on edge. Hopefully, I would be able to put a lot past him without him noticing now.

"Tomorrow afternoon is when our flight leaves?" I whispered.

Rodereich's eyes gleamed with a sickening amount of pride. "Precisely. You must be growing tired? After all, we've both had a very long day."

I aimed a glance at my binds, hoping that Rodereich would pick up on the discomfort on my face.

"I'd like to free you, you know," Rodereich informed me, speaking as if I were a small child. "But how do I know that I can trust you?"

"I want to hear you play music!" I blurted out.

My plan worked. Rodereich's expression became elated again, distracting him from the previous scepticism that he had felt towards me. "Really now? I'd love to perform a piece for you."

"That'd be awesome!" I forced a smile onto my face, blinking back tears. "But…uh…I would…um…" I pretended to look shy, batting my lashes. "It would be better if I was on the stage with you…"

Rodereich bent down, pecking my left cheek. "It would be my honour to play for you."

It wasn't long before Rodereich was freeing me from my binds. He grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs of the wooden dais. My head felt heavy and uneven, but Rodereich was too happy to notice how unstable I was. He seated himself on the bench before the piano, patting the spot next to him.

I shook my head. "I wouldn't want to disturb you. If you don't mind, I'd like to walk around the stage; clear my head and all."

Rodereich paused, but I was quick to speak up again. "I'll be right here on the stage! You'll be able to see me at all times!"

Silence.

I forced a strain smile onto my face, my heart hammering against my ribcage.

 **THUMP-THUMP! THUMP-THUMP!**

A trickle of sweat dripped down my neck.

"Alright," Rodereich eventually conceded, patting the pocket that still held the handgun in it. "Be good, my dear. I'm finding it increasingly hard to say no to those beautiful red eyes of yours."

To seal the deal, I bent down, pecking Rodereich's cheek. "I will," I lied. "Don't you worry."

Rodereich cupped my face, causing my knees to wobble. "Go on then. Do try to relax if you get the chance. Wouldn't want you to exert yourself too much."

"Of course," I drawled, turning on my heels.

"Gillian?"

"Yes?"

"You are one divine anomaly. It is an absolute pleasure to have you as my partner."

I wasn't able to form any words, so I simply just smiled back at him before turning around. I paced up and down the stage while Rodereich played a piece on the piano. My mind whirred as I walked the length of the stage, looking all around the room for any possible exits. Several aisles led to exits many stories up from where I was standing. If I found a way to incapacitate Rodereich, I could make a mad dash for one of those exits and escape.

Unfortunately, there were two problems with this plan; one, I had no idea if Rodereich had locked any of the exits, so if I did manage to escape he would eventually catch up to me and…well, bye bye Gillian. Secondly, I didn't have a weapon.

Think, Gillian think. I continued to pace up and down the stage, clapping whenever Rodereich finished a piece and encouraging him to start another so that I would have more time to come up with a proper plan.

Just when I had begun to give up, a golden opportunity presented itself in the most unlikeliest form. I had placed a hand against the surface of a music stand, only to realize that the leg of its foundation was loose. I was in a position where the piano blocked me from view from the waist up. If I managed to break off the leg, hide it behind my back, and walk behind Rodereich without arising any suspicion, I had a chance of escaping. Either way I was going to die, so even if the exits were locked, I still had to try.

I bent over slightly, lifting the music stand as I begin to wriggle and jostle the loose leg.

"Gillian?" Rodereich called out, thankfully still carrying out with his piece. It was ironic how tranquil his music was. It was almost inappropriate.

I dropped the music stand.

"Yes Rodereich?"

I froze, walking around the piano so that he could see me.

"Never mind. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. Please do continue enjoying yourself."

"How sweet," I cooed. "I'll be right here if you need me, 'kay?"

Rodereich gave his assent, and with that I was off, this time rushing to break off the leg. I recognized that look in Rodereich's eyes. He was beginning to grow suspicious over why I was staying in the same place for so long.

It took an immense amount of effort not to cry out in triumph when I had snapped off the loose leg from its place, quickly placing it behind my back. I then circled around the stage, positioned in such a way where I didn't look awkward, let alone the fact that I was hiding something from him.

I crept behind Rodereich, pulling out the metal piece from behind my back. I was preparing myself to strike him. I would avenge Liza's death and take control of my life. This man would do no more harm to anyone else in this world. It all ended here.

The music stopped, but I was too deep in thought to notice this right away.

I lifted the metal leg, hesitating one second too long. Rodereich turned his head, a slight smirk creeping onto his face. The bastard had been anticipating this all along. I was too slow to respond, and it wasn't long before his handgun was pointed at my chest. Rodereich twisted his torso, laughing all the while.

"Did you really think that I was that dumb? Really now, you had betrayal written all over your face from the moment that I first led you onto this stage. It was only a matter of time before you attempted to do something so pathetically trivial and cliché."

I let out a choking sound, dropping the metal leg, which was now useless in the face of his handgun.

Taking advantage of my shock, Rodereich leapt up from his seat and tackled me to the ground. My head cracked against the wooden floor, causing my vision to black out for a disconcerting amount of time. I let out a guttural scream as Rodereich used the hand that wasn't holding onto the handgun to lower the hem of my sweatpants. He was straddling me, grinning down at my weak and struggling form.

"It appears that I must discipline you. Care to continue where we left off last time?"

"JUST KILL ME ALREADY AND GET IT OVER WITH!" I snarled. "WE BOTH KNOW THAT THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO GO DOWN SO WHY BOTHER TRYING TO FORCE ME INTO BECOMING YOUR…YOUR SLAVE?!"

 **SLAP!**

My head flew to the left as Rodereich backhanded me with his free hand. "Oh, but you _will_ be coming with me to Austria. You just haven't learned to accept your fate yet. Don't worry, soon enough you'll be begging for me."

To emphasize his point, Rodereich reached into my pants, squeezing my thighs harshly. I screamed, and headbutted his nose on pure instinct. Once more, I was struck in the face, falling back down onto the floor.

"NASTY BITCH!" Rodereich swore, blood tricking down his chin.

 **BANG! BANG! BANG!**

The echoed pounding in the backroom went unnoticed by both Rodereich and I.

"ENTITLED PSYCHO PRICK!" I raged, still refusing to lay down and let him have a free for all on my remaining dignity. He clearly had no intention of shooting me, at least not yet. At this point, my right wrist was held down by his left hand, while my left arm was held down by his right knee.

 **BANG! BANG!**

Rodereich ignored me and began to pull down my sweatpants.

Tears jerked down my face. Was this really how I was going to die? Finally raped by the man who had taken away nearly everything from me? How fucking unfair was that?

 **BANG!**

The thundering sound of footsteps echoed across the room.

"GILLIAN!" A familiar voice screamed. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, YOU JACKASS!"

I looked up, feeling devastated and yet selfishly relieved at the same time.

"MATT!"

 _Why did you come for me?_

 _Idiot…_


	17. Sympathy Isn't Always Awesome

**Sympathy Isn't Always Awesome:**

"GILLIAN!" a familiar voice screamed. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, YOU JACKASS!"

I looked up, feeling devastated and yet selfishly relieved at the same time. "MATT!"

Matt came scrambling down the center aisle of the theatre, skipping three stairs at a time. He looked absolutely horrible. His blond hair was soaking wet and was crusted with snow and sleet. He was wearing nothing more than a baggy red hoodie, sweatpants, and a pair of run-down sneakers. His face was red, tears streaking down his cheeks as he idiotically came to my rescue. And, oh, was he ever angry. I froze from the shock of seeing Matt look so furious.

Rodereich must have been shocked by this too, as I felt him loosen his grip on my chest. I wriggled a bit, testing my constraints. I heard Rodereich mutter something to himself in disbelief, no doubt immersed in his own self-righteous little world again. It was when Matt began to sprint up the staircase leading onto the stage that I took advantage of Rodereich's temporary distraction.

"I SAID GET AWAY FROM HER!" Matt bellowed.

Without hesitation, I raised my knee and dealt two quick blows to Rodereich's stomach and ribcage. Rodereich gasped, his lungs giving out as he rolled off me, using his gun hand to clutch onto the wooden flooring, while the other held onto his assaulted lower torso.

The next few moments felt as if time had slowed.

I sat up, scrambling to reach Matt before he did something stupid. Or, should I say even something more stupid? I wobbled to a stand, blinking in disorientation at the bright spotlights that were being shined into my face. Every part of my body hurt, but I knew for a fact that I already had a concussion. Disgusted, I pulled up the hem of my sweatpants. I was now sprinting towards Matt, shrieking uncontrollably.

"What are you doing here?!" I screeched. I winced as the salt of my tears burned the open and still-bleeding wound on my right cheek. "Leave before he kills you! He's not in his right mind!"

Rodereich had yet to regain his composure at this point. I had a small window of opportunity to get Matt out of harm's way.

"I'm getting you the hell away from him!" Matt shouted back. "As if I would just leave you behind! Believe it or not, people actually care about you, Gillian! You can't just take off on your own and expect people not to do anything about it, damn it!"

Matt met me halfway at the centre of the stage, grabbing onto my forearm to pull me behind him so that I wasn't in Rodereich's direct line of view. I struggled and fought against this, slapping at his hand. I grabbed onto the front of Matt's hoodie, my eyes pleading for him to leave.

"Let go of me!" I hissed. "You have to leave! Right now!"

I began to push Matt backwards, angrily and senselessly pummelling my fists against his chest. "Just leave!" I croaked. "I don't know what I'd do with myself if you got hurt! You're such an idiot; you don't even have anything to defend yourself with!"

I continued to shove Matt in the chest, despite the fact that I hadn't managed to budge him at all. "GO! LEAVE!"

Matt's violet eyes widened with hurt, but the tenseness of his jaw told another story. "No," he snapped. " _You're_ not in the right mind if you think that I'm just going to leave you at the discretion of this homicidal maniac. I didn't come here to defend myself; I came here to defend you."

I let my hands rest at my sides, balling them into tight fists. "Are you insane?! There was no reason for you to come here! You could have just, oh I don't know, called the cops?!"

"I _did_ call the cops!" Matt bellowed back, causing me to falter and blink tears out of my eyes. "And maybe you should follow your own advice! Isolating yourself is the _worst_ thing that you can do in this type of situation. For God's sakes, just look at what he's done to you!"

Matt's bottom lip shook as he took in my badly beaten appearance. I let my hair fall into my face, trying to hide most of the bruising and swelling. "Why did you come here?" I repeated myself in a defeated whisper.

"I came here because I love you!" Matt angrily retorted.

I felt my entire heart drop. "Now we're both as good as dead," I croaked, swallowing heavily.

Rodereich groaned, clutching his side as he stood up. "Ding! Ding! Ding!" he laughed. "My dear, you couldn't have been anymore correct. You are mine and no one else's. You are not up for sharing and you never will be. Tsk! You should already know that by now."

Rodereich glared up at Matt, his lavender eyes envious and enraged. "Gillian is _mine_ ," he seethed. "It would be in your best interest to leave before I have no other choice but to dispose of you."

Matt grabbed my wrist, ignoring my protests as he practically flung me behind him. I grabbed onto Matt's upper arm, sobbing as I pressed my cheek against his back. Rodereich raised his handgun, pointing at Matt's chest, much to my horror. This was all just too much for me to handle. I hated the fact that I was paralyzed. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't.

"Gillian," Matt grit his teeth. "Is her own person. Her life is not yours to decide. One word of advice, if you're going to threaten a person with a gun, at least learn how to fucking cock it properly. I'm not going to let you intimidate me. And I'm certainly not going to let you control Gillian's life either. You are a sick son of a bitch who deserves to be locked up for the rest of his life. I've already called the cops; they'll be here any minute now. It would be in _your_ _best interest_ to surrender yourself before you get into even more trouble."

Rodereich cussed and growled under his breath, taking an erratic step forward before backpedalling and grabbing his temple with his free hand.

Matt's body tensed in fear despite being brave enough to maintain a neutral and stoic expression on his face.

Rodereich raked a hand through his hair, his eyebrows furrowed in conflicted contemplation; he was really beginning to scare me now. It would only take one wrong move to set him off again.

"Drop the gun," Matt said in a firm voice. "The cops know what you did. Don't make things worse for yourself."

I tightened my grip around Matt. What was he doing? Didn't he realize that Rodereich couldn't be reasoned with? He had a pathological obsession with me that went way beyond the rationality of a normal person. There was no conflict to mediate, but rather a person to incapacitate.

A bead of sweat trickled down Rodereich's forehead. His entire body frame was shaking. "Is this how it all ends?" he asked in a weak voice. "Will I never get to be happy again?... Don't I deserve happiness too?"

Rodereich paused to look at me. "I never thought that I was capable of love. And then I met you, Gillian. You were the bright, effervescent light in a sea full of darkness and selfish ambitions. You were my inspiration. I wanted to keep you to myself, but I didn't know how to express these feelings. Now I can see why you wanted nothing to do with me…"

I felt my entire chest swell with hurt and disgust. I've never despised a person this much. As if he was attempting to play the sympathy card with me. He had ruined my entire life; I didn't owe anything to him. Rodereich was sick, and never took accountability for his actions. Even now, he was still acting selfish. And you know what? I was letting him act this way. I was letting him walk all over me by allowing him to rationalize his despicable behaviour over these past two years.

Matt cleared his throat, his facial expression holding no sympathy whatsoever. "I think that you've said more than enough, Rodereich. Now drop the gun. I won't repeat myself again."

Rodereich opened his mouth, releasing a guttural sob. "I love her," he murmured. "I only wanted the best for her."

"But you _don't_ love her, Rodereich," Matt just about growled. "Beating a girl senseless isn't love. Molesting, stalking and ruining her reputation isn't love. Tormenting her day to day with insults isn't love. None of what you did was ever love. If you loved Gillian, you would have never laid your hands on her; you would have never made her life _this_ miserable."

Rodereich looked over Matt's shoulders, but I couldn't bear to meet his gaze. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling repulsed and nauseous all over again.

Rodereich let out a shaky breath, lowering his handgun. Matt exhaled in relief, albeit the fact that this relief would be _very_ short-lived.

Rodereich took a hesitant step forward, tears silently streaking down his face. He looked vulnerable and heartbroken, but my own heart didn't once feel any bit of understanding for him.

"What went wrong?" Rodereich asked me. I still refused to look at him. "I've always been such a coward, haven't I? I still haven't learned how to cope with my own feelings, and now look at where we are. Ridiculous, isn't it?"

"I couldn't possibly go through all _that_ again," Rodereich gave a bitter, humorless laugh. "I've never cared about anyone but myself. You were the only exception to that rule, Gillian. Tell me, do you remember that day? _That_ day when you crushed my heart into near unsalvageable pieces? I gave you flowers…God, you were such a bitch."

Rodereich shook his head in utter disbelief. "And yet, I was still intrigued by you. A little part of me died that day."

I inhaled sharply. A fuzzy image of a little boy sitting alone by himself in the school's playground flashed through my mind.

Rodereich bowed his head in shame, causing several more of his tears to drip onto the wooden floor of the stage. "Life without you is meaningless if you don't want me. I can't believe that it took me until now of all times to finally realize this. It's obvious that I was never meant to be part of your life. I might as well just finish myself off."

I choked for air when I realized what Rodereich intended to do.

Rodereich raised the handgun to his right temple. "Goodbye Gillian."

I let go of Matt, running forward. "Wait!" I cried out. "Don't do this! It doesn't have to end this way!"

I couldn't give you a good reason as to why I was putting myself in danger again. All I knew was that Rodereich was hurting and that he needed help. Bad people are still people. I would do best to never forget that. I know that what I was doing was stupid, but that's just who I was as a person. My heart always got in the way of my decisions; this stubbornness was something that I've always hated, but still nonetheless accepted about myself.

Matt reached out to grab my arm, but his hand swiped at mere air. "Gillian! What the hell are you doing?!"

Matt's words didn't quite reach my ears. I was completely deaf to them.

Rodereich met my gaze, his lips curling into a faint smile as he swallowed down his fear. The hand that was holding onto the gun was trembling uncontrollably. "At least I get to see those beautiful red eyes of yours one last time. Gillian, my beautiful, precious anomaly. You really are too good of a person. I am undeserving. Even after all that I've done to you, you attempt to salvage something that cannot be saved. No, I will die here with you being the last thing that I see."

"Don't do it!" I shrieked. "You'll get through this! There are other alternatives. Think about-!"

Matt wrapped an arm around my waist. "Are you insane? Get away from him!" he bellowed into my ear.

Matt thrust me behind him.

I looked up and saw rage flash across Rodereich's face.

My mouth parted open when I saw Rodereich lift the handgun from his temple; he was now pointing it directly at Matt's head.

 _No._

 _What have I done?_

"Don't you dare touch her!" Rodereich shrieked at Matt. "You're no less of a hypocrite than I am. And you know what? I'm beginning to think that we both don't deserve her…"

 **CLICK!**

Rodereich cocked the handgun.

My hair swept into my face as I rushed forward. "NO!"

 **BANG!**

I staggered backwards, my ears still stinging from the crack of Rodereich's gun. I could only hear my heartbeat. Every other sound was dull and muffled. I must have been in a state of complete shock because I hardly sensed anything.

 **THUMP-THUMP! THUMP-THUMP!**

I felt something wet and hot soak my stomach and lower torso. My vision blurred, and the world caved sideways. I had somehow fallen onto the ground.

I heard shouts. Someone grabbed my face, turning it to the side. Oh, it was Matt. He leaned over me, shouting in alarm. He looked really sad, but I couldn't understand why he would be feeling this way. I wrinkled my nose a bit when more wetness dripped onto my face.

"FUCK! GILLIAN! GILLIAN! HANG ON! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!"

What was Matt saying? God, was he ever being loud. I wanted to cup his face and tell him that everything would be alright, but my limbs were frozen; I couldn't move them.

I heard another pained wail echo across the theatre. I looked to my right at the worst moment possible. Rodereich had now placed the handgun into his mouth. I opened my own mouth to say something, but nothing came out; only a hoarse, incomprehensible cry. I wanted to scream, and yet, I was incapable of making any sound.

 **BANG!**

A second body dropped to the ground.

The wetness soon became dizzying to me. I looked at the large red pools of liquid staining the wooden floor. It had all been a misunderstanding. And now, I would never get the chance to fix it. My vision began to fade away, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

 _It didn't have to be this way._

 _You misunderstood me…_

It wasn't long before everything went black.

…

(flashback)

...

Rodereich was a simple boy. At the age of seven, he had already come to realize that. He didn't take interest in a lot of things. All of the school's teachers were wary of him because of this. You see, Rodereich didn't speak much, and when he did, it was only out of necessity. He was very good at getting what he wanted.

The only thing that he did take interest in was music. During recess, Rodereich would sneak into the school's library to play the rusty-old piano. The library was his safe space. It was the only place in the school where Rodereich could truly feel comfortable. Music was his escape; it was the one thing that would allow him to be at ease.

The peaceful sound of the keys helped Rodereich forget about how miserable he was. He hated school and everyone else in it. They were all too loud, and rude, and just absolutely repulsive to him. The kids at the school were far below his level of maturity, after all.

Unlike them, Rodereich made regular entries in his agenda. He was organized, and made sure that he was always busy doing something productive. Why, as of now, Rodereich was busy studying and memorizing the sheet music for the upcoming concert at the end of the month.

Unfortunately for Rodereich, the old bat of a librarian had spotted him. He would no longer be able to enjoy his reclusive - and most importantly quiet - corner in the library. He had been forced to go outside and play with the rest of the kids.

Rodereich was now in a very bad mood. He quickly found a spot in the shade, leaning back against the bark of an oak tree. He was sitting in a place surrounded by several garden beds, and was far enough away from the very loud voices of his classmates.

Rodereich watched the soccer game from afar, wrinkling his nose at how dirty and grimy his classmates were becoming. The soccer field hardly had any grass on it; the playground had quite literally become a cloud of brown dust.

The weather was uncomfortably humid, which didn't help to alleviate Rodereich's frustration. There was also the fact that he wasn't dressed accordingly for the weather. He was wearing his 'nice' pants, and was worried that they would become dirty as well.

Rodereich stubbornly rolled up the sleeves of his blouse. Whether he was inside or outside, he still had a lot of work to do. He couldn't possibly let his spare time go to waste. With that in mind, Rodereich opened his agenda and began to plan out the rest of his week. Planning was another hobby of his that put his mind at ease. He enjoyed predictability, and was intent on structuring his life in such a way.

The only problem now was that Rodereich's classmates were being too loud for him to concentrate properly. Rodereich had never quite understood what the appeal of having friends was. As far as he was concerned, it was perfectly normal not to feel the need to form close bonds with others. His parents gave him affection, sure, but these gestures never really did anything for Rodereich. He didn't enjoy being coddled. He focused on himself and preferred to be alone.

Rodereich knew that his behaviour rubbed off the wrong way on other people. His classmates clearly didn't understand that he disliked everyone. He didn't care if he made them cry. Most often enough, his classmates were being nosy; they asked him too many questions. They didn't deserve to know anything about him. They were only pretending that they liked him. It was annoying to him how his classmates pretended to like each other.

Rodereich, on the other hand, considered himself to be honest. Only honest people could admit that they only cared about themselves. There was no point in lying over the matter. Humans were selfish beings; there was no benefit to being nice in this world.

While Rodereich wrote in his agenda, at a much slower pace than usual, several of his classmates waved and said hello to him. Rodereich simply ignored them, hoping that they would get the message that he wanted to be left alone.

But, no matter what Rodereich did or said, his classmates were naturally attracted to him. He was at the top of his class, which meant that like sheep, his classmates looked up to him. Rather than being flattered, this annoyed Rodereich. There were no advantages to having friends; they couldn't possibly do anything remotely beneficial for him. So why have them at all?

Immersed in his agenda, Rodereich didn't hear the shouts of warning chorusing around him. It was only when a soccer ball crashed into a garden bed nearby that he realized what all the shouting had been for. Clumps of soil sprouted up from the ground, splattering Rodereich's face, his blouse and his agenda.

Angry, Rodereich began to brush off the soil from his agenda.

"SORRY!" a scratchy, high-pitched voice shrieked. "My awesomeness must have been too much for the ball to handle! At least I didn't kick it over the roof again ahahaha!"

Rodereich looked up to spot the grimiest angel that he had ever seen. A very thin girl with bony shoulders, and knees that were so scarred that they were a permanently a different colour, stood before him. She had pale skin, very pale skin, and her hair was also very white and very long; it nearly fell down to her waist and was tangled in an unimaginable number of knots. Rodereich's breath hitched when he realized that her eyes were also very different as well. Her eyes were the colour of blood, and yet they held a kindness in them that Rodereich had never seen before in his other classmates. She wasn't dressed normally either. She was wearing boy's shorts and a baggy t-shirt that was big enough for her to drown in should it not have been tied up with an elastic band at the waistline.

The girl was beautiful and overwhelming all the same. Rodereich was speechless, appalled, and mesmerized; the mere sight of her made his heart swell in his chest.

The girl leaned over, her long white hair sweeping forward as she placed two equally grubby hands onto her hips. "Helloooooooooooooo?" she mused. "Is everything alright down there? I mean, you did almost get your head taken off by my awesome kicking power!"

Rodereich scowled, rubbing off some soil from his nose. "Really?" he leered. "Is awesome the only word that you know? And no, I am not 'alright'! You got dirt all over me!"

The girl shrugged. "Ja, and so what if it is?" she teased. "At least I don't spend my recess reading a dictionary."

"It's not a dictionary. It's an agenda!" Rodereich snapped.

The girl raised her hands in surrender. "Alright, Mr. Agenda," she giggled. "Have fun with 'whatever' it is you're doing. You look like you could use some time to cool off."

"Hmmmph!" Rodereich crossed his arms in indignation.

The girl walked over to the garden bed, plucking up the soccer ball into her arms. "Sorry again," she apologized. "I'd invite you to play soccer with us, but I don't see that happening anytime soon…"

Rodereich chose not to say anything, which for whatever reason caused the girl to burst out into laughter.

"What?!" Rodereich spluttered.

The girl shed Rodereich with a toothy smile. "Nothing," she smirked. "I just like that you're weird. Like me."

"I'm not weird!" Rodereich protested, feeling his face heat up against his will.

"You keep telling yourself that," the girl shook her head, almost as if to pity him. "Trees don't make very good company, you know."

Rodereich opened his mouth in retort, but an impatient shout from the soccer field interrupted him.

"GIL! THROW ZE BALL ALREADY!"

The girl rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Yes, Franny, I heard you the first fifty times!" she sighed, hurling the ball onto the soccer field with an uncanny ease.

To Rodereich's surprise, the girl once again bent down before the garden bed, ripping out a handful of Edelweiss flowers that he himself had planted there previously.

The girl bowed down in mock courtesy, handing Rodereich the haphazard bouquet of flowers. "Let's call things even, kay? The name's Gillian, by the way! Hey! That totally rhymed!"

Gillian's chest puffed up with pride, matching that of a blowfish quite well.

Rodereich stiffly nodded his head. "Rodereich," he said in a plain voice. "Although, I don't see how you ruining the garden I planted makes things even between us."

The girl's face paled, if that was even possible. She then cupped a hand to her ear. "What's that?" she asked. "Fun awaits me? Well then! I shouldn't keep it waiting! See ya, Roddy! Enjoy being alone~!"

Gillian sprinted towards the soccer field, absolving herself from the consequences of her actions.

Rodereich furrowed his brows. He didn't care for this new nickname of his.

Despite trying to forget about that strange girl, Rodereich was unable to. Gillian was different; she understood him. She was the first person to realize that he preferred to be alone. But now, perhaps Rodereich didn't want to be friendless. Gillian annoyed him, yes, but he had somewhat enjoyed her company during that one-time encounter. He wouldn't have minded speaking to her again, in fact.

Rodereich spent the next few weeks admiring Gillian from afar. She played a lot of sports, and was a very loud person. She was everything that Rodereich despised, but he was still nonetheless fascinated by her. Gillian chewed with her mouth open, constantly screamed like her life depended on it, initiated playground riots, and was sent to the office on a regular basis; she was the living embodiment of a nightmare for all teachers alike. On the other hand, Gillian was kind. She stood up for the younger kids, and had several victory bruises to prove such feats. And it was these imperfections that made Gillian perfect to Rodereich.

Of course, he was too shy to tell her this directly. Gillian was in the other third grade class, which made things unnecessarily difficult for Rodereich. He decided that he would reach out to Gillian by placing a note on her desk. He had followed her around enough to memorize her daily routine. She had math first thing in the morning, whereas Rodereich had geography in the class next door.

Rodereich hovered outside his own classroom, waiting for Gillian to enter her class before he crept over to peak his head around the door. He watched Gillian walk to her desk, stopping when she spotted a foreign object resting on top of it. Rodereich had left a note from his agenda with an Edelweiss flower taped to it. He had put a lot of thought into this note; he could only hope that she liked it. He had never done something like this before and he was really nervous.

Gillian picked up the note, her pale face flushing a faint pink when she read it over. Rodereich felt his own face flush when Gillian's classmates began to tease her over her flustered reaction.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Gillian's got a boyfriend!" her classmates cooed.

Gillian cupped the note to her chest, bowing her head to sniff the Edelweiss flower. "I do not," she shyly protested.

Gillian's class erupted with laughter, much to Rodereich's horror.

"What?!" Gillian spluttered. "I think that it's kinda sweet!"

"Gillian's got a boyfriend! Gillian's got a boyfriend!"

Gillian stomped a foot against the ground. "I DO NOT!"

"Then prove it!"

Gillian angrily ripped the flower from the note, throwing it to the ground. "Whatever," she huffed, proceeding to stomp on the flower with the sole of her flip-flop. "Old man Fritz says that I don't need boys in my life anyways!"

The class cheered in encouragement, prompting Gillian to crumple up the note and throw it into the recycling bin.

Rodereich had seen enough. He stormed into the geography classroom, angrily rubbing at his eyes. They conveniently refused to stop tearing up, much to his evident frustration. He had been right all along. Having feelings for other people was a complete waste of time; they were annoying. He despised how vulnerable he was. He wasn't a child! He was above everyone else, and he knew it.

Rodereich would prove to Gillian just how big of a mistake that she had made by insulting him. She would one day learn to appreciate him.

That Rodereich was sure of.

…

 **BRRRRRRRRRRRING!**

The bell signalling the end of first period rang.

When she was sure that the rest of her classmates had left the classroom, Gillian hurried over to the recycling bin. She pried through the bin until she pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that she had been searching for.

Gillian smoothed out the paper that she had ruined on her desk. She swallowed heavily, feeling guilty all of a sudden. She looked up at the wrong moment, catching the gaze of solemn lavender eyes that were staring at her from the hallway outside.

Rodereich's expression became angry and he stormed off to his next class.

"Wait! Mr. Agenda!" Gillian called after Rodereich, but he was already long gone.

Disheartened, Gillian delicately folded the note and placed it into the front pocket of her overalls. Unfortunately, the flower that she had stomped on was beyond repair.

Two weeks later, Rodereich moved away.

Gillian wouldn't get to see him again until middle school.

Regardless, the damage had already been done.

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 **A/N** : Sorry, it's been a while. School's been really busy, and I don't want to rush the writing of these chapters. It takes me longer to write when I'm stressed, and this story is far too meaningful to me. Thanks so so much for being amazing and patient.

Anyways, a year ago, I set out a goal to achieve 100 followers for a story in the Hetalia fandom. If you guys could help me reach that goal it'd be absolutely amazing. because your girl has poured out her heart and so much hard work into this story. Shout out to **NebulaZee** for polishing off this story with her awesome beta reading. If you haven't already and are reading this, please do support this story! it would really mean a lot! I know it's silly and not really important to the social meaning of this story, but I just want to prove something to myself! ^-^

There are three more chapters left. Next chapter I'll probably be opening a poll on my profile. I'm on the fence as to whether or not I should write a Spamano prequel to this story. If I do, I would be posting the first chapter before this fic ends.

I'm sorry for the cliffhangers...haha...no I'm not. Well, kind of ;)

Take care everyone!

-Ella


	18. An Awesome Reunion

**A/N** : Hello again, lovely shippers of the internet. I'm back with the third last installment of this fic. I just want to thank you all again for being so patient and active on the keyboard. Hearing your thoughts really does inspire me to write. I honestly became so happy and proud when one of you guys picked up on what Rodereich represented. He does in fact represent the male gaze (in some aspects, not the utter psychoticness), so good on you! I almost cried, that's how amazed I was.

Anyways, I mentioned last chapter about writing a Spamano Prequel to this fic. Since I'm not a mind reader, and would like to write a story when I'm sure that there will be a willing audience, I've posted a poll to my profile. I know children, it's a hard knock life and sometimes you have to click an extra link! How ghastly of the author to request thirty seconds of your time ;) You can also PM me or request via review for the prequel to be made as well. I have a set number in mind for the poll by the way xD If not, I have many other projects to finish and start!

 **Disclaimer** : Gillian may appear to not be taking things seriously at times. But, the way I see it, she copes by joking. Besides, let's throw away with the typical victim script. Why do they always have to act ONLY sad, weak, and heartbroken? There's a name for that, and it's called "tragedy porn" as crude as it sounds. Not all victims behave the way we expect them to. People cope in their own ways. Besides, I'll make sure to flesh out Gillian's coping next chapter!

Take care everyone and enjoy!

* * *

(December 21rst)

 **An Awesome Reunion:**

I woke up feeling groggy, uncomfortable, and confused. There was something plastic wrapped around my face. A scratchy beeping sound was all that I could hear. My eyelids fluttered as I slowly began to put the pieces together. I was in a hospital, drugged with God knows how many sedatives.

I opened my eyes for the first time, confirming my suspicions. With blurry vision, I looked downwards, spotting the pastel green comforter of the bed that I was lying in. My arms were laying flat at my sides, the right of which had an IV drip inserted at the wrist area. There were several bags of precarious liquids resting above my bed; I looked away in haste the moment that I spotted red.

I turned my head, my slowed breathing now becoming a pant. The walls of the room were painted a soft yellow, contrasting with the blue curtain that divided the room into two. The hum of the heating vent blew at the curtains standing in front of the window, revealing a surprisingly clear sunny day outside.

 _A blizzard…_

I let my gaze trail around the room, well, as far as the gas mask over my head would allow me to turn, and became confused when I saw several coats and sweaters hung up across the pastel green plush couches.

I rolled my eyes. Surely, this room was paid for by my Opa's crazy expensive health insurance plan. Great, now I felt like an asshole for making him spend this much money on me. Also, screw him for turning me into a stingy bastard like himself.

A clock on the bedside table read 6:00 AM.

I became impatient and tried to sit up myself, discarding the oxygen mask from my face. "Ah! Shit!" I cried out when a sharp pain erupted in my abdomen.

I unbuttoned the pale blue nightgown that I was wearing—thankfully the ones that didn't have an open butt-flap, as I didn't have any intentions of blinding someone—and found that my whole chest and lower torso area was wrapped with several layers of bandages and gauze.

 _Blood…_

With shaking hands, I reached over to grab a mirror from the bedside table. I held the paddle-like object, stifling a sob when I saw my reflection. My long, white hair was stringy and out-of-place, the paleness of my face making the black-purple bruises under my eyes seem much worse than what they felt like. The thing that stood out to me the most, however, was the seam of purple stitches sewed into my right cheek, a shallow wound nonetheless, but it would still likely leave a mark.

 _A flash and gleam of a knife…_

 _Laughter…_

I began to panic as memories came back to me all at once.

 _The piano…_

 _The gun…_

 _Getting shot…_

 _Rodereich shooting himself…_

 _Matt-!_

I screamed, which was more like a croak as my throat was beyond parched. Who knew who long I had been out for. I must have been unconscious for days.

The first person to run into the room wasn't a doctor, but rather Lud. He looked just as much as a mess as I was. His normally neat blond hair was hanging over his forehead. He looked unnaturally pale as well, until he saw me and began to cry, his cheeks taking on a rosy hue.

Before I knew it, Lud was kneeling at my bedside, grabbing the hand that wasn't being fed with the IV drip. Even then, he was still taller than me, the brute. "G-Gillian," he blubbered. "Thank Gott, you're okay. I wasn't there for you…I'm s-sorry…I'm s-sorry…I'm sorry-!"

I attempted to bend over and kiss his cheek, but my abdomen wound wasn't about to let me do that. Instead, I settled for swiping away the hair from his face. "Shhh," I cooed, using my thumb to stroke his damp cheek. "It's all right, Luddy. I'm _fine._ Stop beating yourself up, will ya?"

I knew Lud well enough to know that he felt guilty for enjoying himself while I had gone through…you know…

A sickening thought began to twist at my stomach. "What about Matt?" I spluttered, eyes wide with worry. "Is he okay? Where is he?!"

Lud snorted, only to hiccup with another sob. "He's fine, but he's not here yet. Visiting hours don't start until eleven," he sighed. "Opa came too. His hotel isn't far from here."

I let myself breathe, while Lud berated me with his stern fatherly glare. I swear, sometimes he could pass for an old man; he was just that grumpy-looking.

Lud's blue eyes were tired and puffy, but they still held that same stubbornness in them. "And what about you, idiot?" he asked me in a harsh whisper. "What gave you the brilliant idea to sit up like this? You're going to tear your stitches."

Lud stood up and moved to push me onto my back again.

"Lud," I wheezed. "Stop! I'm fine! Ow! Watch the boobs! They're sensitive!"

Lud wasn't fazed by my protests. "I'm calling the doctor," he growled. "You need more pain medication!"

"I'm fine! Ugh! Don't!" I whined.

Too late.

Lud pressed the button that requested a doctor's presence. If I wasn't so busy slapping that traitor's arms in a 'friendly' sibling way, I could have sworn that I heard soft laughter at the other end of the room.

It wasn't long before a female doctor was hurrying through the door. She was very pretty, with Asian ethnic features. She had soft gold-honey eyes, and long dark brown hair that was pulled into a loose ponytail. Like all doctors, she was wearing a white lab coat and was carrying a clipboard.

"Oh," the doctor exclaimed in surprise. "Hello, dear. I'm glad to see you're finally awake."

The doctor was just as stiff and formal as Lud, hardly showing a wink of emotion. Go figure that he wanted to be a physician when he was older.

She then turned to Lud in question. "What's the problem? Did you fill her in?"

Lud shook his head.

"No, ma'am. She just woke up. I thought I'd leave everything medical to you since she…" Lud paused to give me yet another constipated glare. "…refuses to listen to me seeing as she's sitting up. Also, she needs more pain medication."

"Certainly," the doctor murmured, writing down a quick scribble on her clipboard.

I moved to cross my arms in a pout, only to wince. Absolutely pathetic, Gillian. Way to go, you goon. You played yourself. "Haven't you ever heard of respecting your elders?" I grumbled to myself.

Big surprise, my comment was ignored.

The doctor smirked slightly before placing a kind hand on my shoulder. "My name's doctor Kim Huynh. I'm afraid that your brother's right. It would be better for you to lie on your back, but as long as your movements aren't too strenuous, your stitches should hold out all right."

I hmphed, giving Lud a smug look.

"You're a very lucky girl, Gillian. The bullet went right through your torso without hitting any vital organs. It only managed to nick your rib-cage, exiting through your lower back. You have two broken ribs, and several bruised ones, but overall, the fact that you're here is a miracle. You're a medical anomaly if I've ever seen one."

I didn't have much to say. "Uh…how awesome?"

Lud rolled his eyes, but remained silent.

"Awesome indeed," the doctor agreed. Ja, that just rhymed. Doctor Seuss, feel free to hit me up sometime.

"You can also thank that friend of yours who placed pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. It's commendable how quickly he acted."

 _Matt…_

"Tell me, doc," I croaked. "Will I survive this?"

Another exasperated sigh from Lud.

Oh, sue me for being inappropriate. I've been through a lot. Joking around is the only coping mechanism that I had.

"Yes, of course," the doctor answered, not realizing that I was joking. "We've successfully removed all shrapnel from the bullet area. With some antibiotics, pain relievers, and time for your wounds to close up and heal on their own, you'll be out of here in a couple of weeks' time."

"Thank you, doctor," Lud deadpanned. "Please excuse her sarcasm. It's a disease that she's suffered from since birth."

I turned to give Lud an incredulous look. Since when had he become so salty? If I wasn't so offended and butthurt, I would have been impressed.

The doctor gave me one last kind glance before removing her hand from her shoulder. "I'll inform the nurse to give you more pain medication. If you need anything, don't be afraid to request my help. I wish you a speedy recovery, and I'm sorry for your loss."

"Loss…" I whispered, void of emotion.

The doctor swallowed nervously. "Perhaps I'll leave that explanation to your friends…"

 _Explain what?_ I wondered.

I followed the doctor's gaze to spot Liza poking her head around the blue curtain divider in the room. She was wearing the same pale blue hospital night-gown as I was. My eyes immediately went to the neck brace she was wearing, as well as the dark bruises under her exhausted green eyes.

I was completely stricken with shock. I was looking at the ghost of someone who I thought had already died.

"Hey," Liza mumbled, ignoring the firm glare of the doctor.

"Didn't I tell you to _stay_ in bed?" the doctor asked in monotone, as if she was used to repeating this sentence several times already.

"Yes, but I'm better now!" Liza protested, sticking up her chin as high as her neck brace would allow.

The doctor gave a defeated sigh before leaving the room, muttering something about how defiant children in her day would be whacked on the back of the head with a wooden paddle. Geesh.

Lud tensed as Liza approached me from the other side of the bed. Liza looked everywhere but at Lud, knowing that he was glaring at her.

"Liza…" I choked. "H-How…I thought you-?!"

Tears began to streak down my face. I was so overcome with emotion that I could hardly speak.

Liza cupped my left cheek. "Shhh," she hushed me. "I have a concussion, that's all."

Liza gasped when I pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. "I-I thought t-that you died!" I sobbed. "You're so s-stupid! Making me worry for nothing! Ow! Fuck!"

Liza rubbed circles into my back, laughing and crying at the same time. She pulled away to give my wound some breathing room. "No, no. I'm here to stay; you should know by now that I'm never one to give up so easily. I can't tell you how sorry I am. For everything. I was so blind back then. I don't expect you to forgive me, but-"

"I forgive you, you whore," I sniffed. "Just promise me that I get to choose all your partners from now on."

"All right," Liza relented, smirking slightly at my foul, albeit loving, use of language. She moved to sit on the foot of my bed, taking a large breath. "I honestly don't know where to start."

Lud cleared his throat, causing my attention to shift back to him. "Rodereich's dead," he growled. "The coward shot himself shortly after shooting you by accident. There's not much else to say."

Liza shrunk under Lud's intense stare. I couldn't blame him for feeling resentful towards her. She had done many horrible things to me in the past. Regardless, I was just glad to have my little sister back.

"Oh," I muttered. Was it bad that I felt both sad and relieved? Was I being selfish?

In the end, I decided that I wasn't. I've suffered enough, and I could only hope that Rodereich's soul found peace. He was a sick, tortured individual. Perhaps now he could finally rest. Even so, I would always despise him for what he did to me…

So why the hell was I crying over him?

"I could have _done_ something," I sniffed, tightly clenching my fists. " _Said_ something. I waited too long and now look at where we are…"

"Enough," Liza chided in a firm voice, placing her hand over my fist. "He's dead now and there's nothing that you can do about it. Besides, we both know that he was a manipulator. There's no way that he would have accepted responsibility for his actions. He would have a found a way out, and you know that."

Liza turned to look at Lud, whose head was also bowed with unwarranted guilt. "Lud, it's not your fault either. You couldn't have possibly known that this would have happened. Gillian's a big girl. She can look after herself, and doesn't need you there at her side. Well, at least not all the time. If anyone's to blame, it's me. _I_ let _him_ get away with all that he did."

Lud briefly established eye-contact with Liza, but was quick to look away.

I shook my head. "How about this? We were both stupid, and could have made better decisions. There's no way of pinpointing the blame, so why bother? Oh, don't give me that sour look, Lud. I agree with Liza. I'm _glad_ that you went on that trip. Lord knows that you needed a bit of fun in your life."

"Felicia's all the fun that I need," Lud said, only to blush profusely when he realized the double meaning of that statement.

Liza and I burst out laughing, and soon enough Lud had joined us too.

"Agreed," Liza chuckled, still red-faced from the pain laughing had caused her. "It's finally over. We can all breathe now."

I patted Liza's shoulder. "This is my last apology, I promise! But, I'm sorry about what you had to go through. I've always suspected it and-"

Liza rubbed her wrist. "I know. You were the first person who pointed it out. Even if you were trying to punch me in the face when confronting me about it."

"I've got style, kiddo," I shrugged. "What can I say?"

"I'm not doubting that," Liza chuckled.

Silence filled the room.

"Hey," Liza muttered, standing up from the bed. "My mom made some Dobos cake. Would you guys like a piece?"

Lud began to protest, something about how I was already riled up as it was and didn't need any more sugar in my bloodstream—the loving butthole— but my scream of excitement quickly drowned him out. Who cares if it was six in the morning? Cake was cake! It deserved to be caressed by my awesomely powerful intestines at all hours of the day!

Besides, after everything that's happened, we sure as hell needed something to rejoice over.

Our lives were finally our own again.

"Hell yes! That's probably what I missed most about going over to your house!" I grinned.

Before Liza could shoot me an insult in return, a mop of auburn hair poked its head into the room.

"Oi, Liza. Care to share, you crazy bitch?" Romano snapped, his amber eyes looking suspicious.

Liza giggled. "Oh, I'm the crazy one? You're not supposed to be here. Visiting hours don't start until eleven. I can't sneak you in here, every time, you know. We're bound to get caught."

"Well, now that the dumbass's awake, I'm not leaving. Besides, you were the one who texted me," Romano countered.

Romano turned his head to sneer at me, "Ciao dumbass," and then over to Lud, "Ciao younger-potato-dumbass."

Lud mumbled an inaudible hello.

"Fuck it, we're coming in."

Romano proceeded to open the door and enter the room.

"Gillian, ve!" Felicia came scrambling in soon after, shoving Lud out of the way to pull me into a hug.

"H-hey Felicia! Ow! Watch the ribs! Ahhhhh!" I groaned.

Romano scowled, picking up Felicia by the armpits and setting her to the side as if she were a small child. "Calm down, Feli," he lectured. "She's not going anywhere."

Felicia pouted, latching herself to Lud's arm.

Romano turned to give me an angry look. "Took you long enough to wake the fuck up, by the way."

"That reminds me," I smiled, waving at Marianne, Isabel, Arthur, and Kiku, who were just entering the room, all with sneaky expressions on their faces and slumped shoulders.

Kiku was smart enough to close the door after them.

"How long have I been out for?" I asked.

"Three days," Romano answered. "I told you that you could have stayed over at my apartment while Lud was gone, but _noooooo_ , you just had to stay true to being a diva."

" _At least that bastard got what he deserved_ ," Romano muttered to himself in Italian; I didn't understand a word of it.

Huh, so his offer had been serious, after all. Silly Romano. Deep down, he was a gentleman at heart despite being rough around the edges.

"Oh hush," I rolled my eyes. "We both know that we wouldn't have lasted five minutes without tearing each other's throats out."

"True that," he snorted. What Romano did next surprised me a little. He bent down, ruffled my hair, and then pecked me on the cheek that didn't have stitches in it. "I'm glad that you're okay. But pull a dumb stunt like that again and a gunshot wound will be the least of your worries..."

God, could his jokes get anymore cruder?

Pretty much everyone in the room scoffed in disgust, while I did the exact opposite.

I raised one hand in surrender. "Sure thing, boss!" I grinned.

Isabel, who was crying too hard to say anything, simply clung to Romano's chest. She refused to look at me. Back in middle school she had dated Rodereich. She knew what he was like, and how miserable he could make a person feel. I remember how heartbroken she was when he had broken up with her for being bi. She wanted to protect me and partly blamed herself for what had happened.

Of course, I didn't blame her for a single thing, but it was hard getting through to that thick-head of hers.

"Isabel," I chided. "Sweetheart, look at me."

Romano rubbed Isabel's arm. "Isa," he whispered into the sobbing Spaniard's ear. "Gillian's speaking to you."

Isabel didn't move, causing Romano to growl and disentangle himself from his girlfriend's overbearing clutches. "Che! Stop being such an idiota, and just talk to her already, damn it!"

It took a little 'extra' encouraging on Romano's part to get Isabel to look at me.

Isabel stumbled forward, looking at me with teary green eyes. "G-Gillian! 'M s-s-sorry…"

"Aw, how I missed those puppy dog eyes of yours," I cooed. "Now c'mere. I want to give my favourite chiquita a big ole hug."

Isabel's head collapsed onto my shoulder, being careful not to aggravate my injuries. I smoothed a hand through her muss of thick brown curls, holding back tears myself. She slipped into Spanish, hiccupping the occasional English phrase such as "I'm sorry," or "You need to eat more" or "I want a tomato."

"There, there," I reassured Isabel. "I survived, didn't I? Awesome never dies!"

Isabel was completely incoherent at this point. It took both Arthur and Romano to lift her off me.

Condolences and grimaces were exchanged before things began to turn back to normal.

Next thing I knew, Marianne was brushing my hair, spraying it with all kinds of strongly scented products.

Arthur, who was more practical-minded, knew exactly what I wanted. He gave me a sticky note containing the hospital's Wi-Fi password.

I cackled in triumph after I had guilt-tripped Lud into handing my laptop over. In response to this, Kiku offered to connect my laptop to the TV. I needed to catch up with the second season of Attack on Titan, anyways.

Liza took out her cake, and was setting out plates while everyone else left the room in search of chairs, drinks, and other junk food from the vending machines outside.

It was up to Kiku and his ninja skills to make sure that this mission was conducted successfully. In other words, it was his job to make sure that they didn't get caught by the hospital's staff.

I was a bit surprised that Lud was willing to break a few rules, but then again, he did just about anything for his family. He sure was a Beilschmidt, all right. I raised that brick well.

The only people left in the room were me, Marianne and Liza. I couldn't help but wonder where a certain favourite dork of mine was.

"Hey, Marianne?" I asked, tilting my head back as she finished weaving the end of my French braid.

"Hmmm?" Marianne hummed, grabbing the elastic band I handed to her.

"How come Matt's not here yet?"

Marianne placed a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. Her indigo eyes revealed a sadness that she couldn't hide nor put past me.

"He's terrified, darling. What happened to you really affected him…it affected all of us." Marianne swallowed heavily. "He hasn't gotten any sleep these past few days. I called and told him zhat you were awake, but…he's-"

Liza looked up from cutting the cake to spare me a sympathetic glance.

Marianne paused again, contemplating her words carefully. "Just give him some time. He'll come see you, _eventually_ …"

I didn't bother to hide the disappointed expression on my face. "Okay," I relented.

"Oi, Liza?"

"Yes, Gil?"

"I expect half of that cake to be mine."

Liza laughed. "Sure thing, Gil."

…

It's been a week since I've been in the hospital, and Matt, the douche, still hasn't bothered to visit me. We either communicated with each other using Lud as a reluctant, awkward messenger or through text. Every time I brought up the topic of him leaving his safe-haven, aka the waiting room, he conveniently switched the topic. He came up with every excuse in the book, until they just became plain stupid. Matt didn't have a hamster, nor did hamsters need to be walked anyhow.

Just what game was he playing exactly? Was he scared to see me like this? Or was it that he didn't like me? I couldn't help but wonder, and being confined in the same room for days on end worsened my angsty little heart.

Pretty much the whole town had visited me by now. In fact, there were news reporters lurking outside the hospital as I speak, hence the totally unawesome closed-off curtains in my room. I was beginning to get bored with seeing the same people. Well, except for Lud because he was always fun to tease and coerce into watching anime with me.

No number of gifts that I received could give me what I truly wanted… although, it was nice of Bella to give me an abundance of free eclairs, courtesy of her screaming, crying, and hugging me until I turned purple. It was also amusing for me to watch Tim awkwardly stand by the door, nervous and tense since he inevitably smelled like weed. I'm just surprised that the hospital staff haven't caught onto him yet.

Anyways, it had taken a lot of explaining to finally convince the Dutch-Belgian siblings that they couldn't have possibly known about Rodereich. A similar pattern was emerging where people felt guilty for being completely oblivious to my suffering. But, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I would have been treated differently if _everyone_ had known about my problems.

Matthias and Lucy were a completely different story. It was both touching and horrifying to see Lucy cry over me. She hardly ever showed emotion, but since she had some weird voodoo power and could predict future events, she took my predicament much harder than others. Turns out that it had been them in the car following me during that blizzard. Fate sure liked to screw me over, didn't it? Now I had been forced to keep sage with me at all times. Apparently, there was still a significant amount of negative energy clinging to me. I can't count how many times Lucy's performed a cleansing ritual in this room.

People came and went, sending their condolences, and obliviously choking me with their loving hugs, but at the end of the day, I felt like a prisoner. At least my Opa and Lud sure made me feel like that. Any time that I even mentioned leaving the room, they refused, claiming that my stitches needed more time to heal.

My Opa would be moving in with us for the next few months, just to make sure that everything was in order. He was too prideful to admit that he was scared for his grandchildren, and wanted to make sure that we were safe, but I was already fluent enough in Opa-speak to know that he loved us very dearly, even if he didn't show it with outward gestures. The only thing that sucked was that now I wouldn't be able to go to bed in the morning and eat whatever crap I wanted. I would be living on a military-like schedule until the end of the school year, much to my horror and Lud's insufferable excitement.

On the bright side, my Opa seemed to approve of Matt, _somewhat_. I always got mixed messages from that stoic old fart. In his own words:

"Only a person _you_ would date would be stupid and reckless enough to walk in on a dangerous situation like that." _Cue an awkward pat to the head._

For the sake of my love-struck heart, I'm just going to accept that as his permission for me to continue dating Matt. Ahem, not that a boss like me needed permission…

"Gillian," Lud sighed, setting his textbook on the arm of the couch. "You're strangling that poor bird again."

I nuzzled my nose into Giltwerk's soft yellow feathers. Hmmm. He smelled just like maple syrup. This little birdie was the only thing of Matt's that I had presently.

"Why couldn't you bring Matt with you?" I asked the canary through pursed lips.

Then, in a lower voice that Lud couldn't hear, I whispered. "Code distraction is a go!"

The vein in Lud's forehead twitched. "Don't make me confiscate him from you…" he warned.

I gasped, tucking Giltwerk under my armpit. "You'll never take him alive!"

Lud stood up, only to stutter in bewilderment when Giltwerk pretended to wriggle out of my grasp and took to the air.

"Giltwerk! Mein baby!" I pretended to call out like a distraught mother who had just lost her child.

"That's what you get for coddling him too much!" Lud groaned, reaching out to grab Giltwerk.

"Lud! Stop him!" I shrieked, suppressing a massive grin. "He's flying towards the door!"

With one last cheeky chirp, Giltwerk flew out of the room. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get any satisfaction from hearing the terrified wails of several nurses outside in the hallway. Yes! Everything was working according to plan. Now the way would be clear for me to escape! Alas, my boredom would finally come to an end!

"Well, don't just stand there!" I huffed. "Go after him!"

Lud glared at me, resentful that I was playing the helpless patient card on him again. You can only guess how many favors I had gotten him to do for me over the past week. "Don't you get any ideas when I'm gone," he said, sternly crossing his arms.

I pretended to rub at my eyes. Seriously, Giltwerk and I _so_ deserved an Oscar after this. "I won't!" I whined. "J-just, find him! Please!"

Lud's facial expression softened. "All right. I won't be gone for long," he said with the utmost of confidence. "Do you need me to call Opa?"

"No! No!" I sniffled. "Just let me mourn in peace, damn it!"

Lud scoffed. It was honestly kind of offensive that he wasn't surprised by my melodramatic behaviour.

"Drama queen," Lud muttered before leaving the room.

I waited a full two minutes before I leapt out of bed, clutching my side as I hobbled towards the walking aid resting at the other end of the room. Liza had been discharged two days ago, unfortunately, making this a solo mission.

If Matt wasn't going to come to me, then I was going to come to him.

I grabbed the walking aid, only to let out a string of curse words when I realized how heavy it was. I wouldn't be able to carry it with me. I had lost a lot of weight during my stay here; unawesome, I know.

My heart pounded with adrenaline as I shuffled out of my hospital room, cackling when I saw that there were zero staff members in the corridor outside. The echoes of frantic chirps and screams prompted me to take the route to my right.

I was making my way towards the elevator when I heard footsteps echoing behind me. I quickly hid behind a large fern plant, watching several nurses dressed in pale green scrubs sprint down the hallway, shouting and stammering into their walkie talkies.

"There appears to be a disturbance in the intensive care wing!"

"I'm getting reports of an unknown yellow flying object!"

"Patients are advised to stay in their rooms until this matter is resolved!"

I cupped a hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter. I never imagined that this mission would turn out to be so much fun!

My joy was cut short when Dr. Huynh and another spiky-haired male doctor with glasses hurried past me.

"It better not be _her_ again," Dr. Huynh sighed, her long ponytail bouncing behind her.

"I highly doubt that it isn't," the male doctor smirked. "I don't think we've ever had a patient this bizarre before. Wasn't she the one who attempted to 'bedsurf' down the hallway?"

Dr. Huynh grimaced. "Don't remind me," she muttered.

Looks like I had made quite the reputation for myself among the staff members here…kesesesese!

When I was sure that they were gone, I reached over to slap the elevator button and quickly hid behind the plant again.

I waited until I heard the **DING!** of the elevator before diving into it.

I pressed the button for the first floor. I then turned around to inspect my haggard appearance in the mirror, which only caused me to laugh even harder because of how truly mad I looked.

A young preteen girl with a band-aid on her face, bushy eyebrows, and a curly brown side ponytail eyed me with suspicion. I didn't realize that she had been standing in the elevator until she cleared her throat. Obviously, I had been too busy staring at my awesome reflection to notice her.

"Um, pardon me," she inquired with what sounded like an Australian accent. "Are you even allowed to be out of your room? You can hardly stand up straight."

I placed an index finger over my mouth and grinned. "Shhh," I hushed with gleaming eyes. "Nobody needs to know…hehehehe…"

After this, the girl barricaded herself in the far corner of the elevator. She probably thought that I was crazy, but oh well. This is what isolation from the outside world does to you, kiddo.

 **DING!**

The girl just about sprinted out the elevator when we reached the first floor.

I hobbled into the hallway, wildly looking around for signs that pointed me towards the waiting room.

Turns out that it was straight ahead.

Wheezing, as being in a bed for a week had robbed me from my previously awesome stamina, I dragged myself into the waiting room.

Being early in the morning, it was empty of all but two people: Bella and Matt.

Matt was sitting slumped over in a chair, looking as if he wanted to bury himself in the hood of the red parka he was wearing. On the table next to his seat, there was a platter of untouched pancakes from the hospital's cafeteria.

Bella stood over Matt, and judging by the redness of her face, she had yelled at him for some time now.

Matt, of course, was too nice to raise his voice at her.

" _I don't understand what's the problem_!" Bella hissed in French. " _Just go and see her, it's not that hard_!"

I had picked up on enough French to understand what she was saying.

Matt helplessly looked up at Bella through puffy violet eyes. "It's not that easy!" he whispered, shoulders trembling. "You weren't there. You didn't see how awful she looked."

Matt cupped his face with both hands. "Oh God, Bella. It was all my fault. I was the one who provoked him i-into…into shooting her…"

Bella sighed, placing a hand on Matt's shoulder. "Be that as it may, she's fine now. She hasn't stopped asking about you. She misses you, and although I have _no_ idea what she sees in you, you need to grow some balls and visit her."

Leave it to Bella to be brutally honest.

"I-I can't face her," Matt spoke, still covering his face. "I love her more than you would know. I can't possibly see her like this. It'll break my heart all over again."

"Keh!" Bella crossed her arms, looking as if she wanted to claw Matt's eyes out. "If you ask me, you're being a selfish pussy. That girl took a bullet for you. She's lonely and she needs you to be there for her. Be the boyfriend that she deserves! I can only imagine the trauma and pain she's experiencing right now…"

Bella sniffed, holding back sobs of her own.

Matt raised his head, letting out a pitiful sigh. "You're right," he relented, only to inhale sharply when he looked past Bella's shoulders, spotting me standing awkwardly by the entrance of the room.

"Gillian?!" he spluttered, standing up abruptly.

I gave Matt a quirky smile, holding my stomach tightly. "Hey…"

Bella's eyes widened as she turned around to face me. "What the heck?!" she cried out. "What are you doing out of bed?! Did you sneak out?! Oh, you are in _so_ much trouble, young lady!"

I winced, avoiding Bella's smouldering glare.

"Bella?" Matt growled.

"Oui, shithead?"

"Ring the nurses station, _now_!"

"This is the _one_ time that I'll _ever_ agree with you!" Bella snarled.

Bella mimed one last gesture of warning before sprinting down the opposite end of the room to page a nurse. Surprisingly, there wasn't anyone manning the front desk. How convenient…

Matt hurdled towards me, wrapping an arm around my back for me to lean into. "Are you insane?" he snapped. "You're going to tear open your stitches!"

"I wouldn't have to tear open my stitches if you would have just visited me!" I snarled, struggling to free myself from his grasp. It irked me how much I had missed the smell of his cologne. It made pulling away from him unbelievably difficult.

I slapped at Matt's arms, startling him enough to let go of me. I slumped over, glaring at him and growling again when he refused to look me in the eyes.

"You think that by not looking at me I won't notice you?!" I spluttered, pounding the fist that wasn't holding my stomach into his chest. "F-fuck you! What gives you the right to ignore me! A-answer me, you bastard!"

I was on the verge of tears at this point.

Matt closed the distance between us, placing both of his hands on my shoulders. "That's not it at all!" he snapped, violet eyes wet with frustration. "I was scared, okay?! I thought that I had killed you…The thought of seeing you suffer because of something that I did gnawed at me. When I saw you lying in that bed, motionless with God knows how many machines hooked up to you I thought that I wouldn't make it out of here alive either...I love you so fucking much. I love you so much that it hurts…"

Matt broke off, his hands tightening around my shoulders as he clenched his jaw shut.

I used one hand to cup a stubble-covered cheek. "You're an idiot," I hiccuped. "And here I thought that you were brave. You're just as much as a coward as I am. I spent the last week thinking that you didn't want me anymore."

Matt shook his head in disbelief. "Then we both must be idiots. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have come here every day. It's unbelievable how dense and stubborn you can be sometimes."

"Go to hell," I sighed, snuggling up to his chest. "Oh, and I love you too."

Matt tucked his chin over my head. "I'm sorry, all right? I promise that we'll get through this together. I'm sorry for all that's happened to you, but it's over now. I'll be there with you every step or wheel of the way. Stop snorting at me, we both know that you'll be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of the week. And no, those puppy eyes won't work on me either, sorry."

Typical Canadian: apologizing every second word.

I pouted. "Yes, mother Matthew," I relented, giggling when Matt bent down to pull me into a kiss.

"You better not leave me again," I murmured against his mouth.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he chuckled.

It was as if we had been separated for years, that's how foreign and desperate the kiss was. I savoured the sweet taste of his tongue, knowing that there would be plenty more to come. Unfortunately, the kiss was over before I knew it.

I pulled away when I heard shouts and footsteps echo from the hallway to our right.

"Woops! That's my cue!" I ducked out of Matt's reach, wincing in pain.

"Oh, no you don't!" Matt growled, but I was already long gone.

I cackled, my long glorious hair victoriously trailing behind me. "I'm not going back to that boring hospital room just yet! I have plenty more of this medical jungle to explore!"

I looked over my shoulders, giggling when I saw an army of nurses and beefy security guards chasing after me.

…

I was standing on top of a table in the cafeteria, waving around a stale baguette as if it were a sword.

"Aha! On guard, peasants!" I cackled, dancing out of the way when a nurse dove forward to grab me by the foot. The poor oaf slid right off the table with a painful-sounding oomph.

A horrified mother clutched her newborn baby; whereas, her toddler merely cheered me on, his green eyes wide with adoration.

"For you, good sir," I handed the baguette to the ogling boy.

And then I was off again to wreak more havoc.

Pity that I didn't have time to sign autographs.

"Gillian?!" Matt, Bella, and Lud all shrieked as I sprint-hobbled out of the cafeteria.

"You snooze you lose, suckers! Kesesesese! OW!"

…

I was taking a casual stroll in the wing next to the intensive care unit when a familiar favourite theme song of mine began to play in a nearby room.

 _"_ _Seid ihr das Essen? Nein, wir sind die Jäger!"_

Did my ears beseech me? Or was someone else in this hospital awesome enough to be watching Attack on Titan?

I followed the echoes of the theme song, preparing myself for a full-on fangirling session.

I walked into the room, which contained a single hospital bed. The TV was on, but no one appeared to be in the room.

I realized that it was a trap when it was already too late.

Matt shut the door behind him, smirking like a madman. As if that weren't enough, several nurses and doctors, including Bella and Lud jumped out from behind the bed.

Lud smugly held up a now trapped and very unhappy Giltwerk in his birdcage.

Crap, looks like the chic was up. _*obligatory laughter*_

Matt wrapped his arms around my waist, careful not to aggravate my stitch wounds. "Found you," he cooed.

"Oh, fuck off already," I groaned.

Damn you, maple douche.

Damn you.

…

It goes to say that the rest of my time spent at the hospital was in solitary confinement.

Although, I had no reason to complain.

I was safe.

I was free.

I was living life.

But, most importantly, I was surrounded by those whom I loved.

 _*obligatory awwwwwwwwww from the audience*_

 **To be continued…**


	19. The Awesome and Unawesome Road of

**A/N PLEASE READ:**

Hello everyone, so this is the second last chapter. I just wanted to thank you all for being so wonderful, kind, and supportive. If you don't mind, I'd like to explain myself, since earlier into writing this fic, I had received a really rude message, saying something along the gists of "You don't know what it's like to be a victim"

That's not the case at all. Honestly, it's humiliating that I have to explain myself, as I've hinted in my previous author's notes several times that this is personal to me. Ah well. No, I am not a victim of sexual assault. But, I did have a stalker. (I'm safe, and he has no way of reaching me, so please don't worry. I started this story after the fold of events that took place -It's been a year and a half).

I wrote this story to shed light on how helpless and out of control it can be to be a victim, any type of victim. Not only that, but how a victim doesn't stay a victim for the rest of their lives. I can't tell you how scared I was when I realized that he had followed me across the city, to where I go to school. I walked past him holding up a GPS tracker (or something like that?), but thankfully he didn't see me turn and run the other way (I had to turn off my phone and get a new one). I didn't tell anyone because I wasn't believed. I'll leave out the other details of what he did, or how he even hacked my phone, but you get the picture. The story for the most part is fiction, but some of my own experiences did influence it, naturally, as is with the case of most authors.

All right, moving on to a happier note. As you read this now, the prequel to this fic has also been uploaded, titled " **Green Skies Ahead**." It's 1000 x milder in comparison, but still tackles some important issues in my opinion. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SHOWING INTEREST GOSH :D

If you read "Green Skies Ahead" , and are already supporting this story, please don't be lazy, and show your support by clicking the button :D! It means the absolute world to me, and I don't write if I don't receive enough energy, it's simply not fun. Also, I'll be spreading out my updates from now on, so you're not going to get a clutter of updates anymore lol.

One last thing, for those of you who know how much of a sensitive little bean I am, I always do this 'spiel' on the second last chapter. Once I click the complete button, I get offended and have my feelings hurt when people unfollow the story. It makes me feel used. By all means, feel free to favourite or unfavourite this story, I can't dictate your taste, but it really does hurt my feelings when people unfollow :p IT'S RUDE, YO.

With that said and done, I hope you enjoy this massive 9000 word chapter. The final chapter will be coming much sooner than what I've been updating lately. I'm finishing several stories, and just want to be done with them and start new ones!

Thank you for your time, have a great/day night, and if I brought a smile to your face at any time during writing this story, then I did my job.

-Ella

* * *

 **The Awesome and Unawesome Road of My Recovery:**

It was the second week of January. I was coming to school a week later than the other students, but for a good reason. And no, it had nothing to do with getting shot, surprisingly. You see, children, let me take you on a mini journey of my idiocy. When Gillian is feeling angsty, she posts on her blog. Little did angsty little Gillian know that people were actually following her posts about her stalker.

Then, angsty little Gillian had the brilliant idea to make a cryptic post about needing help and going to the police. When she woke up in the hospital, she was very surprised to find out that the hashtag #FindGillianBeilschmidt was trending on tumblr.

I had become an overnight sensation. My blog was already fairly popular as it was, but now I had hundreds of thousands of followers. I was no longer a slut, but a martyr. I've always had a nasty habit of attracting attention, despite it not being the good type. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret making those posts.

All I've ever wanted was for people to believe me. And now that they did, I realized that with credibility, there also comes pity. I was sick of being pitied and patronized and treated as if I was fragile, ready to break at the slightest provocation. Unfortunately, nothing has changed. Now, instead of my friends pitying me, I had the whole school, the media, and much of the internet on my side. I was loved and Rodereich was hated, despised even. His true person was found out.

Honestly, if I was to pity anyone, it would be Rodereich's parents. It seemed like they had no idea about how awfully sick their son was. Everyone blamed them, for not noticing, for not knowing their son, for standing by as he tortured me for an entire year with his psychological mind games. The torch had been passed on, but I wouldn't dare to bare it against them. I know what it feels like to be unreasonably mobbed against. I wouldn't repeat the past; I would learn from it and move on. When things calmed down, I would have to talk to his parents face-to-face. They deserved closure too. I didn't want them to feel guilty for something they probably couldn't have prevented.

I just wanted this all to be done with.

Unfortunately, that wasn't about to happen quite yet. Opa was driving Lud and myself to school, taking several extra twists and turns to outrun the paparazzi. Thankfully, the windows of his SUV were tinted, so I didn't have to worry about being blinded. My eyes were extremely sensitive to light, after all.

Lud sat stiff and straight in the back with me, his hands tightly fisted and folded neatly in his lap. He was hardly breathing. "Are you sure you're ready?" he asked me. "I don't mind bringing your school work home. It's probably for the best anyway."

I reached over to place a hand over Lud's giant one, smiling faintly to comfort him. "I can't hide anymore," I whispered, feeling mature, like I was Yoda or something. "I won't let what happened control my life. I need to move on. I have a life to live too. Besides, I'm sure they'll get bored of me eventually."

Lud sighed. "All right. But, if at anytime you feel like you can't-"

"Lud," I laughed. "It's fine, really. I won't even be going to class. I'm spending the day in the office to sort things out."

Lud fell silent after that. Knowing him, he was also going to be spending the day in the office. I swear, that oaf had a heart of gold. The past couple of weeks, he's slept at the edge of my bed, like a loyal guard dog. I really couldn't have asked for a better brother.

Opa turned into the school's parking lot, cursing when camped out cameramen began to flash their cameras. "When will this craziness end?" he growled, swerving the SUV to the right. The principal had ordered the cops to block off a section of the back-parking lot for us to traverse through.

"Opa," I smirked. "When have things ever been normal with me? You should know that by now."

Opa scoffed. "Quit being a smart aleck, Gillian. I'm starting to think that I was too easy on you two. In my day, you would get spanked just for opening your mouth when you weren't spoken to."

Lud and I both knew that Opa was just worried and nervous. He tended to snap when the welfare of his grandchildren was threatened. The stubborn old fart refused to go back to Germany until the end of the school year in June. Unfortunately, this meant I was no longer able to have microwaved taquitos every meal of the day. Tragic, I know.

"Oh, please," I said, batting my lashes. "Just admit it, old man. You're worried about me. Which is totally unawesome, because I don't need to be babied, but I appreciate the sentiment."

Opa's stern blue eyes glared at me through the driver's mirror. Seriously, he looked exactly like Lud, save for a fifty-year age difference and longer hair.

"I don't see why I wouldn't be able to admit that. I am worried about you. Why wouldn't I be? After everything that lunatic caused!" Opa snapped, only to falter when he saw the hurt expression on my face. He knew I was still touchy on the subject.

"Gillian, you are my grandchild. Of course, I care. You are a Beilschmidt: proud and strong-headed. But, don't feel like you must act strong for us. Beilschmidts look after one another. It's okay to ask us for help. We are here for a reason; don't you ever forget that."

It looked like Opa wanted to say more, but he chose not to out of respect. I already knew where he was going with this. If I had just told someone earlier about Rodereich, none of this would have happened. I'll admit it; I wasn't in the right mindset. But, that's what happens once you've been put down for so long. Your thoughts aren't clear and you're run by fear.

"Danke, Opa," I said earnestly. "I'll be sure to remember that."

The faintest wisp of a smile made itself evident on Opa's face. "You make me proud. It's hard to believe how much you've grown up since the last time I saw you. You as well, Lud. Remember to study hard, and everything will work out in the end. I can at least guarantee you that."

"You hear that, Gil?" Lud nudged shoulders with me. "That means you actually have to try. You can't just study everything at the last minute."

"Shut your trap, Opa 2.0," I giggled. "I'll have you know that cramming works out just fine for me."

Opa spared us a confused glance, but didn't bother to keep up with our conversation. He was a man of very few words. That speech he just gave us was very uncharacteristic of him.

Lud's retort was cut short when a cameraman banged his fist on my window. It must have been a lucky guess, considering no one was able to see inside the vehicle. "Gillian! How does it feel to be back in school?!"

I gave a small shriek and leapt away from the window.

Opa angrily honked his horn, swearing in German once more. He nearly plowed through an army of reporters before entering the safe zone the police had set up for us.

Opa turned to look over his shoulder. "You," he pointed at Lud. "Look after her and don't let her out of your sight," he gestured at me.

Lud curtly nodded his head. "Yes, sir."

"And you," Opa spared me a distasteful glance. "No funny business when I'm gone."

"Since when is business ever funny?" I pouted. "Making money is a very serious matter. Geez, Gramps! You're losing your steely touch! Soon you'll be out of business, and then mein awesomeness can take over your company."

The vein in Opa's forehead twitched. "Gillian!" he barked.

My shoulders slumped. "All right, all right. No need to get all commando on me. I was just joking."

Opa's expression softened as he reached over to ruffle my hair. "You really are too stubborn for your own good. Be safe. I'll be waiting in this exact spot at the end of the day. Oh, and Gillian?"

I looked up to peek at Opa. "J-ja?" I stammered.

Opa pursed his lips in a thin line. "If anyone even so much as looks at you the wrong way, I'll personally run them over."

I chuckled, opening the car door. "Good to know. Have an awesome day!" I waved, stepping out into the frozen tundra of mid-January weather.

Opa grumbled something incoherent in response; he was too busy muttering profanity at the reporters.

As soon as I was in view, the cameras began to flash. To my right, three police cars were stopped at a speed bump, blocking the path of several dozen reporters. Lud hurried to my side, but he wasn't quick enough.

"Gillian! How are you feeling?!"

"Gillian! Gillian! Over here! How does it feel to be back in school?"

"Are you still recovering from your injuries?!"

One flash caught me directly in the face. I blanked out for a moment, the image of a knife piercing through my mind. Suddenly, I felt nauseous and uncomfortable. The fatigue of many sleepless nights caught up with me.

Lud wrapped an arm around my shoulder, shielding me from the flashes. I raised the hood of my parka, my breathing shallow and uneven as I tried to calm myself. It's fine. I'm fine. I was safe. I wasn't _there_ anymore…

"Who's that? Is he your boyfriend?!"

"Verdammt animals!" Lud cursed. "Come on, let's go!"

"Oi!" Romano shouted, stepping out of the office doors. "Leave her the hell alone, you filthy piranhas! You want something juicy!? Well, here you fucking go!"

Romano reached into his coat, pulling out a tomato. Honestly, what even-?

Isabel and Felicia joined Romano in his tomato throwing, causing the reporters to take several steps back. The cops didn't do anything about this, mainly because they were relieved that their jobs had been made a whole lot easier.

Lud and I stepped into the side entrance of the school, kicking off the snow from our boots on the carpet in front of the office. Liza was waiting for us, her nose crinkled in disgust as she listened to the chaos of swearing and angry shouts outside. Anger turned to concern when she saw how pale and nauseous I looked.

"Gil!" she called out, running over to us. "What happened? Are you feeling sick?"

Despite me being in a full winter outfit, and Liza being in her school uniform, she was the one to warm me by clasping both hands over mine. "Oh my! Your hands, they're like ice."

Lud tightened his grip around my shoulders, sparing a steely look at the few students in the hallway who had stopped to ogle at me. "Let's take this inside the guidance counselor's office," he growled under his breath.

Liza silently nodded her head, leading us to said office. I stepped inside, feeling the heated air from the vents above warm my face. Lud helped me take off my parka, pulling up a seat at one of the tables resting outside the work cubicles.

Liza and Lud both took up a seat across from me, twin looks of concern on their faces.

I huffed, waving my hands at them. "Enough already," I groaned. "I'll be fine. This needed to happen sooner or later. Oh, don't give me that look, Liza. You've been having the hardest time of us all."

I wasn't wrong. Liza had already told me about how isolated the rest of the students had made her feel. They didn't want to go anywhere near her. They didn't know whether to feel sympathy or hatred towards her.

"I can handle myself too, you know," Liza muttered, gazing at the table with a downcast expression. "They just need time. The entire school is in shock. Heck, some of them are still having a hard time believing it."

"I can't blame them," I admitted. "They were so blind to the truth that it hit them like a brick."

"I'm sorry!" Liza blurted out, her face pink. "I know you've told me to stop, but I just can't. I feel awful! I believed it all too!"

I reached over to grab Liza's hand. "Hey," I chided. "You weren't the only one fooled by him. There's no need to feel bad when you've already apologized for it a million times already."

"I just don't get it," Liza shook her head in disbelief. "How can you be so understanding? So…so forgiving? We were all so horrible to you."

"What good would it do if I reciprocated?" I asked. "Nothing, that's what. I just hope that no one will ever have to experience what I went through again."

"You wouldn't have had to go through it if people weren't so petty and vicious in the first place," Lud snapped.

Liza looked away, blinking harshly. "I'm not going to make excuses for what I did," she croaked. "All I can do now is help you through this. That is, if you're willing to let me."

"Of course, I am, you whore," I smirked. "Nothing's changed. We hung out all break. Just because we're at school doesn't mean we have to live up to everyone's expectations. We're friends, not enemies. Not now, and not ever."

"All right," Liza agreed. "I hope you know that I look up to you. I don't think I've ever met a person so compassionate. I love you, Gillian. I want our last year and a half of high school to be memorable, but in a good way. Let's enjoy ourselves in spite of what the other students say. Fuck them!"

My heart leapt when I saw Liza's eyes spark to life. The shell of the determined girl she used to be was slowly breaking out. "Fuck them indeed," I smiled. "We'll have an awesome time with or without them."

"Ms. Beilschmidt?" Ms. Väinämöinen stepped out of her office, smiling at me kindly with fond purple eyes. That woman was one of the few people in this school who treated me like a human being. Even now, she didn't look at me with pity. She looked at me proudly, with respect. I was just ordinary Gillian to her. She didn't let what happened define me, and I admired her for that.

I stood up from the table. "Well, that's my cue. I'll see you guys at lunch?"

Lud and Liza nodded their heads.

I stepped into Ms. Väinämöinen's office, taking a seat in front of her desk. She sat down and opened a tab on her computer. Before she opened my schedule on her screen, she gave me her condolences, a short but sweet way of making sure I was all right. She also gave me several Jolly Rancher lollipops, as she was used to seeing me in her office for 'other' reasons. I'm telling you, that woman was a saint. She had purchased that candy just because she knew how much I liked it.

With that done and said, Ms. Väinämöinen moved on to discussing my schedule, and the credits I needed to graduate next year. Thankfully, I was still on track, as I had only missed one week of this semester. I promised Ms. Väinämöinen I wouldn't be missing any more school, despite her protesting to this and saying that it was all right if I needed to take a day off here and there. I appreciated the sentiment, but things wouldn't go back to normal unless I picked up a daily routine again.

After our discussion, I spent the first two periods catching up on last week's homework. I texted Matt, checking in with him. As expected, he was worried sick about me going to school. The douche then had the audacity to ask me if I had had anything for breakfast. He then proceeded to freak out when I had told him no. He only calmed down when I promised him that I had brought a big enough lunch to keep me full for the rest of the day. I swear, he was more like my parent than a boyfriend.

 **BRING!**

The bell marking the start of lunch rang. I debated waiting for Liza and Lud, but decided to fend for myself and walk through the hallways alone. It would have happened eventually.

I left the guidance counsellor's office on my own, immediately becoming the object of everyone's gaze. The crowd parted to let me through, their silence making me feel on edge. The atmosphere was dreary, as if we were in a funeral. I almost didn't feel real, like I was floating.

The scar on my face certainly didn't help with their staring either.

Their eyes were no longer hateful, nor were they sympathetic; they were guilty. Their precious Rodereich was gone, and in his place, was a girl who had never been crying wolf all along. She had always been crying for help, but had never received any in return.

I was shocked to find several notes and flowers stuck to the locker Liza and I now shared. Oh please. As if I would have let her use her old locker. It was next to Rodereich's! She needed to move on too; she didn't need to be constantly reminded of how much pain he had caused us.

With trembling hands, I fidgeted with my lock, brushing a few notes out of the way. They were all simple messages such as "I'm sorry!" or "Get better soon!" or "You're beautiful!" To me, the notes were cheap apologies of people who were too afraid to admit just how awful they had all acted.

That's why I was completely taken aback when Emil tapped me on the shoulder, nervously clearing his throat. He raked his hand through his pale silver hair, lilac eyes determinately meeting my gaze.

"Hey, uh, Gillian. I'd just like to say that I'm sorry. For, you know…being a complete asshole to you. I called you out at that party, and I can't stop myself from thinking about what would have happened if I had listened to you. I know this apology won't help with anything, but I wanted to tell you this in person. It felt wrong to leave a note, since we used to be good friends and all…"

I smiled, placing a hand on Emil's shoulder. "No worries, dude. Thank you for saying this to my face. I respect that. We can still be friends if you want. I missed pulling pranks with you! Say, do you still have that liquorice stash in your locker?"

Emil grinned, reaching into the front pocket of his uniform to pull out a package of black liquorice twists. "Why use my locker, when you can just carry them around? Knock yourself out, there's plenty more where that came from."

Emil winked before leaving. "I best get going now. I have a detention. Who knew that eating in the library was a sin worthy of punishment?"

"Bye, Emil," I giggled, rolling my eyes. "And thank you."

"No problem!"

"There you are!" Liza called out, running down the hallway with Lud quick on her heels.

They both skidded to a stop, panting and red-faced. "Did you not think to text us where you were?" Lud deadpanned, smoothing back the hair that had fallen into his eyes.

"What am I, a child?" I drawled. "I just wanted to get a book from my locker, geesh."

"Whatever," Liza rolled her eyes while Lud fumed to himself. He was determined to keep his promise to Opa. "Chop! Chop! The others are waiting for us in the cafeteria!"

"Oh joy," I mused sarcastically. "I'm so looking forward to going there. Why did they change its name? Was hellhole too literal?"

"Haha, very funny," Liza said in a dry voice. "That hellhole just so happens to be serving cinnamon rolls today."

"Good Gott, woman! Why didn't you tell me that before?!" I shrieked, grabbing Lud's and Liza's hands as I dragged them forward. "Let's get there before it's too late!"

Lud and Liza stuttered and nearly tripped over their feet as I sprinted through the hallways, cackling uncontrollably.

My good mood didn't last very long.

As expected, the minute we entered the cafeteria, the room became silent. People parted out of the way, allowing me a path to walk forward. Before, they kept their distance from me because they were assholes. Now, they did it because they saw me as a hero. Most refused to meet my gaze, choosing instead to bow their heads in apology.

I stopped in my tracks, spotting Felicia, Romano, Isabel, Arthur, Marianne, and Kiku sitting off by the far window, waving at me. I swallowed heavily, not knowing if I could go through with this. I couldn't take the silence; the stares; the attention; the faint whispers. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

A buzz in my front skirt pocket caused me to flinch on instinct. When I pulled out my phone and saw that it was Matt, I visibly relaxed. The dork must have visited the guidance counsellor's office just after I had left. He was waiting for me there, breakfast in stow.

Liza squeezed my hand. "Come on," she urged, her voice gentle. "Let's go sit."

I shook my head, waving my phone at her. "Actually, I think I'll pass. Matt's waiting for me at the office."

"I'll go with you," Lud offered.

"No," I held up my hand. "I'm sorry, but I just can't do this right now."

Lud looked like he was going to protest, but Liza interrupted him. "Just leave her be, Lud," she murmured. "She needs some time to think."

I gave Liza a grateful look before turning on my heels, knowing that the eyes of the entire school were resting on my back. As soon as I pushed through the doors, I sped up into a jog, my heart beating unevenly. It would take a lot longer than expected for me to get used to this. I had arrogantly overestimated my strength to cope. I suppose that once you've hit an all-time low, being brought up to a pedestal suddenly gives you emotional whiplash.

I texted Matt to meet me in the basement, where the drama room was. Tina – Ms. Väinämöinen – and I often had our lunches in there when I was having a bad day. She usually left her door open, and wouldn't mind if I let myself in.

I found Matt standing outside the classroom, wearing a visitor's tag on his black turtle neck sweater. He was carrying his red parka over one arm, and a white plastic bag in his right hand. He looked casual with his denim jeans, but still breathtakingly handsome.

"I thought I told you I don't eat breakfast that often," I muttered, rolling my eyes when he peeled himself off the brick wall he had been leaning on.

"Too bad," he winked playfully. "I work at a restaurant, remember? I wasn't about to turn down a free meal, especially if it meant getting to spoil my bratty girlfriend."

I opened the door to the drama room, gesturing Matt inside. "Douches first."

I snickered when Matt waggled a playful finger at me. "Watch it, missy," he warned. "I'll hog all the cinnamon pancakes to myself if you're not careful."

Matt flicked on the light switch. A huge mistake, since I seized the opportunity to leap on his back. "Surrender those pancakes at once!" I cackled into his ear, playfully nibbling on the lobe.

Matt swung me around his back, grinning from ear to ear. "Can I have a kiss first, monkey girl?"

I swung my head around to kiss Matt on the cheek. "That's all you're getting," I teased. "I want the food before I indulge in anything else."

"And here I thought you don't eat breakfast."

I ignored his sorry attempt at flirting. "No, but I do eat treats, and I'll be damned if my stomach is not digesting that sweet sugary masterpiece you're withholding from me!"

"Fine, fine," Matt relented, rolling his eyes when I took off his glasses and perched them on my nose.

"Oi, look at me. My name is Matthew. I'm a shy, polar bear type who likes to give warm hugs and cuddles. My Mom almost named me 'sarcastic pussy bitch' but settled for Matthew, since I'm basic."

"Ouch," Matt gasped, clutching his chest while I hopped off his back.

I scuttled towards the desk, claiming the leather swivel chair for myself. "Your turn! I won't have a relationship where my boyfriend can't make fun of me. Our banter must be mutual!"

Matt set down the take-out bag on the desk before lifting a hand to teasingly flip his blond curls.

"Hallo!" he mocked in a horrible German accent. "My name is Gillian. But you can also call me Queen, even though I'm usually the one to kneel at other's feet if they have food. I like microwaving things I really shouldn't. I'm also a permanent citizen of the internet. I don't like going out in the sun either. Mostly because I'm a delicate snowflake who burns easily."

"I said 'banter', not destroy my ego!" I huffed, slapping an angry hand against the desk. "Now open this food for me before I bite off your head, you dick nugget."

Matt scoffed, taking up a seat next to me. Like a proper slave, he obediently opened the take-out containers, which consisted of the promised cinnamon pancakes, bacon, French toast, and enough maple syrup packets to give a perfectly healthy adult diabetes.

We both must have been ravenous because not much was said during the first half of the meal. Only when Matt raised a napkin to wipe at my mouth did he opt to ask me what was on his mind.

"So, how have you been faring so far?"

I swallowed heavily, reaching over to take a sip of milk from a plastic soda cup. "Everything is just so different," I answered. "I'm used to the attention. But now, I feel like everything I do will be seen with a pitiful eye. It's as if all I can do is cope and grieve. I can't act normal, and it's driving me crazy."

Matt set down his plastic fork. "You're wrong," he cut in. "They're not just looking at you with pity. They're shocked at how brave you were and still are. They admire you, Gillian. Don't let previous hate prevent you from seeing the good in them. It's you who's choosing not to act normal."

"You're right," I sighed. "Hey, babe?"

"Yes, Gilly Boo?" Matt smirked.

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Matt smiled. "The feeling's mutual."

…

 _A year and a half later_

…

It's amazing what one year could do to you. It was June, and I was finally about to graduate high school. It had taken a while before things returned to normal, but they did eventually. If you can even call my life normal.

Using my new platform for good, I became an advocate against sexual assault and cyber bullying. When I could, I did public speaking at schools and other charity events. I was even in the process of writing my own book! Matt, who was also an aspiring author, was secretly jealous of the possibility of me getting published before him. Of course, he was too nice to say this to my face, but ya know, no hard feelings. I had a lot more contacts than before, so if he was willing to suck up his douchey pride, I'd be more than happy to help him out.

My life was changing before my very eyes. I had been accepted into an honours English program at a University several hours away. I didn't really want to think about how I would be leaving Matt and Lud behind. Like, I really, really didn't want to think about it. The only comfort I had was knowing that both Arthur and Marianne were attending the same University, despite being a year ahead of me.

Anyways, I was dreaming now, so I wasn't exactly thinking about my future. I still had old fears and demons lurking at the back of my mind.

 _I was standing by a familiar tree in the shade, located off to the side of the playground and football pitch. There was a garden of flowers nearby, neatly contained with a white picket fence. A boy with ebony hair, narrowed lavender eyes, and large spectacles was nose deep in a journal of some sort. His back was resting against the tree trunk, his posture as stiff as his upper lip. He was dressed way too formally for the hot weather, his outfit comprising of cuffed denim jeans and a black blouse. Surely, he must be stuffy in such clothes?_

 _I reached out a hand, gasping a little when I saw how unnaturally small it was. It was the size of a child's._

 _The little boy looked up at this moment, gazing at me with annoyance. "What are you looking at?" he asked, frowning at me as if I was intruding on a sacred moment._

 _"I…I…" My voice faltered, perhaps in shock because of how scratchy and high-pitched I sounded._

 _The boy waved his small hand in a dismissive gesture. "Well, move along then, if you have nothing to say to me. I'm sure you have much more important things to do than ogling at the memory of a dead boy," he sighed._

("Gillian! Wake up!")

 _His name suddenly came to mind, the memory of it crashing down upon my chest with the weight of a freight train. I was completely floored. "R-Rodereich! Wait, I-!" I stammered, reaching out to him again._

 _The younger version of Rodereich stood up from the ground, brushing off excess soil from his pants. "Don't let your thoughts dwell on me, Gillian. It would be a waste of your precious time. All I ask is that you live your life…not that you've ever listened to me or remotely cared about what I had to say in the first place."_

("Gillian, if you're faking it, so help me Gott!")

 _Rodereich began to walk away. I struggled to move, for my feet were firmly planted on the ground._

 _"Goodbye, Gillian. I've moved on, and so should you."_

 _Rodereich walked into the sunlight, disappearing in the flicker of a flame, one that appeared as fast as it had vanished._

"GILLIAN!"

"Ack, what?!" I spluttered, sitting up straight in my bed. My eyes wildly darted around my bedroom, the pounding of my racing heart causing me to feel nauseous and clammy. I tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, bowing my head in the hopes that it would help make the dizziness go away.

The wispy memories of my dream were already beginning to fade away. All I knew was that it had been very emotional, perhaps even traumatizing. I hadn't suffered from a nightmare in three months; hopefully I hadn't talked in my sleep, otherwise Lud would have another thing to worry about.

"Christ, Gillian!" Lud cussed, throwing up his hands in the air, thoroughly exasperated. "Only you would sleep through five alarms. The graduation ceremony is in a little over an hour! Get moving! Opa's already waiting for us at the auditorium! You're valedictorian, for crying out loud! I won't allow you to be tardy on such a special occasion!"

This comment woke me up. "What?!" I shrieked, leaping out of bed while Lud facepalmed. "Oh crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!"

Lud pinched the bridge of his nose. He was already fully dressed, wearing a white blouse, grey dress pants, and matching loafers. His hair possessed twice as much gel as it usually did. "Now she remembers," he muttered before giving me a gentle shove in the back. "Get dressed. I'll make a quick breakfast."

I padded off into the bathroom, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

Lud wrapped his 'manly' pink cooking apron around his waist, gathering the ingredients to make an omelette. "Make sure to practice your speech!" he called out to me from the kitchen.

I poked my head out of the bathroom door, a sheepish grin on my face. "Yeah…about that…" I started, pausing in my teeth-brushing. "I don't exactly have anything prepared…"

"WHAT?!" Lud deadpanned. "You had two months to write a speech! Did it not cross your mind that there will be hundreds of people listening to you?!"

"Of course it did!" I snapped. "I just couldn't bring myself to write useless fluff I don't actually mean. I thought it would be better to act in the moment, to say what my heart feels is right."

"Bullscheisse!" Lud scoffed, surprising me with his crudeness. That tended to happen when he was stressed. You would think I would be the one to be stressed, considering I had to improvise a five-minute speech in front of hundreds of parents, as well as several news outlets.

Ja, ja. I know. I'll put off the autographing for you fangirls, later. Queen Internet Celebrity Gillian was still busy dealing with the consequences of her record-breaking procrastination habits. Tragic, isn't it?

"We both know you spent most of your time reblogging ridiculous gifs as opposed to doing your homework!" Lud huffed, angrily flipping over the omelette he was making; he nearly split it in half.

I raised both hands in surrender. "You know me so well, little one," I teased, my toothbrush awkwardly sticking out of my mouth. "Now, if you'll please excuse me, your gorgeous older sister has to make herself look awesome for her fans."

Just as I said this, Liza slammed open the front door of our apartment, hurriedly letting herself in. She was already dressed in her cap and gown, her face painted with a moderate amount of make-up consisting of brow-filler, mascara, and a little bit of blush. She had also curled her hair, judging by the thick scent of hairspray that followed her everywhere she went.

Liza was holding out her phone, speaking to someone on speaker. That someone just so happened to be my boyfriend. "I found her!" she declared proudly, allowing herself to exhale in relief. "But she's still not dressed!"

" _Of course she isn't_ ," Matt deadpanned. " _She was up until 3AM last night, reblogging conspiracy theories about reptilian politicians._ "

"Oi!" I shouted from the bathroom. "The triangle people are real! Just look at the taco bell logo and tell me that's not a lizard's eye!"

" _You're delusional, Gil_ ," Matt sighed, his tone suggesting that he was done with everything. Honestly, what was new?

" _Well, I'm going to let you guys go. It sounds like you still have much to do._ "

"I LOVE YOU, MAPLE DOUCHE!" I shrieked.

Matt laughed. " _I love you too, Gilly Boo. I'll see you after the ceremony_. _Knock em' dead with your awesomeness!"_

"I WILL, OBVIOUSLY, KESESESE!"

Liza hung up the phone, and just like that, my good mood was robbed from me. Liza gave me the look. You know, the look that screamed bloody murder. The look that meant I would be choking on her fist shortly. The look that signified my untimely death…

"Why. Aren't. You. Dressed?" Liza growled. "You should be preparing for your speech."

Lud gave me a devilish smirk, more than willing to throw me under the bus of Liza's rage. "The dummkopf doesn't have a speech prepared. You've placed too much faith in her, _again._ "

Liza hissed, yes hissed. I'm just glad she wasn't in the kitchen. Otherwise, I would be nursing a pan-wound to the head.

"BATHROOM. NOW," Liza's lips twitched, a creepy purple aura surrounding her. I didn't bother to question her, mostly because I had no choice as she had forcefully dragged me into the bathroom.

"You–" rip! – "are such an–" rip! – "idiot. Why am I even–" rip! – "friends with you?"

That ripping sound was my hair, by the way. Liza had taken it upon herself to straighten and brush my hair at the same time. Oh, the joy of losing most of my hair. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes when Liza accidentally burned my ear. Or, was it on purpose?

"Relax," I winced. "I'll be fine. I've always excelled in improvisation. And you know, you love me. OW! Watch the scalp, you rip-happy lunatic!"

 _Several rips, sprays of precarious mists, cuss words, tears, and use of wet wipes later…_

Liza and I exited the bathroom, the former demon of which was very pleased with her masterpiece, aka me. I felt raw all over; my head still tingled from her pulling on my hair, and my skin felt all weird due to the shimmering toner thingie she had slathered all over me. We didn't have much time to do my makeup other than using concealer to cover the scar on my cheek, and a few layers of mascara on my lashes.

Lud greeted us with two omelettes, and we were quick to scarf down our breakfast.

Next, came pictures.

Liza wrapped a 'friendly' arm over my shoulders, grinning from ear to ear like the fake bitch she was. Lud clenched his jaw, looking like he was trying hard not to cry as he snapped a few shots of us standing together in our caps and gowns. My face was still a little red from cryi-! I mean, um, ahem allergies…

On cue, Romano, Felicia, Isabel, Marianne, and Arthur entered the apartment, dressed up for the occasion in cute summer dresses and simple dress pants and blouses. I already saw Romano and Isabel daily, as they went to the University in our town. Marianne and Arthur, however, had just come back from the University I would be attending in the fall.

All of them, save for Felicia who would be going into her junior year with Lud next year, had been finished with school for almost two months now. Those lucky bastards! University ended in April.

After another marathon of pictures, selfies, and goofy videos, Romano clapped his hands together impatiently, cocking his head towards the front door. "All right, all right! Enough pictures! Let's go before you two are late for the ceremony."

Father fuckwad was right.

Isabel stood on her tippy toes to kiss Romano, easily placating his grumpy mood. We didn't realize she had ulterior motives for doing this until it was already too late.

While we all walked downstairs, where Isabel's car was waiting in the parking lot, I pulled out my phone to take a snapchat. Realizing this, Romano pulled down his sunglasses, smirking as he placed his hand over the camera. "Get the fuck out of my face, demon bitch. It's your special day, not mine."

"And mine!" Liza happily added in the background.

I switched the camera over to Marianne and Arthur who were bickering about who knows what. As soon as Marianne realized she was on camera, she pouted her lips and blew a kiss at my audience. Arthur proceeded to roll his eyes, telling her to stop acting like "such a bloody harlot." That comment had earned him a well-deserved punch to the throat.

Isabel broke the ice by waving around her car keys, much to Romano's surprise, and everyone else's horror. "I'll drive, eheh."

Felicia gripped Lud's forearm for support. "Luddy, you should be driving, ve," she whispered to an un-responding Lud, whose face had become unnaturally white.

"NO!" Everyone protested, causing Isabel to deflate and flinch like a puppy who had just been scolded for doing something wrong.

I grinned to myself.

Same old friends.

Same old chaos.

Same old life I wouldn't change for the world.

…

Liza and I were backstage. The graduating class had just finished their symbolic march into the auditorium, seating themselves in alphabetical order. Liza was supposed to be in her seat, but she wanted to wish me good luck one last time before she left.

I shuffled through some cue cards I had haphazardly written on our car ride here. Turns out that my graduation was a much greater deal to the media than I had initially thought. Apparently, my academic success was an inspiration for girls all over the country. As you can probably tell, I was practically pissing my robes out of nervousness.

I paced back and forth, wracking my brain for the right words. "Gentlemen and ladies! No! Ladies and gentlemen! Ack! I'm doomed," I wailed.

Liza giggled, jerking her head towards the bright stage lights. "Don't worry too much. The crowd will merge into a big black bob if you're not focusing on anyone. You got this, Gil. Just say what's on your mind, but remember to filter yourself. I know you'll say what's right. You always pull through with things like this."

I turned, smiling at Liza. "Shouldn't you be in your seat?"

Liza opened her mouth in retort, but was quickly interrupted.

"Actually, I was just about to ask her the same question," Vlad said, smirking as he hurried up the staircase that led into the backstage area.

Vlad was a Romanian boy with strawberry-blond, ear-length hair, unnaturally sharp canines, and red eyes that were slightly browner than mine were. His unnatural eye color was a feature that put him in my high-books – mainly because they were red.

Just a year ago, Liza and Vlad had been arch rivals in the school's gossip column. One thing led to the next, and before I knew it, they were officially dating. I approved of Vlad, very much so, mostly because he kept Liza in her place by teasing her constantly. He really did irk her more than anything else, but the two balanced each other out, oddly enough. When he wasn't joking around, he was extremely kind and gentle to her, writing love poems and all that other fluffy shit. Vlad was the perfect partner for Liza, especially after everything she had gone through.

"Why are _you_ here?" Liza rolled her eyes. "I thought I told you to stay put, you stubborn mongrel. It's like you're asking me to beat the crap out of you! Ugh!"

Vlad feigned offence to this comment, bringing a hand to his chest. "Tsk! Tsk! Naughty, girl," he teased. "My love, I hope you know that I am utterly helpless without your beautiful presence beside me."

Vlad bent down in a bow, his sharp canines poking out of his thin upper lip as he grinned widely. Liza was blushing profusely, refusing to look her boyfriend in the eye. The way Vlad was flicking his robe around made it look like a cape.

"I-I've been gone for five minutes, i-idiot," Liza stammered.

I smirked, aiming a playful wink at Liza. "Uh-oh, better not keep your boy toy waiting any longer."

Feeding off Liza's flustered expression, Vlad brought her wrist to his lips and kissed it. "Mistress," he mused. "Will you do me the honour of letting me accompany you back to your seat?"

Liza rolled her eyes, nodding her head. "You're such a dork," she grinned, grabbing Vlad's hand. "And yes. I would love to hear you rattle on about how gorgeous I am. But, only if you allow me to fix your hair first."

Vlad protested as Liza popped a finger in her mouth and began to pat down his messy bed-head look. They fought like cats and dogs, but at the end of the day, they really did love each other.

I watched with warm eyes as Vlad led Liza down the staircase leading into the auditorium.

Liza looked over her shoulder one last time. "Good luck, Gil. I'll see you afterwards."

"Thanks," I croaked, feeling my heart swell so much it felt like it was going to burst.

 _I'm so proud and happy for you…_

The next twenty minutes passed by in a blur. The principal, Mr. Oxenstierna, gave a quick, blunt speech that made me feel a whole lot better about how awful mine would inevitably be.

The minute my name was called onto the stage, I became calm. It was the type of stress and nervousness where you were wired, and yet numb at the same time. With wobbly legs, I walked on the stage, stopping to stand before a wooden podium. Mr. Oxenstierna and Tina were standing to the side, the latter of whom, gave me an encouraging thumbs up.

I smiled weakly in reciprocation before turning to face the black blob of an audience, blinking harshly when several cameramen flashed their cameras. I looked up, spotting Matt, Opa, Lud, Bella, and Tim sitting in the first row of parents. Lud stiffly nodded his head, while Matt excitedly waved a mini German flag back and forth; the dork. Bella was too busy squealing, and Tim looked bored out of his mind, as per usual.

Isabel, Marianne, Arthur, Felicia, and Romano were sitting farther back in the audience, but that didn't stop them from cheering me on.

Marianne catcalled me, causing Arthur to groan in disdain.

Romano shouted something profane, prompting the cameramen to groan as well, as they now had footage to delete.

Felicia said something adorable, which resulted in Isabel squeezing her in a suffocating hug. ("So, cute, eheh~!")

I then looked into the front row of graduating students, spotting Liza, who mouthed everything I needed to hear and more. "Blow us away with your awesomeness!"

With that done and said, I cleared my throat, tapped the mic, and began with my speech, which was totally improvised, lest you forget.

"Principal Oxenstierna, trustees, faculty members, family, friends, and fellow graduates, today is a day to rejoice in our awesomeness. We did it! We're finally graduating after four years of hard work, blood – actually no blood, because that would be hella bad – sweat, and tears; tears of joy, of course! Kesesesese…

"First, I just want to say thank you to all the precious cinnamon rolls, uh ahem, teachers who have given us nothing but love and support. You guys, are the real MVPs. And as we prepare to get on with our lives, and become questionably functioning adults, we will look back at this experience with warm hearts, teary eyes, and a giant mug of hot cocoa. Or tea, for those of you who are lactose intolerant!

"Where was I going with this? Oh, ja! Fellow, slightly less awesome graduates, I want you to remember the good times we lived at this school. Bad memories must be acknowledged, but we can't let them run our lives. We've learned so much here, and I can only hope that you all apply this knowledge when you encounter future obstacles and challenges.

"Never give up, and keep your head held high. Do you, boo! Yes, Lud, I can see you cringing from here. Stop shaking your head at me, it's distracting! You're going to get a neck cramp, you over-sized oaf. Hitting your forehead that hard can't be good for you either. Oh look! Kesesese! I made him blush!"

I shuffled my 'papers', grinning widely when the entire auditorium erupted with laughter. Even Opa was smirking.

"Hmmm. Yadda, yadda, yadda. We must also be thankful for our families, or blushing brothers who refuse to look up at their awesome older sister! Like, hello?! I'm giving a kick-ass speech over here! Oops! I promised that I wouldn't swear, sorry!

"Anywhoooooo, as I was saying. These past few years have brought us many ups and downs. Despite this, there will always be people who are there for us. Or perhaps, you have a special someone that's been cheering for you all along. Regardless of who you have, I think it's safe to say that none of us would be here without constant encouragement and praise.

"Lastly, we can be thankful for our peers, who have shared the burden of the academic suffering experienced these past few months. I can only hope that the friendships we made here last until we're old, overweight, and have several grandchildren to look after.

"I will now pass this figurative torch of support – yes peasants, bask in my awesome prose – onto the graduating class next year. Let us pray that this support and encouragement continues in this awesome school's future endeavours, thank you."

I handed a giggling Tina the mic, waving at the audience.

For the first time in a while, it wasn't just happiness I felt.

A small knot in my stomach unravelled itself, revealing just the slightest amount of hope.

Hope for myself.

And hope for my future.

 **To be Continued…**


	20. Awesome Endings and Beginnings

**A/N:** This is it OMFG. The final chapter :D Also ASDFLJSDNGOISDNG! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GETTING ME OVER 100 FOLLOWERS. LIKE YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME! ( _Gillian says that my "Deprussian" has cleared up_ ) THANK YOU THANK THANK YOU! I'M ALSO SOBBING.

Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited and reviewed. Thank you to those who PM'd me in between chapters, giving me the encouragement I needed to continue writing. And thank you to those who were brave enough to share their stories ( _you really touched me_ ), I'm glad this fic spoke to you, and I wish nothing but love, acceptance, care, and happiness for you in the future. Thank you a million to **NebulaZee** , who put up with my awful grammar mistakes, and spent countless hours editing this story, making it easier for everyone to read :D

There's nothing much more for me to say. The support you've all given me has been so wonderful. Although things may be wrapping up with this fic, you can expect to see more of these characters in the prequel I'm writing, titled " **Green Skies Ahead"** If you haven't already, make sure to check it out ;) It makes my entire week or month (lmao) to hear what you guys have to say.

Have an awesome day/night!

 **-Ella**

* * *

 **Awesome Endings and Beginnings:**

After graduation, and taking enough pictures to hang up in a museum, we all headed to the Royal Fae for a celebratory dinner. While the other graduates went to prom, Liza and I didn't see it as something worth going to, so instead, we decided it would be better to just spend the time with family and friends. The fancy dinner setting still gave us the excuse to dress up and feel special. Besides, prom was overrated.

Arthur's family was nice enough to make the entire meal free for those who came to the dinner, mainly because the restaurant was getting really good exposure. The paparazzi were lurking around the restaurant, willing to follow me around wherever I went, hence why all curtains in front of the windows were drawn shut to avoid our pictures from being taken.

The entire gang, as I'd like to refer to them as, including myself, were seated at a long line of pushed together tables, chatting, laughing, and occasionally drinking/clanking wine and champagne glasses against each other in toast.

Matt was sitting beside me, our hands intertwined under the table as we flirted and joked around with each other, waiting for our food. It was unsaid between us, but we were both overcompensating, not wanting to talk about how in a few months I would be moving away for University.

I didn't even want to think about how I would be leaving everyone behind. Liza was going to the University here, and Lud would be living on his own. Leaving and starting anew was good, but it still made me feel sick to my stomach thinking about all the awesome I had back home.

Obviously, Matt and I were still going to stay together. It just sucks that we wouldn't be able to see each other all the time. He was my best friend, always sticking by my side like glue, or maple syrup to be more accurate. I don't know what I'd do without my Maple Douche and his precious sarcasm.

Gott, I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I didn't want to be that lame person who fell in swing with clichés and let her emotions get the best of her. I was also a really ugly crier. Seriously, since I was paler than most, my face became extremely red. So not awesome.

As I looked around the table, I spotted a plethora of adorable couples. Isabel was still cooing over how good Romano looked in a suit, causing him to blush a bright red. Felicia was comforting Lud, who was still embarrassed by my speech today, but was also trying to hold in his tears as he was still very proud of me for graduating – the stoic muscular sap. Marianne was on to feeding Arthur his ninth bread stick, ogling at how wide his mouth could stretch.

Matthias and Lucy were sitting at the far end of the table, the latter fidgeting with the candles and blowing at them, bored, while the former got drunk off champagne, taking advantage of the free alcohol being served. They weren't able to make it to my graduation, but were more than happy to come here tonight and support me.

Even though she was still hella weird, I became sort of friends with Lucy. Every day for the past year, I would wake up to a new kind of rock sitting on my front door step. I knew she was just looking out for me, and I would take any sort of spiritual protection I could get, seeing as how crazy life had gotten before.

Matthias, on the other hand, had taken it upon himself to act as my second father when Opa wasn't home, interrogating Matt at every opportunity he got, despite me telling him a million times that Matt's already been approved as my boyfriend. Ah, well, I still appreciated his concern for me, warranted or not.

Across from the Danish and Norwegian couple, sat Bella and Tim. Tim was sneaking bread sticks into his coat pocket, whereas, Bella seemed to be getting along with Matthias, happily making conversation with him since the company they brought weren't exactly avid on being social.

The warmest sight for me was seeing how happy Liza was with Vlad, even if the glare on her face didn't show it. The Romanian and Hungarian were sitting directly across from Matt and myself, in the midst of an argument about who would top in bed.

Yep, deep down, Liza was a massive perv. I hadn't seen this side of her for two years, but now it was coming back full-swing. I didn't know whether to be happy or terrified. Probably a bit of both, seeing as how shameless Liza was when it came to prying into my sex life, which surprisingly, actually existed! Don't tell Bella I said that; she'll rip out Matt's balls and feed it to him if she does.

Actually, don't tell Lud either. I really don't want to have the sex talk with him. I already told you about those BDSM magazines I had found under his bed – unfortunately, you can't burn sin.

On that note, let's change the subject before Matt realizes I'm blushing again. I've done a lot of that today; his eyes sparkled with pride and he wouldn't let me out of his sight. It was nice, but also embarrassing to be the center of his world. Younger Gillian would have revelled in this victory. Now, it was just a painful reminder of how much I would miss the dork.

Our meals came and went in a breeze, the happy mood in the air making the dinner end faster than preferred. I didn't want this day to end. The moment I stepped back into my apartment, was the moment I would realize it was all over.

The speeches, albeit sweet, didn't make the lump in my throat go away. But they sure did make me laugh. Well that, and they made me want to squeal like a rabid fangirl from all the corny sentimentality.

Opa cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable as everyone at the table latched their gazes on him. He then stood up from the table, placing a hand on my shoulder as he had been sitting next to me on the opposite side from Matt, where the rest of the proud parents sat.

"Hello, everyone," he greeted gruffly, never being one to like speaking in front of others. That's why he had his business associates do it for him.

"I'd like to give a quick congrats to my granddaughter Gillian, her friend Liza, and her partner Vlad for graduating from high school. It is a feat that some people do not accomplish, and tonight most definitely calls for a celebration of their hard work. As you all know, Gillian has not had it easy these past two years," Opa paused to let what he had just said sink in. Several people bowed their heads, clenching their jaws at the daunting tragedy that had happened just a year and a half ago.

"But, where there is pain, there is also recovery. I can't thank you all enough for all the support you've given to our family. Gillian, you make me proud, and I know that you will continue to do so in the coming years. I wish you the best of luck in your undergraduate studies, and I expect only the best from you. Use your stubbornness as an asset to propel you into success."

"Ouch gramps," I murmured, prompting a light bout of laughter from the table. "Cut-throat much?"

Opa ignored me, a faint smile quirking at the corners of his lips, causing the skin to crease slightly. It was in his eyes where the affection was most found. "With that said, I leave you in good hands. This past year of looking after you has reminded me just how old I am. I may be departing for Germany, but I know that you will be well taken care of. Matt, I'm trusting you to look after my granddaughter when I'm gone. I've already welcomed you into this family, and I do not want to be disappointed. And Lud, I trust that you'll make sure they're _both_ kept in line."

Lud smirked, whereas I was shocked that Opa had actually made a joke.

"Yes sir," Matt smiled politely and nodded at Opa, gently squeezing my hand. "While she's still here, you can be certain that I'll make sure she doesn't do anything _too_ reckless."

"That reminds me," Opa acknowledged, tightening his grip around my shoulder unbeknownst to everyone. "Don't get too excited when I'm gone," he warned, sternly looking down at me. "Though you may be living on your own in a few months, we will be regularly checking up on you. I think it's fairly obvious that you can't function without some form of…guidance."

"What? Me? Excited?" I spluttered, flushing a bright red. I knew that look on Opa's face. He was going for the kill. And kill he did.

"Gillian, don't play me out to be a fool," Opa snorted. "Do you want to explain to me why you ordered three months worth of hot pockets? Or shall we discuss this in private when no one's around? Adult or not, you still act like a child most of the time. It amazes me how someone who claims to be independent still doesn't know how to dress or feed themselves properly."

Matt parted his lips into an O. "Ohhhh, busted," he smugly chuckled. I sent him a dirty glare while the rest of the table giggled at my expense.

As to how Opa had found out that I was hoarding microwavable food in Matthias's second freezer, I would never know. I thought I was good at hiding things, but apparently not. Looks like I needed to freshen up my ninja skills with Kiku. Speaking of which, where was he? Ah, he had conveniently chosen this time to sneak out to the bathroom – looks like his master plan of hiding my goodies wasn't so masterful after all. Hmmph.

I waved my hands about frantically, puffing out my cheeks. "All right, all right! We get it! Just end the speech already!"

Opa ended his speech with a curt toast, or should I say roast, as he continued to poke fun at how guilty I looked. My perpetual saltiness all made sense now – who knew that Opa could be such a savage?

Next up for speeches was Lud. Felicia had to force him to stand up, as he was too nervous to do so on his own. His eyebrows furrowed, and I could already visualize him reciting his lines that he had probably long memorized.

"Gillian, words cannot describe how proud I am of you. Why is it that although _you_ raised me, I feel like I've done the same for you? I'd like to say this is because we're siblings, but I know that you've always had quite the wild personality, and that I've had my fair share of experiences keeping you out of trouble," Lud's eyes twinkled, daring me to intervene.

I decided to be gracious and let him have his moment.

"I hope you know that I look up to you. You're strong, and like Opa said, stubborn. What I admire about you most is that you don't let anything stop you from getting what you want. And now look at you, you've written an entire book, and are heading off for college in September. I don't know what I'll do without you at home. There won't be any messes for me to clean up. No more random microwave incidents. I won't be late for school, since I won't have to spend a good hour and a half waking you up. Everything will just be so quiet without you living with me…

"Honestly, I'm going to miss your lunacy, your sarcasm, your record-breaking loud voice…everything. You know how I like my schedules, but I've come to realize that you are my schedule. I'm used to having delays in plans, in being late, and not getting what I wanted done in light of fixing another problem _you_ caused. Simply put, I'm used to taking care of you. You leaving is the problem, but it's also the solution. You deserve a fantastic, happy life. I've just realized that the only mess here is going to be me when you're gone. Thank you for being an amazing sister, and as you move on to this next stage of your life, just know that I'll be rooting for every good _or_ poor decision you choose to make."

Fuck.

Tears streamed down my face.

I stood up, walked over to Lud and pulled him into a tight hug, prompting cheers from our audience.

"Fuck you," I murmured into Lud's neck. "I told you not to make me cry, and what do you do? The exact opposite. Of course now of all times you choose not to listen to me. I'll miss you too, you big oaf. And I promise to call you every night when I leave."

Lud rubbed circles into my back. "Ja, but a wise woman once told me, sometimes it's just better to act in the moment, to let your emotions take over and let yourself say what you want to say. I'm happy that I threw away my old speech. This one meant a whole lot more. And you better keep in touch. I'm just grateful that I have Felicia, I don't think you realize how worried I am for you. Living alone is going to be scary too. I'm not used to the quiet or empty space. You leave your clothes lying around everywhere, and soon I won't have much to remind me of your awesome presence," he rambled.

"Oh hush," I chided, pulling away from the hug. "You can finally get a dog now that there'll be room. I'll also visit whenever I'm able to. I'll only be a few hours away, and as if I'm not going to check up on my baby brother."

"I feel very awkward being called a baby when I'm several inches taller than you," Lud quipped, rolling his eyes.

I reached up to pinch his cheeks. "You'll always be a baby to me."

Lud gently shoved me off, flustered. I took the hint and went back to my seat, bringing Matt's hand into mine again. He also dabbed at my cheeks like a mother hen, wiping away my tears, but let's not talk about that.

Matt gave a short speech of his own, which again entailed poking a lot of fun at my dignity. Of course, he just had to end with something sweet that made my heart flip ten times over. He had a way of making me feel beautiful without me really doing anything remarkable. That alone was remarkable.

Liza's parents also gave a speech, thanking me for bringing their daughter back. When they began to apologize, that's where I cut them off. Tonight was a night of celebration, not guilt.

After dessert, Matt noticed that I looked a bit off. "Is something wrong?" he asked me softly.

"Do you think we can get some air?" I sighed, suddenly feeling squeamish. The night was coming to a close and I wasn't quite ready for that to happen. There were still so many things that I wanted to say or do. Unfortunately, no one can stop time, nor can they extend it. All we could do was appreciate the moment and hope that it was never forgotten.

"Sure," Matt agreed, taking my hand. I told Opa and Lud that I would be back, as people were beginning to get ready to leave anyway.

Grabbing my hand, Matt led me to the back of the restaurant, outside by the dumpsters. Thankfully, there was no paparazzi there, as the alleyway leading into the area had been blocked off.

Matt and I sat on the metal steps outside the back door, breathing in the cool evening air. The weather was perfect; not too cold and not too hot. When I looked up at the cloudless sky, I saw nothing but stars forming endless pathways, breaking off into several twists and turns. I let myself get lost in them, feeling a strange sense of comfort in knowing that wherever life brought me, there would always be something out there that I could take on.

It was the small things that mattered, like Matt wrapping his arm around my shoulders, letting me lean my head against his chest. Tears once again pricked at my eyes. I was going to miss him so much; eight weeks wasn't enough time to spend with him. It would be over in the blink of an eye, just like the rest of our relationship had gone thus far.

I sighed, pleased by the wind that blew at the tips of my strap-less dress. It was a Prussian blue make; Matt had picked it out for me, saying that it brought out my eyes.

This was the place where I had first opened up to Matt about my assault. It brought back both good and bad memories, memories of where we had broken down crying. He had apologized, not that he needed to and had promised to protect me. Not long after, I recklessly threw myself right into danger's path…

Regardless, we had experienced plenty of good times here too. This is where Matt usually came to smoke a joint after work. I would always meet him here with several baked goods from Bella's bakery once school was finished. He still refused to let me smoke, saying that it wasn't good for my lungs and that I needed to keep my voice as loud as possible if I were to keep giving speeches at schools. Gott, he was such a goof, but I really did love him with all my heart.

"Okay spill," Matt demanded, teasingly blowing air into my ear. "There's something bothering you."

I giggled and swatted at him, only to slump my shoulders. "Yeah," I admitted. "It's all just hitting me now. I'll be leaving everything behind, starting a new life. I'm scared but excited at the same time. I just got off the phone with the publisher this morning too. I told them it would be better to wait a few years before the book was released. I need to take the time to focus on my studies, you know? Besides, they said that a longer wait would make the book even more popular."

"That's admirable of you," Matt admitted. "Usually you like to rush into things without thinking about it. Now I'm scared. My Gilly boo is growing up right before my very eyes. I remember when we first met, how you lied to me and were trembling like a leaf, stammering and rambling on about a rabid squirrel or something like that. You're still just as weird, if not weirder," he chuckled.

"Tis why you love me, right?" I teased, puckering my lips.

Matt pecked me lightly on said lips. "Oui oui," he mused in French, knowing that was a massive turn-on for me.

My expression fell when we pulled away from each other. "Matt?" I choked.

The smile on Matt's face disappeared. "Yes?" he asked, violet eyes wide with concern.

Cue me exploding with feels.

I thrust both arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm going to miss you so much! I know we have like two more months before I leave, but I don't want to go! Gott, I'm so stupid! I should have just stayed here for University. What was I thinking?! I even knew back then that I was going to regret accepting their admission offer. But no, of course not! I just had to be stubborn and lie to myself like I always do about being able to handle everything when I can't. I really, _really_ can't do this right now. Please, just rub my head and tell me that I'm beautiful. My ego needs it."

Matt cupped my cheek with one hand, surprising me with the smirk he wore on his lips. I scowled, my face puffing out like a chipmunk. I couldn't be mad at a face like that, it was near impossible. Not when he looked so handsome in the moonlight with his holier-than-thou angelic blond curls, sharp cheekbones, and adorable adam's apple. I never got tired of looking at this douche, my douche.

"You know, I was going to surprise you with your graduation present when we got home, but I think now's a better time than ever," Matt smiled. "I don't want you wasting your time worrying about something that's never going to happen."

I opened my mouth in protest but Matt used his other hand to squish my face. "Stop talking for once," he chuckled. "Hear me out. I know you said you didn't want any presents, but this one I think you'll like. It didn't cost me a thing, promise."

I didn't say anything, which gave him the go ahead to let go of my face and reach into the front pocket of his dress pants. When he pulled out a set of keys, I cocked my head to the side in confusion.

I was even more confused when he handed me the set of keys. "You won't have to live in a dorm room anymore. I just found out that my parents own a building near your University's campus, and well, now you have your own apartment. The only problem is finding a roommate."

Matt bent down to kiss my forehead. "And I think you just found him."

All breath escaped from my lips. "W-what?" I stammered. "W-we're going to live together? You're actually going to move out there with me? You'd do that… for me?"

"Yes, of course!" Matt beamed, placing his forehead against mine while I blushed yet again. "I'm taking time off to write my own book, and with the money I have saved up from work, we're good for groceries and all that extra stuff. We can live there for the school year and come back here once you're finished. And Lud can finally get the dog he wanted too. The building we'll be moving into doesn't allow dogs, so we'll have to leave Kuma here."

This was all too much to take in.

So instead I opted to take Matt.

Translation: I hugged the living daylights out of him.

"Ack, Gil! Let me breathe! Honey, I know you're happy, but I have very important organs I'd like to keep intact."

I laughed, releasing him. "I'm just so giddy, I can't help it!" I squealed. "We're taking on the world, can't you see that?! Just me and you, Maple Douche and Gilly Boo, starting our lives together! Ah! This is so awesome! I can't wait! Well, I can because of Lud and Liza, but this just made things a whole lot better! I'm not dreading leaving now! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Anytime," Matt wheezed. "I wouldn't let you leave me that easily anyway. You and me, we're in this together, baby. Where you go, I go. It's as simple as that. We're a team."

I batted my lashes at Matt. "Hey there handsome, want to score a touchdown?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Matt winked.

We then had a real good make-out session, one that lifted my heart from its depressed mood.

I was still sad that high school was over, but I now I had the comfort of knowing that I would always have the support of my second half. Or should I say slave?

As Matt and I walked back into the restaurant, grabbing our belongings, there was still one last thing I wanted to do before I left everything behind…

We had to wait a good forty minutes before the paparazzi were cleared out. Once we were free, the thing nagging at the back of my mind only got worse.

Lucy, never failing to surprise me with how accurate her tuition was, stopped me outside of the restaurant. "You want to visit his grave, don't you?" she asked me, indigo eyes narrowed in thought.

Thing is, I didn't go to Rodereich's funeral, for obvious reasons, nor have I visited his grave. It was only today when I realized that I was finally ready to see it. This was my chance to put any old ill feelings I bore towards him to rest.

I swallowed heavily. "You always know these sort things," I replied weakly. "It's so freaky."

"Your freaky is my normal," Lucy shrugged. "I think it's a smart idea. There's still a bit of negative energy lingering around you. It would do you a lot of good to put it to rest. It's time. To confront it, excuse me, _him,_ I mean."

The arm Matt had around my shoulder tightened. "Gil, what are you thinking? I won't stop you if you want to go through with it, but… maybe we could go another time? Are you even ready?"

I gently shrugged off Matt's arm. "Yeah," I answered. "I think this is just the thing I need to finally move on. I won't let it ruin how amazing this day has been. It's just something I need to do, _tonight_ ," I emphasized that last part.

Matt didn't object after that. He wasn't the type of person who told me what I needed. If he believed that what I was doing was right for me, even if he didn't like it, he'd still agree to it. Trust is the best thing you can have going for in a relationship.

"Don't you mean something _we_ need to do?" Liza asked as she and Vlad walked over to us, holding hands.

"Liza," I inhaled sharply. "You don't have to come. Not after what he-"

"God, could you stop being so egotistical for once?!" Liza snapped before faltering and calming herself. Vlad squeezed her hand, whispering words of reassurance in her ear. "Look, I need this just as much as you do. You're not the only person who feels this way, believe it or not," she huffed.

"Okay," I smiled weakly. Liza had always been just as stubborn as I was. "We'll all go then."

Lucy shifted on her feet looking uncomfortable.

"You and Matthias can come too, Lucy," I added, noticing how antsy she looked. She's always warned me about how going to a graveyard unprepared could end badly. I could tell she wanted to be there just to make sure the visit went smoothly.

"It'll be good to have someone, so, ah, spiritually attuned join us anyway," I remarked.

Lucy nodded her head, grateful that I had acknowledged her sixth sense – not many people did. I used to be one of them.

This solemn moment of ours was brashly interrupted when an extremely drunk Dane hugged Lucy from behind, sloppily kissing her on the cheek. "There's my little weirdo," he cooed. "I've been looking all over for you, babe."

Matt rolled his eyes.

Lucy's eyes lit up with rage.

1…2…3…

 **WHACK!**

Matthias wheezed, having the breath knocked out of him with a bony, back-handed elbow. "My strong little weirdo, Jesus," he corrected himself, nearly coughing out blood.

"Oops," Lucy muttered.

Laughing, I left to tell Lud and Opa where I was going. I knew them well enough to know that they wouldn't want to visit Rodereich's grave. They were still very bitter over the whole ordeal and for a good reason. I had almost lost my life, after all.

Either way, I was already driving home with Matt, but in the event that I came home in a weird state, they deserved to know why.

As expected, they didn't understand my reasoning, nor did they seem comfortable with the idea of me doing this. However, they were supportive enough to respect my wishes and knew that I was taking the additional steps to help myself come to terms with what had happened. The fact that Matt was also going helped to reassure them.

The thing is, I've been happy, for a long time actually.

But…

I couldn't keep living with things staying unresolved like this.

To move on, I needed to embrace my past.

To embrace my past didn't necessarily mean to accept or forgive it, but it was still important to acknowledge that it had happened.

I was used to being treated delicately, of having people skirt around my victimhood like it was something to be avoided at all costs.

I couldn't let myself be hypocritical.

I would confront my problems head on.

I was used to being uncomfortable all the time.

The only difference now is that I had a choice. To be comfortable meant that I had to confront that what made me uncomfortable.

And that just so happened to be Rodereich's grave.

…

I don't know what I was expecting to see when I arrived. Everything I had anticipated, the bad mood, the solemn atmosphere, the dark vibes…none of it existed. It was just a regular gray tombstone, one among many others that didn't stick out from the rest. It was hard to believe that what was before a sick, twisted man was given a simple, peaceful place to lie.

I can't really explain it. I just found it weird that the place I had dreaded for so now long now wasn't nearly as scary as I had made it out to be. There wasn't anything special or intimidating about it. It was just a grave.

It was just a grave.

It was _just_ a grave.

I inhaled deeply, holding Matt's arm as Lucy walked around the tombstone in a circle, blowing the smoke from a sandalwood incense stick. She was dispelling any negative energies, making sure that nothing would disrupt our visit.

Matthias, who had sobered himself on the car ride here, stood tensely, his jaw angrily clenched. He was very much a protective older brother type, and thought _very_ lowly of Rodereich.

Matt was just as tense as the Dane was, clearly wanting to be anywhere but here. He was my emotional support, not here to say much, but rather, just to make me feel safe and comfortable.

Liza and Vlad were standing next to us, silent and solemn. To stop Liza from nervously rubbing her wrists, Vlad had grabbed her hand, using his other arm to wrap around her shoulders and hug her close to him.

Liza's sniffles told me that she was crying.

It broke my heart, but I knew that she didn't want to be pitied, so I let Vlad do all the comforting. At first, her guilt had made her want to feel responsible, to have all the blame placed on her. And to a large degree she was responsible for taking part in my bullying and isolation. It was only until recently that she began to accept the idea that she had been manipulated. Still, I had forgiven her, and would remind her of this until it was our turn to be buried – hopefully this wouldn't be for several decades.

Once Lucy finished cleansing the area, she returned to Matthias's side, tucking a long lock of blonde hair behind her ear, indigo eyes cloudy. She appeared to be a bit overwhelmed, reminding me of that one winter night during a storm, where she had become frantic and near unreachable. Her visions and sixth sense wasn't something to joke about.

In an emotionless whisper, Lucy drawled out her instructions. Matthias had to hold her up, as she could hardly stand on her own. I could see why she didn't like coming to graveyards unless it was absolutely necessary. It looked like all energy had been drained from her.

This place was swamped with spirits we couldn't see. Lucy was voluntarily drowning in their presence, just so Liza and I could have a peace of mind. I didn't know where to begin, let alone how to thank the Norwegian for being so selfless and kind.

"His spirit is no longer here. He has passed on, but I can feel that many regrets were left behind. If and when you choose to speak to his spirit, please be respectful. Spirits who have passed on can still get agitated, and can be brought back just as easily. Thinking negatively will attract negative energy, and it _will_ linger with you when you leave. I'm not telling you to be positive, but being neutral certainly helps. Once you've said your final words, I will have to cleanse you again. I'd rather not take any risks. Other than that, I don't have much advice to offer. This is your chance to say what you've always wanted to say to him. Good luck."

Everyone fell silent after Lucy explained the process.

Liza was the first one to step out from our group. "I'll go first," she offered, her voice shaky.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Vlad asked her.

Liza's eyes widened, revealing how scared and vulnerable she was feeling, before she pursed her lips and put on a determined expression on her face. Brave as always. "No, thank you. I want to tell this to him on my own."

Vlad nodded his head.

While Liza moved forward, Lucy accepted the water bottle Matthias handed to her.

"How are you holding up, Lu?" Matthias softly murmured.

Lucy took a large sip from the water bottle before answering. "Fine," she answered gruffly. "I just can't be in these places for too long without feeling sick. There's just so much going on."

Matthias squeezed Lucy's shoulders with one arm. "I know," he said sympathetically. "It'll be over soon. When we get home, it's straight to bed, you hear?"

"Yes, father," Lucy rolled her eyes, using her infamous dry sarcasm.

"I understand how you feel," Vlad cleared his throat, looking over at Lucy. "I can sense spirits as well. I can also communicate with them. It sure does give you a migraine."

"Oh really?" Lucy furrowed her brows in interest. "Yes, your aura does give off signs of the sight. You'll have to visit me one day. There's many things I can teach you how to do."

"Sure," Vlad smiled, revealing an unnaturally sharp canine tooth. "I'd love that. Lately, I've spent most of my time warding off the negative energies that still cling to Liza. You're right. She thinks so negatively, especially about herself. I just…I wish I would have found out sooner. I've known her for so long, even before we started dating. I always thought she was just an angry person. It never crossed my mind that she was being abused…" he trailed off sadly, watching Liza stop in front of Rodereich's tombstone.

"Hey," I chided. "You can't blame yourself for not knowing. Heck, even I didn't know until it was too late. What matters is that you're here for her now and that you're looking after her. Thank you, honestly. I'm grateful that she has someone like you in her life. You made her smile again."

Vlad let out a shuddering sigh. "I try my best," he admitted.

I silently nodded my head, noticing that Liza had cleared her throat.

Liza was close enough that we could all hear what she had to say to Rodereich. Although she wasn't kneeling by his grave, as she shouldn't, she was still standing up straight, her posture respectful as she spoke.

"I honestly don't know what to say to you. Saying that I'm ashamed for loving you is an understatement. Saying that you hurt me is an understatement. Saying that you abused me, both emotionally and physically is the ugly truth. But, saying that I'm glad you're dead would be a lie. I'm not glad. I'm angry. I'm angry that you never got to own up to what you did. You lied with each breath you took, and I helped you with these lies because I loved you.

"Or, at least I thought I did. Being manipulated isn't love. Controlling a person isn't love. Abusing and almost killing someone isn't love. You were sick, Rodereich, it's as simple as that. And even though what you did still haunts me, I won't let you control me anymore. I'm not giving you that. I'm going to live my life how I want to. I don't need anyone's permission to do what I want to do. I'm free, and I'm happy. You hurt me, but now I'm stronger.

"I'm not going to thank you for what you did to me because that would be ludicrous. But, I am going to say this. Whether I like it or not, my experience with you, no matter how degrading and awful it was, made me into the person I am today and I don't regret that. The only thing I regret is not standing up to you. And that's what I'm here to do today. From now on, you don't own me. I'm _not_ your _Elizabeta_ anymore. All I can say now is rest in peace. You may not deserve it, but I'm done bearing grudges…goodbye…"

Liza let out a choked sob. Vlad dared to walk up to her, grabbing her hand as he led her away from the tombstone. "It's all right," he reassured her. "You're safe, everything is fine. I'm here. No one can hurt you. He can't hurt you anymore. God, I'm so proud of you, 'Beta. I couldn't have said it better myself."

Vlad and Liza stopped a few paces away, hugging each other.

Once calmed, they returned to our group, allowing Lucy to cleanse them with the smoke of the sandalwood incense.

I flinched when Matt gently nudged my shoulders. "Gil, sweetie. If you want to say something, now's the time."

I nodded my head, shrugging myself out from underneath Matt's arm. I reached into my purse, pulling out a wet wipe. I then proceeded to remove the foundation on my right cheek, revealing the scar that Rodereich had carved into it.

With shaky steps, I approached Rodereich's grave, feeling my knees wobble. In my hands, I held a bouquet of Edelweiss flowers, the very same flowers that were planted in our elementary school's garden.

The bouquet wasn't an offering of condolences – it served as a reminder of where we first met. Where everything first started…

"Um, hi," I stammered awkwardly, my throat painfully constricting. I bent over, placing the flowers on his grave.

It took a lot of restraint not to call him a bastard and several other crude labels. But, I knew that saying such things wouldn't help with anything, nor would it be respectful. He was still human, a sick individual nonetheless, but _still_ human.

"You must be surprised that I'm here right now, aren't you? I'm still trying to figure out why I'm here too. I'll start with this awful cliché. Why me? I know that I'm different, actually, I'm painfully aware of that. But couldn't you have just spoken to me? Why did you have to be so cruel, so rude, so…judgemental? You made my life a living hell, Rodereich, I hope you know that.

"None of what you did can be justified in any way. What happened when we were younger is something that I regret, but you can't possibly hold me accountable for that. You made me feel disgusting, like I wasn't worth living. Every glare, text message, and threat was like a stab to the chest. You thrived off my pain as if it gave you a sense of purpose. You made everyone hate me. You slandered me. You tortured me. And for what? Because I rejected you? Because I didn't reciprocate? Because I hurt your feelings that _one_ time?

"The thing is, you were entitled and selfish. You thought you could have what you wanted and when you didn't, you lashed out your frustration on those around you. Every day I lived in fear. Fear of you, fear of others, and in fear of my life. I was hated because of you, because of _your_ lies. Liza put it perfectly. You were sick. You used others because they benefited you, and discarded them without any regard for how shitty you made them feel. You were abusive, manipulative, and overall, just a jealous, hateful person…

"But I don't hate you for it. I hate what you did. I hate what happened to me. I hate that I have to live with what _you_ did. As for hating _you_? That won't get me anywhere. It won't allow me to move on. I won't let you have the upper hand anymore. You may have made me feel like shit. You may have controlled me once. And you may have almost taken my life...Liza's life…but today we live on without you.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I forgive you. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for myself. I repeat. Living in the past isn't going to get me," I paused to look back at Liza. "No, _us_ , anywhere. I despise what you did, but despising you for any longer just isn't worth my time. This is my final goodbye, Rodereich. Though your mind may have been restless when you were alive, I wish nothing but peace for you now. I wish us all peace. Hatred is what created this all in the first place and I refuse to let it triumph. Farewell…"

I felt like I was floating as I turned my back on Rodereich's grave and walked away, my feet numbly padding against the ground.

This.

This is what it felt like to be free.

I was freed from the past.

Free to live in the moment and aspire for a better future.

Without realizing it, I reached out to touch my scar, letting my fingers stroke it.

I am still an anomaly. I am different and I am unique. But, I wouldn't change this for anything in the world. Rodereich may have marked me, but now it was part of who I was as a person.

My character may have been cracked, slandered, beaten down until it was no longer recognizable.

However, today was the day where I mended the last of those cracks. The day where I proudly showed them off to represent just how far I had come. I'm not ashamed of who I am, not in the slightest.

I am a person who has had many awful and wonderful things happen to her, once a victim but no longer. I didn't look back at my past in mourning, but rather, I used it as tool to learn how I became who and what I am now…

I am Gillian _freaking_ Beilschmidt.

And this is the end of my _awesome_ story.

 **-The End**

…

 **GILLIAN BEILSCHMIDT** – Is an awesome superstar breaking grounds _and ceilings_ in the world of literature. One day she aspires to rule the world, along with her two chicks Matt – her slave partner, fiancé and fellow dork author– and Giltwerk, her feathery companion.

She has just completed her degree in English, and when asked what she plans to do in the near future, she enthusiastically exclaimed "I want to raise an army of doggos and make them feel special, like my bruder does when his girlfriend makes him wurst for dinner. #Shine bright like a doitsu. Ja, I just broke the fourth wall, what are you going to do about it?"

She has also created several memorable memes on her blog; a team of historians have archived this and it will likely take several centuries to comprehend and uncover the many layers of salt and angst behind them.

Gillian plans to write many more stories in the future – better get a therapist now while you still have the chance.

You can reach Gillian on her blog:

 **GillianWritesAwesomeBooksSometimes**


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